The world as Shinji was experiencing it was nothing but a muffled whisper when creaks snapped his mind back to reality and voices started to reach his ears, voices that were broken and stifled, as if they came from the other side of a glass wall.
"…trust…" "…monster…" …dead…"
These scattered words imprinted themselves directly into his mind with each syllable striking his forehead in a slow, unreal rhythm.
Shinji finally opened his eyes; at first, everything surrounding him was blurry: a cracked ceiling, a light too pale to be sunlight, and the smell of old wood and damp stone.
He tried to move, but his body didn't respond. The pain he felt under the bridge, lurking in the shadows, pounced all at once. His pierced palm burned, his ribs screamed with every breath, and amid this storm of pain… the scene under the bridge returned, again and again.
He saw it all clearly: the face of the man as the blade struck him in his chest, the crimson red blood spilling out of the man's body, and the shadow emerging from the blade as he stripped it away from the flesh of his right hand.
Shinji burst into laughter, a dry, uncontrollable laugh devoid of anything human. He curled into himself, his arms clutching his battered torso, laughing until his throat tore.
A voice cracked through the room like a whip as Yoru, standing near the door, took a step forward with his fists clenched:
"You see?! You see, there's nothing left to save in this monster!" he screamed, but Haruka didn't move as she stayed there, kneeling beside Shinji, her eyes shimmering with tears.
Without a word, she gently took Shinji's head in her trembling hands and put her forehead against his.
"You're not alone anymore, Shinji…"
Her voice reached him like a thread stretched over the abyss, and in that simple whisper… something gave away in him.
The laughter broke, his shoulders stopped shaking, and his mouth, twisted by hysteria, closed, but as the laughter stopped, faint and whispered words like a fire crackling under the rain replaced it.
"I had already killed him…"
"I had already killed him…"
"I had already killed him…"
Each repetition was a nail driven into his own heart. Haruka gently held his face in her hands, refusing to let go.
"You're not alone anymore…" she repeated. "You're not alone, Shinji."
And little by little… Shinji ended up coming back to himself, and the world surrounding him became tangible again. The rough wood under his fingers, the acrid smell of sweat, and the warmth of Haruka's forehead against his, he felt it all.
Shinji, panting, slowly raised his eyes. He grimaced as his hands started to tremble, with his breath scraping his burning throat.
Yoru, standing against the wall, looked at him like one looks at a wounded beast. "Tch… keep it down," he growled. "You're trying to bring the guards here or what?"
The floor creaked under his boots with the sound of weapons brushing against heavy clothing.
Shinji blinked slowly as his gaze wavered around him. He was able to see it clearly now, the crumbling ceiling, the damp stone walls, and the window boarded up with warped planks.
"Where… where are we?" he asked, his voice hoarse.
Haruka wiped her eyes with a quick gesture, as if she didn't want him to see her tears. "In a safehouse," she murmured. "A hideout, Okami had us set up for missions." She paused, searching for words.
"After you fell… we got you from under the bridge. We managed to lose the guards, but we couldn't go back to the refuge without risking them following us."
Haruka pulled her knees to her chest, her voice trembling but steady. "That man… under the bridge…" She closed her eyes for a moment, as if trying to gather the courage. "…There was nothing more we could do for him, Shinji. It was already too late for him."
She briefly looked away, as if saying those words hurt her, too. "What you did… You don't have to blame yourself. Don't carry a burden alone… that no one could have prevented."
Shinji felt his stomach twist; he was now certain that it wasn't a dream. What he had seen, what he had done under the bridge… He had truly killed him again, just like he did at the bar. He ran his wounded hand over his face, wincing as the dried blood cracked against his skin.
Haruka moved closer, gently placing a hand on his arm.
"Shinji… why?" she whispered, her eyes filled with an almost unbearable sadness, searching for an answer. "Why did you leave the refuge…?"
Yoru crossed his arms, his gaze hard. "We took you in, we healed you, we protected you, and you… You screwed it all up."
A suffocating silence followed as Shinji finally took a deep breath.
"I heard." His voice was barely more than a whisper. "I heard…" He raised his eyes to Haruka. "Okami and Daichi… by the window… they were there in the…courtyard," He slowly sat up against the wall, grimacing with the effort. "They were talking about me… about reincarnated ones… about a little girl."
His fingers clenched on his torn pants as soon as the words left his lips, something cracked inside him. His eyelids closed for a moment, and in the darkness behind his eyes… the memories came.
The girl he abandoned in the alley, her trembling legs, her torn dress, and her hands reaching out to him as she was taken away, as he turned away when he had the opportunity to save her and had only reached out to his blade when it was already too late.
As he was about to let it all out, a taste of ashes rose in his mouth as he remembered the real reason he flew from the refuge; he did it because of the Zephyrs, what they said to him, what they did to him. It was all still clear in his mind.
Their faces twisted with excitement, their boots crushing his back, their laughter when his bones cracked, and that thread… that invisible thread they had broken in him.
They hadn't just beaten him; they had taken everything he had left. All his hopes for a worthy life in this world, forsaken of any humanity, were all reduced to crumbs to satisfy their cruelty.
Shinji opened his eyes abruptly; his throat burned with a scream he hadn't been able to let out."I heard… and I was afraid." His throat tightened. "Afraid of what I was… afraid of what I could bring upon you."
He closed his eyes for a moment, jaw clenched. "If they had followed me… if I had brought danger here…I couldn't stay. I couldn't risk losing you…" His words crumbled as they left his mouth, and a thick silence fell over the room. All that could be heard was Shinji's ragged breathing and the distant creak of wood under the wind.
Yoru, who had remained still until then, kicked the wall he was leaning on with his right foot as his gaze burned with a quiet anger. He looked away abruptly, unable to bear what he saw before him, and a faint tremor ran through his shoulders.
Haruka, however, didn't move. Her fingers clutched the fabric of her dress, and her lips trembled as she murmured, very softly, almost to herself:
"So you haven't… forgotten everything…"
Her voice broke on the last words; she closed her eyes for a moment, as if to hold back tears, before moving closer again. She placed her right hand on Shinji's, very slowly, as if afraid he might vanish at the slightest touch.
Shinji, with no strength left, didn't move. He let that hand rest, and for the first time in a long time, he let his guard down and let someone stay close to him, willingly.
A long silence stretched on before Haruka spoke again, her voice this time soft but firm: "Tell me, Shinji." She sought his gaze. "What do you remember?"
A shiver ran down his spine with his heart pounding against his ribs, heavy and painful. He knew this moment would come. He inhaled slowly, before letting in a voice almost inaudible, but unflinching, with his eyes set on both Yoru and Haruka:
"Me too… Just like both of you… I was reincarnated into this world."