That guy had been trying to steal a purse from a Hawaiian woman with purple streaked hair. We didn't have to do much. Slugma just went in and hit the guy with a normal headbutt, sending him on his ass, then yawned, a large bubble leaving her lips before hitting him in the face as he lay there. He blinked at us for a long moment as I walked up with a disappointed Gurdurr, wearing my mask.
"W-What the hell are you!?"
"Good samaritans," I said with a shrug. "Sleep tight."
He stared at us. "Wait, wha-zzzzzzz."
As he passed out from Slugma's Yawn attack, Gurdurr picked up the Hawaiian woman's purse and handed it to her. "Durr."
"Ah… thank you?" she whispered. "Um. Wha-what are you?"
"Like I said, good samaritans," I told her. "You're gonna want to call the police. Tell them a man tried to rob you, and Kahu Kiaʻi lent you some help."
"Ah… o-okay?" she said, clutching her purse to herself.
"Slugma?" the small slug said, looking up at her. The woman stared uncomprehendingly.
"She's asking if you're okay," I said.
"Oh! Um, yes, I am! Small… slug, thing."
"Slugma!" she said happily.
"Call the cops. We need to see if there are more people who need help out there."
With that, we unceremoniously walked off. I took out my phone and saw a text from Alakazam. Police report showed a store getting robbed close to where we were. "Come on!"
We ran for it, the lady calling behind us. As she called the police. "Thank you!"
We heard the police approach her as we left, but we were onto the next person needing help.
The next few hours finally got busy. Guess Honolulu criminals had a late start.
In the store getting robbed, we found a trio of guys, one threatening the cashier inside, a man behind him looking out for trouble, and a woman in a getaway car outside. Slugma went to the car and ate the back tires. Gurdurr burst through the doors and drew the attention of the two inside while I went around back and pulled the cashier out. The bullets from the thieves' guns made some small scuff marks on Gurdurr's skin, but he easily knocked each thief out with a solid punch, while another yawn from Slugma put out the driver.
The next call we intercepted, a car had been stolen. I had to pass on that one, sadly. We were on foot after all. We could have ran around looking for it, but that would waste time. Best we could do was keep an eye out. I needed to get something faster soon though. Maybe a motorcycle.
We next stopped a pair of idiots outside a club from beating the hell out of each other by Gurdurr simply holding them apart while giving them an aggressive glare, Slugma shut down a drug deal by lighting cocaine on fire before hitting the dealer with a high-speed tackle, and I ended up taking out some guy using nunchucks to rob people by kicking him in the throat.
I'd been aiming at his chest.
It was kinda interesting, fighting crime for real. It didn't feel as badass as I'd thought. It was more like fighting the Rainbow Rockets. Running around punching normal thugs.
It was as we were walking down the street that the reporter arrived. I didn't even notice until a microphone was suddenly in my face. I panicked at the sudden appearance, staggering back.
"What the fu-!?"
"John Mordecki, KONA-TV! You're Kahu Kiaʻi, right? The first Hawaiian superhero!"
Oh god, no. Cameras.
I tend to think of myself as fairly confident in a conversation. I may not be a genius at it, but I can figure out what to say in a pinch. Somehow, this was different. The reporter guy was blonde, pale, and had teeth that were just impossibly straight and white. His cameraman was zoomed in on me, and I felt a moment of gladness for my mask blocking my expressions. I took a moment to think while blinking at the bright light pointing at me.
"Yeah. I guess, though arguably Hawaii might have a few ancient heroes and deities that fall under that description as well."
John blinked. "Well, first modern hero then! Have we caught you in the middle of a patrol?"
"Yeah, with these two," I pointed at Gurdurr and Slugma, who were watching this all go down with some curiosity. The camera pointed at them. John, to his credit, didn't flinch at the sight of the two. Gurdurr raised a hand.
"Gur!"
Slugma cocked her head to the side. "Ma?"
He looked down at her. "Gurdurr," he explained to Slugma.
She frowned thoughtfully.
"Wow," John said softly. "And are these part of your powers?"
"Yes," I lied immediately. "I can summon spirits of my planet to fight alongside me in battle and supplement myself and my allies."
"Incredible," John hesitated. "Mr. Kiaʻi, I know you must be busy, but can we ask a few questions? Our viewers, and Hawaii at large, have a lot of things they'd love to know about you!"
"I…" I hesitated when my phone vibrated. I pulled it out and saw a text from Alakazam. A scream had been heard in a nearby neighborhood. "Okay, but we need to walk and talk, come on!"
Gurdurr, Slugma, and I went strolling quickly. Behind us, John shouted 'keep on him, come on!' to his cameraman.
