The place that Erza took Zack was park, an old looking park, such a place that people rarely come and goes to within Magnolia.
Which is why, such a place, cannot be anymore more ideal for the conversation that will take place within this not well-known park.
"I didn't know there such a place in Magnolia…" Zack askes, as he cannot recall seeing this park before, among the known parks around this town.
"It is old, sorry I don't know much about the history of this place, but it is perfect place, no? When one wanted to be alone, since not many people come here." Erza simply went with a slight smile, before she sat down at one of the benches, that looked more older compared to the two that sat on them.
Zack also sat down next to Erza, and when they both sat side by side each other, nor himself, nor Erza spoken a single word for several seconds, until Erza broken the silence between them.
"How long will your journey be?" Erza simply asked, both with curiosity, as well a way to start this conversation of theirs.
"I… don't know. I honestly have no clue, Master given me ten years of grace with the loan I got from the Guild… but would that be enough time to fix myself? And… what if even I managed to fix myself, make my Magic Power stable, and my Haki no longer so weaken, what if everything I did… become useless when I return back? I… honestly have no clue…"
Zack honestly went, as he looked at the vast blue sky, while Erza herself, did not say a thing to this, instead, she waited, she waited for Zack to speak more of his inner doubts, and worries, like an elder sister would do, with their troubled siblings.
"I am afraid… Erza… I am afraid if this really the right choice, but what can I do? Remaining in this town, at the town, everything reminds me of her, of Mirajane. You know… I ran into Mirajane the other day, I froze, unable to do anything, when I managed to move, until she moved first, out of my sight, at that moment, I realised, what if, what if I will never be able to move on, to recover myself?"
Zack bitterly laughed, letting his inner troubles out, as he wondered if this is the best choice, was the path he about to walk on, is the right thing to do.
After all, what he currently doing, is no different from running away from Mirajane, from Magnolia, from Fairy Tail.
How is that no different from cowardly? No different from running away from his problems?
No matter how Zack sees himself, what shown in the mirror of himself, is someone so pathetic, someone so pitiful, like an abyss filled with only doubts.
As Zack made a downcast expression when he said that, taking his eyes away from the sky, and to the ground, Erza who remain quiet, opened her mouth, words filled with experience than anything else.
"I… understand, more than you know." When Erza said this, also taking her eyes to the sky, a certain boy flashed in her mind, a boy with blue hair, a certain mark on his face, flashed in her mind, someone who she once loved… someone who left a void in her heart, that mixed with love and hatred.
"I understand when it meant, trying to move on from someone you truly love… is no easy fleet, I can understand that more than anything… before I joined Fairy Tail, I too were in love with someone… but a lot happened, something I cannot ever forgive…
And yet, while I hate him to his core, sometimes I question it, question could I slash him down with my sword? Even right now, even if part of me, is willing to slash my sword at his neck, I wonder, when the moment I do, will I be able to?"
Zack's eyes widen upon hearing Erza, after all, it cannot be helped, as Erza often kept her past to herself, a past filled with scars, which is why Zack did not say a word, and let this young Valkyrie finished her words of the past.
"Pathetic, is that you are feeling, right? I know that feeling way, I often felt the same way, and maybe even sometimes I do even now. It is not simple Zack, to forget about your first love. But what you are going, is not pathetic, pathetic is something is when you done nothing, when you can do something about it, and you doing something about it, right?" Erza went with a smile, as he looked at Zack, who sighed at her words, and show a faint smile as he turned his eyes away from the ground, and to Erza.
"You… are right, but I do wonder, if this really the best way, to leave… everything behind?" Zack askes.
"No one knew, until they try it. and it is not like you leaving forever, right? And so what, it is not the right way, the right thing to do, Zack, what mattered you tried, you took that first step among many steps you must take to move forward, even if that meant going the wrong way at first. It's still a lot more better than drowning yourself, or I am wrong?"
Erza askes with a slight serious voice, but her brown eyes soften, both gentle and seriousness mixed with each other each other, when Erza asked Zack this, who could only show a bitter smile at this.
Because she is right, Erza is right.
No matter unsure, and worried he is, it still a lot better than doing nothing but drowning himself in his won despair, it been a year, a year is enough time to remain as pathetic he already is.
Now it is time, time to take that step, and move on from the past, of being so pathetic.
Silence once again overcoated the two teenagers, who both turned their eyes to the sky, for a minute, or maybe less or more then what it felt like.
Zack this time around is the first one to broke the silence, telling Erza something else that been on his mind, something he hasn't told anyone else, something that Zack learnt and doubted in this year of despair, causing Zack to realised… how hollow he truly is.
"You know, Erza… there is another reason why I wanted to leave for some time… because I realised something in this past year… something I was so blind to… something I never told anyone until now… do I really need a harem?" Zack honestly went with a lost expression.
In this past year, it is something that been on his mind so many times, does he truly need this harem thing? He gets that God wanted him to have one… but does he truly need it?
It would be a lie, to say he 100% understands what a harem is, but compared to two years ago, he understood what a harem is, a group of lovers, lovers that belong to a single person who owns this harem thing.
And yet… does he truly need that?
Why does he need that?
Pleasure, what pleasure? Unable to please, what unable to please?
Zack lacks both knowledge and maturity to understand what God meant by this.
"Do I really need to experience what to be in love again? To be broken again, to have my heart aches, when I think of her? My reasons clouds me, when I face her… like yesterday… when I faced Mirajane, when I wanted to tell her I am leaving.
