The morning air was cold enough to make the breath visible in front of me, each exhale a little cloud that disappeared into the pale sky. Snow still clung to the edges of the sidewalks, melting slowly in the weak sunlight. The campus felt different today. Slower, quieter, like the whole place was holding its breath after what happened with Renji. I kept my hands buried deep in my coat pockets as I walked, eyes fixed on the frost-covered branches of the trees lining the path.
For the first time in a long while, the tightness in my chest was not just the familiar pinch of asthma or anxiety. It was something else. Something strange. It was relief. Clarity. The kind of feeling I had not expected to have again, at least not anytime soon.
I thought about the moment Sae had taken my hand after Renji stormed off, her fingers curling gently around mine. We had not said much after that, just walked side by side, but that touch lingered in my chest like a small flame, stubborn and steady.
By the time I reached the student café, Tanaka and Minato were already seated at our usual table. Tanaka gave me a half-wave, mouth stuffed with toast. Minato's eyes narrowed as I approached, like he was trying to figure out what had changed.
"Yo, Nakamura," Minato said with a grin. "Something's different about you."
I raised an eyebrow and dropped into the chair next to them.
Minato laughed softly. "Did you finally start sleeping? You look less like a zombie."
Tanaka leaned forward with a knowing look. "No, that's not it. Is this about yesterday?"
I nodded once, keeping my voice steady. "Yeah."
Minato blinked in surprise. "Wait, what about yesterday?"
Tanaka's eyes lit up, a mix of teasing and excitement. "No way. You and Sae?"
I shrugged lightly, feeling the heat rise in my cheeks. "Yeah."
Minato let out a low whistle. "And here I thought she was just messing with you when she started calling you Kenji."
I glanced away for a moment. "She's the only one who gets to."
Tanaka nudged me with a grin. "That's pretty intimate, you know."
I tried to smile but settled for a small nod. "Apparently."
The conversation shifted after that - talk about upcoming classes, a project due next week, and some gossip about a third-year who supposedly crashed the music department party last weekend. But even with all that noise, I noticed how they looked at me. Not with pity. Not with distance. Something else. Respect. Maybe even pride.
As we stood to leave for class, Tanaka walked beside me with a quiet observation.
"She makes you talk more," he said with a smile.
I shrugged. "That a bad thing?"
"No, just new."
I laughed softly. "I'm getting used to it."
At the entrance to the lecture hall, I caught footsteps behind me and a familiar voice.
"Kenji."
I turned to see Sae, her cheeks pink from the wind, a scarf wrapped snug around her neck. She held out something to me.
"You forgot this," she said, holding up my scarf.
I stepped forward and took it from her. Our fingers brushed again. She smiled softly.
"You look better with it on."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Tanaka and Minato exchanging looks by the doorway.
"She really likes him," Minato whispered.
"Yeah," Tanaka replied. "And he finally lets her."
The news traveled fast. By noon, I could feel the curious stares, the whispered conversations. Some surprised, some skeptical, but none of it bothered me like it used to. Sae didn't flinch. She walked beside me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. She smiled at me when our eyes met across the courtyard and reached out to touch my sleeve during conversation. And she kept calling me Kenji, as if it was always meant to be.
The little things softened the edges of my world.
After literature class, she waited by the door like usual. This time, without hesitation, she took my hand in front of everyone. Some students glanced over, eyebrows raised or eyes blinking like they weren't sure if they had imagined it.
"Let them stare," she said quietly, just loud enough for me to hear. "We have better things to do."
I caught a look from Tanaka across the hall. Half a grin, half disbelief. Minato gave me a thumbs-up like I had just passed some secret test.
By afternoon, the air felt different again. Just before philosophy seminar, a teaching aide stepped in to make an announcement.
"We are holding a cross-department academic challenge next week," he said, voice carrying through the room. "First and second-year students may enter solo or paired teams. Topics include classical literature, philosophical reasoning, and structured debate. The winning team will earn early access to internship recommendations."
The room buzzed instantly.
Minato leaned toward me from two rows back. "You going for it?"
I stayed silent for a moment, eyes fixed on the board with the list of topics. Debate. Analysis. Interpretation.
I thought back to my last speech, how Sae's eyes had never left me. Maybe this time, I wouldn't just be the quiet guy hiding in the corner.
I felt her gaze on me.
"You should do it," she said quietly.
I met her eyes. "Alone?"
She shook her head. "You don't have to be. But I think you'd be great either way."
I held her eyes longer than I normally would have, then gave a short nod. "I'll think about it."
And this time, I meant it.
That evening, I found myself walking home under a sky bruised with early twilight. The city lights flickered on one by one, and the snow beneath my feet had frozen into a thin crust of ice. I wasn't thinking about the academic challenge or the rumors swirling around campus. I was thinking about her.
Sae.
The way she saw me.
The way she believed in me.
It was still strange, after all these years, to feel that kind of trust from someone else. I had always thought I was invisible. A shadow drifting through the halls, unnoticed and unremarkable. But with her, I wasn't invisible anymore. I was seen.
Maybe that was the most real thing I'd had in a long time.
I remembered the fight with Renji, how easily he had tried to push me down just because I wasn't the person he expected Sae to be with. It was stupid, and petty. But what mattered was that Sae had stood up for me. Publicly. Loudly. Without hesitation.
I ran my fingers over my palm, thinking about how hers had held mine after the confrontation.
That night, I lay in bed staring at the ceiling. My mind raced with thoughts I hadn't allowed space for before. Could I really change? Could I leave behind the weight of silence? Could I step fully into this new version of myself, one who didn't hide?
Sae had given me a chance to find out. Maybe more than a chance. Maybe a reason.
The next few days blurred together in a swirl of classes, study sessions, and quiet moments with Sae. We found ourselves sitting side by side in the library, sharing notes and jokes. Our hands brushed accidentally and then intentionally. The world didn't seem quite as daunting when she was near.
One afternoon, while we were walking back from campus, she stopped and looked at me with something I hadn't seen before. Vulnerability.
"Kenji," she said softly. "I don't want this to be just a rumor anymore. I want it to be real."
I searched her eyes. "It is."
She smiled, a little shy but determined. "Good."
We kept walking, fingers entwined now, the winter chill forgotten in the warmth between us.
A few days before the academic challenge, the tension started to build. I was nervous, which surprised me. I wasn't used to wanting to prove myself. I had always been content to blend in. But this was different. This was my chance to step forward.
Sae was my biggest cheerleader, sitting beside me during late-night study sessions, quizzing me on argument structures and classical literature. She never doubted me.
On the morning of the competition, I woke early. The sky was clear and bright, promising a good day. I dressed carefully, choosing clothes that made me feel like myself but ready for something new.
When I met Sae at the campus gate, she smiled and took my hand.
"Ready?" she asked.
I nodded, heart pounding.
"Let's show them what we've got."
The auditorium was packed. Students from all departments filled the seats, buzzing with excitement and nervous energy. I sat beside Sae, clutching my notes, trying to calm my racing thoughts.
When it was our turn, I took a deep breath and stepped to the podium.
The room fell quiet.
I began to speak, my voice steady. I felt Sae's eyes on me, steady and encouraging. The words came easier than I expected. Arguments unfolded naturally. Points landed with clarity. I wasn't just speaking. I was being heard.
When we finished, the applause was loud and real.
Sae squeezed my hand.
Later, as we waited for the results, I realized something. It didn't matter if we won. I had taken the step I never thought I could.
I had become something real.