"Soo-hyun," she said, looking at Ji-hye instead of Professor Lee Chan-ho, as if she had seen her before.
"Hello."
"Yes, Soo-hyun. Did you remember me?"
"Yes, it's not common for someone to spill coffee in the hallway."
"Ah... Hahaha, right. By the way, did you pass the preliminaries? Congratulations!"
The girl who had just been eliminated in the preliminaries and was crying widened her eyes. The boy in front of her, much taller and handsome, but deep down at his own age, simply nodded, apparently not very happy to have passed the preliminaries that seemed so difficult to her.
"Thank you."
"What song did you play?"
"A Mazurka."
"Wow, it's a short but difficult song."
'It's not that difficult. There are many songs that are much more difficult.'
"Oh, really?"
While Jihye tried his best to continue the conversation with Soo-hyun, Professor Lee Chan-ho, who had stayed on the sidelines, thought of something else. The conversation with Yejin just now was not normal. 'Don't you understand the emotion called sadness? Do you have any mental problems?' A boy who lost his parents in a shocking train accident when he was little. It is unknown how he survived, but he reappeared seven years later. In fact, it was a situation that could be understood even if there was a mental problem.
As Professor Lee Chan-ho racked his brains, the strange conversation between Ji-hye and Soo-hyun continued.
"Not happy? You're one of the 80 geniuses in the world."
"If I come back with only those notes, I will be embarrassed in front of you."
"Ah, sir? Ah, is the professor here?"
"Yes."
'Wow, I see. If someone raised a child like Soo-hyun, he must be very famous.'
"Yes, everyone knew."
"Who is it? Is he Korean?"
"No, he is Polish. His father is French."
"Huh...?"
'Does that mean that, after the train accident in Switzerland, he was rescued by a Pole whose father was French and lived with him, learning piano?' It was a simple question, but his conscience did not allow him to delve into the details of what had left an indelible scar on a child.
"Yes, I see."
Jihye looked at Professor Lee Chan-ho and gave him a helpful look. Although I had dealt with many children, I no longer had the confidence to carry on a normal conversation with the child in front of me. But the damn professor would just cross his arms and stare at Soo-hyun's face.
"Professor...?"
Professor Lee Chan-ho shuddered as if he had woken up from a deep thought when Jihye called out to him.
"Jihye, take Yejin to her parents."
"Yes? So Soo-hyun..."
"I will talk. Soo-hyun, can you give me a few minutes?"
After checking on Ji-ye, who hadn't returned yet, Soo-hyun said:
"Yes, only until Sister Jiye returns."
When Professor Lee Chan-ho nodded to Ji-hye and motioned for him to leave, Ji-hye hesitated and disappeared while holding Ye-jin's hand. Professor Lee Chan-ho, who was sitting in the seat where Ye-jin had been crying, asked for some time, and then looked ahead without saying much. Soo-hyun looked at him blankly and asked:
"Didn't he have anything to say?"
Professor Lee Chan-ho, who was staring at the wall in front of Soo-hyun without making eye contact, put his hands in his pockets and said:
"I heard your story."
"What's the story?"
"What you've been through."
"..."
"I'm telling you now, but it was my school that refused your special exam. I was one of those who voted to reject it."
'I see. So that's the guy over there.'
"I don't regret anything. They were people I had never met." Soo-hyun turned his head forward and said indifferently, "Is that so?"
This time, Professor Lee Chan-ho stared at Soo-hyun's profile. 'At this age, it would be good to at least look at it with resentment. It is difficult to distinguish whether this child is a child or an old man.'
"Soo-hyun."
"Yes."
"Let me ask you just one thing."
"Yes."
"I'm sorry I brought back painful memories to you. But I think it's important to review this for the sake of your future."
"Go ahead."
"I checked the documents and found out that you spoke to an embassy official a year and a half after your disappearance. Did you know that your parents had died at that time?"
"..."
"If you hadn't called then, the Swiss and Korean governments would probably have declared you dead. But thanks to your call, they managed to keep you missing."
"... That's right."
After a long time, when Soo-hyun answered, Professor Lee Chan-ho spoke with a guilty expression, knowing that he was saying such harsh words to a child:
"When you found out that your parents had passed away, how did you feel?"
Even after asking the question, he still regretted it. She felt so guilty that she wanted to pull her hair out. If someone had asked him the same question, he would have punched him and asked him who he was kidding.
"..."
Soo-hyun had no answer. But his eyes were getting redder and redder. 'Just thinking about that time makes me want to cry.' Finally, tears filled his big eyes and ran down his cheeks, but the boy remained silent. Lee Chan-ho, who was looking at so with a sense of guilt or regret, thought as he watched the boy's tears.
'It's not that they don't have emotions! They just can't define what they feel. It is a typical phenomenon of children who grew up without being able to live in society. I once read the story of a boy who was stranded on a desert island and survived. They probably found him when he was in his twenties. He said that Soo-hyun was in the same situation.'
Lee Chan-ho slowly raised his hand and wrapped it around Soo-hyun's shoulder.
"Soo-hyun. What you feel is sadness."
Soo-hyun's body, which had been crying silently, trembled. Then, he slowly turned his head and looked at Chan-ho Lee.
"You said earlier that the child was sad and crying. But I heard that his parents are alive."
The deep sadness had faded, but curiosity was still present on his face. Professor Lee Chan-ho smiled at Soo-hyun's question and patted him on the back. Then he spoke in a calm voice:
"The emotions that humans feel are so mysterious that it is impossible to define a single emotion with a single word. For example, sadness has countless types. In your case, the emptiness that comes with losing your parents and the longing for the parents you will never see again are expressed as sadness."
