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Luca wanted Ezra Miller or Nicholas Hoult to play Elio originally. God, knew when he saw the name Ryan Stone on the poster for Looper he almost stepped away from the theatre, it sounded too American. Also, the other two actors had more experience and name recognition.
Ezra played Patrick in The Perks of Being a Wallflower a very similar role to Elio; both navigate hidden homosexual relationships from their community, Patrick relies on his step-sister Sam and Elio relies on his parents, and they use art to process their feelings - Patrick with theatre and Elio with piano and music.
Nicholas Hoult was fresh off his acclaimed performance in Skins and A Single Man. In A Single Man, Hoult played Kenny who is a handsome, perceptive college student who initiates an emotionally charged connection with a much older man (Colin Firth). Both actors had the emotional range to deliver Elio's heartbreak but then all of it changed when he saw a screening of Looper.
How would a sci-fi action thriller performance relate to the slow, romantic pace of first love needed in CMBYN?
It was when he saw the Diner confrontation scene where Young Joe sat across from Old Joe. Ryan played the scene with absolute restraint and communicated with great subtext from the way he clasped his hands to Joe's accent.
Luca thought to himself what a shame that the director decided to morph Ryan's face a bit to match Bruce Willis. Ryan had model features: sharp jawline, long wavy blonde hair, and beautiful green eyes that seemed to hold a lot of sadness and guilt.
He looked so much like Alain Delon in Rocco and His Brothers who carried himself with a flawless aristocratic demeanor and had piercing eyes that gave him this angelic quality. At the end of the film, Rocco is left with only grief and that image is so familiar to Ryan's expression.
What would happen if this amazing young actor was given a true lead role with no Blunderbuss shotgun or some clever time travel gimmick? And Ryan had that rare magnetic presence on screen, that it factor.
When Luca watched The Leopard - Visconti's epic tale of the Sicilian aristocrat Don Fabrizio, Prince of Salina who is determined to ensure his family survives 19th century Italy - as a young man it ignited his passion for filmmaking especially in the quest to find a lead actor who could usurp lavish and spectacular sets like Burt Lancaster in the film.
So he decided to make I am Love (2009) for his third feature film and cast the amazing Tilda Swinton as the lead. The reviews were much better than he thought - he does not care what critics think of his work because it is his artistic choice - his assistant gave him a copy of Roger's Ebert 4 star review he could not help but smile:
"Tilda Swinton is a daring actress who doesn't project emotions so much as embody them. 'l Am Love' provides an ideal role for her, in that her actions speak instead of words. We learn she has her own private, space, that after launching a family event, she likes to leave it running smoothly and retire to her room upstairs.
The opening act of Luca Guadagnino's film establishes the stature of the Recchi family as surely as the Corleones are established in "The Godfather," or the Salinas in Visconti's "The Leopard." It may be impossible to write about this film without evoking "The Leopard," not simply because they both involve Italian aristocrats, but because they involve matters of succession, and the way that love and lust can breach the walls aristocrats live behind. Guadagnino makes the connection inescapable by the use of the name Tancredi; in "The Leopard," Alain Delon pays the Salina nephew of that name.
l Am Love is an amazing film. lt is deep, rich, human. She evokes Emma as a woman who for years has accepted the needs of the Recchis and discovers in a few days to accept her own needs."
Luca was proud about the film and after the success of the movie he was able to make the film's he wanted to make so when Peter Spears sent him the novel CMBYN he knew he wanted to make it. He wrote in his journal about the book:
How like Elio am l. How much all of us are. My favorite paragraphs are Elio's thoughts: I should learn to avoid him, sever each tie, one by one, as neurosurgeons do when they split one neuron from another, one thought-tormented wish from the next, stop going to the back garden, stop spying, stop heading to town at night, wean myself a bit at a time each day, like an addict, one day, one hour, one minute, one slop-infested second after the other. It could be done. I knew there was no future in this.
Or when Elio says about Oliver that "he was my secret conduit to myself - like a catalyst that allows us to become who we are, the foreign body, the pacer, the graft, the patch that sends all the right impulses, the steel pin that keeps the solider's bone together, the other man's heart that makes us more us than we were before the transplant"
A brilliant novel deals with an issue l feel very strongly about: trust. Its about intimacy, about trusting someone enough to lay yourself completely bare in front of them. To somehow find yourself in that other person. Its something that is picked up in the book several times, specially in the act the title refers to; calling each other by their own names. As if whispering, 'l understand. I am you, you are me'
So when he saw Andrew and Ryan finished the scene and rode off he started to tear up. He let them roll down to the stone floor and began to sit down on the floor.
