Chapter 2
Mary Katherine's resume, if such a thing existed in Wonderland, would have been a scroll of increasingly frantic scribbles and tear stains. She couldn't hold down a job for more than a month, a fact that baffled her as much as it enraged her various, long-suffering bosses. It wasn't that she was lazy; it was more that Wonderland's logic, or lack thereof, tended to assert itself most inconveniently during her working hours.
Her shortest stint had been at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party Emporium, a place where the tea was always hot and the conversations perpetually nonsensical. Mary Katherine, hired as a "Tea Pourer and Existential Query Avoider," lasted precisely three days. On the first, she accidentally poured a pot of philosophical debate into a customer's lap, leading to an impromptu, hour-long discussion about the nature of teacups. On the second, she attempted to organize the sugar cubes by their approximate cubic root, causing a minor collapse of the pastry display. Her final act, which sealed her dismissal, was mistaking the Hatter's favorite unbirthday cake for a particularly fluffy cushion, resulting in a soggy, frosting-covered seat. The Hatter, for all his madness, valued his confectionery.
Her next venture was as a "Royal Pet Groomer" for the Queen of Hearts. This job, perhaps predictably, ended in disaster. Mary Katherine, in an attempt to be thorough, tried to teach the Queen's pet Jabberwock how to play fetch with a flamingo. The ensuing chaos involved several squawking birds, a scorched topiary, and the Queen's unfortunate wig being singed off by a misplaced fire breath. The Queen, red-faced and furious, had bellowed, "Off with her employment!"
Mary Katherine's most recent, and mercifully brief, engagement was at the White Rabbit's Time Management Services. She was tasked with organizing the Rabbit's perpetually tardy schedule. However, her attempts to implement a system of color-coded pocket watches led to a temporal anomaly that sent the Rabbit forward in time to a particularly awkward tea party, and then backward to a moment before he was even born. The Rabbit, arriving back in his office with a wild look in his eye and a faint smell of burnt toast, simply pointed to the door and squeaked, "You're fired, you're fired, for goodness sake, you're fired!"