So scary... So middle-aged men hide their dirty magazines under the floorboards?!
Inui feels like she just gained another piece of bizarre knowledge.
But something feels… off…
"Wait, wasn't the gift you were going to give Uncle Kenjiro that bottle of spiked liquor? Why did it suddenly change?"
Inui finally remembered—what happened to the promised liquor?
No wonder she'd been feeling something weird all along. None of this was going according to the original plan!
"Ah, that bottle of liquor? That's a gift too. You didn't really think that magazine just now was the real present, did you?
And don't tell me you honestly believed that bastard Kenjirou didn't prepare a gift for me?"
???
(′｀;)?
Wait, wasn't that how it was?
Inui blinked in confusion. She had been there the whole time, right?
Wasn't that what happened?! Why was it getting harder to understand?
And ever since Shiro came back, this whole family had gotten weird…
Inui felt like she was in a totally different household than the one from a few days ago.
Looking at the confused Inui in front of him, Shiro's eyes were full of amusement. He didn't bother explaining. She'd understand when Kenjirou got back.
Now wasn't the time to talk about Kenjirou.
Shiro wrapped his arms around Inui's waist, blowing softly into her ear, "Now then, shouldn't we continue what we didn't finish just now~?"
!!!
Inui's ears were sensitive, and her body tensed up instantly. Her face flushed red and her voice trembled. "W-What are you talking about? I don't understand."
Seeing her reaction, Shiro's eyes twinkled with delight.
That was Inui—every man's dream come true.
A loli, frail and easy to push down, a little tsundere, and had a big-sister vibe to boot.
Most importantly…
She was a cosplayer!
What's more exciting than cosplay?
Ahem… well, actually—there is something more exciting.
Everyone knows, Lady Inui isn't just pink-haired~
（λ?_??）
"Of course, I mean…"
Shiro slowly leaned in. This time, there probably wouldn't be any interruptions.
What's that?
You say Inui is still holding the little dumpling girl?
Doesn't matter!
(?˙?˙2)
Finally, their lips met. The shy Inui gradually melted into Shiro's skilled kissing.
Damn it!
Why is this guy still so experienced?!
(*?????)
The room's temperature rose steadily along with the kiss.
Rize chan, sitting nearby and munching on snacks, watched her big brother and sister "bite each other" at close range.
{{(°△°; "}}!
Why are they biting each other?
Could it be… because they taste good?
With this wild theory in mind, two-year-old Rize looked like she'd discovered a new continent. She chomped down on her own arm.
"Ah-wooo~"
A few seconds later—
All she got were two shallow bite marks and some drool.
Rize chan pouted, tears welling up in her eyes.
Not tasty! (っ╥╯﹏╰╥c)
At that exact moment, Kenjirou's scream echoed from outside—
Truly, people's joys and sorrows are never in sync~
(〃￣ω￣〃）
Ten Minutes Later
The whole family gathered again in the living room.
But everyone's expressions had changed.
Shiro looked refreshed—as expected, bullying people felt good.
Inui wanted to crawl into a hole—Aunt Keiko had walked in right when things got steamy again!
Miss Keiko, meanwhile, was gleefully counting her money—she'd gained a tidy little windfall.
According to a certain Kenjirou, he totally didn't know how that money ended up under the bedroom floorboards. He definitely doesn't have a secret stash (*?????)
Rize chan was still grumpily staring at her arm, confused why she didn't taste good.
As for our dear Kenjirou—not only had his expression changed, but so had his figure.
He had bloated so much he was starting to look like another species altogether.
He glared hatefully at the culprit sitting across from him and growled through gritted teeth,
"My dear son. We're both adults. We've been feuding for over a decade now. Let's stop with the petty tricks. How about we head straight to the final round?"
"Oh? Sure!"
Shiro agreed immediately. After all, this was basically Kenjirou's way of admitting defeat.
As Shiro's words fell, the air in the room thickened.
Inui looked at the father and son pair in confusion.
Final round? What was that supposed to mean?
BANG!
BANG!
Two glass jars slammed down onto the table at the same time.
That's right!
These were the gifts the father and son had prepared for each other!
Both men smiled as they looked at their opponent's "carefully prepared" present.
But their eyes were cold.
