CHAPTER 33: Boy: "Catch These Hands Archer"
"So, why a drink all of a sudden?" Ptolemaeus or rather Archer asked Gilgamesh as he sipped from what was probably the finest wine he had ever tasted in his…life? After life? Well, whatever it was, this wine was amazing.
"It just felt like the right time for it. And I have a few things I am curious about so talking about it over something to drink was just how it had to be done." Sipping from his own cup Gilgamesh answered nonchalantly.
"So you just want someone to satiate your curiosity, huh. Sure, then ask away. As long as it's not some information that might endanger my Master I will answer."
"There's no need to hurry. Just savor the drink I so magnanimously spared for a mongrel like you for now, we can get to the questions when everyone is awake." Gilgamesh waved his hand dismissively as he focused back on his drink.
Ptolemaeus just rolled his eyes in annoyance at his words, an action that didn't escape Gilgamesh's attention but he didn't pay it any attention which Archer was also aware of.
The two sat there in silence for a while, both unbothered by the awkward pause to their conversation. They both weren't people to mind this kind of situation in the first place.
The place they decided on for this impromptu refreshment was a bar not far from the school they had just fought in.
It was the nearest place and while it wasn't the most refined they both didn't really want to bother searching for another place, though if the place had ended up being too squalid Gilgamesh would have searched for another one.
They used a spell to make all the customers as well as the bartenders and owner go back to their home so they wouldn't have to be bothered by their presence as they talked.
As he refilled his cup Archer fell deep into his own thoughts. He analyzed his own situation but couldn't help but feel a slight pang of sadness.
'The king of heroes, huh. It's such a pity my king. You would have definitely liked to be here and meet him.' Ptolemaeus could already picture the figure of the man he followed as his greatest role model for all his life screaming and either asking the king of heroes to join him and his army to rule the world or charging head on and fighting with all his power to test his mettle against him.
'He would have certainly done that, wouldn't he?' A slight smile formed at the corner of his lips at that thought.
'However the one here is me instead, so I guess it shall fall onto me to fight for his share as well, a pity my vessel is just too weak to fight Gilgamesh, I need at least a few days of preparation just to unleash my second noble phantasm.' Unlike his armor, or rather the mirror he used to shine light on his library, he couldn't exploit his enemy's attack to activate it.
The raw amount of magical energy needed was just so much that he would die a short time afterward. So for now he had no intention of fighting Gilgamesh, especially because he also technically wasn't a participant of the war so attacking him was an act that brought enough shame upon him already.
He wasn't who knows what kind of paragon of honor and purity but upholding to at least the rules of this conflict was something he believed he shouldn't infringe upon.
If victory wasn't obtained in a path that satisfied him how could he ever face his king again.
So it wasn't a matter of character or honor but self satisfaction.
It was stupid, maybe even arrogant. But that's how he became someone who earned his seat among the throne of heroes after all.
"By the way Ruler. If you don't mind telling me, what is the name of your Master?"
"Oh? Curious about the boy who humiliated you Archer?" Gilgamesh smirked with a look of utter joy and mockery across his face. "Who could blame you, it's not every day a man who became a heroic spirit ends up getting defeated by a shoe thrown by a kid still wet behind his ears."
Archer's eyes twitched in irritation at that but he still kept his cool. "...Just passing curiosity and that she was most definitely not a normal one."
"Finding excuses like that is not gonna change what happened, nothing would have changed either way." Gilgamesh lied through his teeth without batting an eyelid.
After all, while the boy's courage, if it could even be called such, was incredible, had that shoe been a normal one then no matter how much he reinforced it, especially with his current level of skills, it would have melted before even reaching Archer.
But Gilgamesh didn't care.
All he cared about was that he was feeling so accomplished and satisfied by that single sneak attack that blinded Ptolemaeus that he felt like his own ego somehow had grown even bigger.
And it wasn't even for something he did himself….though he did dress the boy so the root of all the merit should, of course, fall on him but it's another matter now.
"...I hope the kid blows through all the clothes in your treasury and leaves you stark naked." Archer finally couldn't take it anymore and just retorted with a snort.
"Don't overestimate yourself Archer…" Gilgamesh huffed back as he locked eyes with him as his smirk turned malicious. "A shoe was bad enough if I gave him all my clothes you wouldn't last even halfway through them. Are you sure you wanna try that?"
