Chapter 240
Drive
The road hummed beneath the tires, a low and steady vibration that filled the silence between them. Thor's truck moved through the dim, winding streets of the higher sector.
The lights outside grew the farther they drove from the scene. Warehouse complexes faded into the main roads, and the hum of life seemed to breathe albeit a little quiet due to how late it was getting.
Inside the truck, it was quiet. The dashboard gave off a soft glow, painting the inside in a faint orange hue. The heater hummed low, and an old instrumental track drifted from the speakers—it was slow, wordless and sounded like it came from a different time.
IAM sat back in the passenger seat, staring out the windshield. The tracksuit clung a little to his skin, still damp with sweat. His hands were folded loosely in his lap.
Thor glanced over. "You sure you're good?"
IAM nodded once. "Yeah… just tired."
"Been one of those days, huh," Thor said, his eyes on the road. "Always something. Always a mess waiting to be cleaned up."
"Yeah," IAM murmured, then after a breath added, "...I think I'm starting to get used to it."
Thor snorted. "You think?"
IAM didn't respond. He just looked out the window at nothing. The outside world passed in a blur of dim streetlights and empty roads.
After a while, Thor asked, "You ever thought about killing someone?"
The question landed without warning. It wasn't dramatic—more like a passing thought he'd decided to say out loud.
IAM blinked slowly . "...I think it's pretty obvious, considering you know my goal for now… Of course I have. All the time."
Thor nodded, not looking at him.. "Of course… how could you not. It's the reason you came up with... just to keep going...To keep living in this boiling pot of madness we call Holem."
There was another stretch of silence.
Then IAM asked quietly, "Have you?"
Thor didn't answer right away. His jaw tightened slightly as he made a slow turn. "Yes... and I have. Many… many times. More than I could count. More than I'd like."
IAM waited for more, but nothing came.
Thor stared straight ahead, the faint light from the dashboard casting a line across his face.
Eventually, His voice came again, more distant now, "It doesn't get easier... People say it does, but that's not true. It just gets… more natural. More normal. Like it's nothing but a part of you."
He paused, his throat bobbing slightly.
"That's the part that messes with you."
IAM looked over at him.
Thor shrugged with one hand, his eyes still on the road. "You stop thinking about it every day. Then you stop feeling bad about not thinking about it. And then one day… someone looks at you like you're the good guy, and you don't even correct them."
His voice dipped. "Because you're scared to admit that maybe you're not."
Thor's expression was unreadable now, somewhere between distant and weary. "I've done things I deeply regret, IAM. Horrible and dirty things… because I felt like I had no choice. But after all these years…"
He trailed off for a moment, as if choosing whether or not to finish the thought.
"…Maybe I did have a choice," he said finally. "Maybe I just didn't want to acknowledge them. Because that's the worst part—knowing it doesn't matter what the options were. What matters is that I made them. And I regret them. And I have to live with that."
IAM didn't say anything. He sat back against the seat and let the words settle, heavy in the air, like a noose made of guilt and regret.
After a while, Thor let out a long breath, his fingers tightening briefly on the steering wheel before easing again. "But… look at you, IAM." His voice was softer now, almost like he was trying to reason with himself as much as with the boy beside him. "You're young. You still have a whole life ahead of you. You still have time… time to make choices. Good choices. Choices you won't regret. Choices that won't keep you up at night." He glanced at IAM for a second, then back to the road. "You can be happy, IAM. You really can."
"I can't be happy knowing that they're out there," IAM said, his voice was dry. His eyes stayed fixed on the blur of streetlights outside the window. "Still alive. After sharing the same space. Laughing with us. Fighting with us. Just for them to turn around and kill them all. Until they pay… I can never be happy."
Thor's expression grew darker. "You're seventeen... You're still a teenager."
"That was all taken from me when I first came here," IAM replied, his tone sharpening just slightly. "They took it all away. My friends. My future. My life. They stripped me bare with nothing left."
."Are you really going to spend the rest of your life chasing them? They're a twisted group of people, IAM. They can do unimaginable things to people. They're barely sane... They could kill you." Thor said in a firm voice.
The heater hummed quietly. For a few seconds there was only the sound of the tires rolling over asphalt.
Then IAM said quietly, without looking at him, "So can I."
Thor gave him a long look, then turned his eyes back to the road. "You really think this matters more than what you have right now?" he asked quietly. "Look at you, IAM. You're making new friends. You're interacting with people again. You're learning in the best academy in the country. You even have the chance to find someone… a partner, maybe. You've got a whole lot ahead of you."
IAM frowned slightly, his gaze still fixed on the passing dark outside the window.
Thor's voice dropped lower. "One day you'll understand that taking someone's life is more terrifying than anything you can imagine. You'll feel the weight and the sick disgust of the blood on your hands. It doesn't leave you. It just stays there... Like a stain. "
"I don't want to kill if I don't have to," IAM said, his tone was flat but not defensive—just a statement of fact.
"No one wants to," Thor replied. "But the world isn't a quiz where you pick what you want and get the result you want. It doesn't work like that. It breaks you into pieces, and before you even realize it, you're lost and alone."
IAM looked at his reflection faintly visible against the glass. "What about you… do you feel lost and alone?"
Thor didn't answer, but instead of speaking he reached forward and turned the music up a little, the soft instrumental filling the silence like a thin curtain.
For a while, neither of them said anything. The road stretched on, streetlights flickering by in long intervals.
"I don't think I'm someone who sees human life as nothing," IAM said at last. "I think now I understand exactly what it means when you kill someone. No matter who it is, it leaves a mark… not just on you but on the people around you. It's like a slow poison. It spreads. It eats at everything until there's nothing left."
Thor said nothing.
"I don't want to kill people," IAM continued quietly. "I don't even want to fight. But I keep ending up in situations where it's either that or—"
"You die," Thor finished for him. His voice was calm but heavy. "Or someone else does."
IAM exhaled through his nose. "Yeah… I'll do what I have to. Regardless of what happens. Whether I regret it or not… only I'll know when it's all done and dusted."
Thor was quiet for a while.
Finally, he spoke, his voice was low but steady. "I understand, IAM… I'll stop pleading with you."
He turned slightly, just enough to catch IAM's eyes for a moment in the dim dashboard glow. "Whatever path you're on… and whatever choices you make, I sincerely hope that you won't regret it."
IAM met his gaze briefly, then looked back out the window. "…I hope so too."