"Ask your questions," I said quickly.
"Are you single?" John spat out, moving impressively fast.
"Yeah. Is that important though?"
"It is to some. Now, you said these creatures-"
"Call them Pokemon. It's short for 'Pocket Monster', since they can be brought with me wherever I go."
John seemed to file that way, his eyes glimmering. "Ok, Pokemon! You said they were spirits of your planet! Are you an alien, like Superman or Martian Manhunter?"
"I am an alien. But I'm nowhere near as powerful as those two. Or as good looking," I tried to joke, but I heard the sound of something breaking.
"What is the name of your planet?"
"Tatooine," for a moment, John's mind seemed to shatter as he gaped at me. "I'm joking. We never really gave our planet a name. Just call it the PokeWorld for now."
Actually people of that world called it Earth too, but that was too confusing to explain.
We ended up in a set of suburbs, where someone was crying out from a street nearby.
"Are there more people like you on your world? Are more coming?"
"There's a lot of people who work alongside Pokemon, for everything from fighting, construction, self-defense, and travel. But no, no one else is coming. I only got dropped here by accident."
"How did that happen?" John asked.
"I got kidnapped by aliens, beat them up, ended up here."
"W-Wow," John gaped. "Can you elaborate?"
"No, the memory is too painful," I said with all the emotion of a brick of wood. We came up to a house where the shouting was coming from. I knocked on the door. "Excuse me!"
Something crashed. Someone screamed.
"That's probable cause," I declared. "Gurdurr!"
"RAH!" with a roar of exertion, Gurdurr smashed open the door with his I-Beam. As the wood fragments flew about, I could see a man and woman standing over a small boy. The woman was shaking, a fresh bruise on her cheek. The man had a fist raised. The boy was bleeding from the mouth.
"Get in on this!" John said to his cameraman.
"What are you doing here!?" the man shouted. "Get out of my-"
"Sir, were you in the midst of beating this woman and child?" John asked.
The man, in a phenomenal moment of stupidity, raised his fist.
A grey hand wrapped around his elbow. The man looked down, only for his eyes to bug out.
"What the fu-"
Gurdurr pulled him down and wrapped an arm around the man's neck.
"Wait, what are you-" the woman said hesitantly.
God, what a fucking mess. My first time on television, and we'd found a husband/boyfriend, whatever he was, beating on a woman and kid. Bet Batman got to take down gangsters on television. As opposed to this, which I knew would be complicated.
"Miss," I stepped forward, waving Slugma over to calm down the kid. She did so, carefully. "I'm-" damnit, this was going to feel so insincere. "I'm a superhero. We heard the sounds of shouting-"
"Get this freak off me!" the man screamed.
"Gurdurr, can you push that guy stomach down on the floor?"
Gurdurr pulled his hands back, tossed the guy up into the air, where he spun in the air like pizza dough, before landing, where Gurdurr 'gently' held him there.
"You fucking pieces of-" there he went, profanity after profanity.
"...Hey, camera guy," I said.
The camera man stared at me, shocked to be acknowledged. "Uh, me?"
"Yeah, you got duct tape?"
The abusive man went quiet before starting up again. "You better not fuckin-"
"Sure," the camera guy reached into a pocket of his vest, pulling out a small roll of the most useful substance in the multiverse. "I keep it for quick repairs."
"I need to start doing the same. Nothing better than duct tape," I tossed it to Gurdurr, whose eyes lit up. "Now, Miss," I took her gently by the hand and moved her over to her kid, who had been watching with shocked eyes at all of us. Slugma cooed at him gently, while he continued to cry. I sat down in a ratty old chair, while she did the same. "Look. I'm a superhero. That means I want to help people. So let's just start by introducing ourselves. What's your name?"
"A-Amy," she said hesitantly. She seemed way out of her depth.
"Amy. Okay. I'm Kahu Kiaʻi. It's a codename, so you can call me Kahu. That's Gurdurr," we looked over at him.
"...Gur," oh wow. I had no idea you could wrap a person with that much duct tape.
"And this is Slugma. She's a sweetheart."
"Slug!" Slugma said warmly, pun not intended.
"And that over there is John, a reporter I'm currently getting stalked by."
"Yes, I- wait, what?" John said, confused.
"Now. You're Amy. Who is this?" I said, looking at her son. "You have a name kid?"
He stared at us. For a moment, I wondered what was wrong.
"H-He's autistic," Amy said softly. That explained a lot. Damn it. Nice safe thugs all night, and now I had something complicated. Still, at least I'd been here.
"And his name?" I asked.
"Akami," she smiled at him. Her son gave her an empty look, then rushed over to her, wrapping her in a hug. She clutched him tightly.
