"This winter is going to be very rough..." I said to myself. I threw a whole bulk of dead wheat on the ground. Just one of many, many more.
I was out on the wheat fields for about 5 hours already, chopping away at all of the wheat I could get. My sickle was old and not very sharp, but I tried my best to take good care of it. My water sack was nearly empty. Noon was approaching, work would soon be over for the day. Tharmik was hosting one of his sittings again, so fieldwork was scheduled to be only until it started.
The sun shone brightly on the field surrounding me, just a few small, fluffy clouds passing by the light blue sky. Warm drops of sweat ran down the sides of my face and through the gaps between my scales. An occasional breeze cooled me down and let the wheat dance. It was late summer, and some trees were already starting to change colors.
Even with the poor harvest, today was a good day for me. I felt like the sun was smiling down at me. One of the first things the monks taught us as small kids was the trinity of nature: The sun brings warmth, the earth brings security, the water brings growth.
The bell rang from the temple. I put my sickle away and stacked the wheat bundles I put together on top of each other and made my way back to the village. I came back with not even half of the wheat I had cut.
Over the years we realized that the soil was somehow getting less fertile. Our village barely made it through winter last year, and this one seemed to become even worse. I put the bundles into a net and walked up the road to the village entrance.
Tharmik already waited there. His scales were covered in a light orange shade, which was barely bleached out by the sun. Not uncommon for monks. I imagined his hair to be brown like most, but since he always shaved his head clean, I could never really tell. He was also old enough to be grey.
"Dentro! You seem to be in a good mood." he exclaimed with a warm smile on his face. "Was your harvest plentiful today?"
"Hello, Tharmik. Not really. The wheat keeps on dying out. This is all I could harvest since this morning." I hinted at the packed up wheat on my back. "But I was really looking forward to the sitting."
"Well, when are you not excited about it?" he joked.
"Pretty much never. And that won't change even after I join the temple." I answered.
Tharmik put a hand on my shoulder. He was standing higher than me, but my height evened that out: "That's what I'm excited about. Go now, I will make sure everyone returns from the fields. We'll meet in the chapel. May Rathun smile upon you."
"May Rathun smile upon you!" I rushed off with big steps, eager to get to the chapel.
Tharmik was different from the other monks. He never rejected anyone who needed help and listened to the villager's problems, no matter how mediocre they seemed. Most of the monks were busy with studying or taking care of the temple and much rather wanted to be left alone.
Though they still gladly took from our harvest.
I didn't really mind that, since they were disciples and missionaries of Rathun, so it only seemed natural to me to show our gratitude to their service. They also took care of the sick and provided medicine to those who needed it. A fair deal.
After delivering the wheat and washing myself, I went to the chapel, where many villagers already had gathered, eager for Tharmik to arrive and read one of the stories about Rathun. It was a simple building with only a few wooden benches and an altar, not wider than maybe 15 feet. Only one big painting beside the altar was the noteworthy decoration between some candles here and there.
Not long after I found a place at the back of the room, Tharmik walked in with pieces of paper in his hands and laid them down on the podium in front of him.
All eyes were on him and the whole room fell silent within seconds. Even the smaller children were calm and glued their eyes on this monk like he put a spell on them. That was just the kind of person Tharmik was.
"I welcome all of you, the shining presence of Rathun fills this chapel, for we are her loyal believers. May she smile upon every single one of us." he paused briefly.
"Before we start, I want to address a certain issue. I know many of you fear that we will not be able to feed everyone through this winter. So, after some discussions, the temple decided to put some of it's savings to use and stock up on food for the village. With this we also want to show our gratitude to you all, who we've relied on ever since the temple existed. Nobody in Selo shall go hungry as long as we can do something about it."
The people cheered and thanked Tharmik altogether in a loud and chaotic storm of words. It took a moment for silence to set in again.
"Now, with a bit of joy in our hearts, let's start. Today I want to tell you the story about three brothers who just received their late father's riches. All of them argued about who was the most loyal follower of Rathun.
The eldest brother, who inherited their father's land said that he would gladly give all his harvest as a tribute to Rathun.
The second brother, who inherited their father's riches said he would gladly offer all of it to satisfy her.
The youngest brother, who only inherited a small cabin to live in said that he would practice thankfulness throughout his life.
The older brothers laughed at him, claiming that he must have gone mad to think he could step before Rathun without any offering.
The two older brothers did as they claimed. The oldest offered all his harvest to the goddess and starved himself, dying the very next winter, being welcomed by Rathun. The second brother donated all his money to a monastery, went homeless and died of sickness after two years, and Rathun received him warmly.
The youngest however found himself a loyal and loving wife, had many healthy children and lived a long and serene life, showing his gratitude for the time he got on this earth, but never once sacrificing anything like his brothers did. When his time came, Rathun welcomed him the same as his brothers before him. He joined them in the afterlife, enjoying eternity at Rathun's side."
A child in the front asked: "But why did Rathun accept the little brother? He never gave her anything!"
