Chapter 29: See? This is How You Use Allen!
Time rewinds to one minute earlier.
When the bathwater was ready, Rudeus immediately stripped off all his clothes. But unlike what he had expected, Sylph was dawdling by the side, not even looking at him directly.
"What's wrong? You'll catch a cold if you don't take off your clothes. And you're covered in mud. What are you going to do, just stand there?"
"Eh? Ah... um..."
Sylphie stood stiffly, facing the wall as if in timeout.
"Huh? Don't tell me you still don't know how to take off your own clothes? Sheesh, you're hopeless."
The completely naked Rudeus walked over to Sylphie's side.
"Come on, raise your hands. I'll help you take it off."
"Eh, eh... I..."
"You what? Hurry up and take it off. Or do I have to call Allen over?!"
"Huh? N-No!... Don't!"
Rudeus tugged for a long time but found that Sylphie gave him no opportunity to take off her clothes. He pursed his lips.
"If you don't want to take off your shirt, then let's take off your pants first!"
With that, he forcefully grabbed Sylphie's pants and started pulling them down. Sylphie desperately held onto her pants and let out a sharp scream.
"Ah!!!"
Rudeus covered his ears and took a few steps back. He was about to speak with a disgusted expression when he heard the rapid thump-thump-thump of footsteps on the stairs. From the sound, he could tell it was neither the familiar Lilia, Paul, nor Zenith. Their footsteps all had distinct characteristics and wouldn't be this rushed.
Rudeus's eyes lit up.
He immediately darted to the door, crouched down in a ready position, and turned his head to look at Sylphie. He put a finger to his lips and whispered excitedly.
"It seems you don't have experience bathing with boys, Sylph. Just wait, after I pull down Allen's pants, you'll definitely be happy to join us."
Haha, Lord Allen, this time, I will definitely win!
Thump-thump-thump! In just a few breaths, the footsteps were right outside.
Rudeus, seeing Sylphie turn to look at him, grinned widely, a perverted smile spreading across his face.
"Sylph, watch closely..."
CRASH! The door was flung open!
Perfect chance!
"This is how you use Allen!!"
---
Allen looked at Rudeus. Rudeus looked up at Allen. Sylphie faced the corner.
The three of them fell into a strange silence.
But the most shocked person was not Allen.
It was Rudeus.
He looked up, his mouth hanging open in astonishment, his eyes glazed over.
How can it be... it's standing at attention... Could it be? Does Allen really like shotas... Wait, does that mean Allen doesn't like Sylph, but... me?! Huh???
Allen, seeing the terror gradually dawn in Rudeus's eyes below him, had no time to process the strange embarrassment of his own social death. He grabbed Rudeus by the collar and hauled him up from the floor.
"Quick! Get dressed!!!"
Rudeus struggled in terror.
"Huh?! Why do I have to get dressed now... Pervert! No! Brother Allen!! Let me go!!!"
Allen, exasperated, pulled Rudeus close to his face and hissed through gritted teeth in a voice only the two of them could hear.
"Sylphie is a girl!"
"No, Allen—huh? Eh? Eh? Wait, what did you say? Eh??"
Rudeus turned his head in shock to look at Sylphie, who was still crouched in the corner with her head in her hands. In an instant, he understood.
'Sylphie! It's Sylphie, not Sylph! No wonder her nickname is Luffy! No wonder I always thought she was unusually pretty! I should have realized it sooner!! AAAAAAH!!! She's a girl, and I just got completely naked in front of her!!'
He immediately let out a bloodcurdling scream.
"Clothes! Get me some clothes!!!"
"Then just put them on!!"
"They're covered in mud!!!"
"Is this really the time to be worried about a little mud?!?"
"Oh, right! No! They're too far, I can't reach!! Wait, I've got it! Take off the pants you just changed into and let me wear them!! You've already been seen anyway!"
Allen: ????
"You've been seen, too!"
"Oh, that's true."
"Then what are you screaming about!"
"It's because of you! Why is yours... standing at attention! It's too scary!!"
"That's because I activated my Touki!!"
"You're lying! I've never seen Paul's do that when he activates his Touki!"
"How do you know Paul's doesn't do that!"
At the end of the hallway, Lilia, who had arrived sometime earlier, stood呆滯 (dāi zhì - dazed/stunned), having witnessed the entire farce.
And behind her, Paul's face was ashen, the veins on his fists bulging.
---
At lunch, Sylphie was invited to stay and eat.
As for Allen and Rudeus, both with large bumps on their foreheads, they sat at the table, heads bowed, staring at each other.
It was a ridiculous scene: two "children" with the mental ages of men over thirty were being scolded by a twenty-four-year-old, each of them embarrassed for their own real age.
"Have you two had your fun? It's one thing to argue, but how did it devolve into a discussion about whether I get an erection when I use Touki? And calling me by my name... I see you've gotten cocky since you stopped your sword practice."
"Sorry, Master/Father."
Allen and Rudeus apologized in unison.
"Keep calling me Paul! Go on!"
"Sorry." in unison x2.
Zenith squinted, looking at Rudeus and Allen with some amusement. She seemed to find this noisy daily life rather interesting. She then turned her head to look at Sylphie.
"It must be hard on you, being friends with them."
The prim and proper Sylphie quickly waved her hands.
"N-No!! They're both very nice to me!"
Zenith giggled, then turned to look at Paul, resting her chin on her hand.
"Alright, dear, let's eat."
Paul shot an annoyed glance at Allen and Rudeus.
"Fine, you two can eat, too. And no going out to play tomorrow. You're training with me!"
"Yes, Master/Father." in unison x3.
Allen and Rudeus took their seats. They exchanged a furtive glance and then began to eat glumly. Allen reached over and got a piece of bread for Sylphie, who was sitting next to him and couldn't quite reach it. Then he silently began a Q&A with the system.
'By the way, you warned me earlier that Rudy's favorability might be cleared to zero. Is there a penalty if that happens?'
*[No.]*
'Will it lower my evaluation score?'
*[No, the evaluation is a point-based system.]*
'No, wait, then what did you mean by 'watch your step'?!'
*[Because I found it very interesting. If the host were to end up with Rudeus, wouldn't that also count as a 'deeper level' of participation in the Mushoku Tensei transmigration? I would naturally be happy to see it happen. :)]*
'...Crap.'
And while Allen was arguing with the system, Rudeus was secretly looking at Sylphie, and then at Allen.
'So, Allen knew Sylphie was a girl all along. Damn it, he made his move so early... Eh? Wait, does this mean Roxy is all mine?!'
At this thought, both corners of Rudeus's mouth curled up, revealing his signature perverted grin.
---
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