"Akami. I like it," I leaned back. "And that guy?"
"Mmm!" the human duct tape shouted as best as he could.
Amy hesitated. "H-He's my husband," she began to cry. "P-Please, he doesn't mean to… he just gets angry sometimes! He's a good man."
I held back the sarcasm. Battered woman syndrome, at a guess. But I'm no psychologist or anything, so I couldn't be sure.
"...He shouldn't have been hitting you. For any reason," I said leaning forward to look at her. "Your son is hurt."
His arms were extremely bruised. His left eye was blackening. Slugma glared at her husband.
"Amy," John drew our attention. He waved a hand, and the camera was lowered. He came forward and kneeled down to look in her eyes. "I agree with Kahu. Sometimes… the people who we least need in our lives trick us. They hurt us, and then make grand apologies. They'll be perfectly wonderful… until they feel the need to hurt us again. They'll call that love. They'll make you feel like it's your fault. It's not," John said, old pain in his eyes. "Now, we have on camera proof of what happened to you. The evidence is undeniable. We can protect you, keep him away."
"...I need him," Amy whispered. "My son and I need money. He needs special schools, he needs medicine, he-"
"Will be fine," I cut her off. "I can make sure he gets everything he needs until you can get on your feet," after all, what was the point of stealing money from gangsters if it didn't go to good causes? "He seems like a sweet kid. If you want him to be safe and happy, I'll happily help. But not here. Not with someone who was literally beating you."
The man was staring at us, especially at Gurdurr. I think he was calming down. Because he seemed to realize he'd tried to punch a super-monster in the face and gotten nothing but a smug smile in return.
"Come on," I got to my feet and held a hand. "We're gonna call the police, have them send the right people to help."
For a moment, a scary moment, she stared at my hand like it was a spider. Then, slowly, she reached out and took it, pulling herself up as she held her son in her arms.
While waiting for the police to arrive, I had Gurdurr watch over the woman and child, Slugma joining me with John and the camera guy. I glared at him.
"Okay. We have a few minutes before the police come and I have to leave before getting arrested for vigilantism or something like that according to the FBI guy in the news. Ask your questions."
"Let's start with that," John said with a stern look on his face. "Vigilantism. Some in the police force, a few people online as well, have been saying that you're breaking the law, with Sam Mokoa in particular, the 'FBI guy' you mentioned, calling for your arrest. That having someone like you running around fighting criminals like the Dragons is a bad idea, even fighting normal thugs."
"They're right and wrong to be honest," I sighed. "Nobody should be running around fighting crime on a whim. Ideally, every cop in the modern world should be trained and equipped for years, constantly learning more so they can combat the supernatural threats that currently exist. And running around doing this shouldn't be done on a whim. You need to cheat."
"Cheat?" John asked, confused.
"Powers are cheating. Training is cheating. Having advanced weaponry and gadgets is cheating," I lifted Slugma into my arms like a cat, the tiny magma monster wiggling slight. "Having allies like this cutie here is cheating. If you want to be a superhero, you can't just put a mask on. I'm not going to mince words," I gently put Slugma down. "This whole business of being a hero. No, of fighting crime in general. It's more dangerous than it's ever been. Aliens like me are showing up all the time. Regular people with a grudge are becoming more and more capable of getting some sort of serum to give them powers, or getting advanced tech that lets them melt metal. The world needed the Justice Society to stop those threats once. And they kicked ass. But threats are growing. Cops are doing what they can, but they can't do everything, not when their enemies can all of a sudden be able to escalate way beyond what they are equipped to handle."
I rubbed the back of my head. "So yeah. What I'm doing is illegal. But it's meant to be illegal in a world where it made sense. Right now, the Dragons have decided to go after me, because I made the 'mistake' of stopping them from killing people. Me, I say they should have never gotten the chance to force me into that situation in the first place. So this is me. Making a stand. Telling the Silicon Dragons that they can't just run around killing people, giving drugs to kids, trafficking humans through Hawaii, because they'll just bully good men and women into compliance!" I snarled. "So I'm making my stand. No more Dragons. And if they want to come at me with everything they've got, then they better be sure of this fight. Because I promise, the ceiling I've got on what me and my Pokemon can do, is a fuckton more than they can handle."
The cameraman shifted, looking between me and John.
"...I think, at some point, I lost track of your question," I sighed, while John frowned just a bit. "So yeah. Vigilantism is wrong. But in this case, it's this, or people die. I'm here to help. Whether Sam Mokoa wants it or not. Good enough?" Slugma nudged my leg, giving me a pleading look. I lifted her up into my arms once more, getting a happy burbling noise from her.
