Hey, wake up
Wake uuuup
Wake up already...
FUCKING WAKE UP! IT'S TIME TO DRAW YOUR CARDS!!!
"...ughhh, my head" Peter holds his head, rubs his eyes, and looks around
"?"
Right in front of him is a fairly large card arena, with one person standing on the other side.
"Peter?"
"Huh?"
Next to me, Harry just woke up too, still a bit confused about where he is.
"WELCOME, MINORS!"
"?"
Both of us look over at that guy, and his true form gradually reveals itself.
It's a green slime!
"Congrats, you two have been chosen by me to duel me, so I hope you play as fair as possible."
Duel? What the heck is that?
"I-Is it... Yu-Gi-Oh?!" Harry jumps up and yells.
"Yu-Gi-Oh? What's that?"
"Peter! Yu-Gi-Oh is a card battling game from the manga and anime of the same name! It's famous almost worldwide!"
"...why don't I know about it?"
"You're poor."
"..."
"So? Between you two, who's going first? I can take on both of you." The slime taunts us.
"Hmph! Don't underestimate people!" Harry pulls out a deck box.
"Wait, how do you have it in your bag?"
"Peter, I've always had it in my bag, I just never took it out!"
Woah, so even when we went swimming, he had it in his swimsuit?
Harry then walks up to the arena, puts on the duel disk, and slots in his deck.
"Let me say this first: we're here to have fun, winning or losing doesn't matter."
"But losing would be embarrassing for me," the slime mutters.
"So we'll duel as enjoyably as possible, keeping the true fair play spirit of a real duelist."
"But I have to win," the slime mutters again.
What the hell has this guy been mumbling about?
"DUEL!" "DUEL!"
"My turn! I set 1 card face-down in defense position," the slime says.
"Also set 1 card face-down and end my turn."
'He's... He's plotting something!' (Dude, it's only the first turn?)
"My turn! Draw!"
Harry looks at the card he drew and smiles.
"I normal summon 1 monster in attack position: come forth, Johnny Sins!"
Johnny Sins LV 3
ATK: 1500
DEF: 1300
"I activate his effect! (MULTI-TALENTED)! It lets me swap his ATK or DEF stats! And I choose to swap DEF to ATK!"
ATK: 2800
DEF: 0
"I also activate the spell card (Driver's License)! It allows my monster to attack through defenses and go straight for the opponent's LP!"
"Go! JOHNNY SINS!!!"
Johnny Sins rubs his hands with a grin and attacks the monster.
"You idiot! Attacking my defense position monster activates my trap: Prison! It forces the attacking monster back to defense position and skips its turn because inside prison, you're the bitch of the buff black guys. Also this card will be destroy if your monster is a male."
"WHAT?! NO, JOHNNY SINS!!"
Watching Johnny Sins groan in pain and die, Harry grits his teeth and slowly says,
"End turn..."
"My turn! Draw!"
"Because you attacked my monster in defense position, my card must reveal itself!"
Suddenly, the card flips to reveal a fat, sweaty glasses-wearing guy.
"Loli Slayer!"
"???"
Loli Slayer LV 9
ATK: 0
DEF: 9999
"WHAT?! ARE YOU CHEATING?!"
"Cheating? Didn't you read the card's condition?"
"Condition?!"
"Exactly! The condition is: if the opponent has any loli-related card, I can special summon it from my hand, no matter if it's drawn or not!"
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
'This guy... If he had a monster with defense that high, why activate the trap?! He could've ended the duel right there!' Harry sweats, staring at the smiling slime.
This guy's... no ordinary opponent!
'Fuck yeah! Lucky I scribbled that on to scare him—didn't think it'd work for real! Written with a marker, and the dumbass didn't notice!' The slime sweats even more than Harry, his mouth twitching nonstop.
"Alright! I normal summon 1 monster in attack position: rise, Andrew Tate!"
Andrew Tate LV 4
ATK: 1800
DEF: 1600
"Also, I set 1 trap and 1 spell face-down, then end my turn."
'What?! He's not attacking?!' Harry trembles.
'Is he toying with me?! Or does he have some genius plan?! This is bad! I have to do something!'
"Draw! I activate the spell Trap Detector! It lets me look at your face-down trap and destroy it!"
"Tch... Fine."
The trap flips, making Harry jump in shock and horror.
"Y-You bastard! Are you even human?!"
