Katara wakes.
Surprising - and she wishes that she could slip right back into that sleep.
The first thing she notices before she opens her eyes is that she's tired. She's not dry; but she feels like her energy has been sapped and her body just sort of lies on the scratchy blanket and sheets like a dead body. Except she's not dead. She's alive.
The second thing is that there's water nearby - a lot of it. Her body pulls towards it and she can almost feel it against her fingertips. She's surrounded by the water - like..like...she's on a ship?
Katara's eyes slide open and she stares up at bare wooden planks above her head. Yes, she knows where she is - she's been here before. A Water Tribe ship. But...how? The last thing she remembers is being in that forest, a gaping wound in her stomach and Zuko...didn't he sear the wound closed to try to stop the bleeding?
If she's here - alive - then he must be...here as well…
A gasp tears from her lips and she bolts upright. The bandages across her stomach strain and she grits her teeth as the sudden stabbing sensation deep in her gut. What - what? Was her wound healed, somehow?
Her fingers tear the blanket off and she looks down at her bare abdomen. White bandage strips are wrapped around her and she works her fingers at her side to undo the knot. Not the safest move - but she needs to see, needs to know -
She throws the bandages to the side and the tips of her fingers brush across the wound - hisses at the sensitivity. The skin is blackened, charred, at the very center, red scarring around the edge but that's it. It's mostly healed. Somehow, even though it shouldn't be - not with just the burns.
Waterbenders must have healed her. Zuko - he must have brought her here somehow - or what if they found her in the forest? What if Zuko did escape?
Zuko abandoning her makes her stomach twist - not because of the wound - but it would be the smart move for him. Leaving before Hahn and the tribesmen arrived. it was for the best. Jet was right - they were stupid for thinking that it could end any other way.
The waterbender swings her legs over the side and stands on quivering legs. She has to reach behind her to hold onto the wall when she straightens. Letting her eyes slide close, she pushes back the nausea and headache that threaten to overwhelm her and inhales deeply.
She needs to know - needs to know how she got here.
Katara allows herself ten seconds to get herself together. Then, she opens her eyes and forces her legs to move.
She tugs on a long-sleeved thermal and a pair of leggings that were on the foot of the bed, wincing when her burns draw tight from the stretch. There's a robe draped over a rickety chair in the corner, a table with a water pitcher at it's side. The polarbeast's skin feels good against hers when she pulls the robe on - it smells of home - and the water - it's so clear and good when she drinks it like it's all she'll ever get.
Katara feels better already.
Her boots are tucked underneath the bed and she pulls them on, not bothering to lace them because her fingers quiver too much. Drawing the robe tight across her chest, she ambles to the door and opens it.
The hallway is empty. When she slides the door closed behind her, she checks down the corridor for anyone else but finds one - listens for sounds but there isn't any besides the sound of the sea.
It's eerie, this ship.
Katara doesn't head for the deck. If she wants to find Hahn then she knows exactly where to go.
So she heads for the back where the largest quarters are. Behind her towards the deck, she hears the sound of seaeagles cawing and her grip on her robe tightens. It must be nearing dusk - the time for the waterbenders to sleep in preparation for the night.
It's felt like years since she had that schedule. When really - it's only been a few weeks.
She almost pauses to knock when she's at the door. But she doesn't, because Hahn doesn't scare or even worry her and she needs to know where Zuko is now. Or if he's even on the ship - which she hopes that he isn't. If he made it out then there's a chance that he's safe.
Katara barges in, throwing up an exterior of icy resolve as she walks into Hahn's room. He's awake, as always, and sitting behind a desk, looking up to hear who caused his door to bang against the wall before she slams it shut.
Surprise flickers in his eyes for a moment, but then they match hers and he rises, slow and languidly like the ship he commands.
"Ah, Katara. I was wondering when you would come around," he gives her a smile, but it is as cold as Zhao's. "The healers were worried. You suffered a great wound."
"By your ally, none the less. And it's Master Katara. I deserve to be called by my proper name."
The smile turns acidic. "Very well. I apologize - for both the misnaming and Jet's actions. I can honestly say that I was unaware that you were with him. I would not recommend his company to anyone."
