"We're teetering on the edge of madness, too violent to be a democracy, too big to fit in an insane asylum. A nationwide fail army sleepwalking into the valley of the dispossessed trapped between Washington's parasitic mafia deep state and Hollywood's digital concentration camps of woke believe. Elect idiots, reap the idiocracy. There's no way out. Now, every day is Ground Hog's Day, circa 1984, and critical thinking has been banned so as to not offend the imbeciles. All that's left in this age of liars is to sit back and watch the mass batshit insanity as our misleadership class smears lies all over our faces and tell us it's the most beautiful makeup. It's like being strangled by some giant, all-powerful hermaphrodite and we can't even cut off its balls."
"You should be a motivational speaker."
"I was. Except this time we're the lab rats performing the nazi experiments on ourselves."
"Nazi?"
"Nazi. The meek shall inherit the earth after we're dead, but in the meantime, it's a sociopath's paradise. Mark my words, somewhere, some mega-classified lab is home brewing up some magic maggot RNA virus designed to consume to cure baldness, cancer, and microplastics. Sounds nice, but once Pandora's sixth sigma DNA mutates and the Lovecraft nightmare is out, what are we left with: uncontrollable super-maggots eating twice their body weight, all day, every day, destroying the world's food supplies while our species drowns in massive rivers of fruit fly sperm. Our coup de grace."
"I think you've had enough."
"Hardly. Drinking is my way of living in a prefabricated rising shit tide which lifts all yachts.There are others: Death by sherry enema overdose. Drowning in a vat of molasses. Jumping into the engines of a Boeing 747. Hammering a kitchen knife into your sternum. Exploding lava lamp. Hell, I could straighten out one of those coat hangers in that closet over there and jam it in my eyeball. But I won't because I haven't found something I'm willing to die for, yet, which means I'm not fit to live anyway."
"I never really thought about it like that."
"It's madness. Madness of crowds. Madness of love. Madness of lack of love. Just madness. So here's to madness, drinking, and guns." He polishes off a shot and lines up the next one. "Besides, this booze is twice as cheap as the tap water, which we can't even drink anyway."
"I feel so healthy."