At this point, I can't even be mad at Mr. I should be mad at myself for thinking and believing that Mr could be capable of keeping his mouth shut for 45 minutes.
Sl walks toward us, nods at Mr, and then smiles at me.
So this is why he wanted to sit here? It was a trap? How could you, Mr—T-T.
There's a moment of silence, then Mr leans over and whispers to me,
"I know what it looks like, but I swear he's not here because I told him to."
I give him a look that says I'm not buying it.
"No, seriously, I kept my mouth shut," he says, sounding convincing.
"Really? For 45 minutes?" I say, still not convinced.
Then Mr turns to Sl and asks, "Did I say anything to you during second period today?"
"Nope. You didn't talk at all," Sl replies. "Which was odd—you always say something to me. I figured Ar told you not to say a word to me or Lu. Am I right?" he says, looking at me expectantly.
"Yeah, I did tell him that," I admit. "Only because he doesn't know when to stop being nosy," I add, shooting Mr an annoyed look.
Mr shrugs. "Well, anyway, see? I didn't say anything. You need to put some faith in me sometimes. He's here because..." He trails off, then turns to Sl. "Wait—why are you here?"
Sl says, "Oh, I just wanted to eat by myself and think for a while."
And right then, I see an opportunity to get the hell out of there—and I take it.
"Oh, look at that, Mr. We're disturbing his peace. We should go somewhere else," I say, already getting up.
But Mr grabs my hand and pulls me right back down.
"Sl doesn't mind," he says with a grin that makes me want to scream. Does he not know when to stop?
"No, you guys are fine. You were here first—I should be the one asking if I can stay," Sl says calmly.
I was about to reject him—politely, of course—but of course, Mr has to butt in with, "Of course you can stay. In fact, I should be the one leaving so you guys can talk."
He starts to get up, and I yank his hand down.
"No, no—stay."
For the rest of the lunch period, we just talk. No one brought up what happened yesterday.
And for a moment, I realize—I missed talking to Sl.
He's not the bad guy. He can be a good listener. He can be funny sometimes.
But I just know that if it were just the two of us, he wouldn't want to talk about class or life. He'd want to talk about how much he likes me.
That's why, for ten years, I've avoided being alone with him.
Because I want our conversations to be normal. I want us to be normal.
But it's always been like this, ever since I met him.