Chapter 2 – Is This Even a Real Thing...?
So… I took her home.
Yes. I actually took the mysterious loli to my house. Why? Because she wouldn't stop calling me "fiancé" while holding onto my sleeve like some lost puppy in front of my apartment gate. If I left her there, someone would probably call the police on me for abandoning a child—or worse, think I was the one abducting her.
…Seriously. Why does this kind of event flag happen to me?
"Wow… so this is my future house, huh…?" Airi murmured as soon as I unlocked the door.
Without asking for permission—or even waiting for me—she stepped right in, eyes sparkling like she'd just entered Disneyland.
"Oi, wait a minute… don't just waltz in like this. This isn't some showroom house, you know…" I grumbled.
But she didn't listen. She twirled around in the living room, touching the furniture, looking into corners, even poking her head into the kitchen like she was inspecting her future kingdom.
"Mmhm… nice layout! The living room's spacious, and the kitchen's clean… ah! There's a bath here too, right?! I can't wait to try it when I move in!"
"Wha—?! Who said anything about moving in?! Stop deciding my future without me!!"
This girl… she seriously thinks this is real, doesn't she?
I sighed and dropped my bag by the door.
"...Hey, do you want something to drink?" I asked, deciding to be polite. "Milk? Tea?"
She lit up immediately.
"Milk! I want milk!"
"Sure, sure…"
With a defeated sigh, I headed to the kitchen. Guess the role of 'future husband' includes kitchen duties now, huh?
Of course—she followed me.
Standing on tiptoe beside the kitchen counter, Airi stared up at me with sparkling eyes, like she was watching a chef cooking on a fancy TV show.
"...Amazing… my future husband is so good at making milk..." she muttered under her breath.
"W-What the hell are you even praising…? It's literally just milk, kid..."
She ignored me and kept talking.
"I bet you're good at cooking too… aren't you? I can feel it! You look like the type who can make perfect omelets for breakfast!"
Well... she's not wrong. I am good at cooking. But what kind of loli can "feel" that about a person just by watching them pour milk…?
Why... why is this happening to me?
I glanced at her again. She was staring with such pure admiration in her eyes that I actually started feeling embarrassed. Like some wife watching her husband making breakfast.
Oi. Stop it, self. Don't fall into the mood. She's ten. TEN. That's illegal. Arrest vibes.
I sighed and handed her the glass.
"Here. Drink."
She took the milk with both hands, her tiny fingers wrapping around the glass. Then she took a sip.
"Mmm… sweet…!" she said, smiling happily.
"...It's literally just milk from the fridge," I muttered.
"It tastes sweet because you made it, future husband!"
"Stop calling me that!!"
I groaned and took out my phone, opening my To-Do List app.
"Let's see… what's left for today…"
First: clean the house.
But the house was already spotless.
Next: unclog the bathroom drain.
Hmm… maybe mom's hair clogged it again? I should check.
Leaving Airi happily sipping milk in the living room, I went to the bathroom.
...But it was clean. Spotless, even. No stray hairs. Mom must've cleaned it herself for once.
"Wow... nothing to do at all today," I muttered.
Just as I stepped out of the bathroom, I heard the front door open.
"I'm home~" came the familiar voice.
It was Mom.
I peeked around the corner.
"Ah, welcome back, Mom," I greeted.
But then—Mom froze.
Her eyes landed immediately on Airi, who was standing in the middle of the living room with her empty glass.
"Huh…? Aren't you... Hazuki-san's daughter…?" Mom said slowly, squinting like she was trying to remember something.
Wait. Mom knows her?!
I turned quickly. "Oi, Mom—you know this girl?!"
Mom frowned, rubbing her chin.
"Yeah… she looks like Hazuki-san's daughter... You know, my boss at the company. His daughter came to the office once. What's she doing here…?"
Airi turned and smiled brightly. "Yes, that's me!"
Mom's eyes widened.
"Eh?! Why are you here by yourself?!" Mom gasped.
Airi smiled innocently. "I came to see my fiancé, of course!"
I froze. Mom froze.
Silence.
Long, painful, brain-melting silence.
"...Fiancé?" Mom said slowly, turning her head to me like a rusted machine.
I raised my hands helplessly.
"I have no idea what she's talking about!!" I cried.
Mom immediately pulled out her phone and speed-dialed someone.
She turned her back to me as the call connected. I could only hear one side of the conversation, but...
"Ah, hello, Hazuki-san… Um, your daughter's here at my house… Yes, yes, she says she's here for her fiancé? Yes… Haruhi Isagi, my son... Uh-huh… Ah... I see... S-Seriously? No, no, I didn't mean it that way... But—but isn't this sudden...? Eh? What do you mean 'it's already decided'? It's impossible to undo? Wait... I... ah... okay, okay. I'll talk to him."
I watched Mom hang up with a blank expression.
She turned around slowly, like a robot low on batteries.
"...Living room. Now. Both of you. Sit," she said softly, smiling like an angel.
Scary.
I can feel the pressure. Mom's in 'smiling demon' mode.
We obeyed instantly, sitting stiffly on the couch. Airi was grinning like this was some fun playdate.
Then—Mom dropped the bomb.
"So... Haruhi… do you remember the party at my office last month?" she asked sweetly.
"...Uh... no?"
She sighed.
"Of course you don't. You were at home. But I went to that party. And… well… I had a little too much to drink that night, you see..."
I stared at her.
"Mom. Get to the point."
She gave a sheepish smile.
"...While I was drunk... I may have shown your photo to my boss."
"...Haaah?!"
"You know, bragging like moms do... I said, 'Look how handsome my son is! He's the most beautiful thing in the world but has no girlfriend!'"
"WHAT THE HELL, MOM?!"
She ignored me and kept going.
"And then my boss said, 'Oh really? My daughter's at the age where she's picking her future husband… can I show her your son's photo?' And I... may have sent the photo to him…"
I collapsed onto the sofa.
"Don't tell me..."
Mom grinned nervously.
"And... well... his daughter apparently saw the photo... and fell in love instantly... and told her dad she wanted you as her fiancé. So... he agreed. And I agreed. When I was drunk, of course. And... apparently the agreement's real now."
I froze.
Totally frozen.
Unable to move.
My brain refused to process what she just said.
"...So let me get this straight," I said slowly, voice trembling. "You... drunk off your ass... sent a photo of me to your boss... who showed it to his daughter... who then decided I would be her fiancé... and now... I'm her fiancé... for real?!"
Mom nodded cheerfully.
"Yup! That's the short version!"
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't scream.
I couldn't even blink.
I was staring into the abyss. An abyss shaped like a tiny ten-year-old girl sipping milk and humming happily on my couch.
This can't be real. This absolutely cannot be real.
"I... I'm dreaming... right?" I whispered to no one in particular.
Airi leaned closer, grinning.
"Nope! It's real, future husband! Teehee!"
I died inside.
Dead. Flatline. Game over.
My peaceful life... gone.
My quiet existence as a background character... obliterated.
"Welcome to the family, son-in-law!" Mom said, laughing brightly.
I wanted to scream.
But no voice came out.
Why... why is this happening to me?!