Olivia breathed heavily as she watched the orb glow and shimmer as it broke apart and faded away. She did it. She actually managed to win—
"Are you feeling better now?"
She gritted her teeth and spun around, finding the orb fully healed and restored, several meters away from her. That wasn't all, though. Her own body was healed, her arm was back, as well as all her blood, and her witch outfit was also gone, replaced with her regular clothes. Even her mana had been fully restored.
This realm belonged to this being. The king's core was like a god here. That was how it could do the test and make time outside feel so slow. It had complete control of everything in here. There was no way to beat it, no matter what she tried. Part of her knew that going into the test, but she had still tried her best. Why, though? Why was she trying so hard when it was impossible? Wasn't she just throwing herself at the wall now?
"Row Blood Scythe!" She reformed her weapon and got ready to charge again, but a tendril raised up as if telling her to halt.
"No. That's enough."
Instantly, Olivia felt all the fight leave her and drain away as she heard the core's voice. It sounded disappointed. "What? Scared that I'll beat you this time?" She snapped at it, but she also felt tired and disappointed. Nothing had changed. She still failed.
The core shimmered, a dozen different lights and emotions going through it. "Do you know why I said you failed earlier?"
"You said it was because I was useless?"
"That's correct. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I wanted to see how you would react." The core hummed once again. "You're quick to anger, but one thing I will give you is that you're fast at improving. You watched those other versions of yourself fight, and you were able to pick up how to use magic similar to them in an instant. It isn't just them, either, is it? You're constantly learning and watching, yet you call yourself useless? I can see into your soul, your memories, and your thoughts, and I know how much you hate the hand that life has dealt you. You believe that the Arcane Knights are inherently superior, and you yourself are useless because of this flaw that you can't control. Why?"
"Have I really failed the test?" Olivia asked in a shaky voice.
"Answer my question."
Olivia hung her head and stared at her feet, feeling slightly ashamed. "Of course, I hate myself. I despise the magic I was born with. This magic that only lets me cast three spells is bad. Yeah, I've been able to get better with it, sure, but I always wonder, how much better would I be if I were born with someone else's magic? If I had wind, or ice, or shadow magic, would I have to try as hard?" Olivia spat out. "I was taunted and picked on and called names and belittled, and Haru, it made me mad. I was happy for him, but I was also screaming inside when I saw Ash become a Knight because, of course, he made it! He's not even that special, but…" Her vision turned slightly blurry, and she rubbed at her eyes. "He was always so mean. I was born like this, and yet he despised me. Now he's acting friendly, but he still calls me useless, and it hurts. Why wouldn't I think I'm useless when I saw everyone around me do better?"
"What of your achievements?"
Olivia let out a bitter laugh. "I know, I know, I know, I fucking know! I get it! I've done some good with my magic. Blood magic allowed me to survive Garon's venom, and it also helped me beat him in that final exam, but that was it. It hasn't done a single thing for me." She glanced down at her hands and dropped her weapon. "Would I have even been in those situations if I had a different type of magic? I know that I can improve myself; I get that, I really do. I can get better, but that doesn't change all the struggles that I went through at this point that I wouldn't have gone through. Those other versions of me showed me how strong I could get, but what horrors did they go through to reach that level?" The memories of all three flashed through her mind. Two of them had murdered groups of people so easily, while one had so much mana that even if she trained for a million years, she doubted she'd reach that level. "Can those other versions of me even be called me?"
"They were created from your subconscious." The core explained. "I do not know if they're actual representations of you, but there is a part of you that longs to be something special. A part that doesn't even care if it's an Arcane Knight or not, you just want to reach it. Let me ask you something. Why do you think I let you fight me in the first place?"
Olivia frowned. The king's core raised a good point. What was the reason they had that fight? She was ticked off, sure, but why did it suddenly turn mean and hostile and even let her do that? It said she failed, but it didn't kick her out of the test? It allowed her to remain and battle it? To prove something? It already knew everything she did, so it couldn't be to prove herself to it?
So then what?
"It was a test?" Olivia said slowly, and she lowered her weapon. "That's it, right? You were testing me?"
Suddenly, the space before her shimmered, and she stood before the core much closer. Her weapon was gone, and also in front of the core were the three other versions of herself. The people she could have become if she had been placed somewhere else by her father.
"Earlier, I asked you which version of yourself you liked most." The core said softly. "And you selected yourself, but that was a lie, wasn't it?" Olivia flinched at its words, and she looked down, not able to look at the other versions of herself. "Everything I said was taken from your own thoughts about yourself. You have a dream to become an Arcane Knight, but you view yourself as useless and worthless, even as you claim otherwise. Even after you used polymorph, you hated yourself the moment you saw its weakness."
"I still pushed forward, though," Olivia argued. "You said it yourself. I was able to learn from those stronger and better versions of myself."
"You did, and I commend you and your strength, but it is also that same fact that I told you: you failed." The core shimmered. "You thought it earlier as well. You instantly saw those other versions, and you assumed that they were better than you. That you couldn't be them."
