Chapter 162: I Will Come Back
"Geuse, how long do you intend to stay like this?" "I don't know. For a sinner like me, to shamelessly keep on living now already takes all the courage I have left."
Leaning against the head of the bed, Natsuki Subaru looked at the book in his hand and spoke slowly.
"Is that so." "Ah, that's how it is... During this period of having regained myself, every breath I take, my mind is filled with images of the past. Just maintaining my life consumes all of my strength. I truly don't have much energy left to act, nor much thought to think."
Geuse's voice sounded extremely weary. It was only natural he became this way.
Even before he lost himself, he was already a sinner, atoning for his sins in his own way. But losing himself once again caused him to commit countless sins over the long years.
Saved by Natsuki Subaru, he regained himself, and thanks to the existence of Emilia and Subaru, he shamelessly lived on. Yet the weight of his sins crushed his nerves, and his weakness kept him from approaching Emilia.
Each time he closed his eyes, the resentment and wails of the dead filled his mind. In such a mental state, what could he possibly do?
"I don't really understand your feelings. After all, I've never gone through anything like you. Even imagining it, I can't picture it at all. But if I had experienced what you did, I probably would've killed myself already."
Saying so, Subaru turned the page of his book and continued speaking.
"I don't know how to comfort you, nor how to stop you from overthinking, but I truly hope you can figure it out soon. Oh right—tomorrow morning we're going to the Sanctuary. What do you plan to do? Leave, or continue staying here?"
"Mm... I'll probably stay here, at least until I figure things out." "That really helps a lot, then. While I'm gone, can I trouble you to protect the mansion and the villagers?" "I can. That's also for Emilia's sake."
Hearing this reply, Subaru closed the book in his hands, turned his head toward Geuse leaning against the bed, and after hesitating a moment, finally asked:
"What is the Gospel? And what exactly is the Witch Cult?" "That's unexpected. I thought you wouldn't ask such questions."
Geuse looked strangely at Subaru, who only shrugged.
"Honestly, I wasn't interested in those things either. All I needed to know was that the Witch Cult is an evil organization, and the Gospel is their scripture.
To be frank, I'd rather not know more. But now I can't ignore it any longer. One of my most important teachers also has a Gospel. And the Witch Cult has already become my absolute enemy.
The more I understand, the better I can deal with them."
Saying this, Subaru placed the book on the cabinet, then glanced at his right palm. The calluses and wounds there were proof of his efforts, proof of his change.
"I have to become stronger. Only then can I accomplish what I want to do. So—what are the Witch Cult and the Gospel, really?"
Subaru's serious gaze locked onto Geuse's pale face. After a long silence, Geuse finally spoke.
"As for what exactly the Witch Cult is, I can no longer say clearly. At the very least, in the past, the Witch Cult wasn't like it is now. Now it's just a group of lunatics acting according to the Gospel.
As for the Gospel—you can think of it as revelation. It shows your future, as well as revelations from the Witch herself. But how the Gospel came into being... I don't know either."
"You're really useless, you know." "..."
"At a time like this, instead of admitting it, you could at least snap back at me. But I guess in your current state, you can't even do that. Well, it's not just you who's useless. I'm the same."
Subaru got off the bed, stood before Geuse, and said slowly:
"But since we're still alive, no matter how useless we are, we should at least do the things we can do. Remember that. I'll leave things here to you."
Leaving those words, Subaru turned and left the room, leaving Geuse alone, staring blankly down at his own hands.
After exiting the room, Subaru stood at the doorway without leaving. His gaze lingered on the door across the hall. He stepped forward, reached out, and directly opened it.
What entered his sight was, as always, the blonde-haired girl and the countless bookshelves. She sat directly opposite the door, and no matter when he entered, as long as the door opened, she would always be there.
Even when she played with Puck, if one opened the door, she would still be the first thing seen. Why was it that this girl, Beatrice, always remained there?
Subaru knew the answer. Because once, she had asked him: "Are you that person?"
Knowing this, Subaru felt a slight discomfort in his heart. That emotion was probably jealousy. If only the one she was waiting for had been him.
"You barged in just to stand there staring blankly at Betty?" "Ah, sorry, I spaced out for a moment."
Without further explanation, Subaru shut the door and walked toward Beatrice. Because his mind was elsewhere, he didn't notice the faint blush and unease on her face.
Sitting down beside Beatrice on the floor, Subaru—as always—opened a book.
"Tomorrow, I'm going to the Sanctuary."
Looking at the book, Subaru finally spoke the reason he had come.
"The Sanctuary, huh..." "Mm. Ram and the others went there to take shelter, but they haven't returned yet. I'm a little worried, so I'll be heading there early tomorrow. I came to tell you in advance."
"You don't need to report to Betty wherever you want to go. Just like last time." "That time was too urgent. If possible, I'd have wanted to tell you first before leaving." "And what good does that do you?" "Mm... At the very least, I can tell you that I'll come back."
"... Hmph. Betty doesn't care whether you come back or not. Rather, it'd make Betty happier if an annoying guy like you stopped bothering her."
Beatrice played with her hair as she spoke, her face showing dislike, and her words were hardly pleasant to hear.
"Even if you say that, Beatrice, if an annoying guy like me doesn't carry out his annoying duties properly, then I'd really die with regrets. So wait for me to come back."
"Betty won't wait for you. But... since you're so desperate to return, Betty will reluctantly agree."
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