They walked awkwardly through the crevice, carefully stepping down between rocks, loose sand, and nervous murmurs. No one spoke much, as if even a whisper could summon the exact monster meant to kill them.
"Are you sure you saw a cave?" Rowen asked for the fourth time.
"Yeah. Well… ninety percent sure. The other ten is just me going insane," Jonah replied, half-laughing.
"You'd definitely be insane if you saw floating tags above our heads," Kade muttered, rubbing his forehead. The sting from earlier still burned.
"What did you say?" Mina asked, turning around.
"Nothing. I was thinking out loud. My mistake was trying to trust reality."
The girl looked at him confused but kept walking. Normally, she understood about half of what Kade said.
They kept moving forward until the tunnel opened up. A wide, damp, dark cave welcomed them like an angry open mouth. The air inside was colder, but it carried that moldy scent that promised toxic fungi and things that slithered.
"Welcome to the next stage of this nightmare," Gibs said, raising his crossbow like a flashlight.
Kade stepped ahead, walking through puddles he chose not to identify.
"Anyone else see… that?" he pointed toward a rock at the far end. Above it, glowing golden letters floated: [Trial of Initiation].
Everyone stopped.
"Is this a joke?" Feinly said, blinking. "Who writes stuff like that in floating letters?"
"Maybe… someone who just threatened to wipe out humanity unless we defeat his cosmic henchmen," Kade answered in the tone of someone ordering bread at the bakery.
"What the hell happened to you up there?" Vint asked in a lowered voice.
Kade took a few seconds to decide if he should even try to answer that. He wasn't sure what was worse: the stereo-voiced creature, or the fact that now he was… what, the chosen one? Sounded like an elaborate cosmic prank.
"It's nothing," he said, stepping closer to examine the cave entrance.
There was nothing remarkable about it, other than the glowing letters everyone could see. He stepped into the cave, and before his eyes, a glowing canvas appeared —like a virtual screen.
[INITIATION TRIAL]
Welcome to the beginning of the path toward absolute power. Trial phase for the bearer of Authority: Update will now begin.
Manage your forces wisely and you may earn an initial reward.
Note: Once started, the trial cannot be stopped until a verdict is reached.
Difficulty: Beginner
Objective: Calibrate the system to the bearer
Probability of losing a party member: 30%
[START]
"This has to be a sick joke," he muttered, rereading it over and over.
He tried to touch the screen, but his hand passed through without resistance.
"What are you doing?" Jonah asked, watching him wave his hand in the air like a frustrated mime.
Everyone stared at him.
He cleared his throat.
"Nothing. Thought I saw a bug," he lied, wearing his best poker face.
"I hope not," Mina whimpered, shrinking back.
The rest crowded at the cave entrance, unsure whether to go in.
"It probably leads to an exit," said Gibs, scratching his head.
"Or to an endless network of tunnels where we slowly die without food or dignity," Vint added, true to form.
"Either way, we can't stay here. The other option is going back up," Jonah said, as the sounds of battle still echoed faintly from above.
"No way!" Feinly yelled with way too much energy.
"Looks like it's in your hands again, Kade," said the big guy, Rowen, smiling sincerely at him.
Kade sighed. He looked at each of them, glowing [STATUS] tags floating above their heads like post-apocalyptic Christmas ornaments.
Feeling ridiculous, he reached out toward the tag above Jonah's head.
"Do I have a bug on me?!" Jonah shrieked, ducking and recoiling with disgust.
Nothing. Just like the screen, his hand went right through.
"I give up. Looks like I don't have a choice," he said, stepping back into the cave.
The screen appeared again.
"Eehmm… start?" he asked aloud.
The [START] button lit up green.
Then a sharp alert rang in his head, startling him. The others looked at him like he'd just swallowed a live bee.
Another screen popped up in front of his eyes:
[ALERT! Activating user-customized assistant...][Loading personality: Passive-aggressive sarcasm, arrogance, high irritability.]
[System calibrated to: Kade]
➤ "Hi, Kade. I'm your new guide system. And before you ask — no, you can't switch me for another one. Trust me, I tried too."
Kade blinked.
"What the…?"
➤ "Starting this trial is a bad idea. But since your decisions affect both of us, let's dive into ruin with style, shall we?"
Kade massaged his temples.
"Great. A voice in my head with a personality disorder. What could go wrong?"
➤ "Ready to start the trial, oh mighty strategist with zero resources and a squad of broken NPCs? Tap [START]. Or wait around until a flesh-hungry monster finds our sorry carcasses."
Kade sighed.
"Goddamn it… I can't believe I'm doing this."
And he pressed [START].
He swallowed.
The light flickered at the edge of his vision like even the system had anxiety. In front of him, a glowing window floated:
[AUTHORITY: UPDATE SYSTEM DETECTED]
Would you like to initiate?
[YES] — [NO] — […HELP]
"Help…?" he murmured. Another window popped up instantly.
➤ [Do you really need help pressing a button, Kade?]
➤ Tip: maybe someone with authority should act like they have some.
[Returning to previous screen…]
Kade clicked his tongue.
"Great, a system with the personality of a jerk. Are you going to sass me for every decision?"
The screen flashed:
➤ [Yes.]
"Perfect. I'm stuck with the sarcastic therapist edition."
"Are you talking to yourself again?" Mina asked, hugging her grimoire to her chest.
"It's not talking to myself if someone answers," Kade shot back without looking at her. Then sighed, lifting his finger toward the glowing option.
"Are you sure about this?" Rowen jumped in, worried. "It could be a trap. A hallucination. A magical virus… in your head."
"You can see it?" Kade asked hopefully.
"If you mean besides those floating letters, no. We see nothing," said Jonah, resting his sword on his shoulder, which promptly knocked off its scabbard.