"How long have I been out?"
"Two and a half days."
Two and a half days. She swallows. He hasn't mentioned anything about a firebender - yet. That's a good sign, right? "And my brother? Has he been told that I'm here?"
Hahn nods. "Master Hama sent the word as soon as you came aboard. To both him and your father."
Relief washes through her. At least they know that she's alive. That she's well. Safe. "Master Hama is here?"
The corners of his lips turn up for a moment in reflex. "Her skills were needed. She was the healer who tended to you the most. I think she's sleeping now, though she will wake shortly."
A friendly face. At last. The hand holding her robe together tightens and she fights to keep down the smile as her chest swells. Oh - she's missed her teacher.
"Anyone else you would like to ask about?" He asks, something in his tone making her smile disappear completely. Surely not - "The earthbender, the blind girl, she's here. She told us how Jet attacked you."
Her back stiffens. "Why? She tried to kill me, too.
"Don't know. She just arrived with you, led the firebender right to us." And there it is.
The words that make her stomach lurch and tighten at the same time. Zuko didn't leave her - didn't abandon her. But that meant he was here, somewhere in this ship of waterbenders who hate Fire and those who wield it.
Hahn's smile is slow, gleeful at her stillness. "Yes, your firebender is with us. Prince Zuko is being kept somewhere noting his status. His status in our eyes at least. Did you think that we wouldn't recognize him? Everyone knows of his scar."
"Where is he?"
"Somewhere safe. You're lucky that your contribution in giving us a valuable bargaining chip outweighs your disgusting attachment to him."
Katara swallows, fights to pull up her iciness to her eyes again. "I'm not attached to anyone."
He quirks a brow. "Well he seemed fairly attached to you."
"He's not an enemy anymore. You have no right to keep him as a prisoner. Zuko saved my life multiple times. He isn't a threat."
"I don't think he was the one that labored over your body for two and half days. That would be our waterbenders - not your firebender." He spits that last word out like curse. Like it tastes so horrendous on his tongue. "And I think you forget that he's a Fire Prince."
"He's not an enemy!" Her fists ball up. Hahn notices and squares his chest. But she's not backing down - she has to know where they're keeping Zuko - needs to know that he's okay, that he's safe on this ship. "Where is he?"
The door opens behind her and Katara turns to look over her shoulder just in time to catch the black hair, the unassuming black robes, and amber eyes. There he is - Lu Ten.
He slides the door closed with more grace than Katara had. Eyes amused, he steps forward, Katara narrows her eyes as he stands across from her. He has a coldness in him that is like a waterbender's, not a firebender's.
He isn't like his father at all. Would Iroh be disappointed if he met his son today?
"I heard a commotion." The exiled firebender states and looks to Hahn. "Is everything alright?"
Hahn tenses at what he probably presumes is a slight and glares. "I have everything under control. Your input is not needed in this matter."
"He is your cousin," Katara accuses and Lu Ten's attention returns to her, "and you let them do this to him. You know - you know what could be in store for him and yet you let them do this. Zuko doesn't mean anyone harm - he's not an enemy. Surely you know that better than anyone here."
"My cousin has not yet had the time to think about where his true allegiances lie. Up until - what? - three weeks ago, he was still hunting down the Avatar. Just because he spent a little time with you doesn't mean that he's had a sudden change of heart."
Katara scowls. "I will rip this ship apart if you do not tell me where he is! He isn't either one of yours' prisoner to do with as you please."
"We haven't touched him," she looks at Hahn, who smirks knowingly, "yet. Zuko is safe at the moment. Perhaps you should forget this little friendship you two share It's unbecoming of a waterbender. Especially one who wants to be taken seriously as a warrior."
"I am a warrior," she slams her fist down on the table, leans across and glares right at him. "I think that the last three weeks have more than proven that. Let's see your fire scars, Hahn. Who has more now?"
"You service is duly noted. But that doesn't matter when it comes to the Fire Prince's fate." The Captain seems more amused than anything, like the burn marks that marr her back mean nothing. Like the torture she received under Zhao is nothing.
