"You're really going too far with this joke!" Shirou's voice echoed through the church.
Bright sunlight streamed through the church's polished stained-glass windows, casting colorful beams of light. The image of the Holy Spirit dove on the glass seemed so lifelike in the glow that it looked as if it might spread its wings and fly out.
Before the slightly weathered crucifix, Uesugi Etsu, who also served as the part-time community pastor, had—after only a few pleasantries—suddenly launched into such a shocking topic of family ethics.
Charlotte, instantly smelling gossip, smiled and took a seat in the confessional booth, swinging her slender legs and dainty feet, watching with a grin as the ramen-making pastor looked ready to push the two redheads—Shirou and Eriyi—into calling him "Dad."
At first, Charlotte was dumbfounded. One moment, Shirou had introduced this old pastor as his ramen master, and the next, he was trying to force both him and Eriyi to recognize him as their father.
Seriously, did this man have no shame?
Then again, Charlotte thought, seeing Shirou this flustered was kind of entertaining. She didn't really know Uesugi Etsu, so she couldn't say for sure what kind of person this apron-wearing pastor really was, but judging from his current performance, she felt he had the makings of a comedy variety show act.
"No, I've been thinking about this for a long time."
Uesugi Etsu's face was grave. Yes, ever since the Holy Church agents had brought him news of the Holy Grail War early that morning and left, he had spent more than half an hour pondering this deeply.
"You young folks probably don't know—right now, Tokyo is extremely dangerous. No, not just Tokyo, but Yokohama, Saitama, the entire Kanto area is unsafe!"
His Adam's apple bobbed as he raised his voice dramatically, bushy white brows shooting up—reminding Shirou oddly of Old Tang's long, arching eyebrows. If this was for comedic effect, Old Tang would probably pull it off even better.
"A crisis of this scale—city-wide!—is called the 'Holy Grail War'!"
Shirou's group twitched their lips. "Uh… we've already heard of it—"
Heck, they had Charlotte right here, who was both a Master and Servant in the Holy Grail War!
But Uesugi Etsu stubbornly refused to acknowledge that the "fresh news" he'd learned this morning had already been common knowledge for days. The man clearly wasn't one for high-intensity internet surfing.
"You young people should listen to your elders! It's rude to interrupt," he scolded when Shirou tried to speak.
"Listen, Shirou, I know you're the most capable one here, but with the Holy Grail War already underway, times are different. Even someone like you can't guarantee your safety, let alone an old man like me."
"So I've decided—I have to say this now! Son, daughter, you mustn't stay here. If you can leave, leave quickly. I've saved up enough from selling ramen to buy you all tickets out of Haneda International Airport!"
He seemed completely immersed in his "father" role, giving heartfelt advice.
"You're still young. There's no need to risk your lives for no reason. No need—absolutely no need!"
Shirou and Eriyi exchanged helpless glances, utterly unsure how to deal with this sudden, heartfelt paternal act.
Was this guy's head screwed on straight? Maybe they should take him to a hospital for a psychiatric check.
Charlotte, however, was thoroughly enjoying herself, her smile growing wider.
Uesugi Etsu continued, his tone carrying the unique nagging warmth of an elder:
"Remember what I told you before, Shirou? While you're young, do what you should do—fall in love! Don't waste your life worrying about saving the world. If the sky falls, leave it to old folks like me!"
"And Shirou, you lucky devil—why is it every time I see you, the girls at your side are different?" His gaze slid to Charlotte.
"What about that Saya girl I mentioned last time? In my opinion, she suited you well. That little Melusine girl wasn't bad either, just a bit too young. And now this young lady… Charlotte, was it? Pretty face, will be a real beauty in time—though still too young right now…"
Apparently, Saya had unexpectedly made it into his "final round" picks.
"…?"
Charlotte's smile froze. What did this old man mean by that? Wait—when had she become Shirou's girlfriend?!
No, she couldn't just sit back and watch. This ramen-making, comedy-act pastor clearly didn't play by any rules. She shuddered to think what rumors might spread if she let him go on.
"Master Etsu, aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" Charlotte cut in sharply.
"What do you know, little girl? The natural progression of romance is marriage! Marriage is one of life's most important matters!" His bushy brows twitched.
Little… girl…
Charlotte gritted her teeth, her temper flaring. If there was one thing she hated, it was being called a kid. Shirou had done it, now this old man too! Unforgivable!
"What would an old man like you know about young people's love? Marriage is the grave of love! The passion of youth is not the same as the cold, calculated partnership of married life!" she shot back.
Now it was Shirou and Eriyi's turn to sit back and enjoy the show.
Wow, they'd underestimated her—Charlotte's "don't call me young" switch was real.
"I know plenty! I've eaten more salt than you've eaten rice!" Uesugi Etsu puffed himself up, full-on playing the wise elder card.
"When I was young, I had my share of wild days. My experience far exceeds yours—you youngsters think you understand life, but you haven't even scratched the surface!"
"Is that so?" Charlotte sneered. "Then perhaps you can explain when Shirou and Eriyi became your children? As their friend, I certainly never noticed!"
The implication was clear—there was zero resemblance.
Uesugi Etsu faltered but quickly retorted: "Girl, ever heard of skipping a generation in genetics? My mother had rare red hair—less than 1% of the global population has it. Yet both your friends here are redheads!"
Charlotte rolled her eyes. "Do you know how many people 1% of the global population is? That's hardly proof. And don't they know their own parents?"
"No, I actually don't…" Shirou muttered, Eriyi nodding beside him, both blank at the mention of "biological parents."
"Thanks for the reminder—you two, shut up!" Charlotte snapped.
Uesugi Etsu pressed on: "Not just that—their bloodlines are exceptional! Eriyi's too!"
He looked around. Seeing no objections, he concluded, "This is because they've inherited my blood!"
Charlotte was speechless at how shamelessly he claimed credit. This man was wasting his talent not being a professional comedian.
"You even understand genetics? Forget arguing—let's just do a paternity test and settle it!"
"Fine by me, the result will be the same!" Uesugi Etsu replied without hesitation.
He was about to continue escalating the "family recognition war" when a knock came from the church door.
A young man's voice called from outside: "Hello? …It's this late and the church isn't open? Did I come at a bad time?"
Shirou and Eriyi's hearts skipped a beat.
Gen Uritsu!?
(End of Chapter)
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