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Let me begin this chapter with one truth:
Middle-class Korean homes are loud.
Especially when the entire family is home. Especially when your mom just discovered you scored 98 on a pop quiz you definitely didn't study for.
"JI-HOON-AH! YOU GOT WHAT?!"
Mom practically flew out of the kitchen, still holding a half-peeled onion.
"I... I got lucky?" I said, hiding the mind-reading phone behind my back.
> "Is this my son or did a brain transplant finally happen? Should I test him for possession?"
Mom placed her palm on my forehead, then sniffed my breath.
"I swear I didn't drink, Mom. Or join a cult."
"Hmm." She narrowed her eyes like a seasoned detective. "You better not be hiding anything."
> "If he's secretly studying at night... I'll cry from happiness and confusion."
I escaped into the living room before she brought out the holy water.
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Meanwhile: Dad and the Sausage Drama
My dad was on the couch, watching TV in full dad-mode: shirtless, scratching his belly, socks halfway off his feet like they gave up halfway through the day.
He turned to me and said, "Son. Be honest. Did you eat the last fish sausage?"
> "Please say yes. I did it. But if you confess, I'll survive."
I squinted.
"So... if I say yes, I get punished. If I say no, you'll pretend I'm lying."
> "Dang it, he's becoming self-aware."
I sighed and tossed him a new sausage from the fridge. "We cool?"
He nodded like I just paid off his debt. "Cool."
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Now Enter: My Sister, Bora the Brutal
My sister, Bora, is 15, angry at everything, and convinced she was born to live in Gangnam with a personal stylist and a K-pop idol boyfriend.
She strutted into the room in a tracksuit and threw herself dramatically onto the floor like a rejected drama heroine.
"What's wrong with you now?" I asked, cautiously.
> "Should I tell him? No, never. But... ARGH! I have to say it!"
Then—out loud—she blurted:
"Oppa! I think I'm in love!"
I choked on my drink.
"With who?!"
She rolled onto her back, covering her face.
"With someone in school... He's handsome, smart, and kind."
> "He doesn't even know I exist. But when he tied his shoelace in front of me... it felt like fate."
I stared at her.
"You fell in love over a shoelace?"
She grabbed a pillow and threw it at my head. "YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!"
> "Maybe I should ask him out... But what if he laughs at me? I'd rather eat dirt."
I chuckled and sat beside her.
"You could just... talk to him."
She glared. "Says the guy who runs away from Minji like she's radioactive."
I stood up instantly. "That's different! Minji is dangerous. She knows judo!"
> "He panicked again. What a loser."
"Did you just call me a loser?"
"No?"
> "Wait. Did I think that out loud?!"
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The Phone Strikes Again
The phone buzzed in my pocket.
> "Your sister's crush is named So-Woo. Year 9, Class 3. Gamer. Slightly afraid of butterflies."
"Seriously?" I whispered.
> "Confirmed. He once cried because a moth landed on his forehead."
Bora noticed me smirking.
"What are you laughing at?"
"Nothing, nothing... just remembered a joke. Want me to help you talk to him?"
> "This is a trap. He's plotting something. Abort mission."
She backed away slowly. "I don't trust you. You look too helpful."
Smart girl.
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Midnight Crisis
At 12:03 AM, I sat in my room, staring at the phone.
"Why me? Why did I find you in a hole behind the kimchi pots?"
The phone responded like a sassy AI.
> "Fate. Luck. Bad plumbing. Pick one."
"I didn't ask for this."
> "And yet here you are, Ji-Hoon. King of Unwanted Secrets. Champion of Cringe. Slayer of Peace and Quiet."
I groaned.
"But also... this is kinda fun."
> "Now you're getting it."
I smiled, staring at the ceiling.
Maybe life wasn't so average anymore.
Maybe... just maybe... it was the start of something chaotic and wonderful.
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