All old people share one thing in common - they wake up absurdly early. Akira already tended to get up early himself to dodge training under the blazing sun, but his idea of "early" didn't include rolling out of bed at the first rooster's crow.
"Tomorrow, as soon as the sun comes up, we'll start your training," old lady Fujiko Uchiha had told Akira yesterday, after checking his physical condition.
"Get up, you lazybones!" A splash of cold water from his own well hit his face and neck.
"Huh?!" Akira, still half-asleep, sat up in confusion, only to find an unexpected guest in his bedroom. "Fujiko-sensei… how did you get in here? And why?" Squinting, he realized it was still dark outside, the night barely giving way to the first hints of dawn.
"Why? I told you - as soon as the sun comes up, we start your training, and you're not even warmed up yet." She sounded genuinely offended, tapping her cane on the floor.
"Oh, well then… let me just put the kettle on, we'll have a bite and…" The sharp sound of metal biting into wood snapped Akira fully awake. A kunai had stuck itself dangerously close to his groin, blade-down, punching right through his futon and into the floorboards. Unfortunately, his king-size bed was still being custom-made, and he refused to buy a regular one.
"To the woods. Now." The old lady pointed at the window, which looked out over the forest park and the backyard.
"Alright, I just need to grab some shoes…" Seeing another kunai appear in her hand, Akira realized he was in trouble. He sprang off the futon and bolted straight through the open window at full speed - barefoot, still half-asleep, wearing nothing but dark boxers.
Akira could swear he'd never run that fast in his life. Try to reason with Fujiko about how a good night's sleep and a light breakfast are better for training, with logical arguments? Oh, no. Akira knew that was pointless. Trying to explain anything to old people is rarely productive, and explaining it to someone who's lived through a war - double waste of time.
She'd probably launch into a story about how, back in her day, shinobi didn't sleep at all, just meditated, lived off sunlight, and could patrol the whole Land of Fire in a day. Not that he minded hearing those stories, but he was very much against having an extra hundred grams of metal lodged in his body. Fujiko could probably skewer him with ten shuriken before he even realized what was happening.
Scary old lady. Why can't all grannies be like Tsunade? Not that he had time to dwell on it - a steel needle suddenly embedded itself in a tree dangerously close to his rear. That kind of thing wouldn't cripple you, but it would hurt like hell, especially if she aimed right.
And if she's using steel needles… damn, she really is planning to throw them at me - and actually hit! Akira started zigzagging, which was twice as hard in the woods. And to avoid stepping on a branch, thorn, or rock, he had to keep an eye on the chakra in his feet.
"Huh?" He felt his foot catch on something and hesitated for a second - just in time to see several needles slicing toward him from the branches of a nearby tree.
TRAPS? THERE ARE FREAKING TRAPS? When did she even have time to set those up?
****
This time, Akira made it to the bathroom while his sister was drying her hair, wrapped in a towel. "Hey, again?" Ignoring Mezumi's indignant shout, Akira stripped on the go and slid straight into the tub.
He didn't say a word, just turned on the hot water and let the showerhead rinse him off while he lay in the warm water.
Bliss. And he wasn't talking about his sister's figure - he didn't even have the energy to appreciate it right now - but about the feeling of every muscle finally letting go.
Akira was so exhausted and drained that he didn't even want to talk. All he dreamed of was a little rest and getting into Hayana's hands as soon as possible.
Noticing that Akira had dozed off in the tub, Mezumi stopped fussing and even paused her routine to check on her little brother. *Was I imagining things?* She leaned over the tub for a closer look. *Nope, I wasn't mistaken.* Akira's whole body was covered in tiny puncture wounds, like he'd been attacked by a swarm of insects. Only his face, neck, a few spots on his torso, and…
*Oh.* Mezumi actually recoiled at the sight. *He wasn't that big when he was a kid.* She shook her head to clear her thoughts and went back to her skincare routine.
****
Right on time, Hayana was in her office - part exam room, part operating room. "Doc, I took a hit to the knee, can you take a look?" Disguised under a henge, I slipped inside, making sure no one else was around.
Hayana immediately recognized me, nodded hello, and invited me into the operating room, locking the door behind us.
Once inside, I dropped the henge and my clothes and flopped onto the table with a sigh of relief.
I must be getting addicted to Hayana's massages. If I skip a session, I feel off all day. Maybe it's the pleasure, or maybe my chakra core just likes being a little overfilled now. Who knows… but one thing's for sure - my idea of a perfect life now definitely includes morning massages from this beauty, who, by the way, has finally gotten used to our routine. She hardly ever gets flustered anymore.
"Something wrong?" I propped myself up halfway. Usually, Hayana would start the back massage right away.
"Yeah, I went over the results from that tea sample." She looked thoughtful.
