After the first few days, Michael had allowed her to roam the grounds of the estate alone. In reality Alex was well aware that she was never completely alone: Michael or any of the other boys were always within sight or smell. Since the transformation had taken place she had met them infrequently, and meals she preferred to eat in her room or at times when she knew the kitchen was not frequented, or hunting when she was in wolfish form. She did not yet feel ready to face anyone else. Somehow... she was ashamed, afraid of what others might think. She felt bumped to the bottom rung of a hierarchical ladder, and that was something she didn't like: she had always been dominant as a character.
This new situation of submission annoyed her and was the reason why she avoided contact with the other members of the pack. On the other hand, she was beginning to accept her feral side: when she transformed, she felt free and in harmony with her surroundings; every thought, reflection, worry, was erased from the here and now, from a butterfly flying to her legs running hard up a hill.
It was almost lunchtime when a smell caught her attention: hare. Salivation increased, giving her a foretaste of the possible meal. Alex followed the usta left by the prey, and when it was close at last he caught sight of it. Standing on its hind legs, its ears were tense and alert. With a leap, he launched himself in pursuit. She had discovered very early on that hares were much more difficult prey than rabbits: faster and craftier. But she was also getting better. She accelerated, as one paw skidded on the damp grass; her eyes fixed on her prey. She had almost caught it when another wolf closed its jaws on the hare's neck. The smell of blood reached her nostrils and a snarl of anger and frustration escaped her muzzle. Her lips curled up, showing her teeth, and the look she gave the newcomer was filled with hatred. That was her prey!
The wolf raised its bloodstained muzzle, then bared its fangs.
Alex hurled himself at him heedless of the other's warning gesture and power. The werewolf at that point leapt to the side and knocked her down with a paw. With his own weight he kept her pressed to the ground as she tried to rise. A red mist occupied her brain, making all other thoughts distant and muffled. Rolling to the side, she managed to get back onto all fours... but she lasted a second. The wolf grabbed her from behind the scruff of her neck, forcing her down again.
Alex felt the air rushing out of her nostrils, and it seemed eternal the time it took for the red mist to clear a little and the awareness of what she had just done to take hold.
Ty's smell finally registered and she stopped resisting. She slumped to the ground, lowering her ears. Slowly the jaws released their grip on her neck, and she turned onto her back, leaving her abdomen exposed. She dared not look at Ty, not only because she shouldn't, but also because she felt terribly embarrassed, as well as mortified.
After a few seconds he caught a new scent: Michael's. She opened her eyes and saw the two wolves glance at each other and then Ty walking away into the woods. Finally Michael nudged her with his muzzle. Get up. Let's go home.
Alex obeyed, following him on the way back, silencing all thoughts. She was aware of the mistake she had made and did not know what would happen to her.
When they were back in human form and had dressed, Michael finally spoke to her. "You still have to learn not to let your instincts overpower you. Even when you're hunting, it's your mind that has to keep control."
"Was that a test?"
Michael nodded.
"I guess I'm not over it."
"You are still learning Alex. Even if it took you a while you managed to regain control over yourself: the secret is never to lose it." Then he approached her. "You're doing well," he told her, and his tone had become softer.
She nodded, even though the memory of how rage and fury had taken over her scared her: she did not want to be afraid of herself, she did not want to lose control.
***
The second time went better. When the wolf blew its prey under her muzzle, she sat back on her hind legs and let her tongue hang out as the werewolf feasted on the vole it had hunted. And while her muzzle showed an expression of a true ascetic, in her mind Alex rolled out all the curses she had come up with since she had joined that new world: she wished ticks, fleas, intestinal parasites and maybe even a bit of mange on the werewolf in front of her, who, in this case, was Lucian. His stomach grumbled in protest at the smells that came to him without any substance coming to relieve the hunger, but she did not flinch.
Congratulations! Michael's voice came from behind her, and she barely turned her face to follow him as he approached. And in that moment she was especially proud that she had learnt to shield her thoughts, for otherwise she did not know how much he would have approved of her jibes.
Can I buy you lunch? he asked her.
Alex pondered the question as he trotted a step behind him. Did she want to have lunch with him? The memory of their first date caused a dull ache in her chest. It seemed to have happened in a distant time, or perhaps in a film, but now it no longer belonged to her. Her relationship with Michael no longer belonged to her. They had grown so far apart since he had turned her... a barrier had risen between them, and she didn't know whether she wanted to tear it down or leave it there and turn her back and walk away...
I'm tired, I'm going to take a shower and go to sleep, he finally replied. It was a lie. Big as a melon, but she didn't feel like being alone with him. It made an impression on her that there was no more intimacy between them, and distance was the best way to ignore it.
***
When she was alone in her room, she reflected on what was happening: she was getting used to her new life. She did not know what would become of her, but already the fact that she did not hate herself was a step forward.
As she became familiar with her new senses and potential, new sensations began to make their way inside her: invulnerability, euphoria, strength. When she took on the form of a wolf, every colour, every smell, every shape looked more pronounced, infinitely more interesting and attractive, and this began to appeal to her. She had stopped thinking about what would become of her afterwards, she relished the moment.
She didn't appreciate the lessons on ranks and etiquette as much, but Michael insisted that this was essential if she was going to live in a pack. She thought she was going to be a lone wolf anyway: she hadn't been in a pack as a human, she didn't see why that should change now. The fact that she was a female - a term he considered rather annoying - he said, however, was something that could create problems for her: some males were rather protective or possessive of them, but she didn't think she had to worry about that: she had always looked after herself, and now she was infinitely stronger - which she appreciated.
Having then been able to remain impassive in front of her prey made her particularly proud and gave her the confidence she had initially lacked: knowing that every side of her was once again under her control - and not that of a ferocious supernatural creature - had lightened the burden she felt on her. Now, with that knowledge, she could think about living in the real world again.