Chapter Forty-four
Michael barely heard a word throughout the Sunday school preparatory discussion. He was too distracted and too annoyed to think straight.
Why would Amara do that? Why would she announce such a thing to everyone in the choir when nobody even asked her? Did she realize what that meant?
Was she so proud of her past that she had to announce it to anyone who cared to listen? First, she had told his mother, and now the entire church?
What was wrong with her? Why did she complicate things for him just when he began to accept God's will for them to be together?
"Pastor Michael, are you listening?" The Sunday school coordinator asked when she asked him a question, but he didn't respond or look like he heard her.
Michael turned to her when Pastor Dele tapped him, and he noticed they were all staring at him while he had been busy glaring at Amara from a distance.
"I'm sorry. I was distracted. Did you ask a question?" He asked apologetically.
"Yes. I asked why you hissed," she said, and his eyes widened.
"Hiss? I hissed?" He asked, and they all laughed.
Pastor Dele patted Michael on the back lightly, understanding the reason for his distraction and annoyance.
He had been equally surprised as everyone else by Amara's bold confession, but he knew the reaction was different for Michael because he'd need to deal with the aftermath of it when it was time to marry her.
Michael did his best to focus during the rest of the review, and when they closed, he contemplated leaving Amara behind and going home, not just because she was still busy with rehearsals, but because he didn't want to talk to her.
"Let's talk in my office," Pastor Dele suggested as the others left.
Michael sighed deeply as he rose and followed him to his office. As they walked past the choir stand, Michael didn't look in Amara's direction, even though she was staring at him, and wondering why he was wearing a long face.
They sat down inside Pastor Dele's office, and Pastor Dele looked at Michael, "You're very upset."
"If you were in my shoes, won't you be?" Michael said, "I don't just get what's wrong with her and why she's always quick to announce her sordid past."
"Maybe because that is what it is—her past. Sometimes when you preach, you've talked about your womanizing days. Every believer refers to their past when they preach at some point…"
"But she wasn't preaching, was she? Was what she did called for?" Michael asked, annoyed that Pastor Dele was justifying Amara's actions.
Pastor Dele sighed. "Michael, I understand, but you must calm down."
"I was even going to take her out on a date tomorrow. You know, get to know her better so she can know me better. I didn't want a situation where she would just hear from you about my intentions. I wanted us to have a rapport first. I'm not sure I can do this. I can't go ahead with this. It will be too embarrassing. The whole church already knows like this. How will I face them…"
"Michael, you're overthinking it," Pastor Dele said, and Michael shook his head.
"Please let's not talk about this again…" before he could finish, his phone vibrated with a text, and he took it out of his pocket to see a message from Amara.
[I hope you're not waiting for me. You don't have to wait, I will find my way home.]
Michael scowled at the text, remembering that she was still avoiding him. Better. He was just going to go home. Let them avoid each other.
Michael rose, "Thank you, sir. I'll just go home. It's been a long day and I'm tired."
Pastor Dele looked at him with concern but nodded. He chose not to say anything else, believing that Michael would figure things out.
As Michael got into his car and turned on the ignition, ready to leave, he heard the familiar still voice of the Holy Spirit.
'Don't go. Wait for her.'
"Why should I wait for her when she said she could find her way home? I'm upset. She won't like what I say if I wait and talk to her. And she is avoiding me, too. I think all of this is a very bad idea. I can't marry her," Michael said angrily, but no matter how upset he was or how much he wanted to leave, he didn't move the car.
"Lord, why are you doing this to me? What did I do wrong to deserve all this? Since I gave my life to you, I've been serving you faithfully. Why will you choose to disgrace me this way?" Michael asked, feeling frustrated almost to the point of tears.
He was still in the car stewing angrily when the rehearsals ended and Amara stepped out of the church.
Amara was surprised to see Michael's car still parked out there. She had thought he had left when she saw him walk out of the church shortly after she texted him.
Was he waiting for her? Or did his car break down? She wondered as she walked over to the car and knocked on the window.
Michael, who was resting his head on the steering wheel, lost in thought, raised his head, and when he saw her, he wound down the window.
"Get in. I'll drop you off," he said, and she went around the car and got in.
"You didn't have to wait. I could have…."
"I didn't want to wait. God asked me to wait," he said flatly and started the car.
He didn't look her way or say a word as he drove, and as much as Amara was glad that he wasn't talking and making her uncomfortable anymore, his silence disturbed her even more.