'I knew it!' ×2
Kenjirou gave Shiro a jar of honey. It looked quite appetizing.
That is—if Shiro wasn't allergic to honey—it would've been a decent gift.
As for Shiro, of course he went with the bottle of liquor from earlier. If it hadn't been spiked and if Kenjirou wasn't a one-sip drunk who hates alcohol, that too might have been acceptable.
Looking at the jar of honey, Shiro's smile turned cruel.
"Dad, you do remember I'm allergic to honey, right?"
Kenjirou gave a smug chuckle.
"Eh, your allergy isn't that serious. You'll be fine. Besides, this honey is… wild!"
"..."
Shiro's mouth twitched. As if "wild honey" made any damn difference when you're allergic.
Kenjirou turned his attention to the liquor and gave a "worthy opponent" kind of smile.
"My dear son, you know your old man doesn't like drinking, right?"
Perfect!
The bastard actually brought it up himself!
Of course Shiro knew his dad didn't like drinking, and was unlikely to touch it.
But—
He had one reason Kenjirou couldn't ignore.
"This wine… is good for your virility!"
!!!
In that moment, Kenjirou's eyes lit up as he looked at the bottle.
No man can resist the words "virility booster"!
Especially not one who buys extra-durable condoms for timing reasons!
Tea House
Inui and Shiro, dressed in yukata, were greeting the regulars.
"Yo! Isn't this little Shiro? You're back, huh?"
"Eh? Brought back a little schoolgirl?"
"What are you saying? That's clearly his girlfriend! Little Shiro, this girl's cute!"
"When are you getting married? Grandpa's ready with a big red envelope!"
"Shiro-chan, stop by Grandma's place sometime—and bring your girlfriend!"
"..."
All along the way, everyone kept mistaking Inui for some elementary school kid Shiro had lured home.
Fortunately, one old man who'd visited their house yesterday recognized Inui and cleared up the confusion.
Inui, embarrassed by all the teasing from the grandpas and aunties, had gone completely red and couldn't lift her head.
But her lips curled up in a smile—deep down, she was really happy.
Now everyone thought she was Shiro's girlfriend!
As expected, gaining the favor of his family was the right strategy!
Hmph, what do people like Kiyoko or Busujima have to compete with me?
Thinking this, Inui's expression turned smug again.
WHACK!
A hand chop landed on her head!
"Ow!"
Inui held her head, glaring at the man beside her with indignation.
Domestic abuse! This is domestic abuse!
Shiro ignored her protests and ruffled her hair.
"Haven't seen you for a few months and now you've grown clever, huh? Pulling sneaky moves on the home front."
"I didn't! It was Auntie Keiko who invited me!"
Inui pouted, avoiding eye contact—her excuse completely unconvincing.
Looking at her cute little face, Shiro chuckled.
He couldn't help wanting to mess with her again.
He even followed up with action, pulling at Inui's cheeks. The soft and smooth feel made Shiro reluctant to let go.
"Hmph! (＃`n′)"
Inui didn't stop him, just rolled her eyes at him.
After all, this kind of teasing was still a form of affection. Besides, back in high school, her face had been pinched plenty of times—she was used to it.
"So, what are we doing now?"
Inui looked at the yukatas the two of them were wearing and couldn't stop herself from sneaking glances at Shiro's chest.
Damn it!
Who the heck taught him to wear a yukata like that?!
This is a disgrace to proper male virtue!
Noticing Inui's sneaky glances, Shiro "inadvertently" pulled his yukata open a little more.
As expected, the yukata ultimate move was unbeatable!
Seeing Inui's cheeks flush red again, Shiro decided not to tease her anymore.
"I didn't bring you a gift last time, right? This time, I'm making it up to you."
"Eh?"
But as soon as he said that, Inui's face turned even redder, and her eyes were on the verge of turning into dizzy spirals.
"Ma…make up… But it's still daytime…"
She looked up at the sun—it hadn't even set yet.
(′｀;)?
Shiro scratched his head. What's wrong with daytime?
You can totally soak in a hot spring during the day.
Or… does Inui prefer nighttime hot springs?
Thinking about how hot spring scenes in anime were usually set at night, Shiro understood.
"No worries! By the time we officially get started, it'll pretty much be nighttime!"
!!!
What a predatory thing to say!
What does he mean by "officially get started"?!
