What could possibly be stranger than a grown man in a green jumpsuit, moving around on his hands, occasionally hopping on one arm? Maybe only his student, trailing behind, trying to keep up - all while dragging a massive turtle tied to a rope, scraping it along the ground.
Slowing down, I stopped near them, catching my breath, and took another look at the turtle, trying to figure out if I was just dizzy from running on an empty stomach. But no, my head was fine - and the turtle was definitely real. [ image ]

"Oh, it's our friend, Akira-san. It's rare to see you out for a run this early," said Guy, who, with a single motion, flipped off his hands, did a backflip, and landed on his feet, finishing the whole performance with a dazzling smile.
A bizarre animal, an acrobat - if he just worked on his jokes a bit and found a magician, he could start his own circus.
"Hm, and who's this?" - damn, it can talk! Then again, why am I even surprised? Kakashi's dogs can talk, Jiraiya's toads too - basically, all summoned animals can talk in theory. But knowing that and actually seeing it are two different things. And I don't remember Guy ever having a talking turtle as a summon. What's the point of it, anyway?
"Good morning, Guy-san. I just woke up earlier than usual today. And this is… your summon, I assume?" Well, the hitae-ate hanging from the turtle's neck made it pretty obvious it was a summoning beast. But why does it need a headband with the village symbol? So the locals don't attack it? Or do other villages have turtles too?
"Brightest morning! That's because your body is burning with the power of youth! And yes, this is my summon - Ningame. He's a turtle, but he prefers to be called a dragon turtle."
"What do you mean, just a turtle? Have you ever seen a turtle breathe fire from its beak?" And to prove the point, he did exactly that. "And you - why are you slacking off? If you fall, do push-ups!" Lee, who had just nodded to me in greeting, was about to say hello, but as soon as he heard the turtle's words, he shut his mouth and immediately started following orders.
"Oh, that's amazing. Nice to meet you, Ningame-san." If it can talk, it's a person. And you should always be polite with people - especially the crazy and the weird ones. In this case, the weird turtle.
"Hm, likewise," Ningame nodded, giving me a slow once-over, moving his head up and down. "Not bad, but your muscles aren't developed or tough enough. Hm, Guy, has he been training according to your recommendations?" He turned his head toward his summoner.
For the love of Kaguya! Does he have some kind of dōjutsu instead of eyes? How did he even figure that out?
"Yes, on the light, simplified program," Guy nodded.
So not only is it light, it's also simplified?! And I'm sore until the next morning after it. And that's with my regeneration, which is definitely better than your average shinobi!
"Give him the full, standard program. It hurts to watch him waste his body's potential," Ningame said. Guy just shrugged, pulled a scroll from his chest pocket, tore off a piece, and started writing something with a pencil from his pouch, using his knee as a desk.
"Will I survive it?" I asked the turtle.
"Definitely," he nodded. "You've got a great body, you'll adapt. If you had fire in your eyes, I'd even offer to take you as my student. But your look is more like my brother's - I bet you'd rather sleep in an extra hour, right?" Okay, now I actually feel a little guilty. The turtle is calling me out for being lazy.
"Yeah… that's fair," was all I could say. Why deny it? It's the truth, and there's no point making excuses. Honestly, I train just fine on my own.
Guy finished writing and came over, handing me the piece of paper. I took it, gave him a short bow, then bowed to the turtle. Looked like the conversation was over, but then I remembered something:
"Ningame-san, you're right, I don't have the will to spend all day killing myself with physical training, but I'm trying to get stronger in other ways. Tell me… could you teach me the summoning technique?"
"Mmm…" His "mmm" dragged on for a good twenty seconds. "I mean, I don't mind, but my kin probably won't bother teaching you - they've got 'more important' things to do." Man, he talks slow.
"I mean the free summoning technique," I clarified right away.
The turtle's eyes widened a bit, and he nodded several times.
"The price of power is risk. Good to see you understand that. Alright, I'll explain the basics of the summoning technique."
"Um, Ningame, he could die, you know," Guy interjected.
"I'm aware," I nodded, giving him a grateful smile.
"Hoho, I don't see a trace of fear in you! And you don't seem stupid either - that's good. I hope things work out for you."
He started explaining where and how to channel chakra for each hand sign. The hand sign, in most techniques, acts as a guide - the user just has to send chakra into the right channels, in the right amount.
