It was stupid how one person could alter the temperature of a room just by walking in. Tyler didn't even say anything when he stepped through the front door that evening,just dropped his keys into the dish, kicked off his boots, and looked at me like he already knew what kind of mess I'd been spiraling in all day.
And yeah, I'd been spiraling.
I'd sat on the same patch of the living room rug for over an hour, laptop open, a single sentence typed into the document I was pretending to work on: I don't know how to stop missing people who are still alive.
Dan wasn't dead. He was very much still there,at school, online, in our shared memories. But something had snapped. And unlike with Brayan, I didn't know how to grieve the loss of a living person.
Especially when that loss was my fault.
"You okay?" Tyler asked, voice low, careful.
"I'm fine," I lied without flinching, eyes fixed on the TV remote I hadn't touched in hours.
"You haven't moved all day," he added, walking closer.
I could hear the shift in his steps on the wooden floor, the hesitation. Tyler Morgan,the guy who used to call me all sort of names just loud enough to sting but quiet enough to avoid detention was hesitating around me. That should've made me feel smug. Powerful, even.
Instead, I felt… fragile. And a little lost.
"You hungry?" he asked.
"I'm good."
He crouched in front of me, close enough for his scent to hit,clean laundry, mint, and whatever shampoo he always pretended wasn't his dad's overpriced stuff.
I finally looked at him. "You ever feel like you're disappearing from people's lives before they even realize it?"
His brows furrowed. "Is this about Dan?"
I swallowed. "not just him,It's about everything."
Tyler didn't say anything for a moment. Then he reached for my hand. His fingers brushed against mine like he wasn't sure I'd let him stay if he touched me wrong.
But I didn't pull away.
Dinner that night was a joke. Mom tried to act like things were normal, like I hadn't been playing emotional chicken with everyone in my life for weeks.
She passed me the salad tongs with a smile too wide and a voice too chipper. "So! How's school, Ben?"
"It's school," I said, dry.
Tyler chewed his food silently. His dad, meanwhile, launched into some story about a guy at work who nearly set the break room microwave on fire with a burrito.
I pushed lettuce around my plate.
Mom gave me a look. "You okay? You're barely eating."
"I said I'm fine."
"You haven't been talking to Dan," she said softly.
I flinched.
"You two used to be attached at the hip"
"Mom."
"I'm just saying."
"No, you're saying something because you're uncomfortable with silence," I snapped. "But sometimes silence is better than pretending nothing's wrong."
She stared at me, lips pressed tight. I hated how I could still feel like a little kid in her presence,like one wrong word would send the whole table tipping sideways.
Mr. Morgan cleared his throat. "Ben, maybe cool it with the attitude."
"Maybe cool it with pretending we're some functional family."
Tyler kicked my ankle under the table just hard enough to say stop, not enough to hurt.
I stood up, plate untouched. "I'm done."
"Ben I..." my mom started, but I was already walking.
I made it to my room before the tears came not loud ones, just the quiet kind that made everything feel heavier.
Minutes later, Tyler knocked once before stepping inside.
"You don't have to follow me everywhere," I muttered from my bed.
He shut the door behind him. "Didn't come to follow. I Came because you look like you're two seconds away from disappearing again."
I sat up, wiped my cheek. "Why do you care?"
He blinked. "You know why."
I shook my head. "Say it anyway."
He stepped forward, slowly. "Because I like you. Because I care. Because when I'm not around you, I want to be."
I laughed sharp, defensive. "That's convenient."
"Why is it convenient?"
"Because it's always when I'm falling apart that you say things like that."
He didn't argue. Instead, he crossed the room, sat beside me on the bed, and stared ahead.
"My mom's worried," I said after a beat. "She thinks I'm spiraling."
"Are you?"
"Maybe."
Another pause.
"She's worried I'll end up like Brayan."
Tyler's breath hitched.
I didn't mean it like a jab. It came out ugly and cruel, but it wasn't meant to be. I turned to him quickly. "I didn't...Ty, I didn't mean that how it sounded."
"I know," he said quietly, voice tight.
"I just meant… no one sees me slipping until it's too late."
