Kamui Dimension Obito's POV
The Kamui dimension was silent, dark, and as always, pleasantly empty, just how Obito liked it.
Perched atop a smooth slab of floating stone, Obito sat cross-legged, slowly unwrapping a neatly packed bento box he had stolen from a shop. The scent of grilled mackerel and sesame rice wafted upward.
"Hmph," he muttered, placing the box carefully on his lap. "While the world flounders in illusion and suffering… the wise nourish their bodies for the battles to come."
He picked up a pair of wooden chopsticks and adjusted his mask slightly.
"Danzo should be making his move by now," he mused aloud, voice echoing faintly in the void. "Konoha's in flux. The elders are squirming. And Kakashi…"
He paused.
"Kakashi still doesn't know I'm alive. Perfect."
There was a hint of a grin behind the swirling mask.
"That fool likely thinks I died under that boulder like some tragic footnote. But no… I am the ghost of Konoha, the unseen hand that guides the new world forward."
He popped a bite of mackerel into his mouth with dramatic flair.
"Soon… the Hidden Leaf will collapse under its own lies. The corruption, the secrets… I just need to give it one final push. When Danzo takes control, or dies trying, it'll leave the people desperate. And desperation," he added, chewing slowly, "is the gateway to submission."
He plucked up a bit of pickled radish. "They'll beg for peace. They'll kneel before my Tsukuyomi. I am salvation. I am-"
SPLORT.
Something wet and heavy landed directly in his bento.
Obito blinked.
A shadowy shape sat squished into the center of his rice, leaking crimson fluid and pushing aside the perfectly placed mackerel fillet.
"…What the…"
He leaned in.
It was a severed human head, blood-matted, pale, and lifeless. The jaw hung slack. The eyes are wide in frozen shock.
Obito's single eye locked on the face.
"…Fu?"
Indeed, it was Yamanaka Fu's head.
The once-loyal Root operative. The one Obito had used multiple times in the past. His spy. Danzo's tongue seal was nothing to him, so he had brainwashed Fu through the Mangekyo Sharingan to spy on Danzo for him.
And now, Fu was dead. In his rice. IN HIS RICE!
Obito recoiled so hard, his chopsticks flew from his hand and clattered across the dark floating rock.
"WHA-ACK-BLECHHH!"
He gagged, retching audibly. "Oh, gross! There are brain pieces on my rice!"
A sudden flash of realization struck him as only one person other than him could use Kamui. His hands clenched into fists.
"KAKASHI!"
His scream echoed into the empty Kamui space.
"You bastard! You sent me a head!? Into my lunch!?" He stood up, trembling with fury. He didn't expect that bastard to learn how to use Kamui this fast.
He grabbed the half-crushed bento and hurled it off the edge of the stone. It vanished into the gray mist with a distant plop.
"I JUST started eating!"
He turned back and pointed accusingly at Fu's head, which remained nestled where the bento once sat, its blood slowly trailing over the surface.
"AND YOU! You were supposed to watch Danzo! Not get decapitated like a sacrificial mochi offering! How the hell did he even find you!?"
The more he thought, the more irritated he got.
"Kakashi… You're playing with fire. And you don't even know how deep the pit goes."
He picked up the bloodied head by the hair and sealed it into a storage scroll with a snap.
"I was going to let Konoha rot from the inside. Let its own leaders choke on their secrets. But now…"
His voice dropped, cold as steel.
"Now it's personal."
He clenched the scroll in one hand and turned away. "I'll be keeping an extra eye on you, Kakashi. And when the time comes, when the world sees who you really are, I'll be there."
He paused.
"…Also. I really liked that bento."
He sighed.
"I even packed extra dessert."
…
Later, Konoha, Meanwhile…
Kakashi sneezed as he was sipping tea beside Tsunade.
"Someone thinking about you?" Tsunade asked.
"Probably Anko being dramatic again." Kakashi shrugged.
Back in Kamui Dimension.
Obito sat cross-legged once more, this time with a far less appetizing meal, bland ration bars, and a lukewarm water flask.
"Playboy sensei Hokage huh… tch. As if." As he chewed bitterly, he muttered under his breath.
He took another bite.
"…Though I guess it would explain the harem."
He gagged again.
"Ugh. The image of him surrounded by adoring kunoichi is worse than the decapitated bento…"
Obito gnawed on the corner of the ration bar like a dog chewing bark. The more he chewed, the drier his mouth became.
"This is what it's come to," he muttered, crumbs sticking to his mask.
"I build an empire in the shadows, plot the downfall of nations… and my reward is flavorless cardboard."
He took a swig from his flask. Lukewarm. Metallic.
"Meanwhile Kakashi is probably sitting somewhere under a damn tree, eating fresh dango like he owns the world. Smug bastard. He doesn't even know I'm alive, and he still manages to ruin my day."
He turned the ration bar over, squinting at it. "At least Danzo's men died quicker than I'm dying eating this thing. Maybe that's the real Tsukuyomi, eternal choking on dry rations."
He snapped the bar in half, then sighed. "I used to imagine Kakashi wallowing in guilt, staring at a grave, wondering what might have been. But no. He's probably laughing at some stupid joke, surrounded by his Harem. Probably teaching kids who idolize him. Kids. As if he deserves students."
Obito stuffed the rest of the ration into his mouth, grimacing.
"Maybe I should've just let the boulder finish the job. At least then I wouldn't taste this."
Silence filled the Kamui void.
Then he spat out the bar with disgust.
"…Nope. Death would've been kinder."