She looks to the firebender. "He can help us find your father. He knows where - "
"My father's rescue will be carried out without Zuko's help. We have already confirmed his location." Lu Ten's lips are tight.
"He can help us - "
"That is not a decision for a soldier to make. Certainly not one as attached as you are." Hahn's voice makes her fingers twitch and she sucks in a deep, cold breath.
So now she's a soldier. Before, the Northerners would nearly choke when they called her that, as if she didn't deserve it. As if her sacrifice for her people was worth less not only because she was a woman, but because of what she could do too.
All she's ever wanted to was to be recognized by them. For her efforts to be acknowledged.
Now it just feels like a mockery.
"You," she looks up at him, eyes narrowed and hands fists at her side. "I always knew you were a week captain. But now I know that you're a weak man.
It's the ultimate sin. A tribeswoman taking a jab at a tribesman's manhood. Especially in the North.
Hahn's eyes cloud and he braces his hands on the desk, leans forward to get right up to her like she did with him. "You will do well to remember your place. I have been nothing but hospitable to you, your Master, and your new pet. But I might not be much longer."
The threat falls around her. She doesn't move, letting her icy glare freeze him as he stands.
"Perhaps you will do well to remember that you are not on Sangok's ship. You are on mine and you will follow my orders."
Katara pushes herself off the desk, grabs onto her robe and tugs it tightly across her once again. She holds her glare at the Captain. "I will remember this."
She turns, leaves with the air in the room colder than it was when she came.
But when she gets back to the room she woke up in, all she can feel is a heated rage. She rips the robe off, throws it against the chair and they clatter to the floor; she slams the door shut, beats a fist against it - Spirits, why did Hahn have to do this?
He - He couldn't do this. He couldn't keep Zuko locked up like some, like some animal!
She grabs the handle of the empty water pitcher and hurls it at the wall. But it's not enough - it will never be enough until she can see that Zuki is okay herself. Hahn's assurances mean nothing - she has to see him. She can't - Katara can't -
Her face is buried in her hands and she collapses against the wall, sliding down until she hits the floor. After all these weeks of wanting to get Zuko to Hahn and here she is, wanting nothing more than to get him as far away from him as possible.
The Water Tribe. They have interrogation methods, too.
If only she had - if only she had told him to stay away instead of encouraging him - oh no, this was all her fault.
Stupid. She was so stupid. And Zuko - what was he thinking? This was all just a mistake - a big, huge mistake that she needs to figure out how to fix before anything bad happens to Zuko. He won't last long. Firebenders that are not Lu Ten never do.
She pulls her knees up to her chest. She doesn't know what to do now.
Katara isn't supposed to be upset that a firebender is in tribal custody. She isn't supposed to want to find him, seek him out, and set him free. She isn't supposed to regret leading him here, to a place where she anticipated returning to.
What she wouldn't give to be back in that forest. Back in the forest, with Zuko somewhere safe.
She isn't supposed to be in this position - she's a tribal warrior. Three weeks and she would have praised and would have prided herself in finally getting Zuko on a Water Tribe ship. If everything worked out like she had planned - one of the rebellion's allies wouldn't be dead and she would still hate Zuko and have no sympathy for anyone belonging to Fire.
But this have changed. They've changed so much and she can't think and - Katara grips her hair in her hands, pulls until all she can feel is pain because thinking, it's too much. She isn't sure of anything anymore.
There's a knock on the door. Katara stiffens - Hahn? Lu Ten? She doesn't want to see either of them again because she doesn't know if she can hold herself back from freezing them up against the wall in a cage of ice.
But it's not them. When the door opens, there's Hama, a gentle, weathered face with concerned eyes. "Katara? Child - "
Whatever she says is cut off as Katara leaps off of the ground and throws her arms around the older woman's neck. Young hands clutch at the elder's back, and Katara buries her face in her master's neck and shudders out a breath.
"Oh, Hama - I've missed you."
The woman wraps her arms around Katara, hugs her close and tight like she needs right now. Katara slackens and rests, letting her eyes close as she breathes in the smell of lilies that clings to her teacher.