Tyler nodded slowly, then looked at me. really looked. "You're not Brayan."
"How do you know?"
"Because you let people in. Even when you don't want to. Even when it's hard. And because you're still here."
That was the thing about Tyler he always said what mattered when it counted.
I leaned in, forehead against his shoulder. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore."
"You're trying," he said, pressing a kiss to the side of my head. "That's more than enough."
The bed creaked under us when he shifted. I didn't pull away when his fingers brushed my jaw or when he kissed me softly.
There was no battle in me this time.
No voices screaming you shouldn't want this or he's still your stepbrother or Brayan's watching. Just a quiet yes blooming somewhere under my ribs.
I kissed him back, this time deeper.
His hand slid to my waist, gentle, searching. I nodded, chest tight.
He froze. "You sure?"
I looked into his eyes, intense, unsure. "I'm sure."
And I was.
Not because I thought this would fix me. Not because I owed him anything.
But because I wanted to be touched by someone who saw the fractures in me and didn't flinch. Someone who wasn't afraid of the way I came apart.
His mouth trailed down my throat, hands careful, reverent. When he pressed himself against me, everything blurred heat . His hands found their way to my dick in my sweat pant and I gasp. He responded with a chuckle.
He was careful as if I would tell him to stop anytime soon but I wasn't even thinking straight at the moment.
"Ty..." I said, frustrated with the teasing."please ty..."
"What do you need Angel" he asked with an evil grin.
" Please... "
"Please what, you have to use your words."
I was already lifting my hips to thrust harder into his hands.
"I need to cum."
"Well,I can make that happen" he said while standing up to remove his shorts.
He grap both of our dicks in his hand which surprisingly fit because of how huge he is and start jerking us off. It was like I was in another dimension the way we both move in rhythm with his hand .
Ty I'm... I'm soo close"I don't think I can hold on any longer.
"Let go Angel,come for me." And that was all it took to trip me over the edge .Tyler came right after I did like he was taking his pleasure from mine, which made me proud.And for once, I didn't overthink it. I just felt.
Afterward, we lay tangled under my blanket, skin warm, breaths synced.
"You okay?" he asked again, fingers tracing my arm.
"I'm… yeah," I whispered.
He smiled faintly. "You don't sound sure."
I turned to face him. "I don't think I've been sure of anything in months."
"Do you regret it?"
"No," I said, without hesitation.
He let out a breath. "Good."
I waited a beat before saying, "Do you?"
His eyes snapped to mine. "Not even for a second.
That silence stretched between us again but it was the good kind. The kind that held space for breathing. For existing.
In the morning, I woke up alone but warm, he'd tucked the blanket around me before leaving.
I found a note on my pillow: Breakfast. Downstairs. If you're still talking to people today.
His handwriting was crooked. I smiled.
The kitchen was quiet when I walked in, but the smell of eggs and toast hung in the air.
Mr. Morgan was sipping coffee at the counter. He gave me a stiff nod. "Morning."
"Hey," I replied.
Mom appeared moments later. "Ben, we need to talk."
Here it was the part where I got the parental guilt speech.
"I know things have been… tense," she said carefully. "And I know you're hurting. But you can't keep shutting everyone out."
I sighed. "I'm not trying to..."
"do you think just trying is enough?"
My chest tighten"why is everyone telling me that"
She just looked at me and said maybe "Maybe you should ask yourself."
Then continue" honey I love you so much, I know you are going through something,you can talk to me I'm always here for you"
"Yeah I know ,thanks Mom" I said giving her a kiss on the cheek before leaving for school.
I didn't see Dan at school that day.
But I thought about him.
Thought about how we used to sit under the stairwell near the music room just to skip gym class and talk about nothing. How he used to save his gummy worms for me, even the red ones he liked best. How I never realized how much I needed his presence until it was gone.
I know I messed up bad.
But I missed him.
That night, Tyler came to my room again. This time, he didn't say anything. Just pulled me into his arms like it was second nature.
And maybe, somehow, it was.
I rested my head against his chest and closed my eyes.
"Thank you," I whispered.
"For what?"
"For showing up."
He kissed the top of my head. "Always."