Guy showed me which hand signs to use. Ningame, with his massive paws, obviously couldn't demonstrate.
The whole conversation took maybe ten minutes. I thanked them, apologized for interrupting their training, and left, promising to treat Guy and his student to lunch sometime.
I tucked the new training program away for tomorrow - just seeing that I'd need to buy 30 kilos' worth of weights for all my limbs was enough to make me shiver.
By the end of my "light" workout, drenched in sweat, I made it home, took a quick shower, and sat in the kitchen, staring off into space.
The free summoning technique was perfect for escaping - or for suicide, depending on your luck. If it were up to me, I'd just try to make a contract with the toads or the slugs, not so much to learn Sage Chakra, but to have a way to escape if things went south. As far as I know, with my current chakra reserves, I shouldn't even think about Sage Mode.
With the toads, I could wait until Jiraiya teaches Naruko - I doubt she'd refuse me if I asked. With Tsunade, maybe it'd be easier, but going to look for her in Tanzaku is a pain, and the only reason I ran into her last time was pure, isekai-level luck.
Before, I never rushed with the summoning thing, since I didn't see any way to get my own summon anytime soon. But after seeing that turtle, it felt like fate was screaming in my ear, telling me to get on with it.
Free summoning is probably the fastest way for me to find a summoning beast. I don't want to die, obviously. I've already died once, and I didn't like it. But power - and the ability to escape at any moment - is worth the risk, especially if you can bring that risk down to zero by using your head.
"Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained," I said, and created five clones.
"Most likely, when you dispel, I won't get any information back, so your top priority is to survive and try to start a conversation with any intelligent creature you meet… if you meet anyone at all. If you manage to talk, try to make a good impression and figure out if their kind is worth our attention. If yes, try to negotiate a summoning contract, then ask for help getting back here." I gave the instructions, and all the clones nodded and started using the free summoning technique - or rather, the regular summoning technique, which only becomes "free" if you haven't signed a contract with anyone.
Luckily, you don't need blood for free summoning, so after the last hand sign, they all disappeared almost at once, leaving behind clouds of chakra smoke.
I felt like I'd just slept two hours after a whole day on my feet - in other words, I felt like crap. Add in the muscle pain, and I just wanted to pass out right there on the couch.
"Looks like my chakra reserves are scraping the bottom. I need a good meal and some rest."
By lunchtime, my chakra was almost fully restored, but I still wanted a nap. The clones, apparently, had died or dispelled themselves - in four hours, they could've talked about anything, and since none came back, today's attempt was a bust.
So, after morning training, I'll send out four clones every day to look for a summon until one of them succeeds.
Five clones was way too much, given how I feel after training. Turns out, even if you're not using chakra during workouts, some of it still gets spent. Probably, the body automatically uses chakra to speed up recovery.
I made three clones, checked how I felt, then made a fourth and sent them to the bathroom to keep working on chakra control.
"Yeah, I'd better not mess with chakra anymore today." After downing a few glasses of water, I went straight to bed.
****
Hmm? What's with the crowd? Did someone get in a fight, or is it just the Akimichi clan showing off again?
Ignoring the throbbing in my head from the recently dispelled clones, I walked into McDonald's.
Looked like someone was trying to break the record again, but thankfully, there weren't too many people this time.
Whatever, plenty have tried, and no one's even come close to Choza's nephew's score.
I was actually planning to eat in the northeast district, but decided to stop by McDonald's and chill in my office for a bit, sipping a mojito I was too lazy to make at home.
Since the show had distracted most of the customers, I got my order pretty quickly. I nodded to Ayumi, who was watching the latest record attempt with interest, and headed to my office. Unlike my place at home, everything here was set up just the way I wanted. Only the bookshelf looked a little sad, with just eight books - three of them written by me. Ayumi must've bought them in case there were more record attempts.
Oh, right - in four weeks, I'll have to go back to Tanzaku to check on the final stages of converting the old store into a McDonald's. I'll need to send someone next week to make sure everything's going according to plan. And I should ask them to pick up some rubber balls for the next stage of training - I remembered the balloons, but totally forgot about those.
And by then, I'll need to sign up for the medical-nin courses. Plus, there's the foundation, if it gets approved. So much hassle. I keep making problems for myself out of thin air. And on top of that, I bought that damn wakizashi not just for looks - I wanted to get used to it, but it's just been gathering dust under my bed. If I were Chinese, I bet I'd manage everything, probably even meditate instead of sleeping.