She could tell that he was upset. He wasn't even glancing her way at all as he usually did. He wasn't smiling either. His face was stony, and his eyes were fixed on the road.
Was he angry because of what she told the choristers? Because she remembered that was when he started looking at her as if he wanted to give her a heavy knock.
Why will he be angry about what she told them? She wondered, then remembered that he had been upset when she told his mother about it too.
Why did Michael care what she told anyone about her life? She wondered, feeling annoyed about it.
Amara heard her spirit speak. 'Talk to him'
What was she supposed to say to him when his nose was up as if something was smelling in the car? Amara wondered with a sigh.
Neither spoke until they arrived at the pharmacy, and Michael parked the car. Since the pharmacy had already been closed since it was a weekend, he waited for her to get down so he could go home.
"Thank you," Amara said as she reached for the door handle to get out, but Michael didn't respond.
He kept looking straight ahead, not wanting to look at her.
Amara sighed when he didn't respond and let go of the door handle. Instead of getting down, she looked at him. He was sulking, and ordinarily she would have preferred to ignore him and go inside, but her spirit kept asking her to talk to him.
"Is there something you want to say to me? Did something happen? Why are you upset?"
"I didn't say I'm upset. I don't want to say anything. Goodnight."
Amara frowned. "Then why are you carrying your nose up?"
This time, Michael looked at her with a glare, "What do you mean by that?"
Amara raised her head with her nose in the air, "That's how you look right now. You look stuck-up."
Michael scoffed. "Like you know the meaning of the word," Michael muttered, even though he knew he sounded petty.
Amara paused for a moment, taken aback by the insult, then, to his surprise, she laughed. "I knew it!"
Michael raised a brow. "Knew what? What's funny?"
"You're not a real pastor! Lai lai! You are too petty to be a real pastor. And your behavior these days? Nah! Who are you in that body? Come out now!" Amara commanded, stretching her hand towards him as if performing a deliverance.
To Michael's annoyance, he laughed.
"Ah! You laughed. I thought you wouldn't laugh. What is making you angry?" She asked, smiling at him.
Michael sighed deeply. "What's wrong with you, Amara? Why did you do that? Why will you tell the choir members everything like that?"
Amara smiled. "Oh. So that is really why you are upset? Why, though?"
"What do you mean, why? Do you realize that everybody in church will be talking about it by tomorrow? Don't you understand that they'll be judging you? Doesn't it bother you?"
"Why should it? They don't feed me, they don't clothe me, they don't know anything about me other than what I've said. They can only talk about me and what I've told them I did. I don't answer to them. When I was depressed and thought about different ways I could take my life, neither of them was there. So, why would I pause for a second to worry about what they think about me? Let them judge me. I'm not scared of being judged. I've judged myself already, and God didn't condemn me. He saved me. I know who I was, and who I now am. I know what God saved me from. Why will I be worried about what anyone else thinks about me?"
Michael was silent for a while, "If you know you don't answer to them, why did you say all of that to them?"
"Because I was led to do it!"
"You were led?" Michael asked, and she sighed.
"My spirit asked me to do it. Plus, I figured if I say it out now, I won't have to always wonder what they all know or when they will find out about it. You have no idea how uncomfortable I was last Sunday because I kept wondering if anyone knew about what I'd done. I'm not sorry I told them," she said with a shrug.
Michael sighed deeply and massaged his temple. He understood what she was saying, which made him even more annoyed at the situation.
"Why are you ashamed on my behalf? It's not like you were ever my customer or you're my boyfriend or anything. So, why does my past affect you so much? Are you ashamed because you don't want people to judge you when they see you with me? You don't want them to say you're hanging out with a former runsgirl?" She asked when Michael hadn't said anything.
Before Michael could respond, Amara's phone rang. She glanced at it when she saw it was her friend, Ada. She wanted to ignore it at first, but then it occurred to her that Ada was supposed to visit her earlier and she had not remembered to call her.
"I have to take this," she told Michael before receiving the call.
"How far?" She asked the moment she received the call.
"You nuh be better person o. You even fit call find out where I done reach. Our car spoil since. I just enter your street now. Abeg, come outside," she said, and Amara looked out the window.
"I dey outside already," she said, hanging up.
"Are you expecting someone?" Michael asked curiously.
"Yeah. My best friend," Amara said as she reached for the door handle, "Thanks for waiting for me and bringing me home even though you were upset. And maybe if you're so ashamed of being seen with a former runsgirl, we don't have to be friends. Goodnight, Pastor Michael," Amara said as she got out of the car and walked away before Michael could say anything.