Alright, rock with this, ladies and gentleman. First of all, the best time to fuck with people is when they're drunk. Second piece of advice, if you're drunk, yell hell yeah. Congrats, if you legit did that, your life is sad. You drank too much to where you're a dumbass. This is a joke story, you're at home or in public or something. Don't trust the tv, we can't react to you.
Now moving onto something new and fun. We're all bored as shit, check this out. You are so bored you'd believe me if I was famous. You want to know why? I hate to say it, but it's easy at this point CAUSE YOU ALL ACTUALLY SUCK! NOBODY EVEN SOCIALIZES ONLINE WELL WITHOUT BOTS, YOU'RE ALL LAME AS FUCK!
Lame enough to where I could strut onto your server and do what I want. Check it out, I'll do Family Guy.
"Hey Brian, where's the fucking wife at? She owes me a blowjob." Peter says angrily.
"Peter, Lois is dead. She killed herself when she realized you were such a loser, she had to get a job." Brian says, shocked.
"Oh man, that sucks. Guess I'll go to work and be a Single Guy now. Heh heh… hehhhhh." Peter says, bored and slightly sad.
Now I'll do like, I dunno, fucking Warhammer.
"Hey, did you know corpse starch is just any fucking meat? We even eat human meat sometimes when we're desperate!" Guardsman 1 says, shocked.
Guardsman 2 shrugs nonchalantly.
"So what? It needs seasoning, I'm always bored of it." Guardsman 2 says angrily. "I literally don't even care if it's human meat, PUT SEASONING ON IT!" he yells angrily.
Finally, I'll do like, I dunno, King Arthur.
King Arthur legit is trying to break Excalibur. Merlin is yelling at him to stop. King Arthur as Peter Griffin is screaming about bullshit while breaking the sword.
"I DON'T EVEN WANT TO BE KING, I WANT TO PLAY VIDEOGAMES AND SMOKE WEED!" King Peter Griffin yells furiously.
"SHUT UP PETER, YOU NEED TO BE KING! YOU'RE IN CHARGE!" Merlin Peuterschmidt yells furiously.
"NO, THAT'S FUCKING GAY! I HATE BEING KING, MAKE SOMEONE ELSE DO IT! I WANT AUTOPILOT!" Peter yells furiously.
Merlin crosses his arms and pouts.
"Well, go find someone else to pull the sword out then. Otherwise, you're king of the country." Merlin says angrily.
King Peter pulls out the sword and throws it at Merlin. Merlin legit dies. King Peter yells "YES, FUCK THAT WIZARRRDDDDD!"
And then well, reality shuts down. The Wizard turns off reality by throwing lightning bolts at them and reincarnating on the spot.
"ALRIGHT PETER, TIME TO REMEMBER THE WIZARD RULES REALITY! YOU ARE THE PAPER PUSHER! DEAL WITH IT! GO LEAD YOUR COUNTRY OR I WILL SMITE YOU INTO SMITHEREENS!" Quagmire Wizard yells furiously.
Peter legit just walks out the room. Quagmire Merlin just walks after him.
"Peter, you have to rule the kingdom. You're the King." Quagmire says, bored and tense.
King Peter shrugs.
"I legit don't care anymore. Just let someone else be the king." King Peter says bitterly.
And then I walk in by just stealing Excalibur and riding it like a fucking metal blade pony while flipping off Peter Griffin and vaping in his face. Then I make a cutaway joke like-
"Society is so boring, I could walk around with a pickaxe outside at night for fun and no one would care."
Then it cuts to me doing that, and nobody FUCKING CARED! We legit are that apathetic, it's sad. Go fucking make friends with the people that love you on your servers, real life, do something. I am at least rich in vibes absurdly, you are all canning yourselves with boredom.