"I've heard you've had quite an adventure," the older waterbender says as Katara pulls away. She smiles and reaches to caress her face. "We were all very concerned for you. News didn't reach us until just last week that your ship had been attacked."
"The rest of the crew? Sangok? Are they alright?"
"You were the only casualty accounted for. Sangok is fine. I sent a letter to him as soon as you came aboard."
Katara's forehead wrinkles as she furrows her brow. "Casualty? But - I was alive. They saw Zhao take me."
Hama pats her hair. "They thought it would be easier to declare you dead. No one captured by Zhao has ever made it out alive."
Her gut feels like it's been split open with a hook sword again. They had her declared dead? Didn't even try to go after her? Just...gave up like that?
They would have let Zhao torture her. Would have let the firebenders take her to some prison where she would die in five years - if she was lucky. Katara frowns, turns away to sit down on the bed. Dead.
"Oh, Katara," Hama breathes. "I know it's hard to hear. But...it was for the best. We are all more than happy to see that you made it out alive - and quite impressed, I must say - but...you need to understand the position Sangok was in. His ship was damaged beyond repair, his men exhausted. There was no way they could go up against Zhao again after that."
They didn't even try. She swallows down bitterness, feigns a smile. She was just a disposable soldier, nothing more - not even to Sangok.
The smile she gives Hama moves like water. "I understand. It's just...difficult to hear."
A hand runs down her hair. "I know." No, she doesn't. "How about I brush your hair, hmm? Like old times."
The waterbending girl nods and twists around so that her back is to Hama. Fingers work at a few knots in the middle before Hama takes the comb out of her pocket and starts to brush through three weeks' worth of tangles.
"I heard from an earthbender girl that you made a friend on this trip." Hama's voice is cautious - wary? Of her answer, perhaps?
"Zuko saved my life and I saved his," Katara speaks carefully - she isn't sure what Hama has heard. "Does that make us friends?"
"Does it?"
More than friends. "We are allies. We survived together and that's that. I - I don't consider him an enemy any more."
Hama is silent as she runs the comb through her hair a few more times. "I cannot say that I approve."
"I didn't really ask if you did," she whispers and the old woman's hand pauses in her hair before she slides it back down, gently untangling a knot at the end. "I respect you more than anyone I know but…I don't expect you to understand. I don't think I can expect anyone to."
"You wouldn't have much luck with that. Not on this ship. Not after all the recent attacks."
"There's been more?"
"They're coming more frequently. Your father's ship barely survived his encounter with the Fire Lord's daughter. We've lost so many these past few weeks." Hama's hands are gentle when she puts them on her shoulder. "They're becoming more aggressive. Our allies grow thin."
Katara feels heat on her cheeks. "Some fault of mine, I suppose."
"You were attacked. You had no choice but to defend yourself. But...no. I suppose that it doesn't help the rebellion or the Fire Prince."
Katara draws her knees up to her chest. Wraps her arms around her calves to tug them tighter. Jet - he might have been awful but...now that she knows of the even more precarious position they're in, her reaction that led to the violence seems more...irrational.
Could she have talked to him more? Ignored him? Ended the conflict peacefully? She isn't sure - and she'll never know. How long will this haunt her?
"I should warn you," Hama continues, her words slow and calculative and Katara braces herself - this is never good, "there are some soldiers on the ship that are not as sympathetic towards you and the firebender and Jet's death. They are...talking."
"What do they have to say?"
"I'm not sure. Hahn and the others trust me almost as they trust you. They are a suspicious lot, you know. I don't know how serious the matter is. I just...wanted you to be aware of it so that if you can be more cautious."
"More cautious." She snorts. "I think I blew that when I stormed into Hahn's office and had words with him and Lu Ten."
-/-
When she steps onto the deck for the first time, the Northern warriors eye her - some with curiosity, some with anger, some with wariness, and some with approval. While her actions have certainly garnered her enemies, it seems to have made a friend in others.
Hama's hands had braided her hair and she flips it back over her shoulder as she walks across the wooden deck. Head high, shoulders back - she's earned her place on this ship and she'll be damned if everyone doesn't know it right from the start.