I tried meditating, actually - maybe in this world, with chakra, it's more useful than just calming your mind. But so far, my two attempts just made me want to go to bed and stop wasting time.
(Author's note: By the way, meditation really is useful. You won't feel any "qi" with your butt - just the hard floor - but you can get your thoughts in order for a while. Meditation is great for people who spend half an hour pacing around the house before going outside.)
Rubbing my temples, I felt the headache slowly fade, and the mojito brought a nice, refreshing feeling. I was just thinking about going out to eat in ten minutes when someone knocked on the office door.
"Come in, Ayumi." She's the only one allowed in here, so I didn't even have to guess. But I was a little off - someone else followed her in, looking around the room with interest.
"Akira-san, you need to give this girl her prize - she broke the old record." When I heard why she'd brought a stranger in, I almost dropped my mojito. Tilting my head skeptically, I looked the client up and down. Her clothes were loose, but you couldn't hide a slim waist.
This is nuts. Did she go to the bathroom between rounds? How did she fit over a hundred burgers in that body? And what's with the weird outfit? Who wears a scarf in summer, and why is she covering half her face with it? And that straw hat with a dark veil hanging from it.
But Ayumi wouldn't lie to me about something like this.
"Hello…"
"Oh, so this is what your office looks like, Akira-san? Just like in chapter five with Oronuki. At first, I thought it was weird to decorate an office like that, but seeing yours, I'm convinced you have great taste. And this restaurant! It's beautiful, and the food is so unique. I'm going to eat here every day now. Oh, sorry for interrupting. My name's Kiyomi." She gave a little bow.
"I… I'll be going, then." Ayumi, you're not the only one feeling awkward - don't leave me alone with her. But unfortunately, she couldn't read minds, so she quickly left, closing the door behind her.
"Ahem, Kiyomi-san, since you managed to break the previous record, you must be something special. I was planning to give you a signed copy of my book and…" I didn't even finish before she cut me off.
"Oh, with your signature? I'd love that!" She leaned forward a bit.
Yeah, if you ignore the veil, the rest of her clothes look pretty old and worn. Her accent's a little different from the locals, and she clearly doesn't know the basics of etiquette. In other words - she's obviously from a regular village. Surprising that she can read, though I've realized that even without schools, parents here do their best to teach their kids all the grammar they know, so you get weird situations where a fisherman's son can read and write, but a merchant's son, because his dad's always busy, might only know how to count.
"Alright, but I was also going to offer to draw and give you your portrait." There aren't many people here who can do portraits, so anyone would jump at a free one. To my surprise, Kiyomi wasn't just anyone:
"Oh, no, no." She crossed her arms. "I'm pretty ugly. Even if I had friends or family, no one would care."
"Ahem, as you wish." Should I respect her honesty or judge her for her low self-esteem? "Then… I don't know what else to offer. Is there something you'd like? I'll get it for you."
Clothes, jewelry, whatever her heart desires?
"Hmm…" She thought for a moment, tapping her chin, hidden by the scarf. "Akira-san, could I have your portrait as a gift?"
A self-portrait? Who asks for a portrait of the artist? What's with this girl? Honestly, I was stumped. Drawing other people is one thing, but myself? Sure, I sometimes catch myself admiring my own reflection, but that's different from actually drawing myself.
"Sorry, maybe I'm asking too much." Now she suddenly had manners.
After a quick bow, she went back to her seat and stared at me, waiting for an answer.
"It's not that much. It's just… drawing myself is hard. I'm afraid it'll turn out terrible." I lied a little. I just find it more interesting to draw other people.
"Ah, I see." She let her head drop.
"I was about to go eat somewhere - I could treat you. Well, maybe you're not hungry after all that, so how about tomorrow…"
"Oh! I'd love to join you - are we going now?" she said, lighting up.
"Uh… aren't you full?" I mean, how can you even think about food right now? After all those burgers, you should be in the hospital, dictating your last words to the med-nin.
"No," she shook her head. "I could eat just as much again."
If I had Byakugan, I'd be scanning her body right now. No normal person can eat that much, not even a shinobi - and I should know. I could maybe handle twenty, twenty-five burgers, and Naruko could do a bit more - she's got a generator for a stomach, instantly turning food into energy.