"Yeah, sure. Always dreamed of fighting an exhibitionist child." Archer said sarcastically as he scoffed, shaking his shoulder.
"Is that so?" Ruler giggled with a nasty expression on his face. "Then I have good news for you, Archer, your dream is gonna become real pretty soon."
"What do you mean by that?" Ptolemaeus raised an eyebrow in doubt.
"!" Suddenly Archer got to attention and snapped his head to look behind his back before merging it to the side with outstanding reflexes.
He did so to avoid being hit just in time by a strange bundle of cloth wrapped in a strange way, no, it was actually a pair of trousers wrapped around something to make it weigh more.
'Wait. Trousers!?' Suddenly struck by a sense of deja vu and exasperation Archer foresaw what was coming next as he felt the magical energy inside the indument but he was a bit too slow to react due to his bewilderment hindering his reaction.
BOOM
A cloud of smoke and glass shards covered the counter the two servants were having a drink in.
Gilgamesh stood undeterred by the sudden attack as he had noticed the boy waking up beforehand and was prepared as he saw him wrapping his trousers around a few glass cups to make it easier to throw.
"Coff, coff. What the hell, kid!?" Archer burst into a short coughing fit as some glass shards went down his throat as his mouth was gaping when he realized what was happening.
However, Archer wasn't done being surprised yet.
When he turned around to look at the direction the kid threw the improvised bomb from he was met with another baffling sight.
A pair of small feet.
And a child in underwear.
'No way…' Archer was so dumbstruck that despite having the physical capacity of avoiding the blow he quite surely lacked the mental capacity required for it at this moment. 'Who the fuck would dropkick a Servant…'
THWAACK
The boy's feet collided squarely with Ptolemaeus' face, but he stood perfectly still though as if the kid had hit a wall instead of a person's skull.
As the kid started falling from his action Archer was looking at it all happening in slow motion with a deadpanned expression.
While the boy was still in mid air Archer looked at his surroundings. He saw the boy's extremely empty yet absolutely serious expression on his face and he could already see it from the look in his eyes, this guy wasn't even done yet.
He also saw Gilgamesh who sat in his seat completely unscratched or covered in any glass fragments, adorning the smuggest smile he had ever seen, the babylonian king even winking at him in the brief moment they made eye contact. The bastard was having the time of his life.
The real problem however was yet another one.
His Master had also woken up, right when he got drop kicked right in the face. She was looking at the situation with an expression that was unusually expressive for his rather serious Master, she was equally shocked by the sight as she was confused at the strange sight of a kid in underwear fighting him.
Even though he knew it was probably an exaggeration to put it like that, he felt as if he somehow took a massive blow to his image. Mostly due to the scene looking very embarrassing as the kid was pretty much naked save for the one thing covering his genitalia.
Heaving a sigh he grabbed one of the boy's ankles, hanging him upside down.
"Chill out now, will you?" He muttered tiredly. He had to defuse the situation.
"Listen, we–"
Unfortunately, he wouldn't ever get the chance to finish his phrase.
The boy's right hand, which had been obscured behind his left, was wrapped in a glass cup he found on a table, his right hand shifted ever so slightly and then.
Before Archer could realise he had something in his hands, the boy's fist jerked forward in a tight, brutal arc.
THWUMP
The blow wasn't even that strong, to be used against a Servant that is, of course. Servants in their normal state are pretty much immune to any sort of normal physical attacks, that's because despite materialising a body that interacts with the world around them they are essentially incorporeal.
Their body is actually a metaphysical entity that interacts with the world, hence to meet the bare minimum requirement to attack such a being you would need something that possessed a metaphysical weight of its own.
Essentially something that possessed magical energy. Like a spell or a mystic code. However just because it is imbued with magical energy there is no guarantee that it would work.
Reinforcement for example is the most simple among all magecraft spells, by adding one's magical energy to an object it strengthens its properties and it also adds a corresponding metaphysical weight to said item so THEORETICALLY something reinforced by this spell COULD damage a Servant.
Would it actually work?
The answer was a firm no.
Among people of the modern era whose mystery was inherently lacking and the use of a normal object that is not even a relic of sorts, even for the child who hand inherited the mystery of the script from Gilgamesh's book inside his noble phantasm his own level of ability at reinforcement could still be categorized inside the range of ability belonging to a magus of the current age. He was a total amateur and beginner after all.
