As they talked, Selena had felt a weight lifting off her shoulders. It was a relief to share her burdens with someone who understood, someone who didn't judge her or try to offer simplistic solutions. Dr. Lee had helped Selena develop coping strategies and techniques to manage her Traumatic Stress Disorder, and Selena was grateful for her guidance and support.
She had heard all of this stuff before. She knew that it wasn't a character flaw to need help or want it. She saw it as a chance to build a toolbox of skills. Sometimes you just need to replace or get newer versions of tools. There was no shame I'm asking for help from an expert; it was done in all facets of life.
As she left the office, Selena felt a sense of relief wash over her. She knew she still had a long way to go, but for the first time in weeks, she felt like she could finally breathe again. The hospital's corridors seemed a little brighter, the air a little fresher, as she made her way to the elevator. She rushed out, trying to avoid busy hallways.
Trigger avoidance was a problem of hers; she just could not expose herself to everything, or she would be overwhelmed. She needed to take things at her own pace. She lived long enough to know that she had just not been in a place where she could afford it in her past life. Dr. Lee was certainly earning their salary.
But with her luck, as she turned and she walked through the hospital corridors, she was suddenly confronted with a traumatic reminder of her past. A gunshot wound victim was being rolled through the hospital on a gurney, surrounded by frantic medical staff. Selena's mind flashed back to the traumatic event that had triggered her PTSD. She felt her heart racing, her breathing quickening.
The sounds of the hospital - the beeping of machines, the murmur of voices - seemed to fade into the background as Selena's focus narrowed to the gurney and its occupant. She felt like she was back in that moment, reliving the horror and the fear. Her vision began to blur, and she felt her knees weaken.
Selena's hand instinctively went to her chest, as if she could physically hold back the memories that were threatening to overwhelm her. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, but it was no use. The trauma of her past had come flooding back, and Selena felt like she was drowning in it.
Selena stumbled through the corridors, desperate to escape the triggering scene. The fluorescent lights overhead seemed to flicker and dim, as if mirroring the turmoil that was brewing inside her. The hospital's sterile smell, usually a comforting familiarity, now felt overwhelming and suffocating.
She finally found a stairwell, a quiet oasis in the midst of the chaotic hospital. She collapsed onto a bench, her head in her hands, and let out a ragged breath.
The cool metal of the bench seemed to seep into her skin, calming her frazzled nerves. She heard a familiar voice, but it was garbled by the sound of her own heart pounding. She looked up. That's when she saw Gunn, his expression concerned as he approached her.
"Selena, what are you doing here?" Gunn saw her back vibrating as she shook. It took him back years ago to her other hospitalization after her kidnapping. She must have been frightened. He sat down beside her.
Selena could not get the words out; luckily, Gunn was a friend. "I…I'm…I can't," Selena tried to speak between the breaths. She usually used a paper bag in the car or at home. She did not want to take anything, as she had to drive.
"Breathe, you're not in danger, it's safe. Look around. Point out 5 different items and their colors." Gunn said, using a common technique to ground those with anxiety.
She shook her head. As she sat there, trying to collect herself, she saw Gunn's concerned face hovering above her. His eyes, a deep, piercing blue, locked onto hers, filled with a warm, gentle understanding.
"Selena, just try it?" Gunn asked, his voice low and soothing.
Selena lifted her head, her eyes scanning the stairwell. She saw the metal handrail, a dull silver color. She saw the concrete steps, a dull gray. She saw the fire extinguisher, which a bright red. She saw the exit sign, a glowing green. And she saw Gunn's face, his eyes a deep, comforting blue.
Selena spoke, but her voice was shaking too hard. "S-S-silver railing, r-ed fire extinguisher." Her eyes filled with tears, and her nose with mucus, she coughed, "Green exit sign and blue eyes."
Gunn sat down beside her again, putting a gentle arm around her shoulders. "Hey, it's okay, buddy. You got a lot on your shoulders, huh?" he said softly. "You're safe now." Gunn held her close, feeling her tremble beneath his touch.