The best way to restore chakra is to eat high-calorie food and sleep. Most of the energy your body gets from digesting food goes straight to chakra recovery. I remembered a fun fact: shinobi stomachs are super efficient, so if you eat a healthy diet, you only need to do your business once a week. Same with water - if you sip less than a liter over two hours, you won't even need the bathroom. Maybe it's just me with this miracle body, though - I've never asked anyone else how often they go.
Back to this girl… Well, why not. She's weird, but for a short lunch, she'll do.
****
"That'll be 72,000 ryo, sir," the waitress said with a modest smile.
"Alright, I hope you take checks," I said, pulling out my checkbook.
She looked like she was about to object, but as soon as she saw my checks, her face smoothed out and her smile returned.
"Of course, no problem at all." As expected from one of Konoha's best restaurants, owned by a Keichi magnate. The waitress easily recognized my checkbook - the only difference was a small kanji in the corner, marking me as a valued client at the Bank of Fire. They swapped my checkbook back when I took out a 22-million ryo loan.
I filled in the amount, signed, tore out the check, and handed it to her with both hands.
Then I looked over at Kiyomi, who was slouched in her chair, smiling contentedly and rubbing her slightly rounded belly. She'd taken off her scarf to eat, but kept the straw hat and veil, hiding everything but her lips and chin.
"Are you full?" We'd switched to "you" at her request during the walk. Kiyomi's an open book - maybe too open. Naruko's kind of like that, but at least she doesn't say everything that pops into her head, unlike my new acquaintance.
"Yeah… I haven't eaten like that in ages," she sighed happily. "Feels like if I bend over, my pants will split." Her not-so-quiet comment earned us a few annoyed looks from the next table. Her behavior and clothes really didn't fit this place, and honestly, if the manager didn't have a crush on me, we probably wouldn't have been let in together.
Ugh, 72,000 ryo - first time I've ever spent that much on food. And since she didn't spend a single ryo at McDonald's thanks to the record-breaking deal (that promo was my idea a few weeks ago), I basically blew 89,000 ryo today. At least we skipped alcohol, or the bill would've tripled. Should've just agreed to the self-portrait.
"Oof, now my stomach hurts," she said, rubbing her belly and rocking in her chair.
"I still can't figure out where all that food goes."
"Hoo-hoo-hoo, I'm not telling - a girl's gotta have her secrets. So, are we done?" she added, a bit quieter.
"Yeah, it's probably time to head home. I'll take a walk to help the food settle." I stood up.
"Oh, I really enjoyed this - maybe we could walk together? Too bad Ooo -" I didn't even have time to react, and honestly, even if I could, I'd rather just watch her fall. She'd spent the whole dinner grilling me about my book, nearly robbed me of 100,000 ryo, so falling off her chair felt like fair punishment for her terrible manners - not that I really care.
"Ah, my grandma had the best chairs - no matter how much I rocked as a kid, I never fell once," she said, lying on the floor. The waitress and the other customers didn't seem eager to help, and honestly, I get it.
"Chairs aren't made for that," I sighed, going over to help her up. She didn't refuse my hand and got up cheerfully. "You okay?"
"Yeah, it's nothing," she said, shaking her head and flashing a bright smile. [ image ]

I bent down and picked up her straw hat and veil from the floor behind her.
"Here," I said, handing her the hat. She just stared at it for a few seconds, then realized her face was showing and quickly snatched it from my hands, putting it back on.
I nodded, turned to leave, and stopped at the door to call back to Kiyomi.
"What are you standing there for? Didn't you want to walk with me?" I asked quietly, but it was enough for her to hear. With the veil, I couldn't see her expression, but she was definitely looking my way.
Once we left the restaurant, for the first time all day, she acted shy and reserved around me. After a few hundred meters, she finally spoke up.
"Does my appearance… disgust you?" she asked, looking at the trees lining the street - probably planted by the First Hokage.
"Well… I'm not about to write ballads about your beauty, but I'm not disgusted either. A burn on half your face isn't the worst thing, and it's the only flaw in your looks - the rest is actually pretty cute. Honestly, it doesn't change my opinion of you at all."
I did feel a little sorry for her - without that burn, she'd be almost as pretty as Mikoto. She looked a few years older than me.
"I see… Akira, thanks for today. I'll be going now." She gave a small bow and turned down another street.
🔥~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~🔥
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