Nox's POV:
*Humming*
Why hello there, mind pervs! You might be wondering what amazing adventures I have instore for you all today. Well, you're in luck, cuz today we will be watching grass grow! Isn't that exciting?
"What kind of flower is it you are planting, I wonder?"
Interrupting my, undoubtedly world-famous documentary on grass, came the playboy, invading my personal space, while mistaking my 'Lunar Grass Buds' for flower seeds, like an idiot. As he was no doubt here to ruin everything as he always do, but fortunately, I have the playboy police on speed dial.
"HEY, GI-! *Muffled*"
"Hush, my sweet! They cannot save you now!" He whispered in my ear like a serial killer after making a sound-muffling barrier around my mouth area using his stupid qi and functional core which I am definitely not starting to get jealous of.
*Muffled*(I miss having a greater spirit core!)
*Burp*
Not feeling on board with my right to free screams being revoked, I burped out some aura fire to undo my muffler and proceeded to call the 911 girls camping out in my horrifically pink castle.
"HEY, GIRLS! HE'S BACK, And you've isolated the area! Tsk! Fuck!" I said, before reaching into my spatial storage for a self-defense bioweapon of my choice.
"Oh, no you don't!"
*Snapp*
Unfortunately, the playboy somehow divined the very predictable thing I was about to do and immediately interfered with my spatial magic by farting out a bunch of his own spatial elements, which at this distance effectively jammed shut my spatial storage hole. Normally, I could just use my core to filter out the spatial elements to open up my spatial storage anyways, but with this much dimension farts in the air that would only work if I had a greater spirit core.
"I really need to get that fixed!" I said, as I tooted out some blue fire to suck this energy up to further this endeavor and let me open my portable interdimensional purse for my plague-based pepper spray, killing two birds with one stone.
"Nope!"
"HEY, THAT'S MINE! I mean, I have more, BUT IT'S STILL MINE!"
Unfortunately, the playboy swiped my fire-resistant plague in a bottle, because apparently it has been too long since he last robbed me of something and seeing me holding something with my bare hands, right in front of his face no less, was just too tempting for him to resist.
*Spray*
"You know that doesn't work on me, right?" I said, as the playboy just sprayed me in the face with something that only eats elemental energy, of which I have practically nothing.
"I know! But my naughty wife needs some kind of punishment for her misbehavior! So, will you tell me what my woman is up too?"
"I'm gardening! Now begone filthy home-invader!"
"So, even a girl like you find flowers delightful?"
"Yes! I find poop-eating, breath-sucking, ground parasites very fun! Now leave! The contract only say I have to put up with you whenever your parents are around, so get lost!" I said, as I got back to my grass growing.
"What is this one called?" He said, as he again invaded my personal space.
"Do you mind?"
"Mind what?" he said, with that very punch able shit-eating grin.
*bang*
Fortunately, I am a calm and reasonable adult.
*bang*
Who can restrain my desires for violence whenever I wish.
*bang*
"But that's only if I want to!" I said, as I punched him in the face again.
*Giggle*
"That tickles!"
Unfortunately, my regular fists, fully capable of punching holes in solid steel, does jack-shit to this indestructible menace.
"Nope!"
*Spray*
"Stop it! Get some help! Preferably from somewhere else, cuz I'm bee busy!" I said, before pulling out my new secret gardening weapon.
"What is that?"
"Something you don't want!"
"Hm?"
"Hey, come on! Give it back!"
"I will give it back when you tell me what I want to know?"
"What's it too you what I do in my new base?"
"Well, I want to know my woman a little better!"
"My bro and kid has already told you plenty! Now give it back, and do not open it!"
"AAAAHH!"
What was inside the box was my genetically altered, prototype cyborg, stealth bees. They have a longer lifespan than regular bees, their wings make almost no sound when they fly, their stingers are made of an adamantite isotope, their brain chips have been programed to let me control them via voice commands, and their necrotic venom is one that can counteract the playboy's regen and immune system for a certain period of time. I have also made them extremely aggressive towards anyone who smells like this playboy's perfume.