They both came back and Andrew approached him, "Did we do that bad? l think we are screwed Ryan"
Ryan whispered, "Speak for yourself. You just had to look still"
Luca smiled, "No, no. Mi ha lasciato il segno" (It left its mark on me)
He stood back up, "Let's go back to the villa it looks like it's going to rain"
***
Luca walked inside the villa with a bottle of wine and saw Andrew and Ryan rehearse inside the study room.
Andrew said, "Let's do the balcony scene right now"
Ryan nodded his head and the last of the sunset gave out and Luca agreed.
Luca brought out the 35mm lens upstairs and gave them both herbal cigarettes. They wore the same outfit they had before and after both actors were ready Luca said, "Have some fun"
Ryan - who throughout shooting, the moment the camera turns on looks so much younger than usual - walked towards Oliver who was by the balcony looking towards the garden.
Ryan slowly walked to the railing and was right next to Oliver who said, "l'm glad you came"
Luca said, "Great, facciamo un primo piano."
The camera had a close up to both of our hands touching; Oliver's cigarette brushing on Elio's pinky.
The camera cut back and Ryan stayed in the pocket and whispered, "Yeah l'm nervous".
Oliver touched Elio's shoulder and Elio walked away and the camera slowly backed away.
Luca, who was barely visible due to the darkness, approached the two actors, "This is probably the easiest film that l will do"
"Prettiest actors too?" Andrew said.
Ryan shook his head, "l am not easy"
"That's a lie," He said in his London accent.
"Come with me. l got an early demo for Mystery of Love by Stufjan Stevens"
"Already?"
"l sent him some of the edited footage and he loved it"
They went into the study room that had a pair of shaded lamps that left warm circles of amber across the worn Persian rug in the middle of the room while the ceiling disappeared into shadows. Beyond the open windows came the sounds of the Lombard countryside. Crickets caused a loud chorus through the darkness.
Luca pulled out his phone and said, "He said that he loves it and was already working on this idea of first love being really irrational and sensational and feeling boundless in its experience."
"That is the core of what we are trying to do"
Luca nodded and brought in his laptop and pressed play.
An acoustic guitar - picking pattern - is heard followed by piano in a repeated four chord progression.
Oh to see without my eyes
The first time that you kissed me
Boundless by the time l cried
l built your walls around me
Ryan remembered his first kiss inside his brand new car that he spent all summer working for: cleaning dishes at Blu Pointe watching the gentle ripples roll over the Hudson River, sales associate at Burlington, and taking care of the neighbor's dog who went away to see family in Florida.
It was so wet and awkward afterwards that he made some dumb excuse that his friend texted him that he was in the hospital.
She said, "Must be okay if he is texting you"
l stuttered, "You never know with these things"
He dropped her off home and avoided her in the hallways afterwards.
The song became urgent with the added electric bass that joins in with guitar. The strings and a mandolin maintain the light tone of the track but the lyrics become darker:
Lord, l know no longer believe
Drowned in living waters
Cursed by the love that l received
Ryan thought about how closely this relates to Elio who is unable to return Mariza's love. He's cursed because he has to let her down and does not want to hurt her.
He could feel the sticky heat of that car and the way his hands trembled on the steering wheel afterward.
Andrew looked towards him, "Are you alright?"
Ryan blinked, "Im alright, l want this to stay with me"
The third verse is completely different and the song is left with only the bassline. Angelic voices enter the background and all of the attention was focused on the lyrics.
How much sorrow can l take?
Blackbird on my shoulder
And what difference does it make
When this love is over?
Hold your hands upon my head
'Till breathe my last breath
Ryan thought about the first line and remembered the whole adoption process and how tired he was. He wanted all of it to be finished, he didn't care about first impressions anymore, the homework that nobody cared about or the missing vitamins and nutrients he did not receive; all of it was a nightmare that he wanted to wake up from.
The song finished with the final chorus: Blessed be the mystery oflove. Ryan started to tear up as the silence grew and only the sound of dogs barking was heard.
"Che bellezza" his voice echoed across the study room.
Andrew said, "That song fits perfectly."
The rest of the night was a nice Italian dinner that was finished off with a delicious spongarda: a dense cake filled with dried fruits, nuts, and spices.
Luca replayed the song multiple times and it remained there inside his dreams.
A/N: On Patreon there are chapters ahead right now!
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