As he held her, Gunn's feelings began to bubble to the surface. He had known Selena for most of his life, and he had seen her go through so much. It hadn't been an easy year, nor a decade, for her. Before they met as kids, Gunn used to think his life was hard. His mother was emotionally unavailable and always busy, and his father was strict. But Selena's life had been a never-ending struggle, marked by trauma, pain, and loss.
Gunn's heart swelled with compassion and love for this strong, brave woman. He remembered the first time they met, how she had been so full of life and energy, despite the hardships she had already faced. He remembered the way she had smiled, the way her eyes had sparkled, and he knew at that moment that he wanted to be there for her, to support her and protect her.
But Gunn also knew that Selena was in a relationship with Liam, his best friend. He respected that. He hadn't always been a good friend to Selena, and he didn't want to overstep any boundaries. He cared about Selena deeply, but he also cared about Liam, and he knew that Liam made Selena happy. He should be happy, but it was difficult.
As Selena leaned into Gunn's shoulder, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of awkwardness. She cared for him like he was a brother and accepted the hug as is. She loved Liam, and she knew that Gunn cared about her deeply, but she didn't feel the same way about him. She was clear with him. She valued their friendship, but she didn't want to lead him on or make him feel uncomfortable.
Selena's mind was a jumble of emotions as she pulled back from Gunn's shoulder. She looked up at him, trying to convey her gratitude and appreciation for his support. "Thank you, Gunn," she said softly. "I'm sorry to break down like this."
Gunn smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "You don't have to apologize, Selena," he said. "I'm here for you, always. You're safe with me. Just like Jonah was always there for me growing up. I spent so much time with your family."
Selena felt a pang of guilt and awkwardness at Gunn's words. She knew that he meant well, but she couldn't help but feel like she was caught in a complicated web of emotions. She loved Liam, but she also cared about Gunn deeply. She didn't know how to navigate these feelings or how to make things right between them. Things had become weird between them since the shooting.
When he investigated "Selena MacDonald" and learned of her life experience, it didn't seem so bad. She even changed her circumstances. She was strong and hated pity.
That was until she took her rightful place as "Selena Lowrie, Noe Dal-Rae, the Golden Seer and Golden Saju," and became a moving target.
Gunn wrestled with his regrets. Would she have been happier being just "Selena MacDonald"? What if he never put it together? Would she have been happier? She would have entered the circle when one of them won her hand, and they would have eventually found her.
The resemblance between her and Jonah grew when he lost the childishness in his face and hit puberty. It turned out that under all that baby fat lay a handsome bone structure. Selena's were more delicate, and she had Jonathan's eyes.
He had a duty to say something as a pillar family member, as the consequences of the Seer never being found would be devastating. He was well rewarded; his father stopped treating him like shit and abusing him. He knew it was because of his close proximity to the Lowrie family. Selena had made him an independently wealthy man.
As Selena calmed down, Gunn got up and helped her to her feet. She adjusted her wrinkled black shirt and pencil skirt, smoothing out the creases with a nervous hand. Gunn pulled back, his eyes locked on hers, filled with concern and compassion.
"Do you want me to walk you to your car? Can you drive?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle.
His pager went off, shrill and insistent, but Gunn ignored it, his focus solely on Selena. She shook her head, feeling a pang of guilt and gratitude towards Gunn. He needed to let go of her, to attend to his duties. Which was more important than escorting her to her vehicle.
"I'll be fine, duty calls, your job is life or death. They need you more." Selena said, her voice firm but gentle.
Gunn nodded, his eyes never leaving hers, before he turned and strode away, his pager still beeping insistently.
As Selena walked out of the hospital, she was greeted by the vibrant colors and sweet scents of a spring day. The sun shone brightly overhead, casting a warm glow over the bustling streets of the downtown area. The trees, once bare and skeletal, now donned vibrant green leaves that rustled softly in the gentle breeze.