"I love you", never thought I'd hear those words in this new life. Well, they weren't those exact words, but the meaning is what matters, right?
Living the life of a Darius Moonlight is difficult in terms of relationships. I know my attitudes may have changed drastically due to reincarnation, but with a brief glimpse of my memories, it seems like a fairy tale to believe that someone would be so sincere with me.
To be honest... up until now, I've never even heard a sincere "I love you". Before I met Duke Moonlight, I lived in one of those isolated villages at the end of the world, in an abandoned house, stealing bread at the market or in the big city to get through another day.
I don't remember my mother's face, but I feel she would be the only person to say those things. I also have no idea how we got separated, and I don't know why I'm still alive. I can only understand the now and the way I hate everything.
This behavior only got worse after I was brought into the aristocracy by the duke, having to wear those clothes I never wanted, meeting fake people by the handful, and attending parties where I hated every second.
Hearing Moriah say those things, with us in the middle of this garden, alone due to the late hour and also with the glow of the lampposts and candles in the houses in the distance, gives me a... desire to cry.
No, you're not going to cry.
"Thanks."
After shrugging, I look away. If we stare at each other for any longer, this thing will come to the surface, and I'd feel humiliated to be like this in front of her. In our relationship, I'm technically a "pillar," someone who freed her from the clutches of that damn count and showed her a new world.
Why the hell would I react by showing tears at this moment? Especially after this improvised funeral? The image would be seared into my brain if it happened.
"Well... do you think that was enough? How about we rest?"
"Of course, the mansion of... ahem, my mansion is nearby. Why don't we go there?"
Is that a call? If so, what terrible taste for a sequence of actions. I hold back that laugh and nod my head. Then the moth-woman and I walk arm-in-arm like the eccentric couple we are.
People look, but I couldn't care less. The moment is ours. The only thing that matters here is us touching each other and enjoying the moment however we can, throwing those hysterical laughs at some poor drunkard rolling through the street.
Life is simpler this way.
To be honest, I feel better with Moriah like this, relaxed, not caring about how people point or comment. She's going to be an attraction one way or another, so what's the use?
"Hey, don't you think you're too beautiful?"
"What do you mean?"
"Most people are watching because they're jealous of your beauty. Look at that little couple over there, with an aristocratic girl being escorted by a butler and a young man."
I nod gently with my head, without looking back at the people I just mentioned.
"She's sighing, pointing, and whispering something to her boyfriend. I bet she's admiring your hair, skin, and eyes, and feeling all pained because she'll never have anything like it."
"Darius, you're embarrassing me!"
"It's not my fault for being honest."
I flash my usual mischievous smile. It's become a reflexive habit to tease her like this, giving silly compliments, but when I think more about it, I feel more disgusted with myself inside.
I just wanted good sex and then to leave her, I already had the sex and yet I'm still walking around and putting her on a pedestal to satisfy my desires.
I can continue being an asshole and maintain this illusion, ignoring any attempts to move toward a serious relationship... Honestly, that's my desire. I don't want to tie myself down to anyone. Having sex with half the women in the world is more interesting to me than sticking with just one.
Being so young and fresh, why rush into a marriage or a serious relationship? I discovered the pleasures of the flesh such a short time ago, making the most of it would be the best thing... if it weren't for this shitty feeling of keeping her trapped between my fingers and never letting her move too far.
What the hell is this duality? I want her to stay close, but I don't want anything serious? Is it just the desire for sex? And what will happen if I get involved with other women and it becomes a snowball?
"We're here."
Moriah's voice breaks my reflection into pieces. Before me, there's just a tall iron gate, without the guards typically conducting a patrol.
Since Count Vandric's death, this place has probably remained a complete wasteland. If there's anything of value inside, it's a miracle. She takes a key hidden inside her cloak and opens the gate's lock, which groans with an ear-splitting metallic creak.
The scene is very similar to the last time. There's the garden, the same one I jumped the hedge and ran through in a dress... Wait, better not remember the details, I really prefer for that to be erased from my memory.
"Why did you want to come back here?" I ask, looking at the place with a mixture of awe and fascination... with more awe, in this case, because I've never forgotten what happened that day. "Doesn't this place make you feel bad? Doesn't it remind you of bad things?"
"Yes, very much. I want to demolish everything and donate the land to a charity for apprentice alchemists, because this whole place disgusts me. The fountain, the garden, and all the rooms were built with Vandric's money, and I feel cursed just by having my feet inside here..."
