Chapter 11: The Aftermath: Snake Charmer and Brooding Brat
[SYSTEM MESSAGE: POST-MISSION RECOVERY. PREPARING FOR NEW ABILITY INTEGRATION AND MINOR BODY HORROR.]
The air in Konoha, even after a chaotic mission, had a certain… normalcy to it. People were back to buying ramen, gossiping, and generally trying to avoid the giant crater Sakura had left in the training grounds. For me, Adam Izuku, it was time to get down to the serious business of playing with my new toys. And by "toys," I meant Orochimaru's actual bloodline: Body Modification and Snake Jutsu. Turns out, being a human pretzel was harder than it looked. And a lot grosser.
"You know, when you watch these ninja shows, they make it look so easy. Like, 'Oh, I just copied this guy's bloodline, now I can stretch my arms like a rubber band and summon snakes!' In reality, it's less 'awesome power' and more 'I just accidentally tied myself into a knot trying to reach the top shelf and now I can't breathe.' The struggle is real, people. The struggle is very, very real. And slightly nauseating."
My first attempts at Body Modification were… experimental. I tried to stretch my arm to grab a kunai from the bedside table. Instead, my elbow decided to bend backwards, and my fingers elongated into disturbing, tentacle-like appendages. I looked less like a ninja and more like a very confused, very stretchy squid. The mirror was not my friend that day.
[ADAM IZUKU: ATTEMPTING BODY MODIFICATION. WARNING: HIGH POTENTIAL FOR EMBARRASSMENT.]
"Okay, maybe not the arm first," I muttered to myself, trying to untangle my now strangely rubbery limbs. "Let's try something… simpler. Like, a finger. Just a finger."
I focused, channeling chakra to my index finger. It elongated, then swelled, then twisted into a corkscrew shape. I nearly gagged. This was going to take some practice. Apparently, a bloodline copy wasn't an instant mastery. It was more like getting the blueprints and then realizing you had to build the entire house yourself, and you only had a spork.
My attempts at Snake Jutsu were equally disastrous. I wanted a cool, intimidating snake to appear, something that screamed "I am a force to be reckoned with!" What I got was a tiny, brightly colored garter snake that immediately tried to eat my big toe.
"No, no, you don't eat the summoner!" I hissed, trying to flick it off. It was surprisingly tenacious. "You're supposed to be my minion! My loyal, terrifying minion! Not my breakfast-stealing, toe-nibbling pest!"
Kakashi, who had somehow appeared silently in my apartment (the man was a menace, I swear), just sighed. His visible eye was half-lidded, but I could practically hear the amusement radiating off him.
"Having some trouble, Adam?" he drawled, casually leaning against my doorframe. "Perhaps you should start with something less… biological."
"Oh, easy for you to say, Sensei," I grumbled, finally dislodging the miniature serpent. It then promptly slithered under my bed. "You just wave your hand and summon a pack of ninja dogs. Try summoning a giant snake that doesn't immediately try to devour your foot. It's a character-building exercise."
[KAKASHI HATAKE LIKE METER: 28% (SLIGHTLY AMUSED)]
My next target for experimentation, besides my own unfortunate anatomy, was Sai. His 'Like' meter had gone up, but he was still a mostly blank slate. His genuine bewilderment at my antics was a far more satisfying reaction than Orochimaru's rage, in a weird, therapeutic sort of way.
I found him in the training grounds, sketching. He was drawing a picture of Naruto yelling, with surprisingly accurate detail.
"Morning, Sai-kun!" I chirped, making my fingers stretch out like rubber bands and then snap back, hoping to get a rise out of him. My control was getting slightly better. They only looked mildly grotesque now.
Sai just looked up, that faint, polite smile in place. "Good morning, Adam-kun. Your fingers appear to be… elastic. Are you attempting to mimic a rubber band?"
"Precisely!" I beamed. "It's for… scientific purposes. And occasionally, to freak people out. Speaking of which, want to see something truly disturbing?"
Before he could answer, I tried to stretch my neck, à la Orochimaru. It elongated about six inches, then wobbled uncontrollably, making me look like a confused giraffe with a crick in its neck. I quickly retracted it, feeling a bit queasy.
[SAI LIKE METER: 30% (A mix of polite curiosity and faint, new-found awkwardness)]
Sai's smile faltered, replaced by a look that was almost… discomfort. His eyes darted away, then back to my wobbly neck. "That appears… unseemly. Is it comfortable?"
"About as comfortable as trying to sleep on a bed of nails," I grumbled, rubbing my neck. "But hey, progress! One day, I'll be able to grab a snack from the fridge without getting off the couch. That's the dream, Sai-kun. The dream."
Sasuke, meanwhile, was still a walking thundercloud. His Hate meter for me was at a paltry 10%, which was frankly insulting. I needed to work on that. He was too busy being angsty to truly hate me.
I decided to subtly needle him. During a team meeting, where Sasuke was, of course, late, I decided to 'accidentally' leave a small, brightly colored children's picture book on his seat. The title? Friendship is Magic: A Guide to Not Being a Brooding Emo Kid.
When Sasuke finally arrived, he stalked towards his seat, his usual glare firmly in place. He paused, looking at the book with an expression of profound confusion and disgust. He picked it up with two fingers, as if it were a diseased rat.
[SASUKE UCHIHA HATE METER: 12% (MILDLY OFFENDED)]
"What is this trash?" he growled, his voice a low rumble.
"Oh, that?" I said innocently. "Just a little something I picked up for you. Thought it might help you with your… 'social skills.' It's got some great tips on sharing and not incinerating people with your eyeballs.
Sasuke's Sharingan flared. He crushed the book in his hand, chakra crackling around it. "You… you mock me."
"Mock? Me?" I gasped, feigning shock. "Never! I'm simply offering helpful advice from a civilian who clearly has a better grasp on human emotions than someone who spends all their time brooding in dark corners. It's tough love, Sasuke. You'll thank me later. Probably."
He threw the crumpled book at me, his face a mask of pure, unadulterated annoyance. It was glorious.
"Yes! That's it, Sasuke! Feel the hate! Let it flow through you! Let it wash away all that brooding and replace it with a good, old-fashioned, petty desire for revenge against the guy who gave you a children's book. It's character development, baby!"
I caught the book with a flourish, my smirk firmly in place. This was going to be a long, glorious road of tormenting Sasuke. And slowly, agonizingly, learning to stretch without dislocating something important. Priorities.