Thinking of that kiss from earlier, Inui suddenly felt that this shameless guy might actually be right.
Though embarrassed, she agreed, grabbing Shiro's hand and leaning her whole body against him.
In that moment, Inui felt incredibly secure. This was her very own Kamen Rider~
Due to their stunningly high attractiveness, they attracted quite a few stares on the way to the Kitahara inn.
Passersby couldn't help but think to themselves:
'What a loving pair of siblings~'
（λ?_??）
At the Kamishiro Residence
Kenjirou had been staring at the bottle of alcohol on the table for half an hour.
He didn't believe for a second that his son would give him such a nice gift—he remained highly suspicious.
But then…
He'd looked it up online and found that it actually might be a real tonic wine good for the kidneys!
He even checked all the listed medicinal ingredients—nothing suspicious!
"Could it be that little punk really turned over a new leaf?"
Kenjirou mumbled. He still didn't quite believe it. After all, the two of them had been at odds for over a decade. They knew each other too well.
Smack!
At that moment, Keiko slapped her husband on the back of the head. "Still staring at it? Maybe it's just a normal gift this time. He hasn't been home in years—it wouldn't be that strange if he brought something decent."
Right now, Keiko's heart was completely on her son's side. Not only had he gifted her a brand-new motorcycle, he'd also brought back a ton of delicious treats.
For example, this cheese stick was absolutely delicious~
Poor Rize chan could only sit in mommy's lap, pitifully watching as she ate.
"But still…"
Kenjirou still didn't quite believe it. He knew what kind of son he'd raised.
"Alright, enough already," Keiko said, annoyed. "Besides, Shiro and Inui are staying over at Kitahara's place tonight, so…"
She traced a finger along Kenjirou's chin and said in a sultry tone, "Let's see how you perform tonight~"
Gulp
Kenjirou's body heated up from the teasing, but his brain still functioned.
"Even if the wine's fine, you know how I am. One glass and I'm out. If I drink it, I'll probably fall asleep right away."
"Idiot!"
Keiko rolled her eyes at him. "You drink it now, dummy. It's a kidney tonic, not some kind of delay medication. There's no time limit."
"Oh yeah, that makes sense!"
Now fully reassured, Kenjirou had no more worries.
Even though he still didn't believe his son could be that thoughtful, as long as nothing seemed wrong for now, he figured he might as well give it a try.
Pop!
As he opened the lid, a strong wave of alcohol hit the room.
The level of liquid visibly dropped.
Kenjirou, previously full of anticipation, now wore a look of sheer terror.
What the hell kind of wine is this?!
It was practically pure ethanol!
Just the smell alone made Kenjirou feel half-drunk.
At that moment, he suddenly knew his son had done something shady.
He'd made a wine that could be seen but not consumed! A taunting, undrinkable liquor!
Even Keiko was shocked, instinctively covering Rize chan's nose—worried the child would get drunk just from inhaling the fumes.
"…Honey…"
Kenjirou looked at Keiko with trembling eyes, terrified that a single sip might send him to the afterlife.
Keiko paused for a moment and reassured him, "It's fine. Shiro wouldn't actually try to harm you. Worst case, you'll just sleep a bit longer."
"..."
Kenjirou was not convinced his son wouldn't harm him.
But then he imagined how that brat would mock him tomorrow for chickening out…
No!
I must drink it!
For the sake of fatherly pride, Kenjirou gritted his teeth and poured out a tiny spoonful of the liquid.
Don't underestimate the power of a spoon!
Then, with steely resolve, he downed it.
Gulp!
Thud!
The speed with which Kenjirou drank it was only matched by the speed with which he collapsed.
Not even a second's delay!
"..."
Watching her useless husband, Keiko's eye twitched. She sighed and went to adjust his posture to make him more comfortable.
"Honestly, you're no fun at all… Wait—what's that smell?!"
Before she could touch him, Keiko leapt back in horror.
She
Had smelled something foul!
And Kenjirou's stomach was now making an ominous noise!
Σ(?д?|||)??
Beep beep beep—
Her phone buzzed. It was a text from their beloved son.
"Mom, make sure that bastard dad drinks it in the bathroom, okay?"
"#smile~"
In that moment, Keiko seriously considered murdering these two childish men.