An hour later… I found myself outside the apartment. Hiding.
Still from Yuki.
"For someone who couldn't throw a run properly an hour ago, she's suddenly a damn apex predator."
I was crouched behind a wall near the building entrance. From where I hid, I could hear her distant shouts:
"IF YOU COME BACK, I'LL KILL YOU, PERVERT!"
"…Welp. There goes my job."
I peeked out just enough to spot her scanning the area like a trained sniper. No way was I walking back into that kill zone today. But I figured I should at least let the others know I was going home.
"Ah, I'll text them."
Genius plan. Only problem?
I didn't have any of their numbers.
Still, I opened my phone, planning to look them up on social media, when:
BING.
[New Message: Yuki]
"…HUH?!"
I froze. She was still out there, empty-handed, phone nowhere in sight. Was this another Yuki?
[Who is this??]
[Typing...]
My heart skipped. A random girl messaging me out of nowhere? Was it Saki? Some ghost from high school?
[Hey, Souta.]
…JUST A HEY?!
[Hey. Who is this?]
[Typing...]
[Typing...]
[Typing...]
Still nothing. My sanity was slipping.
Then:
[It seems you've forgotten me, Souta. I was hoping you'd remember after all these years… but maybe it's too soon.]
"…What?"
I stared at the screen, mind running laps.
[It would help if you told me your name.]
No reply.
No signal.
No peace.
I peeked again. Yuki was gone.
"Was it her? No… she didn't have her phone. Or did she?"
I was spiraling. Enough was enough.
"Forget this."
I stepped out from my hiding spot, and that's when salvation arrived.
Wilhelm, like a knight from Lugunica, strolled out of the apartment entrance.
"Souta, sir! Are you alright? I must apologize for Lady Yuki's behavior."
"No, no. If anything, I should be the one apologizing next time I see her," I waved it off.
"But Wilhelm, please let the girls know… I'm heading home for tonight. Especially after that."
He nodded, knowing full well what I meant.
"Very well, Souta sir. I shall inform them. Please, get home safe."
He bowed, and I turned, walking off into the night.
Just one problem.
MY MONEY!!! How can I get a taxi home!!!! When it's in the demon lair.
I turned around, and Willhelm was still there, almost as if he knew I would come back.
"Hey, Willhelm, sir, I need my money to get a cab. Maybe you could get it for me?"
"No need, sir. Please wait here. I have one coming for you. I'm sure one of the girls will keep for you and give it to you when you see them tomorrow."
"Oh, well, sure that works for me."
So thankfully, I got a taxi full paid for by the good man Willhelm.
I got home exhausted, opening the door.
"DIE BITCH! HAHHAHAHAHH WHO'S YOUR ONI-CHANN HAHAHAHAHH!!"
"SAKI. PLEASE. IT'S ALMOST MIDNIGHT."
I shut the front door behind me as Saki bellowed war cries at her monitor, furiously mashing buttons in Sparking Zero like it owed her money.
"Oh! Oni-Chan! You're back? Thought you'd be spending the night with your harem of chaos. So? Spill the tea, how was it?"
I collapsed next to her on the couch.
"…I might've died once. Yuki definitely tried to kill me."
Her eyes lit up like I just confirmed the next episode drop.
"YOU'RE LIVING IN A ROM-COM! HAH! I KNEW IT!"
She grinned proudly, arms crossed. "You've officially entered the protagonist arc, big bro. Just wait till the beach episode."
"Please don't say that out loud again," I groaned.
I explained everything else that happened. After I finished, I tried to get up from the couch, but Saki stopped me.
"Oh, yeah," she added, suddenly serious. "Someone called earlier. A girl. Didn't say her name. She just said she has your wallet... and she's going to 'use it wisely.' Then she thanked you."
I froze.
"...That Yuki!"
Saki giggled, still gaming. "That's the one you said had a 'bouncy castle' up top?"
I didn't answer. I refused to dignify that.
"That's what I thought," she nodded.
I stood up, defeated. "I'll be home late tomorrow. Try not to burn the apartment down."