And that was the case without even facturing in Servants who possessed the class skill called Magic Resistance.
Was the boy aware of any of this?
No, he wasn't but he never entertained the idea anyway in the first place.
His knowledge was lacking and only consisting of bits of pieces from when Gilgamesh was in the mood to lecture him about it. He knew that he probably couldn't injure him no matter what.
But he remembered Gilgamesh once saying that despite their different essence they still mimicked human bodies perfectly so the weaknesses were the same as well.
And there was only one weakness he could think of for striking Archer.
After all.
A Servant he may be.
But a man he remained.
So using the enlarged diameter given by the cup around his fist he reinforced it (despite it being somewhat useless but he had to give it his everything after all) and struck with the intent of enlarging a certain distance.
The distance of Archer's balls between each other, that is.
And Archer wasn't wearing his armor now after all so the path was open.
"—Ghkaaa!" Ptolemaeus's face paled as his eyes widened in a mixture of horror and pain, unconsciously releasing his hold on the kid.
"Oooffff" And Gilgamesh who was looking at this scene in action from just a little bit of distance from them made a small "o" with his mouth as he sucked in some air while narrowing his eyes and craning his head to the side.
A strike to a man's nether region was not just a normal physical attack but a psychological one as well. For example, if there were thirty men in a park and one of them was on a skateboard and then suddenly missed a trick and ended up hitting his crotch against the corner of the railings, if all the remaining twenty nine were unlucky enough to be watching, the pain would somehow be transmitted to them almost telepathically.
Only a monster would laugh after seeing such a horrific sight before themselves.
Which was why Gilgamesh started giggling wickedly like a child soon after, somehow defeating the phantom pain he received from witnessing the blow first hand from a first raw seat.
And likewise the evil spawn he was rising was also totally unaffected by such vile sight.
Truly inhuman.
The boy finally touched the ground and rolled back on his feet as fast as he could and fastened his hands on his underwear. He now lacked any sort of weapons so they were his last option, but just as his hands were about to start pulling down a hand clamped on one of his forearms.
"Hahahaha. Stop pffffffffffffffff stop. AHAHAHAHAHAHAH, you can–pff you can stop now."He initially thought the hand belonged to Archer but the voice that came out half choking in its own laughter was undoubtedly that of Gilgamesh.
Who continued laughing even after releasing the boy's arm and patting his shoulder fervently and shaking him left and right occasionally.
"Huuuufffff!!!" Archer on the other hand was clatching his nether region with one hand while the other banged on the table a few times cracking it, his face once turned pale was now instead burning red. He was still reeling from the aftereffects of such a horrible attack.
"HAHAHAHAHA!" Seeing Archer still being in pain seemed to have renewed Gilgamesh's laughter anew. He was literally having fun like a child at a funfair.
"Shut up." Archer growled as he picked up his chair and slowly sat down on it. He huffed tiredly before giving a death glare to the kid.
Noticing it Gilgamesh continued snickering as he wrapped his arm around the boy's shoulder, his stature was short so he could do it from a sitting position, smiling at Archer all the while.
Sighing Ptolemaeus decided to change the subject. "Good afternoon Master. Nice to see you woke up."
The girl gave all three of them a strange look which was hard to exactly decipher the meaning of but soon resumed wearing her usual serious expression on her face.
"...I feel like it would have been better if I stayed asleep a few more seconds with all due honesty." She replied to her servant with a curt tone but the reservation in her voice was evident all the present, minus one person. "But I believe it is nice to see I am still alive I suppose."
"Should I take it that it was our loss?" The girl asked no one in particular. She woke up and saw her Servant get apparently…humiliated? So she seemed to have reached the conclusion that it must have been the reason for the current situation.
"No, it was a tie. You and my brat here knocked each other out and me and your Servant decided to stop hostilities, mongrel." Gilgamesh of course saw right through what she meant by that question and had absolutely no intention of letting such a misunderstanding pass through.
"What you just witnessed was a fair and square confrontation with no blackmailing involved." Gilgamesh ruffled the naked boy's hair as he said so.
At that the girl narrowed her eyes giving her Servant a complicated look, which in turn made Archer unable to hold eye contact with her as he turned his head to the other side slightly embarrassed, his image had indeed ended up taking irreparable damage.