"Oh, this should be interesting." I lay back down, figuring a conversation wouldn't get in the way of her hands.
Hayana got the hint and started working her palms over my back. "These are needle wounds? I'll take care of them too." I felt my skin warm wherever her hands touched.
Not that I really needed it - my regeneration would probably have those gone by tomorrow anyway - but since she was already at it… oh, that's nice.
"So, what's up with the tea?" I asked as soon as the first wave of muscle bliss passed.
"The leaves were coated in poison. It's called Tsunguli, and the way it works…" She launched into a pretty interesting mini-lecture.
"So that means… I was already at stage two of intoxication?" Remembering how sick I'd felt, I shivered a little.
"No, the last few times I served you a different tea. This one… was from my personal stash." I heard her quiet confession.
So that's how it is - those other times, I was getting the "guest" tea. "How expensive is it?" I was honestly surprised that Hayana, with her income and a whole clan behind her, kept this tea just for herself.
"Sencha costs a hundred thousand ryo for ten momme." (One momme = 3.75 grams.)
WHAT?! So one cup of this tea costs ten thousand ryo? At those prices, she's spending her whole salary on tea. Damn, the local tea plantation owners must be living large. I thought my favorite tea, at a thousand ryo for ten momme, was a luxury - turns out there's always room to go higher. Then again, I remember in my world there was tea that cost six hundred thousand dollars a kilo - dozens of times more expensive than this, by weight.
Yeah, even I'll have to be careful with this stuff. If I drink three mugs a day, that's a million ryo a month just on sencha.
"So why is it so expensive?" I was more interested in the economics of tea than my own recent poisoning. That's probably a diagnosis. Should I start growing sidecurls? Wear a kippah? For some reason, a certain famous Jewish melody started playing in my head. (Author's note: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHSNZK4Je-Y)
"It's one of the few teas where the plant itself contains a high concentration of chakra. If you prepare the leaves properly, you get all the benefits: better heart and organ function, total detox, stronger teeth and gums, healthier skin, a boost to your chakra core, and supposedly longer life - though that last one's probably just a rumor."
Wow, those are the classic claims you hear from every supplement seller. But if the tea plant really does have a lot of chakra, maybe it's true. For better marketing, all that's missing is a promise that it boosts male potency and size.
"Alright, back to the poison - so that was my first time being poisoned with it?" I decided to get back to the important stuff.
"Yeah, and apparently your body tried to flush it out right away, which is pretty amazing. The negative effects of Tsunguli only start when a certain amount builds up in the body." I don't know why, but I could feel Hayana's Byakugan boring a hole in my back.
So… poisons don't work on me? Or is it just the ones I swallow? And which poisons am I resistant to? Only natural, biological ones? What about arsenic or mercury? How would those affect me?
So many questions, but no way to test… not that I really want to experiment with poisons and my body. So I'm not poisoned - but what about Hayana? "Wait, you drank that tea too."
"Yeah." She paused the massage for a second, gathering her thoughts. "Luckily, our med-nin have no trouble treating inflammation. And thank you, Akira."
"For what?" I was genuinely surprised. "I didn't do anything."
"If it weren't for you, only Kami knows when I would have realized I was being poisoned. Maybe too late. But more importantly… can you turn over?"
Wow, she finished my back fast. In a few moves, I rolled over onto my back.
"But more importantly," Hayana continued, "my daughters are safe now." And then I felt her soft lips touch my cheek. "Thank you again."
Wow, I did not expect that from Hayana. A kiss on the cheek from her - that's more intimate than some of the kisses I've had with Mikoto.
Turns out, Hinata and Hanabi had also been drinking that poisoned tea, and really, who knows how long that could have gone on. Hayana and the girls treated themselves and did a near-total detox just yesterday. Hanabi was discharged right after, but Hinata, who loved that tea the most, took more damage - nothing permanent, but she'll have to stay in the hospital for a week. I should visit her.
"So, any suspects?" From what I could tell, someone wanted to take out the Hyuga main family. But why?
"Not yet, but I've already put together a team to go to the Land of Tea and investigate." I have a feeling the supplier's in for a rough time.
"And your husband, Hiashi? You haven't mentioned him. Or does he just drink a different tea?" I noticed her expression change.
"Oh, I forgot about him." She actually looked surprised at herself.
Uh, what? Does he not even know why his daughter's in the hospital? I asked her.
"No, I haven't had a chance to tell him yet. And he only spends time with Hanabi and Hinata once a week."
So what does he do the rest of the time? Whatever, I'm not going to ask - Hayana's already been open enough about her family. I guess I'm not just some random guy to her anymore. And I hadn't even noticed when she started using the informal "you" with me.