"I'm a slime, dumbass."
The trap is Baby Oil!
"So that's it... You're more evil than I thought! A scum like you... I have to kill you!"
"I normal summon Dragon Egg in attack position!"
Dragon Egg LV 1
ATK: 0
DEF: 0
"I activate Dragon Egg's effect: it hatches a random Dragon-type monster from my deck (no Extra Deck or special condition monsters)."
"And since I only have 1 Dragon set perfectly, it hatches—"
"RED-EYE PAIN DRAGON!!!"
The egg cracks open, revealing a dragon with red eyes, black skin, roaring while tearing up from pink eye.
Red-Eye Pain Dragon LV 7
ATK: 2800
DEF: 2000
"I also activate the spell Banner of Command! All my attack position monsters gain 200 ATK, so my Red-Eye Pain Dragon is now at 3000 ATK!!!"
ROARRRHHH!!!
The dragon roars loudly, forcing the slime to step back.
"Nice one, big-dick boy! You've made me worry about my sorry ass! But let's see what you do on my turn!"
"I'm not done! Activate Red-Eye Pain Dragon's effect: it gains 500 ATK for each enemy monster on the field!"
"Nani?!"
"And you have 2 monsters! So Red-Eye Pain Dragon is now at 4000 ATK!"
"And more! I activate the spell from my hand: Sigma Male! Select 1 of my field monsters and swap its DEF to ATK, so... RED-EYE PAIN DRAGON!!"
ATK: 4000 > 6000
DEF: 2000 > 0
"And because Red-Eye Pain Dragon is so handsome! When it attacks a monster, it hits the opponent's LP directly without losing ATK!!"
"RED-EYE PAIN DRAGON, TEARS OF PINK EYE!!!"
Red-Eye Pain Dragon blasts straight through Andrew Tate, obliterating him.
Slime's LP: 8000 > 2000
"Since I destroyed 1 of your monsters, I draw 1 extra card and end my turn."
"Son of a bitch! What kind of monster is that?!"
Harry draws the card, looks surprised, then grins.
"It's the friendship card... Before ending, I'll play the spell Friendship!"
"The Friendship spell does jack shit, but it's the crystallization of friendship, camaraderie, and lov—I mean, bromance between me and Peter! Peter, you still watching?!"
"Yeah."
"Good! End turn."
"...you done?" the slime asks nervously.
"Yeah."
"G-Good, you did great! Draw!"
As soon as the slime draws, his eyes widen and he grins.
"Hahahaha"
"HAHAHAHAHA!!"
"What's so funny?"
"You're done for, Harry Potter! The card I drew... is Rapper from the Hood!"
?!
"I normal summon Rapper from the Hood in attack position, then activate the spell I set earlier!"
The card flips: it's Fusion!
"Activate Fusion! Fuse 2 monsters on the field."
The 2 monsters merge and glow brightly.
"Diddy Tensei!!!!"
Diddy Tensei appears with black skin, wizard outfit with a magic staff.
Diddy Tensei LV 8
ATK: 2500
DEF: 2700
"To fuse him, need Rapper from the Hood + any pervert-type monster."
"And I activate his effect: Diddy Party! Select 1 opponent monster to join Diddy's party—destroy it completely and transfer all its stats to me!"
"WHAT?!"
Diddy Tensei waves his staff, shattering Red-Eye Pain Dragon, absorbing its stats.
ATK: 2500 + 5800 (opponent's spell bonus doesn't count?) = 8300
DEF: 2700
"You're done, Harry Osborn! You lost 'cause you're a total pussy—die!!"
"Diddy! Blast it with baby oil!!!"
Diddy drops his pants and shoots straight at Harry.
"AGHHHHHHHH!!!"
Harry's LP: 8000 > 0
Harry collapses off the platform; Peter rushes to catch him.
"Harry!"
"Ughh... You... Avenge me..."
Harry hands Peter his deck.
"This is... the Hero deck I bought... So you and I could play together... Yugi..."
"My name's Peter."
"I beg you, Yugi... Use it to beat that slime..."
"My name's Peter."
"Here... This card proves our friendship..."
He hands me the Friendship card.
"...Joey Weezer, can I take Red-Eye Pain Dragon too?"
"My name's Harr—"
I stand up, grab the deck box with Harry's 2 cards, and head to the arena.
"I'll avenge you... Joey Wheeler."
"My name's Ha—"