"They were stronger than me, though. I'm not a Knight, and they are all part of whatever group they come from. One even had a giant golem of some kind!"
"You assume they were stronger than you because they are part of an official group. If you were a Knight, would you not be of the same rank as them?"
"I guess." Olivia balled her hand into a tighter fist. "You're not going to make me a Knight, though, are you?"
Silence filled the air. The tone he had was the exact same tone her teacher would have right before he failed her. It was a slow talk meant to point out her mistakes and gently tell her she failed, but she saw straight through it. The fact that the core didn't say anything else only confirmed her suspicion. She had failed the Knight exam. This time, though, it wasn't a trick.
"Mary Lot," The core's tone tried to be gentle, but that only stung more. "You're not useless. I think deep down you do know that. You resent Mr. Anderson for the things he did, and you have a right to feel that way. Let me ask you, though, why haven't you challenged him again?"
"I didn't have a reason to?"
The core's color changed to a bright silver. "You have a soul that is good. You want to help people, and you have a desire to grow. That's something we do look for in Knights. Also, you've managed to grow in such a short amount of time and even unlocked a new trait allowing you to use twice as many spells as before. But…"
"There's the but." Olivia sighed and deflated, her shoulders sagging.
"There is one thing you lack." The tendril went from poking at her chest to poking at her head. "Mary Lot, you lack confidence. Even when you do grow and get better, you find a flaw in it and compare yourself to those around you. It's not a bad thing to want to be stronger, but you never appreciate your own strength. Worst of all, however, is your view of failure. When you win, you don't let yourself remain happy for long because you instantly assume the next challenge is one you will fail. When you do fail, you let it eat away at you. Failure can be a teacher, but you rarely learn from it and just use it as an excuse to despise yourself more. One mistake on your end is enough for you to want to give up. In the last exam, to you, failure and death were one and the same. It wasn't just there, was it? Ms. Lot. You've walked this path, and yet I am still not fully convinced. I can see your past, and I can see your present, but I cannot see your future. I can simply make guesses. I could bring out a wave of endless cards based on what I think you'll be, but there would be no point because, as you are now, you'd walk down the same path that you're on. You made up your mind before the first test even began. Either you'd become a Knight or you'd die."
It had been a stray thought. A bitter one that entered her mind when she first arrived at the exam area with Davi. She knew before anything that he and Bruno would make it into the guild. She also knew that Ash would likely join as well. The idea of being the only one left behind while they walked away from her was a bitter pill to swallow, and so the idea had come to her head. Either she'd pass or…
It was a thought she had dismissed, but it appeared again during the battle with Garon. Faced with no other option, she had gladly given up her own life because she was going to die anyway. It hadn't been a noble sacrifice, though. She didn't do it to save the others; instead, it was because what else could she have done? She was going to fail the test either way, so she might as well do something.
That action had led to the gaining of a new trait, yet that same trait was one she harbored negativity for once she figured out it wasn't as good as she wanted it to be. It wasn't a trait that would put her on the level of other mages and instead was just something that would offer her three more spells.
Didn't she have a right to be frustrated and feel like failing was the only option? It was as if everything was working against her.
"Of course, you have a right to be angry and mad, but you also need to keep marching forward." The core spoke up, seemingly reading her mind. "This sense of failure causes you to hesitate and make mistakes. In the third exam, failure and death were one and the same. In the second exam, your thought of failing caused you not even to write a single answer down. In the first exam, your thought of failure caused you to not even consider the fact that a captain had his eye on you."
"Did one?" Olivia asked, suddenly sitting up. She recalled that in the first test, once it was done, it said a guild had its eye on her, but she assumed it was Phoenix Flight. The core was making it sound like a captain, though, which meant it couldn't be Phoenix Flight since it was the AI. Not to mention he said 'his', which meant they were male, and the captain of Phoenix Flight was a woman. Olivia suddenly felt a tight knot appear in her stomach. Had she had the eyes of a captain on her since the very first exam?
"It isn't even just these tests that the seeds of failure take root within you." The core glowed with a bright white energy, and the surrounding area began to flicker and fade, and the next thing Olivia knew, she was standing in a familiar place. "Behold."
Olivia found herself suddenly in a small stone cell. It was the room she had been placed in after being taken out of the one she and Davi had been shoved into by Gray. On the floor was a version of her, bruised and battered, yet trying to do push-ups, despite the fact that she was drenched in sweat, deathly pale, and her fingernails were gushing blood.
Davi had given her tips on how to train, and she followed his guide, but it hadn't been enough for her. She pushed herself far further than he instructed, casting her spells as soon as her regeneration gave her enough blood, and punched the walls of her cell over and over again, jumping around and doing push-ups until she vomited.
When her body finally collapsed, she'd only allow herself a few moments to rest before doing it all over again. It had been hell, and it had nearly left her unable to compete. Thankfully, Gray had come to her aid on the final day and used various potions he had on him to fully heal her and even let her shower and get changed before he went and got Davi. She also made him promise not to tell Davi the state he had found her in because she was nearly dead.
