Victory...
"Yeah, victory!"
Watching Iori's increasingly unhinged smile, Ikegoshi felt an ominous premonition welling up in his chest.
Elsewhere—
Even though Kamishiro knew Iori was definitely up to no good, he didn't really care.
It was just chestnuts, after all. Everyone had the same equipment. He didn't think he'd lose!
Just that…
"What do you think?"
Kamishiro looked up and asked the contestant still hanging in the air.
If he remembered correctly, Kohei was a total sports idiot, right?
"No problem at all! Hurry up and let me down!!! He's dead meat!"
"..."
It was obvious that Kohei had gone way beyond his limits at this point.
Kamishiro almost wanted to throw the Goldbach Conjecture at him just to see if he could solve it now.
Just as Kamishiro let Kohei down, he heard Iori speak in the distance:
"Of course, to save time, let's just play doubles volleyball!
Me and Ikegoshi will be one team."
"What?!"
BANG!
Overcome with shock, poor Kohei face-planted into the ground…
Seeing Iori's smug grin, Kamishiro finally realized what this bastard's real plan was!
Everyone knew Kohei was a sports disaster, so all Iori had to do was constantly aim at Kohei's side—victory would be a breeze!
"You bastard! I don't agree! I can team up with Ikegoshi too!"
"Oh? Really?"
A hint of mischief flashed in Iori's eyes. "Ikegoshi is Miss Kiyono's partner, you guys are on opposite sides—how can you team up~?"
"This…!!!"
This bastard deserved to die!
With Iori's words, Ikegoshi already started to lose trust in Kamishiro.
He hadn't forgotten that Kamishiro had been aligned with Kohei earlier—only stopped by that purple-haired girl.
Thinking of that, Ikegoshi's eyes burned with determination.
"Kamishiro-kun! For the sake of going home, I'll give it my all! Sorry!"
(??□?)?*?
After hearing Ikegoshi's dramatic pre-match declaration, Kamishiro's expression became… complicated.
Why did that actually make him feel kind of relieved?
The match hadn't even started, but it already felt like the outcome was decided.
That was a fantastic flag to raise.
Still, Kamishiro was someone very meticulous.
To avoid any unexpected outcomes…
He patted Kohei on the shoulder and whispered in his ear:
"Yurika-san is probably waiting for Ikegoshi at home…
Wearing only an apron, dressed as a maid, speaking in anime voices, recreating CG scenes…"
Before he even finished speaking, the black aura behind Kohei became overwhelmingly terrifying.
The look in Kohei's eyes toward Ikegoshi was now pure madness.
"DIIIIE!!!!!!"
________________
"Match start!"
With the help of the senpai, a simple volleyball court was quickly assembled.
The players were ready.
Two perverts, a beetle cosplayer, and one in a ghillie suit.
Four people—and not one of them looked like they owned a normal pair of shorts.
"Is… is this really okay?"
Looking at the malice radiating from the other side like a demonic beast, Ikegoshi felt his knees tremble.
A primal fear made him want to flee the scene.
Iori casually reassured him, "Relax, I told you—we're guaranteed to win.
Besides, that thing probably can't even be served properly."
He glanced at the chestnut Kamishiro was holding.
To make up for things, Iori had even handed them the right to serve first~
Look—Kamishiro looked so happy he was already grinning.
?(????)?
Kamishiro was indeed grinning—but not from joy.
He was pissed!
That bastard Kitahara!!!
Looking at the chestnut in his hand, Kamishiro couldn't even figure out where to start.
Damn it!
Why can't we just throw the volleyball like normal?!
Unable to come up with a solution, Kamishiro silently handed the chestnut to Kohei.
"You do it?"
At that moment—
Everyone's brains kind of short-circuited.
That's Kamishiro for you. Still as reckless as ever.
Kohei, who had lost all reason, didn't care one bit. He snatched the chestnut and tossed it into the air.
"Whoa whoa whoa—he's actually doing it! It's up in the air!"
Ikegoshi, panicking, grabbed Iori's arm in terror. That frantic look had none of his usual idol composure.
Iori, on the other hand, was completely calm.
Looking up at the airborne chestnut, he waved reassuringly, "Don't worry, Kohei's aim sucks. It'll definitely go wide. Maybe it'll even—"
WHOOSH!!!
Before he could finish his sentence, Iori felt something slice past his cheek.
CRACK CRACK CRACK…
Iori turned his head like a machine.
Behind him lay a chestnut, pulverized into dust.
The impact had even left cracks in the grass.
Hmm… just like he said.
It definitely went off-target.