"I told you, you didn't want it!"
"Boo, bip me! Ugh! Bye ib bith bob heabing? (You tricked me! Ugh! Why is this not healing?)" the playboy mumbled out through his very swollen face, and he wasn't wrong.
You see, I knew the playboy was going to steal the box from the start, nothing is more tempting than a mystery box after all. That's why I brought out my box of live bees. I also knew that if I told him not to open it, he would do exactly that and get a face full of necrotic bee venom. Isn't reverse psychology great.
"You know, I was going to release those bees earlier to help with pollination, but now I'm kind of glad I procrastinated on it! Rest in peace, you absolute legends!" I said, as I bid farewell to the hundreds of dead little heroes on the ground.
I need to remember to get rid of the death upon stinging thing when I make my next batch, cuz arranging funerals for all these guys is going to take forever.
"Oh, I can use them as compost!"
"BOUB BOO BIX BE ALBEABY?! (WOULD YOU FIX ME ALREADY?!)"
"Sorry! I can't hear you over my dead bees!" I said, as I began shoving their dead bodies underground.
I then continued my agricultural renovations to this accursed pink garden, while preparing for the upcoming blood moon which will make this garden even more awesome.
"Phew! Finally finished!" I said, as my garden which fortunately I am allowed to repaint without legal troubles, finally began looking like something I could get along with.
"Should I be worried?" The playboy asked, his face already beginning to deflate from the beestings.
"Jealous my garden looks more awesome than yours?" I asked, as I took off my fire-resistant gardening gloves.
"While I do agree this garden does have its charms! Between the burning roses and the seemingly living tentacles sprouting from the ground-!*chomp*" He said, before getting eaten by my venous-mantrap.
"I wonder what his problem was with my ruby inferno roses and octillion mangrove trees? Oh, well! He is compost now, so I guess I'll never know!"
Which is when the playboy forced the mantrap's jaw open.
"I worry that it might be a tad too unsafe for you! How about we try planting something a little more, normal?"
"Normal? You mean like death thistles, and phantom scorn bushes?"
"Uh, sure, but I was thinking more like roses, chrysanthemums, or tulips! You know, normal flowers that do not want to eat or kill you?"
"You mean kill me, I mean you, or wait? Uh, anyways, the answer is no! My garden is for making useful stuff! Like an eyeball tree from another dimension that will show you horrors beyond mortal comprehension, a pond made from water I took from the river Styx that compels intruders to drown themselves, and a mandrake that screams lethally loud obscenities in case I ever get bored! You know! Totally normal gardening stuff!"
"…! That doesn't sound very normal, nor safe!"
"For someone I've shoot in the face and lived to tell the tale, you sure sound suspiciously cowardly right now?"
"I am just concerned for your safety is all? But I suppose you are the expert here, so how about we plant us some death thistles?" He said, looking mighty suspicious with that less than normally shifty expression on his face.
"Hm?"
*Swoosh*
"Now where are you going? Were we not going to finish planting those phantom, uh-?"
"Phantom scorn bushes, and they are stored inside that pink nightmare over there?"
"Well, then let's do the death thistles first!"
"They are also in there?" I said, as I knew there was something wrong here.
"Why would you store them indoors? Everything else you planted today you kept in spatial storage! Are you not just trying to sneak away again?"
"Not everything can be stored in spatial storage you know! Some materials have a negative reaction to the spatial element, making spatial storing a no-go! Now if you'll excuse me, I, have some very maliciously cute ghost bushes and adorably murderous daisies I need to unpack from their cages!" I said as I tried to push past the playboy blocking my path.
"Uh, well, let's forget about gardening for now! You've worked so hard all day long! You deserve a rest, so how about we take a nice relaxing walk through your garden to take in the fruits of your labor!" He said, as the labor-grapevines behind him plopped out a fetus-shaped berry.
"You know what? You're right! I have worked hard, and I deserve a break!"
