Arthur walked down the middle of a ruined street, a child in tow, the world crumbling around them. A flaming car exploded behind him. He didn't flinch.
"I'm not a hero," he muttered for the fifth time.
"Okay," said Jun, walking faster to match his stride. "But you saved me."
Arthur didn't respond.
Because technically, gravity had saved the kid.
And Arthur still hadn't figured out how to punch gravity in the face.
---
The sky was still leaking apocalypse — streaks of green lightning slashed through the clouds above, and the air smelled like someone microwaved moldy batteries. The streets were mostly empty now, save for the occasional scream or sound of distant gunfire.
Arthur trudged forward with all the enthusiasm of a man walking into a tax audit.
Jun followed quietly behind, clutching his cracked lunchbox like a sacred relic.
They passed a convenience store that looked like it had been dropkicked by a kaiju. Shelves were overturned, snacks strewn everywhere, and the automatic doors beeped uselessly at their presence like a traumatized Roomba.
Arthur paused.
"…You hungry?" he asked without turning around.
Jun nodded. Arthur sighed. "Fine. Apocalypse snack break."
He stepped into the store, which was oddly peaceful despite the broken glass and overturned noodle displays. The security cameras above sparked, still trying to do their job in a world where goblins were apparently real now.
Arthur lazily grabbed a few energy bars, a water bottle, and — for no reason he could explain — a single lollipop.
"Take whatever," he told Jun, waving vaguely at the chaos. "Money's probably dead."
Jun hesitated. "Can I take the shrimp chips?"
Arthur blinked. "Kid, it's the end of the world. Take the whole shelf if you want. I'm not your mom."
Jun lit up like a Christmas tree and grabbed three bags.
As they stepped outside again, the System chimed.
> [You have looted: "WanderMart"] [Morality Rating: -1 ("Petty Theft in Apocalypse Zone")] [Achievement Unlocked: "Priorities." +1 Coin]
Arthur stared at the window in disbelief.
"Are you seriously judging me for looting after sending literal zombies?"
The System did not respond.
Of course it didn't. It only talked when it could be sarcastic.
Jun looked up at him between chip crunches. "Do you always talk to the air?"
"Only when the air's being a jerk."
---
A low growl echoed down the street.
Arthur turned just in time to see a four-legged, hunched creature stalking toward them from around a corner. Its flesh looked like it had been half-cooked and reassembled with spare parts from a butcher's dumpster. Beady eyes locked onto Arthur, mouth opening to reveal double-layered fangs.
Jun whimpered and clutched his lunchbox tighter.
Arthur did what any man facing a deadly creature would do.
He closed his eyes.
"Not today," he muttered, taking a step forward. "Come on, karma. End me. I'm ready."
The creature roared — and charged.
Arthur braced himself, waiting for the pain.
And then the sky coughed.
No — something coughed overhead. A loud, metallic sputter.
The creature paused mid-run, confused.
A second later, an old, rusted delivery drone — complete with the faded logo of some long-dead shipping app — sputtered from above and crashed directly into the monster's skull with a wet thud.
The beast let out a confused gurgle before collapsing.
Arthur opened his eyes.
"…You've got to be kidding me."
> [+20 Coins – Kill: Tier 1 "Fleshgnawer"] [Achievement Unlocked: "Death From Above (Again)"]
[System Note: We are beginning to suspect you are not trying.]
Jun gasped. "You did it again!"
"No, I didn't. That's the point!"
"But you killed the monster!"
Arthur turned to the broken drone.
"Is this a test?" he demanded at the sky. "Am I supposed to not want to die, so you'll finally let me?"
No answer.
He kicked a pebble.
It bounced off a sewer lid and clanked against another System window.
Arthur groaned.
---
They wandered further into the city, where the signs of civilization had started to disintegrate completely. Stores were abandoned. Cars left mid-turn. Blood smears here and there, like a painter had a breakdown with red acrylics.
Jun stayed close, occasionally glancing up at Arthur like he might vanish. He hadn't said much after the Fleshgnawer incident. Probably trying to process the part where the apocalypse had become an episode of slapstick comedy.
Arthur had his own internal monologue spiraling.
What was the point of trying to die if the universe kept saving him through falling objects and rogue drones? Was this some cosmic joke? Did the afterlife have a laugh track?
More importantly, why did every monster in this apocalypse have the survival instincts of wet toast?
He was so deep in his existential ranting that he didn't notice the second group of survivors until one of them yelled.
"Hey! You!"
Arthur turned.
Five people stood on the street ahead, huddled together behind makeshift weapons. Baseball bats. Kitchen knives. One guy had a fire extinguisher duct-taped to a mop handle.
Arthur blinked. "Uh… hi?"
The leader stepped forward — a broad-shouldered woman with a bloodied lab coat and duct tape wrapped around her wrists like gloves. She eyed him with wary confusion.
"You're… Arthur, right? The guy who killed the Death Dungeon boss in Sector 9?"
Arthur stared. "What?"
"You cleared the tutorial zone. Killed two elites. Saved a kid. Didn't take any damage. You're the guy everyone's talking about!"
He opened his mouth to explain the truth — that the world was insane and he was just trying to die in peace — but then Jun piped up:
"He saved me from a zombie!"
The group looked at Arthur like he was Jesus, Batman, and the Doomguy rolled into one.
The leader stepped forward.
"…Would you lead us?"
Arthur blinked. "Lead you where?"
"Anywhere. You survived. You're obviously meant to—"
"Nope." Arthur waved a hand and turned away. "Hard pass."
"But—!"
"Nope," he repeated, already walking off again, Jun jogging behind him.
The group hesitated, then… followed.
Arthur didn't turn back. But he knew. He knew.
He had a party now.
He sighed. Loudly. Audibly. Dramatically.
Jun crunched a chip and smiled.
> [New Followers Added: Survivor Group (5 Members)]
[Title Gained: "Boss (Unofficial)"]
[Your reputation has increased.]
[System Alert: We're beginning to think you're enjoying this.]
Arthur glared at the window.
"I want a refund on this apocalypse."