"And what about the boy now? He said he cried because he was afraid of the judges. I think he cried because he was eliminated in the preliminaries."
"No, Yejin's sadness was a self-protection sadness."
"What does that mean?"
"The sadness, you know. It's an emotion that makes you cry and your heart hurts, but it's not bad. It's just a warning. Sadness warns us to stop for a moment and listen to ourselves. Take care of yourself, talk to yourself and understand what is happening to you. Yejin used sadness as a shield a while ago to protect her emotions and prevent her from being hurt further."
Soo-hyun seemed to be meditating on Professor Lee Chan-ho's words. He said as he patted Soo-hyun's back as she muttered and repeated Professor Lee Chan-ho's words:
"There are many types of sadness, such as longing, loss, depression and melancholy. In addition, the degree to which people react to each emotion varies. There is sadness that is expressed by crying and sadness that is repressed. Sometimes sadness is greater when you cry silently than when you cry out loud."
Soo-hyun muttered, "Sometimes a silent cry is sadder than a loud cry..."
"Sadness is curious. Even the memories that we have tried to keep as happy can become sad when we strip off their wrapping and reveal our true face. But, you know, after experiencing sadness, the inner world is rebuilt. Joy is always mixed with sadness, and the number of memories where they coexist increases. That is the process by which a human being who lives in society grows emotionally."
Lee Chan-ho's words rang in his ears. 'Uncle Franz and Uncle Frederick said similar things. But at that time, there wasn't any example like when I saw Yejin just now, so it was just a dead knowledge transfer that I only knew in my head, but this time it was different. Learning after seeing with your own eyes a child who is experiencing a different type of pain than you is a living knowledge that is imparted. That's why Uncle Federico said that he had to go out into the world.'
"Why did God create sorrow? What if it just made us happy and joyful?"
Although he hadn't said anything in return, Professor Lee Chan-ho continued to speak as if he knew what Soo-hyun was thinking.
"As I said at the beginning, sadness doesn't just have negative effects. Have you ever felt relief after crying inconsolably, Soo-hyun?"
Soo-hyun shuddered again. 'What is this guy? Is he an expert or does every adult know about it?' Soo-hyun nodded silently. She felt relieved after crying all night thinking about her parents.
Professor Lee Chan-ho continued to rub Soo-hyun's back as if to comfort her.
"The feeling of relief and liberation that comes after experiencing and overcoming sadness is called 'catharsis'. It is a word that means "excretion" in ancient Greek and refers to the state of joy that arises after expressing negative emotions. Emotions are a mysterious and large-scale part that cannot be defined with simple knowledge. To understand this, we have to connect with a lot of people and laugh."
'This time I say the same thing to the elderly. This man is a little different from those who are only interested in the piano. It feels like it's similar to the men who loved it like their own children.'
Soo-hyun, who had been silently looking at Professor Lee Chan-ho, opened his mouth.
"Do you know Professor Lech?"
"Huh? Of course I know him. He's very famous."
"Professor Lech asked me to come to the Warsaw Conservatory."
"..."
'Maybe I knew this would happen. Although I am sorry that I lost a genius child, it would be better for the child to learn here for his future. It was all his responsibility from the beginning.' Professor Lee Chan-ho, who had a bitter expression but was still reflecting on his actions, said with a bitter smile:
"Yes, congratulations. This place offers an education of the highest level. If you study here, Soo-hyun, you can become the best pianist in the world. The teachers love you too, so they'll want to give you private lessons. I don't know if you know this, but you have to pay a lot of money to take private lessons with the teachers here."
Soo-hyun, who had been staring at Professor Lee Chan-ho's face, who was cheering and congratulating her, turned her head to look at him.
'Private lessons... ... .' It was a great fortune for piano prodigies to have the opportunity to receive private lessons from renowned teachers or pianists. 'But what about Soo-hyun's point of view? I was tutored for seven years, Uncle Frederick said. There's nothing more to teach you technically. Go out into the world and cut yourself off with people.'
"Sir, no, professor."
Professor Lee Chan-ho smiled and waved his hand.
"Hey, you can call me uncle."
Soo-hyun looked at Lee Chan-ho and asked:
"Professor, how many people my age are in the school?"
"Well, five years ago, there were only ten people because there were no sponsors. But thanks to a famous airline sponsoring the class, there are now more than thirty young people taking the entrance exam. They are all piano prodigies from all over the country."
"Are they just learning to play the piano?"
"Without a doubt, it is against professional ethics for a child like you to only learn piano. He should also receive formal education. It's just that piano practice takes up a lot of the weight."
"And what about the lesson?"
"Well, there are group and private classes. We also get together to see shows."
In Soo-hyun's imagination, his image developed among his peers. 'My heart beats strong. My heartbeat is getting faster and faster, and I feel like running and jumping. What kind of feeling is this? I'm not sure, but it's not an unpleasant emotion like sadness.' Again the time of his imagination changed and the scene he saw at the Warsaw Conservatory came to mind. A large concert hall, a state-of-the-art sound system, good instruments and wonderful teachers. But nowhere in the world did he see children his age.
Soo-hyun, who had been lost in thought for a moment, raised his head and spoke:
"If I win here, you will give me the right to take the practical exam. You promised, right?"
Professor Lee Chan-ho, who for a moment did not understand what was being said, opened his eyes wide.
'Is this guy just giving up his chance to get into the Warsaw Conservatory and coming back to Korea? That's just crazy.'