"Why are you showing me this?" Olivia demanded, and she looked away. Seeing the broken version of herself made her stomach sick. "I was training. Isn't that good?"
"Ms. Lot, you trained until you nearly died." The core said sternly. "You didn't eat, you didn't sleep, and you didn't drink. You almost died of dehydration, and if not for your trait of regeneration, you surely would have."
"Pushing oneself to their limit is good."
"You pushed well past your limit and gained nothing from it." The core's stern words grew thicker. "You resented the fact that you weren't able to beat Garon the way you wanted and that you became a failure. You let your failures consume you and wipe away your good achievements, and it causes your hatred for yourself to grow. If I do make you a Knight, what happens? If you lose once, do you suddenly give up? I can't see the future; I can guess at it, but that's it. To you, Knights are perfect, and you are the imperfect being, so if a Knight suddenly lost your worldview, would they be destroyed? Isn't that right? Would that loss break you? You'd become more destructive and want to improve so much that it could even kill you."
"If I don't get better, though, then I will be useless," Olivia said, shaking her head. "I want to help Davi. I don't want to have to keep getting saved by him. He's done so much for me, and yet I can't think of a single way I've managed to help him."
"Then get better." The core rumbled. "It's fine to train and improve, but don't push yourself until you die. Don't let a single loss consume you and make you think that you're so utterly pathetic. You don't even want to challenge Mr. Anderson anymore because you're scared that, yet again, he'll beat you. You work too hard to avoid failure, and you fear failure, so naturally everything becomes the thing you fear and despise, leading to more failure and a sense of frustration and the feeling that you're not growing. You are full of contradictions as well. When faced with failure, you'll give it your all to succeed, but the moment you do fail, you suddenly give up. You're both brave and a coward."
Olivia wanted to argue, but the core was right. She felt tired, exhausted, and frustrated. Her shoulders sagged again, and she let out a grunt. "So what happens now?"
The orb's tendrils came out again, and they wrapped around her, the strands of DNA lightly squeezing on her arms and legs. "Why do you want to be an Arcane Knight so badly?"
"You can read my memories?"
"Just humor me."
Olivia managed to give a smile. "I want to thank the person who saved me. She's the one who put me on this path."
"Yes, your meeting with Evelyn Lunar."
"Evelyn? Is that her name?" Olivia muttered.
"You saw her, and you wanted to be a Knight." The Core switched to a soft pink color. "It is a contradictory mindset, though, is it not? You want more than anything to become a powerful Knight, as they aren't useless, but you yourself think that you are. Do you think that you will magically become useful the moment you become a Knight?"
"Well, when you put it like that…" Olivia trailed off. "I don't know what will happen to me. I know I'd get to help people, though."
"What will you do if you become a Knight?"
Olivia folded her arms, the tendrils letting her move them around. She tilted her head and tried to think about it. "Well, I'd like to help a lot of people, as I said. I also want to thank the woman, Evelyn, who saved me, and I want to help Davi out with his issues."
"Noble. But can you do that? You've fought hard to get to this point, but what happens when you do become a Knight? Is your dream over? Will you stop trying as hard?"
"Of course not. I want to keep getting better." Olivia managed a grin. "If I become a Knight, then my next goal will be to become a vice captain. If I become a vice captain, then my next goal will be to become a captain. If I become a captain, then my goal will be to make my guild the most heroic one around."
"Childish. A good cause, but still childish." The tendrils began to poke at her again. "And when you fail?"
That caused her smile to fade. "I—I don't know."
"You're going to fail eventually." The core stated. "I want you to understand something. Failing isn't something to be ashamed of. The best of the best constantly fail, and you are right that getting back up and trying your best is good, but you also have to accept that sometimes you'll fail, and there is nothing you can do. Don't let it put you down forever, though, and don't break yourself trying to right those wrongs. Just be. You are you, and it is who you are that you should want to be. The you of tomorrow is a you you'll reach, but the you of today should be the you that you focus on. Grow. Live. Enjoy your life. Have fun. And when you do suffer or do find yourself losing, look to those who can help you grow and rise back up."
Olivia gave a hesitant nod. "Okay. I'll try to keep that in mind."
"I know you will; I can see who you are." The core almost joked before it grew serious once more. "Only time will tell if you actually listen to me, though. For now, I think I've made my choice." Olivia felt herself being pulled into the core, and she tried to hear what he was saying, but the intense heat and pain that followed stopped her from hearing.
Did she pass?
Did she fail?
Suddenly, light hit her eyes, and the next thing she knew, she was standing outside of the gate. All eyes were focused on her, and she found herself staring at the crowd of people who were just… Staring?
The blue box appeared, but nervously, Olivia ignored it because she felt something touching her. A cloth was wrapped around her shoulders, which she looked at and felt with her fingers.
Excitement exploded through her, only to instantly vanish when she saw the symbol written across it.
The core had decided. It didn't know fully what to do with her, so it made a gamble. A fiery bird was embroidered across her cloak.
She was in Phoenix Flight.
"Aw, fuck me!"