"By the way, I hope you haven't told anyone how you found out about the poison." I brought up an important point. I really didn't want word getting out about my resistance to poisons. That's the kind of thing nobody should know - and besides…
"Not yet, why?" She moved on to my shoulders.
"Well, if people find out I got poisoned by your tea, they'll start asking other questions - like why I was drinking tea in your office. And from there, they'll get curious about what's going on between us." After all, a young guy dropping by the wife of the Hyuga clan head every day is bound to start some unnecessary - and unfortunately, baseless - rumors. I don't want to get in trouble for something I didn't even do.
"Yeah… it's better if nobody knows about our relationship." She looked thoughtful, then blushed when she realized how that sounded. "I mean…"
"I get it, you don't have to explain." I cut her off, and the massage continued in silence. When she finished with my torso, Hayana moved on to my legs - and that's when my struggle began.
The hardest part of Hayana's massages is completely zoning out when she touches my thighs. I can't close my eyes, or my mind starts throwing up all kinds of erotic images.
Amitabha… ommm… I'm a rock, all I care about is the ceiling. Don't think about anything. Just study the ceiling.
But sometimes, you just can't help thinking about the white monkey. And right now, I could feel my instrument for exploring the female psyche slowly but surely filling with blood. Luckily, the short towel Hayana always drapes over my waist when I lie down on her table was there to save me.
Alright, just don't flex that one particular muscle and everything will be fine. The most important thing now is to stay calm and banish any inappropriate fantasies.
But are they really that inappropriate? No, no, Hayana's the kind of person who's easy to scare.
"Is that a mole?" And right then, Hayana pinched my right thigh, making a few muscles tense up from the pain. "Oh, it's just a lint ball."
Yeah, I don't have any moles, but more importantly… What the hell are you doing, woman?! All my efforts down the drain. I could feel my blood-filled organ starting to harden, slowly rising. The boxers, towel, and my willpower just weren't enough to hide the obvious bulge.
And with my size… Whatever, I'll just pretend I don't notice. No need to embarrass her even more - she might just faint again.
Luckily, the massage only paused for a second. And hoping for a helping hand or a more… inclusive style of massage - Thai style - would be stupid.
Our session ended in total silence. Remembering that these sessions are supposed to be paid, and that I already owed her for two, I pulled out my wallet.
"No need." She raised her right hand to stop me.
Well, that's it… end of our sessions. Damn my lousy self-control.
"At least let me pay for the ones we've finished." I said, a little sadly.
"No, I'd feel uncomfortable taking money from someone who saved my daughters, even indirectly." It took me a few seconds to process that.
Oh! So she's not shutting down our little operation? And I don't even have to pay? I'm starting to like this day!
"But then I'll feel uncomfortable." I started to protest.
And so began the battle for the title of "most modest." In the end, we agreed that I wouldn't have to pay, but in exchange, I'd drop by Hayana's office during lunch with sweets - well, my clone would, since I was already sick of those classes by day five. When the practical lessons start, I'll go in person again.
****
After seeing Hayana, Akira decided not to waste time and went to visit Hinata, but first stopped by the central market to buy some fruit for the patient. As it happened, while he was leaving the hospital, he just missed Anko, who'd come to consult Hayana about something that was bothering her.
Hayana wasn't expecting any patients at that moment, but she wasn't about to turn away a friend. After the usual greetings and small talk, Anko got to the point - or rather, to her friend's problem.
"I'm here about my friend - Kurenai."
"What's wrong with her, and why didn't she come herself?" Hayana was surprised.
"Well… knowing her, she'd never come on her own." Anko looked troubled.
"I see. So what's going on?" Hayana put down her pen and focused on Anko.
"She's started drinking. Alone. After missions, she locks herself at home and only goes out for groceries, or if I drag her out. Her place is a mess… I think she's going through what I went through, and I have no idea what to do." Anko paced the office, her chest bouncing slightly under her mesh top and cloak. The open cloak always seemed to block the view of her nipples, like it was hooked to the mesh from the inside.
"Depression?" Hayana mused, trying to recall all the symptoms of this still poorly understood mental issue. What can you do - funding always goes to the most important research first, and mental health, especially something like depression, isn't a priority for the hospital or the village. If a patient had psychological problems from past trauma, the Yamanaka clan would usually step in, burying or erasing the memories if the patient agreed. Unfortunately, not all mental issues can be fixed by the Yamanaka - and still be yourself.
As far as Hayana remembered, Anko had shown symptoms of this too. Abandoned by her teacher, who was like a father to her, and later shunned by her fellow shinobi for being the student of a traitor, Anko had shut herself off for two years. With medical advice and Kurenai's help, she'd finally blossomed again.
Hayana could think of a few others who'd gone through or were going through the same thing: Kushina and Kakashi. The latter, sadly, never really recovered. Kushina was saved by having a daughter.
