Ethan stumbled across the makeshift finish line in the park, his shirt plastered to his skin with sweat and his tongue hanging out like a dehydrated dog.
"I-I ran… the… ten kilometers…!" he panted, dropping to his knees. "This… this should earn me… an Olympic medal, damn it!"
[Congrats, Einstein. 10 km completed. You just look like a corpse in sneakers, nothing special.]
"Just…? I nearly died five times! Dogs, puddles, cyclists, killer balloons…!"
[Excuses, excuses. Come on, champ, now comes the fun part: 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats, and 100 burpees.]
"Burpees… what kind of psychopath came up with those…?"
Ethan collapsed onto the ground, trembling, and started with the push-ups. By the tenth, it already looked like he was at war with gravity.
"Ughhh! My body hates me!"
[Not your body, Einstein—science. Every muscle is screaming: 'why the hell didn't we train before, idiot?']
"Shut up!"
Halfway through his sit-ups, a little kid walking with his mom pointed at him.
"Mom, is that man dying?"
The mom gave Ethan a pitying look. "Don't look, sweetie. He's… training."
Ethan covered his face with both hands. "This is worse than public humiliation… this is like a cheap reality show!"
[Exactly. And I'm the host. Welcome to Survive or Die in the Park, starring Ethan 'Breathes Like a Boar' Blake.]
"You son of a—!"
The squats were even worse. By number forty, Ethan looked like he was trying to breakdance with jelly legs.
[Wow, so that's how instant noodles dance. Fascinating.]
"I'm… gonna kill you… once I can… stand up again!"
Finally came the burpees. Ethan fell to the ground, staring at it like it was a medieval execution platform.
"…I can't. My soul's gone. I'm not human anymore."
[Correction: you were never that human to begin with. Come on, Einstein, only 100 hell jumps left. No reward otherwise.]
Ethan groaned and forced himself to start. By twenty he was crying inside, by sixty he looked like a fish out of water, and by ninety-five he was praying to every god he'd ever heard of.
With a final, agonized scream, he completed the last burpee and collapsed on the grass, arms spread like a dead starfish.
[Daily mission completed! Time left: 12 minutes.]
"Twelve minutes!? I was this close to dying!"
[Exactly, but you didn't. Congrats, Einstein. You're now a functional corpse.]
"A corpse… with five thousand bucks!" Ethan lifted an arm in triumph, before passing out on the ground.
[Hehe… and so begins your glorious career, champ. One shitty day, and it's just the start.]
Ethan lay sprawled on the grass, drenched in sweat and breathing like he'd just run a full marathon—even though it was "just" ten kilometers. His soul felt like it was seconds away from leaving his body.
A shadow fell over him, and a clear, cheerful female voice interrupted his dying rest.
"Wow… you okay? You look like you're about to pass out."
Ethan barely raised his head and found himself staring at a petite brunette with her hair tied up in a high ponytail, lightly tanned skin, and a slim yet toned body. She had that unmistakable athletic vibe of someone who ran every single day.
"I… am… dead," Ethan wheezed, dropping his head back to the grass.
Chloe smirked, leaning closer. "No, not dead. Sweaty, exhausted, suffering face, yeah. But trust me—if you managed ten kilometers without collapsing, you're on the right track."
[Ooooh, look who showed up, champ. Your first personal coach, but hot. Bet you'd run all the way to China just to impress her now.]
"Shut up!" Ethan hissed through gritted teeth.
Chloe raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
"Ah… no, no… nothing. Talking to myself." Ethan sat up awkwardly, trying to wipe the sweat from his face.
She chuckled softly. "You're weird, you know that? But I like your attitude. Not many beginners push themselves this hard on day one."
[Beginner is putting it nicely. He's more like a baby giraffe trying to walk—but human edition.]
Ethan clenched his fists, holding back the urge to curse at the system in front of Chloe. He forced a weak smile. "I guess… I'm just trying not to quit."
"That's the spirit." Chloe offered her hand to help him up. "I'm Chloe, by the way. Chloe Brooks. And you are…?"
"Ethan," he said, accepting her hand and wobbling to his feet.
"Nice to meet you, Ethan. Well, keep it up. And if you ever need running tips, look for me around here. I'm out here pretty much every day."
[Ooooh, did you see that, Einstein? She gave you her name and everything. First social contact achieved. Want me to open a panel calculating your odds of embarrassing yourself in front of her?]
"No, thanks!" Ethan thought desperately, as Chloe flashed him one last smile before jogging off.
As she disappeared down the trail, Ethan sighed. "Great… now on top of surviving training, I've gotta figure out how not to look like a total idiot in front of her."
[Extra missions unlocked: 1) Don't die. 2) Don't act like a clown in front of the hot runner. Spoiler: number one's easier.]
Ethan flopped back onto the grass, too drained to argue.
After a few minutes catching his breath, Ethan dragged himself back home, every muscle screaming in protest. Climbing the stairs up to his apartment felt like Greek torture, and when he finally shut the door behind him, he collapsed to his knees.
"God… I feel like I fought a truck… and the truck won."
[Don't exaggerate, champ. You just look like you got run over, then they reversed, and then drove over you again.]
"Very funny…" Ethan muttered, crawling toward the shower.
The hot water hitting his skin was temporary relief, even though every fiber of his body still burned. When he finally got out, he barely had the energy to dry off before collapsing into bed, hair still dripping.
"Today… was… absolute crap," he mumbled, eyes already closing.
[Relax, Einstein. This was just day one. Imagine what tomorrow will bring.]
"I'd rather… not imagine…" Ethan whispered, sinking into the sheets.
Silence wrapped around him, and for a few precious seconds, he thought he could finally sleep like the dead. But just as he began to drift off, a sound snapped his eyes open.
Knock knock knock
Ethan blinked, confused, pushing himself halfway up from the bed.
"What…? Who the hell knocks at this hour?"
The system chuckled in his head.
[Looks like your day isn't over yet, champ.]
Ethan swallowed hard, his heart picking up speed, as he turned toward the door.
The knocking came again, louder this time.
Knock knock knock