The spray of the sea feels marvelous against her skin. It's the first salty rain that she's experienced since the one or two times a few droplets managed to fall on her on Zhao's ship.
Feels like forever ago.
She finds Toph. The blind earthbender is propped up against a stack of wooden crates, face as green as her tunic. When the waterbender approaches, the shorter girl leans over the side and empties her stomach into the ocean below.
"You should go to the lower cabins." Katara offers, resting her hip on the side and she looks down at the earthbender with some pity. "You won't rock as much."
"Fuck it all," she groans. Rubbing a hand across her face, she tilts her face into the sea spray and sighs. "Spirits, I hate ships."
Katara couldn't disagree more. Ships are on water - her home. Her element. But it is not Toph's, and even though the girl does confuse her more than anything, she figures that if the girl wanted to kill her she already would have.
So she figures she might as well just ask. "Why didn't you kill me when you could?" It doesn't sound like a question even though it is.
Toph shrugs, not surprised at all about it. "Never wanted you. I tried to get your attention when you went all ape-shit crazy on us - well, when Jet went crazy and then you went crazy and then I don't really know what the fuck happened - but you weren't listening."
"You brought Zuko to the ship - why?"
"He wanted to. After he killed Jet, he picked you up and demanded that I take you to the ship so that you could get to a proper healer. So, I did."
"You shouldn't have let him come."
"He was pretty insistent."
"They're going to kill him, you know."
"Like they wouldn't have if you were awake?" Toph looks up at her. "You know things wouldn't have turned out much differently. Don't try to blame this all on me, sweetcakes. I'm just the tour guide."
"I wasn't - I didn't mean - "
"Have you tried convincing Lord Thickhead to do something he doesn't want to do?"
Katara pauses. "Point taken. I'm sorry, I'm just...worried." She glances down at her boots, doesn't feel worthy enough to look out at her sea. "I don't where he is or if he's even okay and it just…"
"Sucks." Toph finishes.
"Yeah. And it's all kind of, well, my fault that he's here and...in a lot of danger right now. I mean, you've heard the stories. I don't want that to happen to him."
The earthbender sighs, then turns green and Katara steps away from the side of the ship just as Toph tosses her head over it. But she's just hacking, not doing much because she's already been sick too many times.
Katara still places a hand on the girl's head. Pulls her hair out of her eyes and holds it at the crown. She can hear the snickers of Northerners behind her, mocking Toph. But if the earthbender hears, she doesn't let on. Not that she probably cares, with her stomach lurching so.
When she leans back, Katara twists her fingers and bends water from the ocean and soaks the sleeve of her thermal. She puts it against Toph's face. Wipes away at the sickened sweat there. Underneath her fingers, the girl sighs.
"Thanks." She says. The word sounds awkward on her tongue - like she's not used saying it.
"Welcome." Her own tongue is unfamiliar around the word.
Katara leans back against the ship, eyes scanning over the ocean with her arms crossed over her chest. Here she is, up and enjoying the sea, the breeze, the sun. All while Zuko is...somewhere.
It doesn't seem right.
"He cares about you, you know?" Toph says and Katara's head jerks over to look at her. "Zuko. He was pretty messed up when you went unconscious."
Her arms shift across her chest and she keeps her lips shut because she isn't sure how she should reply to that. So she doesn't. It's always the safest way to go when she doesn't trust the words that might spill from her lips.
Toph huffs. "You two are a bunch of fuckin' idiots."
Now that she does have a reply for: "Tell me something I don't know. Then again, you and I both led a firebender that we think is actually pretty decent onto a ship full of waterbenders. So...looks like you're in the idiot boat with us."
"Well, fuck." Her fingers tighten on the wood and she moves to hack over a few more times into the sea. Done, she plops back down on the crates with a loud groan and buries her face in her hands. "But I think I win this. What in the hell is a blind earthbender doing on a ship?"
Katara can't help but chuckle and she reaches out to brush the girl's hair out of her eyes as best as she can. "C'mon. Let's get you down below where you won't get so sick."
Toph manages following Katara well enough despite the fact that the boat rocks continually. The waterbender's legs have already adapted despite the prolonged absence - product of living on a ship for a few years - but the earthbender's legs might as well be useless.