"Tell me more about Kurenai's life over the past six months." She decided to start by figuring out possible causes.
Anko began to share what she knew.
"So, none of her close friends or family died… what about her love life? Asuma was courting her, right?" The hospital was full of rumors - nurses needed something to gossip about.
"Yeah, but it didn't work out." Hayana perked up, ready for a juicy story. "They were about to start dating officially, but there was an incident that made Kurenai doubt Asuma as a potential partner." Anko hesitated, wondering if she should share the details.
"I'm not that interested in Yuuhi's love life, but to get the full picture, I'd like to know more. I promise, I won't spread it around. What happens in my office stays in my office." *Especially what happens in my operating room,* Hayana thought.
"Well… it all started when Asuma caught Kurenai kissing some guy."
"Whoa." Hayana was surprised.
"No, it's not what you think. She and Asuma weren't officially together - he was just trying to win her over. That day, we met a pretty nice, good-looking guy at the hot springs, and I jokingly suggested he take us both on a date… okay, that sounds bad, but it was just for fun. Who knew he'd actually say yes? Not many guys would turn down two kunoichi at once…" Anko was on a roll. "So after the date, which was more like a friendly hangout, the guy surprised Kurenai with a goodbye kiss. I wasn't there - I'd been called away for work - and that's when Asuma walked in on them. He saw Kurenai as his property… heh, 'property'… and broke the guy's arm and maybe a few ribs."
"I see." Hayana tried to picture it.
"And that wasn't the end of it. Asuma acted like a jerk, attacking a defenseless guy, but his strong feelings for Kurenai sort of explain it. But it didn't stop there. After a two-week mission, he showed up at her house demanding to know what was going on between her and Akira."
"Akira?" Hayana was surprised to hear his name.
"She didn't like his tone and told him she didn't owe him any explanations. And she was right - who was he to her? I've had guys chase after me too, but that doesn't mean I owe them anything." Anko caught herself and got back on track. "A week later, he came with flowers to apologize."
"And she forgave him?" Hayana asked the key question.
"Yeah, they've been friends since childhood, and Kurenai isn't the type to hold a grudge. After that, Asuma kept trying to ask her out. He was relentless, and when Kurenai ran out of excuses, they finally went on a date. At the end, Asuma walked her home and even tried to kiss her."
"And?" Hayana was all ears.
"Kurenai stopped him. She put her hand right in front of his lips, can you imagine? Haha, I laughed so hard when I first heard that. But what happened next wasn't so funny. Asuma realized he'd kissed her palm instead of her lips and lost it."
"Let me guess - because she kissed a stranger but wouldn't kiss him?" Hayana asked.
"Exactly! But Kurenai calmly explained that the other kiss just caught her off guard. Asuma didn't believe her and kept pushing, asking stuff like, 'Is it because he's better looking than me?'"
*Hmm, if Akira suddenly kissed me, how would I react? Oh, what am I thinking? I'd never let that happen. Probably.* Anko went on:
"In the end, she couldn't take his whining and accusations and told him to go to the bijuu. A month later, he started sending gifts and asking for forgiveness again."
"And she forgave him again?" Hayana sighed.
"Yeah, but this time she made it clear she only wanted to be friends. Asuma seemed fine with that, but it was all a trap! He lulled her into a false sense of security, and after a joint mission - which I'm sure he arranged - he invited her to celebrate at a bar. Other teammates were there, so Kurenai agreed. I don't know what they put in her drink, but after an hour, she was really drunk. Asuma, being the 'gentleman,' offered to walk her home. She tried to refuse, but everyone insisted, so she gave in."
Hayana could see where this was going and grimaced, as did Anko, who clearly didn't like telling this part.
"That jerk, once he got her to the entryway, started… well, kissing her and getting handsy."
"What's so funny?" Hayana was confused.
"Kurenai threw up. Right in his mouth, and then all over him. She felt better right after and thanked Asuma with a nice slap. That was pretty much the end of their friendship."
"Ahem, I see. So, did Akira ever see Kurenai again?" Hayana asked.
"No, not as far as I know. And how would he? He doesn't even know where she lives. I tried to meet him a couple of times, but I could never catch him at his own restaurant… if it's even his."
"It is." Hayana, who knew Akira better, confirmed it. "He's got another one in Tanzaku."
"Huh? How do you know that, Hayana-san?" Anko was stunned.
"Well… he's Kushina-san's neighbor, and her daughter is in the same class as mine. Plus, he's taking med-nin courses, so I have my sources."
"Ha, the female staff must gossip about him all the time. Got it. I'll have to say hi to him."
After that, Hayana started suggesting ideas to help Kurenai get back on her feet faster.
🔥~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🔥
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