His balls were fine now though, virtue of being a Servant and all.
"...I see." She could only respond dryly seeing Archer seemed too embarrassed to speak up in his own defence. She didn't relax though, her guard was still up.
'I guess there is bound to be a first for everything.' She didn't take the information as badly as Archer was actually thinking she was, she was a researcher first and foremost after all, reacting with bafflement to every surprising piece of information would bring her nowhere. Especially when she had yet to completely confirm her own safety.
She instead made a mental note that male Servants do seem to retain a glaring weak point, whatever due to actual pain or a phantom pain was not important now as she saw the effectiveness firsthand. 'Could make for a decent distraction method…'
Safe to say that if any man knew the kind of nefarious plot that started taking shape in her mind from a single instance she just witnessed they would either be petrified or scream insults at her.
"Well, no need to be so on guard. I am in a magnanimous enough mood to resolve everything peacefully." Gilgamesh raised both his hands in fake resignation. "So let's just talk things out, round two can come another time."
The girl stood up on her feet from where she was lying down, she made her way to the half destroyed counter littered in small pieces of glass and took a seat beside her Servant.
"It is fine for me but…" Her word trailed off at the end as if unsure. "I do not see what you might stand to gain from this interaction, so I am unsure of why such a discussion would even hold any meaning."
"Just take it as my way of sating my endless curiosity then." Gilgamesh smiled as he brought out drinks for both his Master and the girl.
'Looking at their dynamics during the battle, the boy's flat attitude and Ruler's overbearing attitude on top of the information I gathered about him during the fourth holy grail war it appears that the King of Heroes is clearly the one in charge among the two of them.' She summarized briefly in her mind, getting a grasp of who you were talking to was a priority in situations like this one, after all a battle might break out at any second were things to go south during the talks. 'A battle right now is too much at our disadvantage as the magical energy we would need to face Ruler is too big to be worth it, especially due to the fact we would have to use a command spell, also from the information we obtained during the battle; Ruler class servants are supposed to be natural in the conflict… at least in theory.'
While the chances of him being actually belligerent weren't zero she decided that in this situation it certainly wasn't worth the risk and should just try to defuse the situation… which she actually already tried to do in the beginning before the boy slit one of her homuncoli's throat.
She gave a look at her Servant for a second as if silently asking for his opinion, Archer in turn just shrugged and started sipping from his cup again.
"That is fine for us then." She finally nodded her head and started to introduce herself out of courtesy.
"My name is Sialim Eltnam Osiris, alchemist from the Atlas Institute, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance."
***
Ok, sorry again for the slight delay but yesterday I was very sick and didn't feel like getting up from my bed. I hope u still liked the chapter even if it was mostly funny shit and a little unserious.
For the wandering her canonical name is Sialim Eltnam Re-atlasia. She is the creator of rani VIII in fate extra verse, where she is the head of Atlas as Sion was a stillborn and has a short cameo in the melty blood manga but she has no other real involvement anywhere else and no information about her role or if she even exists in the main fate timelines. I made her second name a reference to Dust of Osiris cause i found it funny to do but it has nothing to do with her powers and shit just like for Sion. So everything you will see about her in this work is halfway between shit I make up and shit we can deduct from Rani VIII.
I will do my best to explain it all of course.
So about the exam situation things aren't very ideal. They rescheduled most of my exams with fairly short notices at the beginning of January and by now instead of having already done three of them as I should have I only did one and I kinda fumbled.
I had another today but im sick so I didn't go and because apparently all of my professor must be some sons of bitches i had 3 exam all in a raw, one today, one tomorrow and one the day after, which i will all probably not even go to because once again im fucking sick as hell but they had to reschedule them as badly as they could, of course.
Essentially, I will probably have to redo them all in february and as I curse my professor to erectile dysfunction I will once again remind everyone I will not be writing anything but the next chapter has already been written so in February I will deliver the next one on the previously specified date in which I will HOPEFULLY be done with everything and I will tell you my plans on the resuming of a normal scheduling based on the situation I will be in at that moment.
I hope everyone had a nice holiday this christmas and a new year.
Welp, I made a new extra, the number 4, that will come out a few minutes after this chap about sialim and ptolefraud.