Chapter 51: Omaha XX
"I'm Jesse McCree. E-skill: Flashbang. Ultimate: 'Deadeye,' which can instantly kill any enemy with less than 30% health within my line of sight." Ron stepped back, casually removing the woman's hand from his arm.
"Skills? Ultimates? Is this some special way to flirt? I..." Christy took a step closer, but before she could finish, Ron shut the door in her face.
Outside, Ron was perplexed. He understood well why women were drawn to him; he didn't consider himself a paragon of virtue and certainly wasn't above temptation.
But even as an LSP (a term for a certain type of guy), he had standards. He wouldn't stoop to pursuing prey that was subpar. Decisively, he pushed open the door to Sheldon's apartment.
Inside, Howard was proudly showcasing his phone's "smart" voice feature. "Check this out, it's super cool! Call Leonard Hofstadter."
The phone responded, "Did you mean to call Helen Bockslightner?"
Howard's face fell slightly, and he reactivated the smart key, speaking clearly into the microphone: "No, no, no! Call Leonard Hofstadter."
The phone replied, "Did you mean to call Tambour Bassett?"
"Let me try," Leonard said, taking the phone. "Call McFloro McFlurrygloo..."
Leonard slurred a made-up name, but to everyone's surprise, the phone recognized it: "Calling Rajesh Koothrappali."
Rajesh thought, "What do you want me to do?" Just then, his phone rang. He looked and saw it was a call from Howard's phone: "Wow, this is high-tech, but a little bit racist."
"Are you done mocking this dumb tech? Can we start playing Halo now? We were supposed to start at eight, and it's already 8:06." Sheldon complained to his friends.
"Let's start now."
Satisfied, Sheldon settled back onto his designated spot on the couch. "First, we need to figure out how to make up for these lost six minutes. Should we cut game time, bathroom breaks, or meal times?"
At that moment, Ron walked in: "Or you could adopt a knockout tournament format, eliminating the lowest scorer after each round to handle those chores. I'd be happy to be a substitute."
After a long day of fighting, playing a game to decompress seemed like a good idea. Besides, as a former PC gamer who only bought games on sale, he had never even tried a console before, so he was curious.
"No! Ron," Sheldon frowned at any deviation from tradition. "This is a complex combat simulation game that requires high player skill. You need to learn countless weapons, vehicles, and strategies, not to mention the intricate storyline..."
Sheldon rambled on, and Ron finally couldn't take it anymore: "Sheldon, what do you think my job is? This morning, I was using a rocket launcher to blow up a laundromat in this city."
Sheldon immediately retorted, "Impossible! Heavy weaponry is prohibited in the city!"
"You can check the latest news on your phone right now."
Ron pointed at Sheldon's phone on the table. Sheldon complied immediately, and Ron was pleased to see the shocked expression on Sheldon's face: "Alright, you win, but you can't play immediately; you'll have to start as a substitute."
Ron shrugged. It didn't matter to him; he wasn't particularly good at games anyway and could learn from the sidelines. Just as the five of them were getting settled to start, the door swung open again.
After Ron had just unlocked it, Sheldon exploded: "What the hell now?"
In walked Penny: "Sorry, Ron, I didn't notice she was bothering you in the bedroom. Hey~ can I hang out here for a bit?"
Before Ron could shake his head to indicate it was fine, Leonard jumped in, "Of course! What's going on on your end?"
"There's a girl, an old acquaintance from Nebraska named Christy. She told me she was coming to California, and now she really showed up to live with me."
Howard looked at Ron with envy: "Living under the same roof as two beautiful women? I'm so jealous of you, buddy!"
"If you can guarantee that your mom won't use any Jewish tricks to keep me at your place, I'd be happy to swap," Ron shrugged.
Sheldon pointed at his watch, annoyed: "It's already 8:08!"
Leonard quickly made a shushing gesture, continuing to listen to Penny, who went on complaining: "Since she arrived today, she's been blabbing about all the guys she's slept with in Omaha, which is basically all the guys in Omaha.
She's even washing the most ridiculous lingerie in my bathroom!"
Howard had already crept closer to the sofa like a starving wolf when Penny began to speak, eager to catch every detail.
Ron, exasperated, flopped onto the sofa and asked Rajesh, "So, you still haven't dealt with that tattooed girl from the bar, right?"
Rajesh shook his head, then nodded. Seeing Ron's confusion, he leaned in and whispered, "It was going smoothly at first, but Howard finished too quickly, and I didn't get a chance to step in..."
Ron rolled his eyes. Wasn't this typical of someone who was both inexperienced and eager to play? He couldn't imagine how Rajesh would conquer Bernadette, the goddess of gymnastics who knew countless positions.
Sheldon threw down the game controller in frustration: "I apologize for my earlier outburst. There's a local folk tale about Omaha flea markets that can be told; who else wants to play Halo?"
Leonard, reluctantly, tried to backtrack: "I don't think she's a flea market item."
"No, she definitely is a flea market item. She has no principles at all. One time we were at..." Penny halted mid-sentence: "Wait, where did Howard go?"
"Good evening, miss. I see you're new here~" came Howard's smooth pickup line from the next apartment, making Ron feel nauseous.
This guy really wasn't picky. But thinking back to the last time with that 300-pound Lily, Ron felt a bit better; at least this one had a normal physique, and Howard wouldn't have to press the "F" key.
However, this meant that Ron couldn't stay in his own apartment today. A very practical issue lay before him: where would he sleep tonight? Although they were brothers, Sheldon definitely wouldn't be willing to share his bed.