"Great then-!"
"So, I'm gonna go take a nice long bath, to wash all this semi-sentient grime and soot off of me!" I said, wondering why the hell this asshole doesn't want me indoors.
"Uh, well, the bath in the pink palace was rushed during construction and of low quality! Why don't this great husband take you out to enjoy the Kyokushin hot springs! You know there is a legend tha-!"
*Swoosh*
*Bang*
"Hey, what's the big idea?! Let me enter my house!" I asked as the playboy breast-blocked with his A-cups.
"Uh!"
*Boom*
"No, you are right? I am being silly! The Kyokushin hot spring is rather far to travel for a simple bath! The ones in the Pink Palace are good enough! In fact, why don't I join you for a soak!" The playboy said, suddenly changing his tune after that firework went off in the distance.
"What was that?"
"What was what?"
"…! You do know I all the bathing areas are big communal ones for women, right?"
"Is my Noxy feeling a bit shy?"
"You mother fucker!"
*Bang*
*Screech*
"AH! WHAT THE!"
As I realized what this asshole had done, I kicked the labor grape at my feet like a soccer ball, making it bounce of the pink wall behind him and into the back of his head. Now a thing to note about labor grapes is that, when pressure is applied to them by for example an animal chomping down on their skull, they'll suddenly shoot out razor sharp spike-like seedlings, piercing the mouth of whatever animal might be trying to chomp down on them. Then they will let out a monstrous screech nearly on par with a mandrake, disorienting their victim by popping their eardrums to prevent them from getting away before the spikey baby explodes, killing the unfortunate creature while sending their reinforced seed-spikes flying in every which direction. The seeds are extremely rich in the earth element, which is why they are extremely sturdy, and makes them high-quality material for this continent's drug-focused alchemy fan-base, certain magic rituals, and an a great impromptu sticky bomb for someone who's soft, delicately thick skin might as well be made of fucking orichalcum.
*Boom*
To the sound of the exploding plant baby, I slammed open the doors to my horrible castle whose only saving grace was its freshly renovated garden, hoping against all odds that I am to be greeted with a hoard of stampeding women who will promptly trample me into the basement if it means groping that playboy's ass, but alas, I had been robbed.
"NO! MY GIRLS! WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY GIRLS?!"
This playboy had removed my sweet, sweet, squatters, and done who knows what with them while I was distracted by my gardening.
"Noxy? What is that?"
"I SWEAR I WILL AVANGE YOU MY FALLEN SISTERS!" I proclaimed, as I pulled out my magic machinegun.
"Wait, hold on a moment! I-!"
"All will fear my giant new gun!" I said as my incineration machinegun began charging up.
…
Later that day.
"So how did it go?" Fuji asked with an amused smile on his face.
Walking in the door came a ragged and disheveled dark lord, covered in dirt and soot, with his clothing burned to scraps and a tree branch with an eyeball growing out of his shoulder.
"*Cough**Wheeze**Cough*! Ugh! She got me in the mouth, hold on!"
After the dark lord coughed out all the black smoke and dust in his lungs he continued speaking.
"Well, she calmed down once she realized they were still alive! I only wish she let me explain before she used her new magical firearm on me, but at least I know what her plants can do now, though I wish I hadn't!" The dark lord said, as he pulled out the tree branch with an eyeball embedded in his shoulder.
"Did that branch just blink? Also, why does it have an eye?"
"Not sure, but just don't make eye-contact or you will-!"
"AAAAHHH! Hehehe! *Wheeze*"
*Sigh*
"-Temporarily go mad and start turning into it! *Sigh* Great! I hoped I would get back to the Pink Palace to receive Nox once she gave up trying to persuade those miscreants, but I guess I'll be plucking these out of you until you return to your senses!"
*Bang*
As Fuji began thrashing around with enough force to tear down the purple palace, the dark lord let out another sigh before he tried to restrain his True Vampire friend who was beginning to transform into an eyeball tree.