Throughout the car ride, doubts began to settle in the pit of my stomach much the same way I'd imagine rocks to be tossed down an empty well. It weighed on me with every turn and road we passed. Eventually I lost track the number of times I tilted forward which prompted my brother to spring an arm out to get me to recline back.
"For chrissake—" he started off with a huff then catches his temperament, slowly he exhales through his mouth and deliberately. "Will you stop doing that?" Marcus eventually declared at the umpteenth time I leaned forward. "You are distracting me while I'm driving." He slicked his hair back with a hand then coiled it back over the steering wheel.
"Sorry, " Is all I can think of to say.
As sweat perspires out my palms like a running faucet I hide the discomfort I feel by opening and closing my fists. It's highly likely I'm experiencing for the first time in my life, a minor panic attack. A part of me hopes he'll notice yet the other part is stubbornly prideful.
While he searches for a place to park without getting towed, his lips quiver, muttering a few words sounding oddly reminiscent of obscenities. He pulls over to the side, not even exactly at the entrance. Although, it would be a fairly short walk either way.
"There is no way." I say defiantly, arms folding over my chest.
"Nope. Nuh-uh. I am not getting out."
Sensing the challenge, he plays along by shutting off the car completely and retrieves his cell from the cup holder between us to watch videos on YouTube. "And I'm not going anywhere," He replies dryly, his eyes glued to the tiny screen. "Give it up, Lil sis."
"I'll pay you," I start but I am quickly cut off.
"Get out of the car." He remarks with a hint of annoyance glaring through. "This isn't up for debate or bargaining. Mom went out of her way to get you an invitation."
"Yeah," I roll my eyes. "A pity invite." My words come out as a soft grumble yet Marcus still catches it to answer back.
"Be that as it may," He drags out his words in a sigh, suggesting he was already exhausted by this conversation. "The least you can do is make an appearance."
I'm not sure what comes over me the next few seconds, maybe it's Marcus's persistence or the sudden anxiety spike? Whatever the cause, I am overcome with a bad case of word vomit.
"Stupid." My voice lowers then raises in volume to that of a shout. "It's stupid. This logic is so stupid! I am calling bullshit on this!"
"Is everyone in my family a bunch of hypocrites?" I hit the dashboard with my hand rougher than intended. The pain that soared throughout made it evident. "Everyone else is free to do what they want but I'm the one who has to be told to go to some lame party? It makes no sense to be here yet you guys can up with excuses whenever you feel like it! Why can't I?"
After saying my piece, the reality hits me in an instant I'm acting foolish. Sucking in my breath, I lamely rub the numbing pain forming on the side of my hand and thought to myself about how much of an idiot I am.
I dare myself to steal a glance at my brother and meekly add, "If this is about VidCon—"
"Naomi," His voice darkens and I involuntarily swallow. I must've messed up bad if my sibling is pissed at me to the point he doesn't bother
looking at me. "If you don't exit this vehicle by the end of this video, I will personally drag your ass out."
-💜-
Humiliation isn't quite the word I'd describe what I'm feeling standing outside next to the car. Yet, given the situation, it is about as close as I'm going to get. I tense at the laughter I can hear on the other side of the gate. I spin around, my palms laid flat on the car window, and plead with my eyes for him to reconsider. Marcus rolls it down ever so slightly, twisting the knob on the A/C to lower it so I could hear him clearly speak. "This is for your own good."
Standing on my toes, I wedge my lips in the crack of the window as I whined, "How is this for my own good? You're being cruel."
"For someone who's incredibly smart as you, you sometimes miss the point entirely." Marcus sighs. "Ah, right. I almost forgot." He half turns to grab something behind him. Once he locates whatever it is he's looking for, he leans over the passenger seat to pass me a sturdy slip of paper. "You'll be needing this."
I fumble to catch it in my hands and once I learn what it is, I jerk my head upright as he rolls the window back up. He points to his phone then towards my tote bag. I pluck my phone out to see a couple of unread messages, one from my dearest older brother whom I really despise right now.
[Marcus:] I'll be waiting here in case you make a run for it.
[Marcus:] So, if I were you, I'd take the hint and go
[Me:] Why are you making such a big deal out of this??
[Marcus:] Stop questioning things and live a little
[Marcus:] You'll thank me later
'Thanking you is the last thing I want to do.' I think to myself.
[Me:] You're such a dick somtimes
[Marcus:] sometimes**
[Me:] Fugg off.
Message seen at 2:14PM
-💜-
I nonchalantly stroll past the entrance, my eyes darting behind to check and see to it he notices me heading inside. Right as his gaze leaves me to peer at his phone, I make a point to quickly hide behind the gate and for the last thirteen and half minutes, I have kept a close watchful eye on Marcus. Waiting ever so patiently for him to let his guard down and leave yet, so far, he has kept to his word and hasn't budged.
Well. Except for the handful of times he's reached in the backseat to dig in a bag. Mom had handed it to me earlier as we were heading out to the car. It contained additional snacks to munch on.
My shoulders slump as I let out a sigh. Oh, fudge. I think. He has provisions. We could be here a while. Marcus is certainly capable of staying here all night without any trouble.
My only hope is he's got enough common sense to use a porta-potty and not the 32oz bottle of Gatorade he's chugging without a care in the world. As he's wiping his mouth sloppily with a sleeve, I'm running through several options on the quickest route of getting out of here.
Eventually, my brother will break down and use the restroom. Then, and only then, I can make a clean getaway. However, they'll ask how it went when I get home, won't they?
I snap to remembering the exact words my brother said to me. All I have to do is make an appearance. I think to myself. They just need to confirm they've seen and recognized my face.
I squeeze my phone I have still in my right hand, reading the time. The question is would it be reasonably convincing for him? I turn my head to toss a final glance at the van, immediately chilled to the core at those grey eyes of his staring directly back at me. He raises his fingers to point at his eyes then as he angles it in my direction, he empathizes with his index and middle finger. Indicating he's onto me if I tried any underhanded tricks.
My lips form a thin line, displeased I've been caught so early on. I wonder if all this time he knew I was observing him. Just a purely educated guess here but judging by the not so sudden vibration I felt in the palm of my right hand a couple of seconds ago, he knew.
Not wanting to go from bad to worse terms with my brother I slip my phone inside a pocket in my tote, gripped the parallel handles that hung over my left shoulder, and braced myself on what I know will be an unfavorable evening.
I edge away from my post and raise an arm, saluting Marcus then awkwardly storm off with a huff to locate a porta potty not overly used to change into. Although, what I am met with is an emotion of being pleasantly surprised since between the last time I was here years back and now they'd done right by installing plumbing. And while there may be a line a little more than a mile long it didn't bother me the slightest.
As I wait, moving at the pace of a retired snail, my eyes stray to a group of guys who look strikingly familiar walking past. One of them stood out in particular. I recognize those brown curly locks wet or dry a mile away. Another guy next to him kept shoving him around. They appear to be laughing at some joke. Probably one I wouldn't get or too perverse for my taste.
If he wasn't surrounded by some of the worst people I've ever had the "pleasure" of knowing he'd be my first, certainly not optimal, choice to ask for a favor. Then again, he isn't the type to help out for free.
And although the situation I'm going through is crummy. I hate the idea of being in debt to someone. Especially a guy like him.
I cross my arms over my chest scanning the area the best I can at anyone else who I may at least associate with within the school. Not a single one did I remotely consider would lead my older brother to believe I'm enjoying myself or trust they won't murder me on the way home if I should ask for a ride. Except for him.