Lately, I haven't been feeling like myself.
I don't know why or when it started, but I think it began that day at the market—the day the girl I'd been praying and dreaming to be mine kissed me.
I swear, I never expected that kiss in a million years. At first, I thought it was a dream—some kind of cruel prank. I even tried drowning myself just to wake up from it. But it wasn't a dream. It was real. The girl of my dreams actually kissed me.
My whole life has always been grey and quiet. Every single part of it felt dull—until she came along. That lousy girl sitting beside me at the table, always talking too much, breaking rules, smiling like the world belonged to her. Whenever she spoke or laughed, my world changed. I could see colors again. I could feel something again.
At first, she was annoying. Then I got used to her—her teasing, her stubbornness, the way she never cared what others thought. That little girl who ran down the hall refusing to wear her pajamas… I wanted her. I wanted that chaos.
I've never liked competing. It was always just me and Mother. Then she brought home another Fruit, and suddenly, I had to fight for her affection. I learned quickly that it was useless. No matter how hard I tried, I was never enough. So I turned to Father instead.
I did everything he asked—everything—even when it felt wrong. I trained harder than the rest, bruised my hands and tore my skin just to hear a single word of praise. All I wanted was for him to look at me once and say, well done.
But he never did.
I thought I had all the time in the world to figure things out. I thought maybe one day, if I kept obeying, if I kept trying, I'd earn his approval—and maybe even her love.
Then she kissed me.
And I thought—maybe this is my chance. Maybe it's time to tell Father I want to ask for Rin Kisaragi's hand.
But before I could… she beat me to it.
Queen Selene Kurosuki. The cold, perfect, untouchable Ice Queen. Who would've thought she had eyes on my precious cousin?
No matter what, I won't let Rin belong to anyone else. Not Selene. Not anyone. No one is allowed to make Rin smile but me.
That's when I first heard the voice.
"You want Rin Kisaragi, right? Fine—you can have her. But first, you'll need to play a tiny little game with me."
That was the first whisper in my head. I don't remember where it came from, or when it started. It was like a breeze that crawled beneath my skin.
"You just have to set me free," it said, "and then we'll play a game of getting the girl."
At first, I thought I was losing my mind. But then I realized—the voice came from the butterfly.
That same black-and-yellow butterfly that's been following me… And it appears that only I can see it.
Sometimes it perches on my shoulder during training, sometimes on my windowsill at night. When it flutters its wings, I swear I hear laughter. It doesn't feel alive, not like a real butterfly—it feels ancient. Heavy. Watching and annoying kind of pest.
"She's not here yet," I muttered, my eyes fixed on the empty seat beside me.
Rin Kisaragi was late again for breakfast. Why is she not here yet?
"Lady Shion."
My father's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. He took his seat at the head of the table, calm as ever, his expression unreadable.
"Yes, Father. Did you call me?" I asked quietly, keeping my eyes on the table. I could feel everyone's gaze on me. This must be about what happened earlier at the training field. The news had probably reached him before I even washed off the dirt.
"I heard some rather strange rumors," he began, his tone steady but sharp. "About you trying to drown a guard during training."
The moment he said it, everyone else kept eating, pretending not to listen—but their chopsticks paused midair. I could feel the air shift.
"I'm sorry about that, Father," I said quickly. "I must have lost my cool. She was getting too slow, and I had to—"
But that wasn't the truth. The butterfly… it was in control again. Lately, it's been happening more often, whispering in my head, guiding my hands before I even realize it. Sometimes I see flashes of gold behind my eyelids, like the world is burning from the inside out.
"There's no need to explain," my father said. His voice was calm, but every word carried weight. "When you're done with breakfast, join the other guards on the new mission. It seems you're ready. And this time…" he paused, his gaze cold but proud. "…you better come back victorious."
Did he really have to say that in front of everyone?
Why does he always push me like this?
The last time I went on a mission, I came back to a new Rin.
I wonder what will happen this time.
And Suho… I still can't remember what really happened there. It's all blank—just flashes of crimson light, a scream that wasn't mine, and then silence. When I woke up, the butterfly was there, watching me.
Now, it hovered near me, wings twitching, almost excited. Why? I just hope it doesn't cause any more chaos.
Finally, the door opened.
There she was—Rin, walking in with Akari, who looked a little too dressed up this morning. Great. Another stupid day with her stupid fire brat.
"Akari," my father said as they both took their seats, "why are you two late for breakfast?"
"Oh, well, we were taking care of the guard who almost lost her life today," Akari said flatly, glancing at me.
I ignored her, focusing instead on Rin. Her hair was slightly messy, her smile soft, and for a moment, the room felt brighter. She had that effect on me—like sunlight breaking through winter clouds.
"Very well then," Father said, standing up. "Lady Shion, before you leave, I'd like to have a word with you."
"Yes, Father," I replied, bowing slightly as he left.
Then I turned back to Rin. "Do you want me to serve you, Rin?" I asked, already picking up some rice with my chopsticks.
"No, no, I'm fine. I can—" she stammered, trying to grab her own chopsticks. "—serve myself, you know? So here—" she picked the rice I'd given her and tried putting it back on my plate.
But I was faster.
I pushed the chopsticks forward gently, slipping the rice right into her mouth.
"You should eat that," I said, watching her chew. "There's more to chew."
"That was too much," she said, cheeks puffed, eyes darting away. "Please stop doing that."
But I didn't plan on stopping.
I smiled faintly, leaning closer. "Looks like I won't be disturbing you for a while. I'm heading out on a mission."
She blinked, surprised.
"So," I continued, straightening up, "worry less, and come early for breakfast tomorrow, okay? Then maybe…" my lips curved, "we can finally go on that date you've been running away from. And this time—there won't be anywhere to run."
Her face turned crimson as I walked away, her eyes wide, mouth slightly open.
"Nice butterfly on your shoulder, Cousin," she said suddenly.
I froze.
How did she notice it?
Does she… see it too?