It is Loke's advice to tell her, maybe it wasn't the greatest of advices, but… maybe what I truly wanted, wasn't to move on, to state I will be moving on… maybe I wanted to see if anything is in there… what kind of expression she will have, when I told her, I will be leaving this town, and Fairy Tail to forget about her?
Will she show indifference? Or maybe… she will show something… a wistful way of thinking, I know that… it just… maybe something will be there, enough to cause me from leaving." Zack honestly went, wondering if he did not freeze before Mirajane, and told her about this, what kind of expression will she show?
A wistful wish is what this truly is.
"Putting harems aside, maybe I am not the best one to ask if love is important or not… because I honestly have no clue." Erza went, as she truly has no clue how to answer this, but Zack did not mind, he just smiled at Erza honestly.
"Even so, I am thankful, truly, I am. I am thankful to Gray, who bene with me, showing no difference between is. To Loke, who maybe had not joined us long ago, but he cares a lot in his own ways, and Cana I am thankful to her… because she will often company me, when I will be drowning myself with either brandy or gin… thanks to her, I am not so lonely in my self-indulgence.
Than you have Natsu and Happy… they cheer me up in their own ways, which Natsu is not every good, when it comes to cheering someone on, but he is understandable, he cares enough, even if he does not often acted like it… I think can understand what Lisanna meant by Mirajane and Natsu are in a way, similar to each other…"
Zack went with a small smile, as he recalled the past. While Erza herself, did not say a single word to this, and remind quiet, as Zack carried on.
"And there is you, among everyone else, you always been… like a sister was it? Even if we both the same age, you always felt like an elder sister to me, I always seek your advices, as well… your unique warmth." Zack honestly went, as he turned to look at Erza, who been staring at in her silence, causing the two of them having their eyes locked with each other.
"Unique warmth? Should I be offended by that, Zack?" Erza went with a slight grin, causing Zack to panic a little.
"I-I did not mean it in that way! I meant… I liked being around you, I feel comfortable and all, is what I meant, you always been there for me… that is why, you don't have to keep beating yourself, what has happened last year." Zack went with a serious tone, unlike his usual carefree tone.
"I see… it seems you saw through me." Erza went with a faint smile, even if Makarov has many times told her, it wasn't truly her fault, and at times when Zack did the same thing, this guilt still exists, no matter how many times someone else tried to tell her otherwise.
"Yeah, like you can see through me, I also… can see through you. I always admire and respect you, Erza. I admire your seriousness, your gentleness, and your kindness. You are always here for me, willing to show and teach me things, when I knew nothing, or when I am lost what to do. That is why I admire you, and why I like you, Erza."
Zack honestly went, he always like Erza, but not in the same way he likes Mirajane. It wasn't love, or maybe it was love, but not the kind between a man and a woman, but the kind between a younger lost brother, and a reliable elder sister.
That how it felt to Zack, a bound keen to siblings has, even if they are not actually siblings, but to Zack, he always felt this way when it regards to Erza.
"I also feel the same why, I also think of you as my family. When I firstly joined the guild, I was like you, I did not know how the world truly works, that is why, you reminds me a lot about myself, and properly the reason, why I cannot leave you be, my foolish little brother." Erza went with a gentle smile when she said this.
A moment of silence once again came between the two teenagers, who just looked at the vast blue sky together, and once again, Zack the one who broke the silence.
"To be honest… I don't have a goal. I always thought getting a harem is my goal, that I am not even sure anymore. I am not sure what I want in life, what purpose do I have in this second chance of life? Memories I will never remember about myself? A harem that only hurt me?
Erza, I don't even have a reason to become stronger, a reason besides what God told me, which I don't understand why I need this harem thing. That is why I must go on this journey, not to just to move on, and fix myself… but find a reason, a reason to become stronger, and to find more about myself."
Zack honestly went, telling Erza this second reason why he leaving Magnolia, and Fairy Tail for a long time, and now only himself, Erza, as well Makarov who seen through Zack with his patches of wisdom, knew about this second reason of his.
In this past year, Zack learnt he truly never had a goal in life, besides what God told him to do, he always thought, as long he has this harem thing, and trained to the limits in the Six Styles, his Magic and Spirit Arts, that is everything.
But he is not sure anymore.
Everyone in the guild, all has a reason, a reason to become stronger, a goal to complete that not told by someone else, but by themselves.
What about himself?
What is his reason to become stronger?
To regain what he lost? Because he, had it?
Was everything his own?
What did he, Zack Smasher wanted?
That is why Zack desires a purpose, a reason, besides he can, besides a harem that just hurts his heart.
That is what Zack Smasher truly desires. To no longer be the young clueless boy-like teenager, who knew nothing about either the world or his surroundings.
To be someone who is truly himself, someone that he wanted Zack Smasher to be.
However, that the problem lies… who or what did Zack wanted to become? Is something even our clueless protagonist has no clue what is to be.
"I see, well, that more of a reason we must prepare than." When Erza said this, she sat up, patting herself, as she stood up.
"Prepare??" Zack asked in confusion and remained sitting on the bench.
"Didn't you seek me out, not to say your goodbyes, but also to seek advice? I been on long journeys, but the one you going on, is no simple one… you must learn to travel between different places, to how to resupply in each town or city you visit. Not to mention, what to look out for, there is a lot to cover, so little brother, do you want this elder sister's help?" Erza askes with a bright smile, as she offers Zack her hand.
Zack just stared at her hand for few seconds, before a smile of his own formed on his lips, before he took that hand, a hand that grabbed tightly with his own, and yank him from his seat.