Seele did not have a lot of dreams. Oftentimes, to cope with the mental pressure posed by the never-ending loop, she secluded herself, cultivated, and willingly died in the end.
There was one person she never forgot to visit. He was akin to a living checkpoint. He exists to give Seele valuable advice. Not once did he fail to notice her failing mental state. Within each loop, he helped Seele barely recover.
He also did one other thing without fail: self-sacrifice.
When he knew he would bring trouble to others, he chose to deal with it all by himself. He feared it would reach out to others—that it would break the beautiful world he once longed for.
Seele saw it happen every single time. For seven hundred years.
'He…'
How can one call something love?
It is something so beautiful, yet it remains unspoken.
For Seele, all that's important is it exists.
Her spiritual pillar for seven hundred years, all within arms reach…
"Ah."
Seele 'woke' up in a literal sense. She found herself sleeping peacefully on her bed. Her dress remained untouched.
A swathe of memories assaulted her mind.
Having been excessively excited, Seele's first thought was to claim Shi Tian. She wanted to do so many unspoken things, going as far as making her marks. Then she went overboard.
Her physiological reaction caused her to climax. Her god-like body fell into a slumber right after doing so. It was evident Shi Tian helped her clean up before leaving. This care only worsened her guilt.
"Oh no…"
Regret came crashing down.
"I shouldn't have done it..!"
Being clearheaded has its perks. Seele realized she acted solely based on her desires—on her wants. She never considered what Shi Tian wanted. Every time she showered him with her heavy love, she never thought of what he felt. Receiving his acknowledgement was all that mattered. With Shi Tian being unconditionally considerate, she received it with ease.
Only when her desires erupted overwhelmingly—her love turning unbearable—did she receive a wake-up call.
'I did not consider him well…'
Seele made herself comfortable at the expense of Shi Tian's troubles. It was a small rookie mistake, but in Seele's eyes, it was a show of her inconsiderateness.
Her chest heavy, she got up and prepared to find Shi Tian. She paid no heed to the people of the Alchemy Vein. She focused on the one person inside her mind.
And there she found him.
In a mountaintop's open space, Shi Tian discussed things with a silver-haired woman. Her attire is atypical of the eastern sect's atmosphere: a pair of white long-sleeves, black blazer, black skirt, and the surprisingly thin black stockings. Her proud bust threatened her top. Her skin, imbued with a snow-like hue, consolidated the otherwise cold image the woman emitted.
Almost instantly, she met Shi Tian's surprised gaze…
*****
I wasn't mistaken. Seele should have been there. But for some reason, she ran away the next second.
"What was it?"
"It's Seele."
Bronya fell silent. Her eyes looked at the direction I stared at before returning back to me.
"You should go first. The rest of the things can be discussed later."
"...Thanks."
I talked to Bronya for five days straight. What seemed like a long time was extremely short when it came with her. Ten years' worth of backlogs are not a joke.
Nevertheless, I chose to heed her words. I went straight to Seele after bidding farewell.
Something's wrong with her.
I reviewed the specifics of a few days prior and found clues.
I let Seele be active when it came to showing her love. I wanted her to find her own tempo. I did not make any moves in fear of inciting her discomfort. Even when she teased me to my absolute limits, I did not make any move.
It is a mistake.
I think…
Seele felt guilty—guilty that she made me uncomfortable.
This did not happen with Kiana. She was with me when we explored a lot of things. It is not the same with Seele.
Perhaps it was regrets that made my chest unusually heavier. It is now that I realize how complex it is to navigate through a "harem". This does not mean I am unwilling to face all these problems. They are something I should face as a responsible man.
My thoughts halted when I arrived at the pagoda's front door.
It was left unlocked. I vaguely guessed Seele's intentions.
I pulled the sliding door. Inside is something reminiscent of an empty space with white tiles. Not much decorations could be seen except for what seems like a lounge.
The next floor was filled with a bunch of rooms. It was akin to a maze, confusing and disorienting. The same thing is present throughout the remaining seven floors.
Seele organized all of her things in each room, taking up seven floors in total. All signs point to an obsessive-compulsive disorder. From the second floor, the items are sorted alphabetically, then in types.
Like someone entering a brand new home, I re-discovered a lot of things I did not notice when I first came here.
A realization flashed in my mind.
Seven hundred years.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder.
…
I hoped it wouldn't be the case… but it is highly likely.
The ninth and final floor was dedicated to nothing but a vast room. Outside was a plethora of books and jade slips. The pagoda's expanded space turned it into a fantasy-like library. It spanned high up to the skies.
If there was something that did not fit in, it was a white door.
The false image of the bookshelves flickered. The door revealed itself tangibly in my hands. The cold touch of the doorknob proved it is real, not just a hidden mechanism detected by my spiritual consciousness.
Click.
The door swung open. The familiar bedroom presented itself. Aside from the carpet and several bed-side cabinets, there was nothing else.
No, there is someone.
Above the carpet lay someone.
A fully-exposed back. The pink-ish hue of her skin emanated a healthy glow. The trace of her vertebrae could be seen barely, hidden underneath a thick layer of flesh. Her shoulder blades, akin to a butterfly unfolding its wings, became more pronounced as she remained in a peculiar kneeling position.
Seele's chest pressed down on the ground; and so did her forehead.
It was a dogeza.
"I am sorry."
…
…
…
How did things come down to this?
*****
A/N: I'll be uploading the bonus chapters tomorrow in one go.