Chapter 113
Kill me
The night air was cold. Not the sharp, icy cold that bit at the skin, but the kind that slowly seeped into the bones.
IAM didn't feel it at first.
What he did felt was the sting from the punch still burning across his cheek. His back had hit the cold ground hard, the world momentarily spinning as the pain bloomed. And now, Yohan was on top of him—knees pressing awkwardly into IAM's ribs, both fists clenched tightly around the front of IAM's hoodie.
He blinked up at the sky, dazed, his mind racing to process what had just happened.
Yohan was on top of him. Breathing heavy. Clutching the front of IAM's hoodie with shaking hands, the fabric bunched tightly in his fists.
IAM's heart was still steady, his expression unreadable, but inside… he was confused. And growing tense.
A bar fight? Really?
His first thought was that the alcohol had done more than just loosen Yohan's tongue. But that explanation didn't last long.
Could this… be the reason I brought KASSARA?
Or am I still missing something?
He didn't know this boy. Of that, IAM was certain. He had never met him before.
So why did this stranger hate him so much?
Yohan's eyes—those mismatched eyes, one blue and the other brown—weren't just bloodshot or hazy. They were wild. They were overflowing.
And they were staring straight through IAM.
"I… fucking hate you…" Yohan hissed again, spitting the words out like venom, like a curse that had festered for too long in his throat.
IAM grabbed one of the hands fisted into his hoodie, his voice dropping cold and flat. "I don't even know who you are. We just met today."
But Yohan didn't let go.
His fingers only gripped tighter.
His lips trembled.
And then his voice broke completely.
"Goddammit… why?" he choked. "Why the fuck did it have to be you?!"
Yohan's face twisted violently, teeth clenched, jaw trembling. It was the look of someone barely holding something back. Then—
"Dude! Get off him—it's not worth it!" Reuel's voice cracked through the tension, grabbing one of Yohan's shoulders. Another boy followed, trying to pull him away. "What are you doing!?"
But Yohan didn't even register them. His body stayed frozen, his knuckles white, eyes locked on IAM like he wanted to tear something out of him.
"I... I…" he stammered, his words dissolving into gasps. "Why did it have to be you…?"
IAM's voice remained level, but a frown began to settle in.
He looked at Yohan hard. "If you don't tell me what's going on," he said coldly, "how can I answer your questions?"
There was a brief pause—so short it might've gone unnoticed.
"Speak, Yohan," IAM urged, quieter now.
Yohan's eyes grew redder as he stared down at IAM, his breath hitching. Tears started to slip down, not fast at first—but once they began, they didn't stop.
And then he said it.
Yohan didn't look at him. His voice came out mangled, barely holding together. "Why are you…" he muttered, "…why are you the only survivor of the Hold?"
IAM's mind blanked.
"I've heard about the Hold," someone murmured from behind the group. "Rumours...That something happened. Something huge. But I don't know the details."
"Sole survivor…" Reuel whispered.
And then it clicked.
"Wait!" another student gasped. "As in… everyone's dead? The Hold? The Hold!?"
"They're all dead?"
"The Hold's gone?! That's impossible…"
It wasn't just disbelief. It was horror.
And now, the boy standing in front of them was the only one left.
They all looked at IAM differently.
As for IAM, his mind raced... And...
It all clicked into place. On one of Thor's early visits, he had mentioned it in passing. That the families of the deceased had been informed. That those who had lost loved ones were given compensation. That someone had survived... and they were working to bring the perpetrators to justice.
It hadn't meant anything to IAM at the time.
But now—now it made perfect sense.
Why would you tell them my name? he thought bitterly. Thor... you idiot... I'm going to ask for compensation myself.
He hadn't thought it would come back to him like this.
"Why did it have to be you?" Yohan whispered now, his voice breaking apart.
Yohan's hands were trembling so hard that the hoodie shook with them.
Yohan's breath hitched. His voice cracked. "Why did it have to be you?! Why couldn't it have been my brother…?!"
IAM froze.
Yohan's hands trembled violently as more tears broke free. His body was shaking so hard it looked like he might collapse onto IAM completely. "He was better than you! He was stronger than you! A good person! He helped people! Why couldn't it have been him…?"
IAM was silent. He didn't move.
What could he say?
He didn't even believe he deserved to li ve either.
"…Why couldn't you have done something!?" Yohan roared, voice torn and ragged.
IAM answered quietly, "You know there was nothing I could do."
"You could've at least tried!" he wailed.
"I would've died too."
"Then die too!" Yohan screamed, and the words shattered what was left of the quiet. "How could you come back, and he just dies?! He was all I had left!"
"…You're drunk," IAM murmured, more to himself than to Yohan.
"I don't care!" he choked. "I just… I just want my brother back…"
His voice fell apart into sobs. Gut-wrenching, body-crushing sobs. He collapsed forward, his grip finally starting to loosen on IAM's hoodie.
Honestly… He didn't blame him.
He's drunk. He's probably broken... Scared...confused and so lost.
"I can't possibly console you," IAM whispered. "I don't understand how you feel… or how your family felt—"
"I have no family!" Yohan shrieked. "He was all I had!"
IAM's breath slowed.
Everything around him seemed to fade as he asked, quietly, cautiously, "...What was his name?"
There was silence. Yohan's body trembled above him. For a moment it seemed like he wouldn't answer. Like the pain of just saying it might kill him.
But then his voice came out—cracked, shattered, trembling like broken glass.
"Gohan…" he sobbed. "Gohan Cain."
IAM's heart stopped.
His mind blinked. His mouth dried.
No.
That name—he knew that name.
Now, looking up at Yohan's tear-streaked face—he saw it.
The resemblance.
Gohan.
One of Althea's assistants. One of the nurses who took care of him when he was suffering from mana exposure.
Gohan.
The name echoed in IAM's head like a bell struck in the middle of a funeral. He hadn't thought of that face in so long—not with clarity. Not until now.
And all IAM could do was lie there, pinned beneath the grief of a brother who had lost everything… to something IAM had lived through.
Something he had survived.
Why?
Why was he the one to survive?
Some people... Actually had someone to go home to...
Gohan's little brother.
He didn't say anything.
Because there was nothing to say.
Yohan sobbed uncontrollably, shoulders hunched, his voice barely a whisper through the cries.
IAM took a slow breath.
Then, in the quietest, most haunting voice he had ever used, he said the words that made everyone freeze:
"If it would make you feel better... kill me."