Chapter 89
Behind eyes that seemed calm, his thoughts spun in chaos, assaulted by waves of fear that came and went without mercy.
He knew what he had to do, or at least that was what he kept assuring himself since the journey began.
He had to be brave, had to untangle the twisted thread that had been allowed to coil for decades.
He had to raise his head, face Miara, and admit the mistakes that had fractured their bond.
Yet the firmer that resolve grew, the more his inner calm trembled.
His heart pounded fast.
Not because courage was flowing, but because the shadows in his mind had begun to take shape.
Every scenario he imagined showed Miara's face in a different form.
Sometimes as the little girl who once hugged him while laughing, sometimes as an adult with cold eyes that refused to recognize him.
In his vision, Miara's voice echoed, sharp, angry, and broken, accusing him of being someone who disappeared for far too long without a trace.
He could feel the pain even before it happened, a pain that came not from shouting, but from the words she might speak.
"That he was no longer a father."
A simple sentence, yet enough to shatter the foundation of his existence.
And there, Shaqar trembled.
He realized how terrifying it was to lose the right to be called "father" by the only child he had, more frightening than any mission or battle he had ever faced in his entire life.
In the thickening silence, he bowed his head, staring at the wet ground beneath his feet.
Every drop of water falling from the palace walls felt like needles, adding weight to the air around him.
He tried to draw a breath, willing the dark visions in his mind to fade, but each inhale only brought a denser suffocation.
He understood that true courage did not mean being unafraid, but moving forward even when one's body trembled.
Yet now, all he felt was cold, as though the courage once planted in his chest had frozen solid.
In his mind, Miara stood before the door of that house, expressionless, wordless, and even that image alone was enough to drain the strength from his limbs.
"How if all this only makes things worse, Apathy? I've been absent for too long.Showing up suddenly just to apologize? It won't fix anything, and it may reopen wounds they've worked hard to close."
"Captain, you'll never know the result unless you try.
Every wound needs courage to be touched.
If you keep hiding behind fear, Miara will grow old never knowing that her father still cares."
"But you don't understand, Apathy.
I'm not just afraid of being rejected.
I'm afraid of her eyes.
The gaze that once held nothing but affection might now hold disgust.
How could I face that?"
"How long, Captain?How long will you keep acting like this?You've fought the world, defeated the servants of the Cursed One, yet when facing your own daughter you tremble like a child!"
Huuuuh!
"I'm not ready, Apathy.By the blood of demons that still runs in my veins—I'm not ready!You think I don't want to see her?But this is pointless!There is no purpose other than humiliating myself in front of my own family!"
"Stop making excuses!You've been like this for far too long.And this isn't about being ready or not ready—this is about having the courage to bear the consequences of the past!"
Haaaah - hiiiiiih!
"No, Apathy. None of this is worth it.I'll only embarrass myself.I'll come back another time."
The tension between them thickened, coagulating in the dense, vibrating air as if it too strained to hold back unspoken anger.
Apathy remained where he stood, watching Shaqar's back slowly fade beneath the pale blue glow of the palace.
He had tried everything.
Advice spoken softly, sharp scolding, even humiliating remarks meant to jolt the captain awake.
But all of it bounced like echoes in an empty chamber, unable to pierce the wall of fear that imprisoned Shaqar.
In Apathy's heart remained only frustration and exhaustion, a bitter mix that made him wonder how long he must watch his own leader be trapped in the shadows of his past.
Meanwhile, Shaqar no longer heard anything.
Everything faded, replaced by the sound of his own heartbeat echoing like a mournful bell.
He looked at the palace once more, and there all the courage he had tried to assemble crumbled instantly.
Every corner of the building reflected memories he dared not face; the pillars, the windows, even the red stains on the walls felt like tiny accusing eyes.
In the split second before losing control of his thoughts, he found a reason to retreat.
He convinced himself that this meeting was a mistake, that coming here was nothing more than another way to humiliate himself.
And with a voice rough with bitterness, he spoke the words that stripped all meaning from his earlier resolve: that none of this was worthwhile, that it served no purpose except becoming a spectacle of his own failure.
Without waiting for anyone, he turned around.
His steps were heavy and hurried, resembling someone fleeing from an invisible battlefield.
Apathy could only watch with widened eyes, no longer attempting to stop him.
Shaqar opened the vehicle door with a rough motion, got inside without hesitation, and within seconds the engine roared to life.
The rumble shook the air, shattering the silence that had blanketed the palace grounds.
Apathy soon walked quickly toward the vehicle as well, entered, and sat in the passenger seat wordlessly.
Only an empty stare remained, fixed on the road ahead, while Shaqar gripped the wheel as if trying to leave behind every fear clinging to him.
The vehicle sped through the dark road, moving away from Miara and Absyumura's home that now disappeared into faint mist.
The headlights cut through the fog wildly, forming streaks of light like wounds carved through the night.
Neither of them spoke, and in that painful silence, only the engine's hum remained, a muted witness to courage that failed to bloom and to a father running from his own past.
"Captain, do you really have to do this?Do you realize this retreat will only deepen the chasm between you both?You were already at her doorstep, Shaqar.Just one more step, and you chose to run?"
Faaaah!
"What was the point of all your resolve and regret if you surrender at the threshold?Do you think Miara will understand if you keep fleeing whenever your heart begins to tremble?No, Captain, she won't!She will only see a father who keeps letting her feel alone."
Nguuuung!
"How long will you live like this?Until Miara truly erases your name from her memory?Until there is no chance left to hear her call you 'father' even once more?Answer me, Shaqar—is this really what you want?"
Huuuuuh!
"Are you planning to create an even deeper rift between you and your own flesh and blood?You can deceive the world, deceive the troops, deceive yourself, but you cannot deceive time.And time, Captain, will never wait for you to be ready."
Apathy stood beneath the gray sky, with cold air clinging to his skin as if refusing to leave.
To be continued…