But… that was way too far off!
"Tch, so close."
Kamishiro clicked his tongue unhappily, handed Kohei another chestnut, and ignored the fact that Kohei's right hand was gushing blood.
Iori: "Hey hey hey! What do you mean so close?! Aim properly! Your enemy isn't over here!"
Σ(っ °Д °;)っ
Ikegoshi: "Wait! Kitahara-san, what happened to your guaranteed win?!"
This wasn't what he'd been promised at all!
"Unforgivable, unforgivable! DIE DIE DIE!"
Kohei, now completely in berserk mode, just kept hitting ball after ball.
At this point, Kamishiro resembled a soulless ball-feeding machine—
No, not soulless. Kamishiro was thoroughly enjoying the show.
Kamishiro: "Oi oi oi, receive the ball you two! This is a volleyball match!"
Iori: "You bastard! These are chestnuts! Who the hell would receive them?!"
Kamishiro: "Kohei looks like he's having a great time hitting them. Aren't you a land-based war god? Don't chicken out!
This is your game choice!"
Iori: "I swear to god, you son of a—why aren't YOU hitting him?!"
Ikegoshi: "Please, stop arguing! Look at me, all I want is to survive!!"
(っ╥╯﹏╰╥c)
Ikegoshi cried.
As the primary target, he didn't dare move an inch.
Dodge?
He'd already tried that earlier.
Judging by the chestnut stuck to his ghillie suit, dodging was actually more dangerous than standing still!
The chestnut's trajectory… was completely unpredictable!
He even saw the legendary reverse spin serve—how did Kohei even do that?!
Although Iori had one thing right:
Kohei's aim really was atrocious.
Even while Ikegoshi stood still, nothing hit him.
But that didn't mean Ikegoshi was safe.
After all… sometimes waiting for death is the worst torture.
Meanwhile, Iori was also having a hard time.
Because he wasn't the main target, he still had a chance of getting hit whether he stayed still or dodged.
If not for his superior agility, he'd probably be a human pincushion by now!
BANG!
After barely dodging the 24th shot, Iori wiped the cold sweat from his forehead.
This was way more intense than dodgeball as a kid.
At least those childhood dodgeballs couldn't actually kill you!
________________
Just as he was planning to lay low and endure it all, Kamishiro's voice caught his attention.
"Hey, look over here!"
Iori blinked at Kamishiro's wicked grin, then followed the direction of his finger.
He saw that the scoreboard in Tokita-senpai's hand had already reached the final point!
"0:24"!!!
Only one point left!
"Need me to prepare some side dishes for your drinks later~?"
Kamishiro tossed the horse chestnut in his hand and teased,
"On second thought, you'll probably just throw up by then.
I suggest putting a funnel in your mouth and just passing out right away. No pain that way~
(λ?_??)"
"You bastard! We haven't lost yet!"
Unable to hold back any longer after seeing that smug face, Iori shouted at Ikegoshi,
"Think of something! Do something!"
Ikegoshi was utterly dumbfounded.
Weren't they supposed to have a guaranteed win?
Why was it suddenly all on him?!
Ikegoshi: "There's nothing I can do! That thing's inhuman!"
Iori: "Show some fight! Think about your fiancée—you don't want her to become a widow, right? That squinty-eyed guy over there loves that kinda tragic story!"
BANG!
As soon as Iori finished speaking, a terrifying sound came from the other side.
Ikegoshi looked in horror at Kohei, who was crushing the grass beneath his feet.
"Mr. Kitahara, please stop talking!!"
Are you sure you're not just powering up the enemy with that speech?!
"Chestnuts…"
Kohei turned his head and stared intently at the chestnut in Kamishiro's hand.
It was clear—he was preparing for the final blow against Ikegoshi.
The next serve would decide everything!
Either Ikegoshi would get clobbered to death by the chestnut,
or he'd become fertilizer to nourish the big tree after Kohei was done with him.
Faced with such a beast, even Kamishiro was scared.
He quickly tossed the chestnut to Kohei and sighed regretfully at Ikegoshi.
"So sorry, Ikegoshi. Looks like this is fate.
But don't worry—Yurika hasn't married you yet, so technically, you're not a widower. Go in peace."
"That just makes it worse!!"
Who the hell taught you to comfort people like that?!
As Kohei leapt high into the air, Ikegoshi's life began flashing before his eyes.
Turns out… when facing death, people really do see their most important memories.
He remembered—
Last year,
When he first saw Yurika in a movie.
Her cute appearance, that sweet voice… everything hit him right in the rebellious heart.
He… fell in love at first sight!