"Y-Yeah," John stuttered, then grinned. "More than good enough. Oh, and you, little… lava, slug, thing? What do you think?"
He leaned in towards Slugma, holding out his microphone.
"Uh, maybe you shouldn't-"
John touched the microphone against Slugma's lips. The microphone melted.
"What the-!?" John reflexively let go of the microphone. As we watched, the microphone sank into Slugma. After a moment, it was gone. She blinked down at her stomach, then let out a cute burp sound.
"...Folks at home, I apologize for whatever you must have heard there, as well as the drop in audio quality that's going to be taking place now. We'll be using the camera's mic, because a cute slug monster just ate mine."
"Slug," she said guiltily.
"She says sorry," I translated.
John didn't seem too angry. If anything he seemed excited. "That is just… I have so many more questions!"
"...Yay."
I answered as many questions as I could before the police arrived, then the Pokemon and I ran for the hills.
We kept it up. All across Honolulu, saving who we could. We intercepted calls, in total stopping six more situations. One was dumb, just a guy flashing people in a hotel who Slugma knocked out with a Yawn attack. The rest were just people. Normal desperate criminals trying to steal things or hurt innocents. Gurdurr got a lot of use out of his right hook.
Once again, it was more like fighting the Rockets than anything else. Taking out normal douchebags, rather than someone like Sidearm. That couldn't last though.
With sunlight coming up in the distance, Gurdurr and Slugma looked out over the city with me. I kneeled down next to them.
"So. How'd you guys like your first patrol?"
Gurdurr huffed, scratching his round nose. "Gurdurr."
"Boring, huh?" I grinned. "You just mad you didn't have an excuse to go all Minecraft on a bad guy?"
"Gur!" Gurdurr laughed, shaking his head ruefully. Then he sighed, hefting his I-Beam over his shoulder. "Durr. Gurdurr, durr," he said with a sigh.
He just wanted a challenge. A real fight. I got that. While all Pokemon had different personalities, one thing that was underneath all that was a wish to battle and be challenged in some way. Even if they didn't want to actually fight, like those Pokemon who preferred to join Contests where they could strut their stuff, were intensely competitive about it. It was just in them to fight.
"We'll get real fights soon. But-"
"Gur," he held up a hand, smirking. He clenched a fist and smiled."Gurdurr."
He got why we were doing this. Besides, beating up thugs may have been easy, but it also felt good.
I looked over at Slugma. "How about you? You doing okay?"
"Slugma…" she said sadly. I winced.
"I… To be honest, I don't know how Amy and Akami will do. We can help Akami, get him doctors and such who can work with autistic kids, but Amy is tougher. The cycle of abuse is tough to get yourself out of. And even with footage floating around, I can't guarantee that douchebag won't be able to get away with what he did, even if only a little bit."
"Maaaaa," she crooned sadly.
"Still. We'll do what we can. And thankfully we've stolen enough cash that we can support them through this, maybe even donate to a battered women's shelter to help."
"Slugma?"
I thought about that. "...No. Giovanni is helping us so far. But he's a pragmatist, not a good samaritan. I can't just ask him for help with every single problem. This one is tough because of human nature, not because it's inherently something we can't deal with. Nothing Giovanni can do will be more effective than what we can do."
Hiring therapists, convincing Amy to get the help she needed, getting Akami the same kind of assistance, that was all stuff we could do. Save the mob boss for the problems we actually needed him for, rather than going running to our personal supervillain for answers.
I'd keep an eye on the mom and son. Couldn't have their backs forever, but I'd do what I could.
"Okay, looks like things are gonna be as calm as they can be," I sighed as the sun finally rose. "Let's head home."
Sleep. And then, meet Giovanni and Roxy to plan our next steps. Also, avoid the news, because I didn't want to see my teenage self awkwardly asking questions on national television, the nightmare of many people.
Still, I did kind of wonder how that would go down...
Author's Note: A lot of patrols seem to end in massive supervillain battles in the comics. Which makes sense, since you should put what's interesting in the comic pages. But I also like those stories where it's Batman in Gotham just taking down normal thugs and going home to sleep after he's done. It's somewhat relaxing to know that Bat's can have a slightly peaceful night sometimes.
Still, Kahu did end up dealing with some real shit. No idea what I'll do with Amy. Maybe her story has a happy ending. Maybe not. Some problems can get punched away. Some, we can help with. But sometimes, the best you can do is show someone the door. It's up to them to take that step through it. In this case, Amy has to be the one who decides she's done with her abuser.
As for John, he's a fun one. An enthusiastic reporter, but he's dealt with his own issues as well. Overall, this was a treat to write.
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