I look around the room at the memories I want to forget. All the mistakes I make. Everything I could have done differently to change the outcome.
I am burning. My whole body is on fire and I can't put it out. My soul is but ash now and my heart is in a million pieces.
Glass shards are scattered around the room, they reflect my broken face in them. Thousands of eyes judging me.
I was a horrible mother. She would have been much happier somewhere else. I failed, now she's dead.
Finally coming home in the morning is the best and worst feeling ever. Being so exhausted that you just want to collapse at your door step, but the second you open the door and wraps her tiny hands around your legs and flashes that happy smile at you you can't help but pick her up and spin her around in your arms.
You make breakfast together, you play and help her learn gymnastics. Anything to see her smile. She can't know.
You do different fun things everyday, again and again, just to keep that smile on her face.
One day a person can come and rip all that happiness away. They can hurt the one thing that brought you joy. Then it's all gone. Happiness, laughter… her smile.
I slump onto the floor, glass digging into my skin.
"I should have played with you more… i … i should have been a better mother"
"Please don't cry mama, you were the best"