"Good question. You see, Rathun is not a goddess who seeks the validation of her followers through material things. She much rather has faith in them, just like we have faith in her. She is the mother of all Raizala, who gifted us life out of love. Living and finding happiness is the biggest reward Rathun can receive."
A deep rusty voice in the back joked: "Haha well, then we don't need to share our food with the monks anymore, do we? They can simply have faith in us!" A handful of people laughed.
Tharmik showed no reaction: "I am sorry, but since we are no gods, we cannot live from pure faith alone. But be assured that the temple is deeply thankful for your service. We know that everyone here does their part for us all, for that makes us a thriving community."
Now the guy became more serious: "Thriving my ass. Everyone here knows that our fields yield less and less each year. Not that we had much to begin with. We're running into a literal dead end. And your wannabe charity action won't change that. You take from our food stocks every year and expect us to be oh so grateful when you give a little bit back once." He grunted.
This unsympathetic grumpy old man was Grostar. He was the village's handyman. While his skills to fix almost anything were nothing to scoff at, scoffing was one of his greatest skills, as well as being quite choleric. Every time he would get angry, the scales on his face seemed to be getting a tad bit redder than they already were.
He was never satisfied and questioned the monks and Rathun on a daily basis, going on and on about how we would be better off without having to care for "those holy gluttons", as he called them. And this time again he made sure to talk back at Tharmik. I eyed him, anger building up in my stomach.
"If the oh so great Rathun really wants us to live a lush life, she should at least make sure we get enough food to do so. I fed myself and my family on my own year after year, I don't need a goddess to bless me for that."
"Keep it to yourself, Grostar. Nobody here's on your side anyway. Why do you even bother? Tharmik takes such good care of us and gives us hope in these difficult times, and you just keep on ranting away and acting all high and mighty. At this rate Rathun will only abandon you." Halvar answered. I hoped that her comment would shut him up.
Halvar was an old woman who lived alone in the village and spent most of her days fixing clothes for the people. In return she got taken care of by everyone since her body had already grown weak, but she clearly never lost her strong character. Her green scales had already paled with age and her hair were white and fluffy, a bit like a small cloud. Halvar was kind and very wise too. In her young days she saw many parts of the country.
Tharmik stepped in again: "You know Grostar, no one is forcing you to partake in our sittings. I told you that the last time, too. And many times before. You are entitled to your opinion about me, the monks and Rathun too. You are also a valued member in the village, but in this case I see no way how this benefits either you or anyone else."
Grostar simply let out a rugged "Hmph!" and made his way to the door, but adding while opening it: "You all should start thinking about what happens when our food really runs out. And when that happens, your GOD will not be here to give out free bread or meat." He walked out and shut the door behind him. Silence.
"Well, back to the actual reason for our sitting...." Tharmik said.
He went on to answer questions or listen to the worries of the villagers. As for me, I was still thinking about Grostar's affront against Tharmik. Was someone like him still loved by Rathun? Someone who questioned and openly rejected her?
After the sitting ended, I approached Tharmik at the podium. I was trying not to show how annoyed I was, but I still had to release my frustration in some way.
"How can you always stay so patient with that grumpy, dumb sack of scales? He's insulting you and also Rathun." I asked, "I really wish this idiot would finally leave the village and find people like him to live the life he wants instead of harassing you with his nonsense. We would probably be better off without him."
I was hardly finished with my sentence, when Ordenna, Grostar's wife of all people, suddenly appeared from behind me. She glared at me for a moment but quickly turned towards
Tharmik: "Father Tharmik, I am terribly sorry how Grostar was acting today. Please don't think ill of him, he's simply concerned about the people and most of all about his family. I know he always lets his temper show, but please don't take it personally."
An understanding look on his face and still smiling, Tharmik assured her: "Do not worry Ordenna, I do not hold a grudge against your husband. I can imagine how scared he must be. I admire his passion and his perseverance in this matter, even if I disagree with what he says."
Ordenna let out a sigh of relief: "Thank you father. Thank you very much. You are truly Rathuns most beloved disciple. May she smile upon you more than ever. Have a good day, Father."
She then turned around and gave me a raised eyebrow: "Dentro, you have always been a good boy, and I know you want to become a monk like father Tharmik. But then you also should learn to think about what you can and can not say. Goodbye."
And with that, she left. I wanted to sink into the floor right where I stood. Not only because she caught me talking bad about Grostar, but also because I felt like she had humiliated me in front of Tharmik.
I waited for a lecture from Tharmik, but when I looked at him, he just stared at the big painting on the right side of the altar. It was a picture of Rathun herself. A shining figure on a white fluffy cloud, golden scales all over her body and a golden orb over her head, holding a brownish orb in one hand and a blue one in the other, symbolising the trinity of nature. Rathun was the creator of all Raizala, or children of the trees, who inhabited Rathunas. What separated us from other species was our strong, heavy scales as well as our height. Our tails reached just down to our knees. All in the image of Rathun. According to Tharmik this was tha case for all species in Gaalvera.