And luckily—
That girl,
His Yurika! Also fell in love at first sight!
Though it was because of his looks… but hey, that was enough!
Attracted by appearance, fallen for talent.
After much effort, Yurika finally recognized his talent and agreed to start a new life with him.
But sadly… he might not make it after all.
He felt a sense of peace—maybe this really was fate.
He wondered, when Yurika thought of him later on, would she come to see the wild beast who ended him?
After all… they had the same exact face…
Wait!
Same exact face?!
Ikegoshi's eyes lit up.
He'd just figured out how to survive!
Peaceful acceptance?
Screw that!!
If there's a way to live, who wants to die?!
Especially not from a freakin' chestnut to the head—that's not a story he wants anyone to know!
At that moment,
Kohei, still midair, was poised like a statue straight out of ancient Greece.
"Prepared your final words, scum of humanity?!"
Bathed in sunlight, the stark-naked Kohei resembled a god of justice who had come to judge evil.
Just as everyone was wondering what Ikegoshi would do, he suddenly shouted something no one expected:
"You and I look alike!"
"Huh? So what?!"
Kohei's arm veins bulged—would he hesitate to attack someone with his own face?
So naive!
Kamishiro shook his head regretfully. Clearly, Ikegoshi didn't understand Kohei at all.
This was the guy who'd bash his own skull for the sake of a voice actress.
You think he'd hesitate now?
A better bet would've been saying, "If I die, Yurika will be so heartbroken she might follow me."
Maybe that would work.
After all, even if an idol's covered in honey, mud, and grass, nothing changes their narcissistic heart~
But the next second—
Kamishiro realized he was completely wrong!
Ikegoshi didn't say that to avoid the attack.
He said it to reveal a truth to Kohei:
"If I can marry Yurika, that means—you can marry your voice actress too!!!!"
As soon as Ikegoshi shouted that—
Everyone froze.
They understood.
Ikegoshi had—with his wits—saved his life!
BANG!
Sure enough,
Kohei suspended his strike midair, and with the chestnut, dropped to the ground like a rock.
When he landed, everyone noticed—
His once-wrathful face had completely changed.
Now, it was full of uncontainable joy.
Kohei had once again become the sunshine boy.
…Too bad, his sunshine glow didn't last three seconds before he collapsed.
As we all know—when a berserker buff ends, the pain comes back double.
Kohei writhed on the ground in pain.
"My hand… it hurts so bad…"
Seeing this, everyone crowded around him.
Kamishiro: "He pushed himself too hard…"
Tokita: "No wonder it hurts. He went all in."
Azusa: "But that's Kohei for you—always putting his passion first~"
"…Um, is this really the time for those kinds of comments?"
Yukino said timidly.
This guy is bleeding, shouldn't we treat his wounds first?
"Oh right!"
Prompted by Yukino's reminder, Kamishiro's eyes lit up.
Then, under everyone's puzzled gazes, he picked up the chestnut that had fallen earlier and shouted:
"Home run!!!"
"AAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
A scream of agony rang out.
On the other side of the court, Iori was bent over in pain, the chestnut perfectly lodged in his butt.
"You bastard! What the hell?!"
Iori was stunned.
This is attempted murder!!
Kamishiro casually tossed aside the "horn" he'd just pulled off his own head.
Carrying five bottles of vodka, he approached Iori with a menacing grin:
"Of course—we're continuing our match~
It's now 1:25, and you agreed to accept the consequences~"
Thud thud!
Iori, butt still in the air, lay on the ground staring in terror at the five bottles of alcohol.
"You're a devil! The match already ended!!"
"Who said so? Only one guy fell. Ask the referee."
Fair-minded Tokita-senpai suddenly remembered his role as referee.
Considering Iori's current position, he thoughtfully held the scoreboard in front of his face.
Right in front of him, he changed the score to:
"1:25"
"Too bad, Iori. You lost~"
Azusa's voice came from nearby, full of glee.
She'd won the bet!
Chisa and Aina had bet on Iori!
"Wait! I object! That was cheating! That last hit wasn't even a volleyball!!"
Iori tried to defend himself.
He couldn't just lose to this despicable guy!
Hearing that, Azusa and Tokita turned to Kamishiro, waiting to see how he'd handle it.
Kamishiro calmly nodded. "Oh, I see."
"Yes! So I request a rematch once I'm healed!"
"Oh, once you're healed, huh? So that means… you can't move right now?"
Of course! Now hurry up and get this thing out of my butt—it hurts! I think I'm bleeding—wait! What are you doing?! Glug glug… mmph!!
________________