When I got back home and walked up to my bedroom, the Love Machina's pod had been removed.
I stood there for a long time, my eyes stuck on the empty place it used to be. Ever since Calypso confirmed the new terms of my contract, I had been in a state of complete shock.
The thought of my debt had been omnipresent, all my life.
My whole life.
For twenty-three years, every morning, I woke up to pay it back. Every choice I made, every path I took, was to repay my debt. It was so vast, so consuming, I had never once imagined a life without it.
But that had been offered to me on a silver plate today.
In one month, if everything goes according to plan... I will be free.
Free from my contract.
Free of my debt.
I will not be going back to the clinic.
When that thought struck me, I buried my face in my hands. My eyes hardly blinked, fixed straight ahead. I was afraid to close them, thinking that if I did, this new reality would evaporate like a dream.
As soon as I heard the digital lock sound, I ran downstairs.
V had barely stepped through the entrance when I jumped into his arms.
"Sade!" he laughed, pulling me close, shutting the door with his foot.
"What happened? H-how come...?" I tilted my head back to study his face, my hands around his cheeks.
Could it be a mistake? V had always been transparent about the deadline. We both knew it was coming. What had shifted today for it to change suddenly?
"You know already?" His smile widened, that boyish smile I loved so much. "They agreed to move the end date. We have one more month."
Before I could answer, he pushed me back into his embrace, locked his arms around me, and made us twirl around.
My feet left the floor, and finally, I let the feeling of freedom take over, the one I had been so scared to feel until now.
And it was all thanks to him.
I didn't know whether I wanted to smile, cry, laugh, or yell. But in this moment, in V's embrace, I didn't want to think at all.
💐
We celebrated together that evening.
After the initial effusion of joy, I realized V had bought me a big bouquet of beautiful flowers: pink, purple, blue, white, and yellow, wrapped in thick green leaves.
He had also bought a book, my first book!
"I thought you might like the art," he said with a small smile as I flipped through the large pages filled with paintings, watercolors, and sketches of the most impressive green sculptures and gardens of the City.
"Thank you so much," I said sincerely, clutching the large book to my chest. The golden letters of its title gleamed: The Green City: Emerald Cityscapes and Sculpted Nature.
I had nothing to offer him, and even if I did, it would have come from the safe he himself had given me access to, which made the gesture feel pointless.
So instead, I did what I knew best: I ordered us a feast. I darted back and forth between the low table in the living room and the cooked box, piling dish after dish in front of us.
V was telling me the story of how Chandra had helped him get his deadline postponed, while I kept sliding more plates his way.
Our stomachs were full of delicious food and joy when we both crashed next to each other on the couch.
"Now that we have more time... Maybe we could plan a trip to the beach?" V suggested, and my heart leaped in my chest. "We could do anything you want to experience."
"I would love that," I almost squealed, impatient at the idea of another trip beyond the City's walls.
And more time with him.
We leaned back into the couch, smiling at each other, our heads sinking into the cloudy cushions. After a moment, V glanced away, and I followed his gaze, watching Poly, the cleaning bot, circle dutifully around the crumbs I'd left scattered in the kitchen.
"Actually..." V's black eyes turned back to me. "I've been thinking about something... Something I wanted to try."
His eyes averted mine again.
"Something?" I repeated, unable to control the higher pitch of my voice.
My shoulders tensed as he leaned on his right hand, getting closer to my side of the couch. His long fingers removed his glasses in one swift movement, placing them on the table. My eyes followed every single one of his micro movements, unable to bring myself to look at his eyes. He folded his right leg beneath him, allowing him to lean even more into my personal space.
On my side, I had not moved a single centimeter. I wanted him to be the one filling the space between us. After the catastrophe of my drunken night, I was too scared to make any move. Any physical closeness would have to be initiated by him.
I sat perfectly still on the couch, my feet firmly planted on the floor, hands resting at my sides. For once, I did feel like my posture was robotic, rigid, and not relaxed at all.
It took everything in me not to turn my whole body toward him, meet his warm skin, and close the aching space between us. My fingers twitched against the cushion, resisting the urge to reach for him, to get my hands on his shoulders and bring our bodies closer.
Finally, I found the courage to look at his eyes, realizing he had been waiting for mine all along.
"Don't move," he spoke in a whisper.
His lips parting, he took one short breath.
I parted mine as a response, taking a small breath too, preparing myself for whatever would come next.
I've been wanting to try... something.
There was one thing we hadn't tried yet.
One thing that all couples did.
My eyes had begun to flutter already, ready to close and embrace the warm lips he would offer to me.
Impatient, I even began to draw my lips to his.
But his, instead of going forward, went down.
Even more down.
My breath got stuck in my chest. I was truly immobilized now.
I watched as his face turned away from mine, his right elbow bending, his left hand gently grasping at the fabric of my skirt on my knee.
The next second, his right cheek brushed my lap, his head finding a comfortable position on it. His whole body shifted, his arms crossing on his chest, a foot still on the ground while the other folded beneath himself.
He rested his head on my lap, a long exhale rippling along his whole body.
I was so surprised, I hadn't even realized my hands had lifted in the air, instinctively giving him space. Hesitantly, I placed one hand on his shoulder, while the other returned to my side, unsure of what I should do.
This wasn't what I was expecting.
But I wasn't disliking it either.
I looked down at the way his hair fell at the back, the curve of his nape, and the soft outline of his ear.
"This is nice," he sighed again, and I felt his neck stretch on my hip before his face relaxed even more against my thigh.
He had closed his eyes, as if to fully take in the experience.