Katara leads them down onto the second floor. The other staircase only leads to the storage room, boxes and crates of weapons and smuggled goods that Hahn's managed to get his hands own stuffed in the darkness until they make port in the North for a few weeks.
She lets Toph grab onto her arm with the girl stumbles and takes her to the door that doesn't have piece of blue fabric wrapped around the handle that tells her it's taken. Luckily, it's in the middle.
"Where did they put you?" Katara asks as she opens the door. It's dark down here without the lamps in the hall or the sunlight from the stairs. She quickly grabs the candle on the table and scoots past Toph to light it using a flame on the wall.
Toph stays at the door and turns to face Katara as she goes back into the room with the lit candle. "First floor. Right on the end. An older lady is next to me - Hamu? Pama?"
"Hama," Katara corrects. "You can come in. The cot is right in front of you." The earthbender's steps are a little more cautious but she plops down on the bed. Katara sits beside her. "She's nice. She was my Master, the one who taught me the Southern Arts."
"So...she's like you?"
Katara swallows. "Yeah, she's like me."
"Well." How will she react to that? With disgust? Amusement? "Guess I don't have anything to worry about then."
Oh. Well...okay. A surprise, but a nice one. Though should she really be surprised? Perhaps not. Toph hasn't seemed particularly antagonistic since she met her. She's been more amusing than anything. And she did seem fine with Zuko…
And now, when they were the only ones who were, that was important.
"Yeah. You'll, um, be fine. She's kind."
"She went pretty crazy over you, too. Once we brought you in, Hahn had a Northern carry you to a room while Zuko...erm...went somewhere else…" She swallows. "But - yeah - ah, she pushed everyone out and worked on you for almost two days straight. I don't remember her ever resting until last night."
"That sounds like Hama." Katara says, frowning at the bit about Zuko. Should she - ? "What happened? when you got on board?"
Toph shifts on the cot. "Well. First, I tried to convince him to let me take you. Or to stay with you while I went and got someone and brought them back so that he could escape. But he refused. Said you might not make it if we took that long and so I led him to the ship.
"When we got here, Zuko immediately handed you off to the nearest soldier and held his hands up in peace. They were all going fuckin' nuts though and immediately knew who he was. Hahn ran out, ordered for his wrists to be bound and they started, like, talking."
"About?"
"Why he was there. How he got there. What he was doing with you. Why you were comatose and had burns on your stomach. Zuko told him about Jet and I backed him up but they didn't really listen to me. Not really surprised about that fact, but whatever. Then he said something about checking in on you and Hahn got really angry. Made them take him away."
"I should have been there. It probably looked like Zuko had killed me or something."
Toph raises an eyebrow. "You think you being there would have made a difference?"
"Maybe…" But she trails off, unsure. Would it?
"The way I see it, if you were awake, you probably would have snapped at Hahn and got yourself in a hell of a lot of trouble. Your firebender, too. It wouldn't have helped anyone."
"Well I ended up doing that anyway." She snorts and draws up her knees to her chest, leans back against the wooden wall.
"Great." Toph huffs. "You'd make such a good diplomat."
Katara shoots her a dark look.
"Just saying. Look, you gotta be careful here. The Northerners? I think they're starting to talk. They don't like that Zuko seemed comfortable around you and that you killed one of their really strong allies. Jet supplied them with a lot of information."
"He was insane."
"You think they care?"
"He tried to kill me."
"This is a war. Yeah, I don't blame you for what you did. But...you were harboring an enemy. Zuko is kind of a big deal here."
"i know but…" The waterbender buries her face in her hands and breathes. Toph's right - Katara had come to the same conclusion earlier - but she still doesn't like what she's saying. "I'm just...so confused and I don't know what to do."
Toph is silent. Then, Katara feels a sturdy, heavy hand slide across her back, tugging her up under her arm. "You do the only thing any of us have ever done: survive."
Katara huffs and drops her hands into her lap. She looks at Toph even though she knows the girl can't see her.
"That's the thing, Toph. I don't want to just survive anymore. I want to live."