She walks ahead, observing the details on the mansion's grounds like someone who pities what happens to a family living on the street. It's quite painful to see her like this, walking in a place where she feels like a stranger... even though, conveniently, I shouldn't feel sorry for Moriah.
I'd rather not imagine the types of crazy experiments that happened behind those walls, I could have even become one myself if I had slipped up earlier. The difference is that I'm seeing everything from a different angle, someone who technically has no idea that those experiments happened.
May this mansion indeed be demolished, because I never want to have any idea of what went on inside. Moriah walks ahead and guides us toward the inner garden, the same one where I first saw her, was enchanted, and dove face-first into the deliciousness of this moth-woman.
She takes the wicker chair and sits down, taking a deep breath and breathing in the air of those plants. Most have already died from not being watered anymore, so the smell isn't the most pleasant.
"Darius, my mother used to talk a lot about destiny... She said she had visions, that she saw people losing their soulmates in the blink of an eye, that she saw places that didn't even exist in our world... My mother wasn't the most normal person in the world, but she loved me and put me in this position now because she knew I could change my own destiny by using my talent for alchemy."
I raise an eyebrow.
"What do you mean? Was your life set before you came to the Imperial City, or was something going to force you to live differently?"
Moriah pauses, as if she's chewing on the question. Her eyes travel over the garden, over the dead flowers, over the dry ivy on the mansion walls. For the first time since we arrived, she seems... to be aging alone.
"I was going to die."
What?
"My village wasn't small, but we were born near a cursed forest, one that, after much study of the cartographic maps of the capital, I never found on them. Every moth-woman is born with a predestined life cycle. Mine was marked to end at twenty-two. I was eighteen when I came here."
I bring my body forward, leaning my arms on one of the glass shelves.
"Is this... a curse?"
"It's nature. The people of my race live short lives, we are essentially fragile, inside and out. If we aren't cared for... if we don't find a purpose beyond reclusion, our minds slowly deteriorate, and our bodies age faster. My mother said this was the common fate of others, but not mine. She thought destiny would lead me to something or someone who would make me survive longer."
She turns her eyes to me, and for an instant, the pale moonlight highlights the golden tones in her irises, like an enchanted animal from a fable.
"I think my destiny is you, Darius."
Holy fuck.
I feel a punch to the stomach. Me? Someone's fucking destiny? I can barely manage my own meltdowns, and now I'm caught up in the mystical superstitions of a person who's already died? This might just be a misinterpretation, but still...
"Moriah, is there no chance this could be dangerous?"
"Loving you?"
"Yes." I look away. "I'm not a demi-human, there are some consequences to this. How would your... village react? Or even, how would my father and the royalty see this? And more, why would I be the reason you would survive longer?"
She smiles a joyless smile. It's the worst kind I know, one made to pierce your chest and make you surrender to the other person's will the moment it appears.
"It's a matter of love, dear. People move mountains for those they love, they push themselves beyond their limits to be by that special person's side. Couldn't I see that in you?"
She remains seated, arms crossed over her legs, watching me with that calm look of someone who expects a gale and chooses not to run. Don't make me feel even worse here, please.
"My time has already passed long ago", she says, without a trace of fear in her voice. "The truth is that I'm artificially keeping myself alive by consuming the mana and life essence of other people. That's why there are no guards or maids in this mansion. I devoured them all because I was afraid of dying."
She gets up and comes towards me, stopping a half-step away.
"If you wanted to run away after hearing that, if you wanted to disappear and hate me, I wouldn't complain, but I could never stop seeing you as my destiny, Darius. Look at what you've brought me, such a genuine and sincere happiness that I don't know how to thank you, only to confess my atrocities... I'm unforgivable, aren't I?"
I could kiss her now, I could promise things I might never fulfill, but instead, I rest my forehead against hers. I truly have no words, nor do I want to admit that this is acceptable, because my own mind is so confused that my thoughts are falling apart.
Moriah's arms wrap around me. Did I hesitate? Am I going to be taxidermized because of the twisted feelings of this villainess I've unintentionally cultivated?
"Stay with me", Moriah's voice reaches my ear and sends a shiver down my spine. "Only you understand me and could forgive my mistakes. Please, don't leave me, I need you."
Like this, it's really hard to refuse. I return the hug. We stand there, in the middle of that dead garden, contemplating the smell of decaying plants and listening to each other's heartbeats.
Haha, what a sin...