"You know what I feel when I look at this painting, Dentro? I feel...incompetent. Like I'm not suited to be a disciple of Rathun. The more I try to reach for enlightenment, the more I feel I will never achieve it. I wholeheartedly believe that she cherishes every single one of us, but still..."
He paused. This time his smile faded into a yearning and sad look, his eyes still surveying the painting.
"To be frank, I despise Grostar. How he acts and speaks about Rathun always makes me so angry that I would like to just.... I don't even know. I know that this is not how I should react, or how I should feel. I should be better than that. Letting go of such feelings is much harder than you would expect. I may act like I only have love and care to give, yet I am still bound by negative thoughts I simply cannot terminate entirely."
"I don't know if you really need to be better than that. You're already doing so much and help the people here. And maybe those flaws are what separates us from Rathun."
He turned to me, his face back to his usual smile: "Thank you, Dentro. Your trust in me is a big part of what keeps me going. I can't wait for you to become my brother in the temple and study alongside me. I am sure together we can make even more people realize how great Rathun actually is and get closer to her in spirit."
I helped Tharmik pack up his things to get back to the temple. We parted ways at the chapel's entrance. I thought much about what Tharmik said. It was hard to believe that a well-read monk like him still struggled to find enlightenment. Then again I felt the same way. That was probably the reason he grew to like me so much. We both had this urge to learn and understand. Maybe sharing the knowledge and getting thoughts from others was also a reason he did those sittings in the first place.
I made my way back to the orphanage and kept rolling his words through my head repeatedly. Soon my thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice which I definitely didn't want to hear.
"Hey Dentro, I heard something from the chapel.... " I froze in place.
I took a deep breath and turned around to see Grostars two eldest sons, Torin and Regil, standing in front of me, Torin being awfully close and staring knifes through me. They both shared their father's colors in lighter shades and were quite muscular as they helped him with many tasks.
I could tell by Torin's tone that he was looking to start a fight, and both of them scanned me with degrading looks. My heart started pounding. I saw no way of getting out of there.
"You got some nerve calling my father an idiot, you self-righteous asshole. Don't forget who fixes the orphanage whenever you need it. My father got enough influence here to kick you out just like that."
"If that's the case, then why are you here, Torin? What I said won't change a thing, right? Since I'm just an irrelevant orphaned asshole." I hoped that telling him what he liked would get me off the hook.
"Of course it doesn't, but I think you need to learn some respect, and a little scolding just doesn't cut it for me personally. You talk shit about my dad, you feel the consequences, simple as that."
Torin turned and nodded to Regil, who took a step forward. I clenched my fists to prepare for the punch which inevitably would come my way.
"Don't you dare put a hand on him, you rascals!" Halvar yelled. She approached from behind the two, gave each of them a smack on the shoulder with her walking stick and then stood between us.
"Really, because of one or two dumb words you already want to throw punches? Is your pride this fragile? Your father doesn't need his brats starting fights for him, he can defend himself if he needs to, and not through headless brawls. Now scram, or you can get through the winter with fishing nets for socks!"
For a moment Torin looked at Halvar and then at me, ready to talk back. But Regil stepped in and said: "Come on Torin, just screw it. A coward who lets himself get protected by an old hag isn't even worth the bruises on our knuckles."
Torin gave me a last glare before he turned around, and the two brothers disappeared around the next corner. I could feel my tension fade, but not entirely. Of course, they could just use another opportunity to get one or two punches in.
Halvar lectured me: "You should be more careful, son. I don't know what you said about Grostar, and I probably would agree with whatever it was, but mouthing and making enemies out of the other villagers will not make your life as a monk easy."
"I know, thank you very much, Halvar. For saving me AND for telling me that." I said
She gave me a warm smile: "Of course. I can't have those brats making a ruckus in my home, and especially not if they want to harm Father Tharmik's favorite pupil. Speaking of Father Tharmik, would you be a sweetheart and deliver this for me?." Halvar handed me a scarf made of white wool. It felt soft and smooth, which indicated that she took much time processing the wool herself. "I don't want him to freeze while writing, and especially the throat must be warm to avoid sickness."
"I will deliver it as soon as possible." I declared.
After parting ways with Halvar, I finally arrived at the orphanage and got greeted by a pack of children of all sizes. Even though I was already an adult, being 24 years old, I chose to stay in the orphanage until I could join the monks. I took care of the children and the garden where I was free to plant and grow anything I wanted, apart from the necessary vegetables. I had a small space where I nurtured some medicinal herbs to learn about them as I wanted to do the same thing as a monk in the future.
I spent the rest of the day in the garden. At dinner, many of the children talked about what they wanted to do to make Rathun proud. I on the other hand was stuck again with Tharmik's words.
After finishing up dinner and putting the children to bed, I was eager to sleep too, as tomorrow would be another full day of fieldwork. While I was falling asleep, my mind wandered through the events of this day. The encounter with Torin and Regil still made me feel uneasy. But this feeling of uneasiness would soon pale in comparison to what was waiting for me at night.