When I first came back to myself, it wasn't gentle. My body was heavy, my head was fogged, and my breath still trembled from the storm I had drowned in. It was not light or warmth that brought me back--it was a voice. His voice. Nick's.
"Didn't her illness get cured a long time ago?" Nick's voice reached my ears lightly, despite the fact that it's not that much light that it wouldn't help me to return my consciousness. "Why is this happening AGAIN?" That voice, rough and impatient, was the first thing that dragged me awake. Not worry, not love. Just frustration. Just annoyance. I lay there, half-conscious, but every word stabbed through me. His tone wasn't fear for me-it was anger at the inconvenience of me. As if my pain was a problem to be fixed so his world wouldn't be disturbed.
And then, through the haze, I heard Nami. My friend, the one who always seemed to know me better than I knew myself. Her voice was firm, sharp with anger. "Cured? Do you even understand what she went through? You don't see it, Nick. You don't notice the way she hides it, the way she swallows her fear so you won't mock her again. She doesn't share with you anymore, because you turned her weakness into your joke. You were careless. And now she carries it all alone." I hate to admit her words it's not because she's lying; it's only because her bitter words are the truth. They landed like lightning inside me, splitting me open. Because deep down, I knew. I knew every syllable was right. I had hidden. I had silenced myself. Not because I trusted Nick, but because I couldn't bear the humiliation of watching him laugh as if these were careless thing and that tore me apart.
My chest ached as I listened. My hands trembled. I wanted to bury myself back into the darkness, but something inside me-small, fragile, but stubborn forced me to move.
With every ounce of strength, I sat up. My body shook but I pushed myself onto my feet. The world tilted around me, but I clung to the wall for balance. My eyes burned, swollen from tears I hadn't realized I had shed, but still--I stood. Weak, unsteady, yet unyielding.
And I listened.
Nick's voice lowered then, smooth and twisted. "You're exaggerating, Nami. She needs me. Without me, she'll fall apart. She knows it. You know it too." My heart clenched. The way he said it… not with love, but with possession. Not with worry, but with control. He believed I couldn't exist without him. He believed he was my only anchor, the one I should cling to. But in that moment, I realized something I had never dared to believe before-he wasn't saving me. He was breaking me.
"Enough!" The word tore out of me before I could stop it. My voice cracked, but it was loud enough to cut through the room.
Both their heads turned. Nami's eyes widened in shock. Nick's expression froze-surprise first, then irritation, as though I had ruined some careful act he had staged. I leaned against the doorframe, shaking from head to toe, but I looked at him. I made him meet my eyes-swollen, red, yet filled with something new.
"I heard everything," I said, my voice trembling, but firm. "Every word. And you're right about one thing, Nick-I don't share my fears with you anymore. But do you know why? Because you turned them into jokes. Because when I needed comfort, you gave me laughter. Because instead of holding me, you humiliated me."
The room was so quiet I could hear my own breathing, ragged and sharp. I wanted to collapse, but I didn't. I couldn't.
"You call me weak," I continued, my throat burning with every word. "but hiding from you wasn't weakness. It was survival. I didn't shut you out because I couldn't trust myself-I shut you out because I couldn't trust you." His mouth opened, maybe to defend himself, maybe to spin another excuse, but I raised my hand, shaking but strong. "No. Don't speak. Don't twist it again." I felt my heart hammering, but I forced the words out, raw and final."You said I need you to survive. That without you I'd fall apart. But you're wrong. I'm already falling apart even with you. You are the storm I never needed. You are the silence that crushed me. And I refuse to keep drowning."
The tears I held back slipped down my cheeks, but my voice was steadier than it had ever been.
"We're over, Nick." The silence that followed was heavy, but for the first time, it didn't suffocate me. It freed me. For the first time, the silence was mine.
"Arora… I didn't realize. I didn't know these things were happening inside you. If I did, I would have-" I almost laughed. Not because it was funny, but because it was so predictable. That was his shield. Pretend he didn't know. Pretend ignorance was innocence. "You didn't realize because you didn't notice. Because you never looked at me long enough to see what was happening. My fear wasn't silent-I was. I gave you signs, Nick. I waited for you to see me. But you were too busy dismissing it, too busy turning my trembling into a punchline." I swallowed hard, tasting the bitterness of years of silence in my mouth. My chest hurt, but it was no longer from fear; it was from release.
He looked stunned, like my words were cutting deeper than he expected. He reached out slightly, as if to bridge the space between us.
"Arora, I can change-"
"No." My voice was sharper this time, final. "Don't say that. Because if you wanted to notice, you would have. If you wanted to see me, you would have. And now… I don't want to hear promises. I don't want to wait for a version of you that never arrives." I took a deep breath, my whole body trembling but refusing to collapse and i continued "All this time, I was seeking time from you. Time to be heard. Time to be seen. Time to feel like I mattered beyond your convenience. But I'm done begging for time you never gave me. I don't want to do this anymore, Nicolas Karson. Not the waiting. Not the hoping. Not the breaking myself smaller just to fit into the space you offer me. You didn't realize because you never noticed. And I don't want to live with someone who can't see me." The room felt frozen. For the first time, I wasn't whispering into the dark or swallowing my voice.
I was speaking.
I was breaking free.