"Great. I'm insane," Kade muttered.
"I just hope this cave doesn't lead to some giant desert worm nest," Vint said quietly.
"Awesome, I hope it does!" Gibs exclaimed.
"Don't encourage the worm freak," Jonah muttered, picking up the scabbard.
"They have a very complex social structure!" Gibs snapped back.
"I just want this to lead to an exit…" Mina whispered, terrified.
"I want OUT!" Feinly shouted.
Kade sighed. He wondered if he was already immortal and this was the dimension of eternal agony.
The screen began blinking faster.
[UNSTABLE STATE DETECTED IN BEARER]
[RECOMMENDATION: UPDATE BEFORE YOU START TALKING TO INANIMATE OBJECTS]
[INITIATE AUTHORITY SYSTEM: UPDATE]
"Shit..." Kade muttered. "Fine. Let's see how far this madness goes."
And he pressed [YES].
The light engulfed him instantly, as if someone had hacked the sun and decided to install it directly into his brain. He felt like every bone, every idea, and every trauma was being scanned, sorted… and judged.
[Welcome, Kade. Unorthodox bearer detected.]
[Initializing support module: AY0]
[Searching for compatible protocols...]
[Warning: detected personality incompatible with traditional systems. Loading custom version...]
One final window appeared:
[System Version: Authority: Update (Cynical-Sociopath Edition)]
[User mental state: permanently on the verge of sarcasm.]
[Starting first mission…]
Kade opened one eye.
—Edition what…?
A metallic voice, perfectly neutral and absolutely annoying, spoke in his head:
➤ Hi, Kade. I'm AYO. Your new mission assistant. Clearly, the gods hate us both. Let's begin, shall we?
[Mission #0001 – Gather the useless squad and pretend you know what you're doing.]
Objective: give the group a convincing order.
Reward: unlock passive skill [Fake Leadership I]
Handicap: destructive thoughts will be spoken aloud randomly for the next 10 minutes.
Kade paled.
—...Does that include the times I think about setting everyone on fire?
—Every. Single. One.
—Shit…
Kade stood at the cave's mouth. He stared into the darkness that seemed to breathe. Then looked at his companions—each one like a different flavor of disaster—and sighed as if calculating how long they'd survive.
Without saying another word, he stepped forward.
The others followed, one by one, swallowing their fear like a pill without water. The shadows swallowed them. Behind, the storm kept roaring, patiently waiting to devour whatever was left.
[Objective: give the group a convincing order.]
Progress: 0%
Team motivation: lol.
—Alright —he said finally, clearing his throat—. Listen up. I… have a plan.
Everyone went quiet.
—Really? —whispered Mina, hopeful.
—Since when are you the boss? —Vint snorted.
—Plan? —Jonah blinked—. Does it involve more treason?
—It involves you shutting your mouth or I'll kill you and steal your family heirloom —he spat, venomously.
The system's handicap had activated.
Kade watched Jonah's chin tremble, tears welling up in his eyes.
Vint burst into laughter.
—Kade, you're so cruel! —Feinly cried out—. I want to punch you every time you're like this and it bothers me that I secretly find you attractive!
She slapped her hands over her mouth with a squeak that echoed through the cave.
Everyone gasped.
Kade raised his hands.
—Shut up! Listen. I'm in charge now. Why? Because some cosmic entity with no sense of humor said so. So… unfortunately for all of us, I have to lead you with "authority." We might say a bunch of nonsense—don't mind it. Just follow me.
—Was that an order or a complaint? —asked Rowen.
Kade sighed, then spoke louder:
—We're getting out of here! As we move forward, do what I say, and maybe we'll survive. —The last part came out as a murmur.
[Order detected. Projected confidence: 27%.]
[Progress updated: 42%.]
—And what if it's a trap? —Mina asked, hesitating.
Kade raised a dramatic finger.
—Then you'll die first. Giving me time to run.
He could hear assistant AYO laughing in his head.
—If someone dies, I'm willing to feed on the corpse —muttered Vint, before yelping and covering his mouth.
—You're all trash. I shouldn't even be here. You're just dirty peasants! —Jonah shouted, coughing in surprise at his own words.
The group exploded in insults.
—Deaf ears, people! Keep moving —Kade commanded, trying not to enjoy everyone's accidental honesty too much.
One by one, they began to move again—grumbling, stumbling, doubting—but still following.
The cave darkened quickly. They asked Mina to light a spell. When she finally managed to make her arm glow, they screamed and grabbed her to light an improvised torch made from a dry root and a charred piece of her robe.
[Mission complete.]
[Reward obtained: Passive skill unlocked – Fake Leadership I]
You can sound convincing for 15 seconds, once a day. Use wisely.
—WHAT!? —Kade yelled.
—What happened? —Mina asked, sniffling.
—Nothing —he grumbled, as AYO whispered gleefully:
Were you expecting something useful? You've been registered as "emotionally dysfunctional leader with a sarcastic martyr complex."
—I hate all of this…
AYO spoke cheerfully:
➤ Perfect! You're in the ideal mental state for our next mission.
[Mission #0002 – Get food for your team without dying in the process.]
Optional objective: don't cook Mina.
Reward: random item. Penalty: extreme irritability due to hunger.
Handicap: Slimes will appear and attack the team.
—…Food? Now? We're in a pitch-black cave with no signs of life.
And you've got five mouths to feed. Great leadership, Commander.
Kade simply turned to the group and shouted:
—Walk and look for food. I don't know what counts as food, but if it's edible, it works.
And so, the squad of academic rejects trudged forward—filled with distrust, fear, and hunger… led by a guy who never wanted to be a leader in the first place.
But at least, they were no longer on the front lines.
They were , sure.
They were completely f—ked. But at least, f—ked together.