I remained still, uncertain of what to do, my body tense and unmoving. As much as I had been craving his touch, I wasn't sure of what he was expecting of me in this instant.
He must have felt my hesitation too, because the next second, his right hand found mine on his shoulder, guiding my fingers toward his head.
Before I could even think of what I was doing, I found myself threading my fingers through the dark strands of his hair.
Again, he sighed in contentment, his body melting further into the couch and pressing more against mine. His shirt hung loosely at the back, showing a bit of the soft curve of his spine. Goosebumps appeared on his pale skin. That feeling seemed contagious as they appeared on my arms, too.
I continued to stroke down his hair, enjoying the quiet moment and all the leisure of observing the beautiful contours of his face.
The tightness in my shoulders disappeared, and I found myself relaxing too. Our breaths seemed to slow down together, quiet and steady. We stayed like that for a moment, in this comfortable silence, except for the soft sound of our breathing and my fingers stroking his hair.
At some point, he took one deep exhale again, his eyes fluttering open. He turned on his back, his face looking up to me.
That move got him even closer to my navel now, and I couldn't help but suck in my stomach, in this weird feeling of both craving and fearing his physical proximity.
"Is it as nice for you as it is for me?" he asked, his eyes looking dazed as they glanced up at me.
I tried to control how big the smile on my face wanted to spread.
It did feel nice.
More than nice, actually.
Amazing. Blissful.
"Mhmhm," I acquiesced. "It's really, really nice."
Naturally, my hand had moved from his shoulder to his chest when he had turned on his back. The first button of his shirt was undone, and I couldn't help but wonder how it would feel to slip my fingers down the crook of his neck.
"It's strange," V continued, his hands crossed on his stomach, his eyes blinking on the ceiling as if he was still processing something. "I feel exposed, but..." a small laugh escaped his lips, "...also protected?" his eyes took a glance at mine before averting them again, "that probably doesn't make sense," he shook his head with another chortle.
"It does," I reassured him, and my hand reached to rest on his chest.
I was about to remove it already, fearing that I might have gone too far again, but his fingers got around mine.
He didn't seize my hand. Instead, his long fingers held my pinky, his index tracing a slow line along my hand. His thumb bumped along every single knuckle, and I couldn't help but shiver again.
He didn't notice it, his stare still lost in the ceiling, nibbling on his lower lip as if he was deep in his thoughts.
I wish I could have read his mind at this moment.
My other hand went back to stroking his hair, and that might have caught his attention again because his deep black eyes ended back on me. His stare descended from my eyes, to my lips, to my neck, chest, and finally, to my stomach.
I realized I was the one who was exposed to him now.
The next second, he sprang back to his initial seating position. It felt like he was being snatched away from me, and I immediately felt an ache from the removal of his warmth.
"It's late. We should go to sleep," he rubbed a hand over his face before pushing his hair to the back.
I couldn't read his mind yet, but we had spent enough time together for me to recognize the tone of voice he would use when he wanted to seem detached. I knew he must have still felt vulnerable from the connection we just had.
I watched him lean back into the cushions of the sofa, his fingers reaching for his tablet. I turned my body to him, one leg coming beneath me as I leaned my left elbow on the cushions. A few strands of black hair were falling in front of his stare, and I wished I could see his eyes.
A sudden desire lit up in my head.
And I smothered it right away.
No. That wouldn't be correct.
Would it?
My mouth went dry, and I looked away, hoping the idea would disappear by itself.
It didn't.
I looked back at him and pressed my lips together, inhaling deeply as my nostrils flared.
I just wanted to kiss him on the cheek.
A simple, gentle peck.
On the cheek.
Would that be too much?
It seemed innocent enough.
V was completely absorbed by whatever he was checking on his phone, nibbling again on his lower lip.
After all, what we just did was way more intimate than a simple peck on the cheek.
A small kiss. On the cheek.
I wet my lips, hoping it would deter me from doing so. No one would want a sudden wet kiss on their cheek. That would be strange, and I wouldn't want this to be V's first interaction with my lips.
What was I thinking now?
That was too much. I had to put distance between us.
I used my hand to lift myself from the sofa, but getting closer to him now, my desires took over.
My face plunged forward, and I aimed for his cheek.
Just one peck.
One small kiss on his cheek and that would be it.
My lips were already brushing over his soft skin when everything shifted in an instant.
Unaware of what I was doing, he turned his face to mine.
I should have seen it coming.
Maybe, deep down, I did.
Maybe that was why I wanted to do it in the first place.
For the briefest moment, our lips brushed each other, imperceptible almost. I was already pulling away, my lips parting for an apology to form on them... But his warm breath chased after mine.
In the next heartbeat, his lips captured mine, inhaling my breath into his.
As I had been leaning in with the intent of rising right after, my body was already set in motion. My arm and leg pushed off the cushions, and I couldn't stop now. I was moving upward, and he was following, his lips closed against mine, as if trying to hold onto something I was taking away.
His mouth swallowed mine, the damp warmth of his lower lip brushing against my chin, while a desperate upper lip caught against mine, unwilling to let go.
V must have realized I was pulling back, because suddenly, he stopped. A shaky exhale escaped between us before he tore himself from my mouth, breaking the kiss with a wet sound, the back of his hand over his mouth already.
For a second, we were panting for air.
The next one, the charm had broken already.
"Sorry, I-" my cheeks burned, "I... didn't mean-"
I breathed these words out, having no idea why I felt the need to say it out loud, as if it could erase what had already happened.
He stood up so fast that the rush of air lifted a few strands of my hair.
"I'm going to sleep," he muttered, already walking away from me, around the coffee table, and up the stairs.
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