She saluted without looking away from her match. "Don't worry! I'll be a responsible housewife… until you get married to one of them!"
I choked on my own spit.
"EXCUSE ME???"
"I've seen this anime before," she said matter-of-factly. "Main guy ends up with one of the sisters. Usually early on in the series, they kiss on accident, then at the end, BAM, wedding, kids, credits roll."
She turned to me dramatically.
"Don't underestimate the power of an otaku's foresight."
"…God help me."
I ignored her prophetic ramblings and dragged myself to my room and collapsed into bed.
But even as sleep started to pull me under, I couldn't stop thinking about that text.
The sender.
Their words.
Their tone.
Something familiar… and yet too far to grasp.
Could it have been?
No. No way.
I glanced at my phone one last time.
The message was still there.
No name.
No new reply.
I turned off the screen.
The next day hit me like karma with a baseball bat.
My legs were on strike from last night's cardio disaster.
"Urgh… Damn that Yuki. I haven't run like that since sports day," I groaned, dragging my body out of bed like a war veteran.
Downstairs, Saki was already glued to the TV, her mouth stuffed with toast and her eyes locked onto the newest episode of The Shinji Family.
"Please, god lay down a mighty blizzard," I muttered whilst making coffee.
"Yo, Oni-chan," Saki said between chews. "Even if a blizzard hits, you're still going. We need that sweet, sweet yen-yen."
And for once, I didn't argue.
She was right.
I had to face them.
I had to face… her.
Yes, that's what I'll do. I'm Not a Bitc.-
*
Hey, Yuki, liste-
BAM.
A straight solar plexus kick. No warning. No build-up. Just full One Punch Woman energy.
"NGHHHH!"
I dropped like a sack of rice on sale.
Yuki didn't even slow her pace.
"Perverts deserve pain," she muttered and stormed through the gate like the ice queen she was.
I lay on the cold pavement, lungs seizing, dreams fading.
So this is how it ends…
God, I'm sorry. Please forgive me!
"Souuuttaaa~"
That dangerously sweet tone.
Even mid-death, I recognized it.
Arisa.
She stood over me with that same unreadable smile, the kind that said, 'I know exactly what I'm doing. '
"Oh, you poor thing," she cooed, crouching down to meet my eyes like I was some wounded animal.
"But hey, since you're already dying… think you could help me with some studying after school? Just like last time~?"
"I… I dunno… I was actually going to stop by your place later, so maybe."
She cut me off with a sly smirk.
And then…
She looked around to make sure the coast was clear...
Then she unbuttoned the top of her uniform.
One.
Two.
My brain went full red alert.
Red bra.
Melons.
THE red bra.
Laundry Day Bra.
"You remember this one, don't you?" she whispered, leaning in just enough that her lips nearly brushed my ear.
"You were holding it like a treasure last time. Don't worry… It's clean now. But maybe you wanna see how it fits~?"
My soul fled my body.
My eyes combusted.
I was sweating like a sinner in church.
"OKAY OKAY OKAY, PLEASE CLOSE THAT SHIRT!"
Arisa giggled.
Like, she didn't just mentally snap me in half.
"Perfect~ Library. After school. I'll bring snacks. Maybe something sweet… like me~"
She walked off, hips swaying like this was a rom-com opening.
I just stood there, heart thumping, legs shaking, re-evaluating every life choice I'd made.
Meanwhile, from the not-so-stealthy cover of the vending machines:
"Detective Reina, did you catch that?"
"Affirmative, Detective Nao."
Nao adjusted her oversized glasses (purely aesthetic).
"She's escalating. Deploying top-tier assets. We're dealing with a seasoned temptress."
Reina, deadpan as ever, frowned.
"Are we… sure she doesn't just need help with her studies?"
"Nope. No one flashes red lace gazongers for math help."
"...Good point."
Nao pulled out a comically fake walkie-talkie.
"Operation: Cockblock Arisa is a go."
"Copy that," Reina sighed. "Though I feel like we're the bad guys now."