Nox's POV:
Nox's log:
It has been a month since I first got abducted by the aliens who wanted to experiment on my brains. They wanted to use this machine shaped like a rectal thermometer to infiltrate my brain in order to create an evil clone of me, but my mighty brain-juice was too much for their primitive anal probe-based technology to handle. I ended up teaming up with my brain-juice monster to escape their containment room, but it was no use. I was still on their home planet, with no hope of returning to the cruel mother Gaia.
I somehow ended up offending one of the natives while I was still getting my bearings in this strange new world. Which is how I ended up in a cockfight, which is how they settle arguments here for some reason. What a strange, and stupidly rich culture they have.
Unfortunately, the cockfight ended up waking my sleeping baby snake, and it burped up a storm that destroyed their civilization. Feeling bad for destroying their world, and not just because I didn't want to lose my new license after putting in so much effort and time, I agreed to help them rebuild their society into a greater one. Which is why I am currently watching the alien leaders 'baby-face' and 'fur-beard' study my new pet for their science project while I wait for the interplanetary cockfights to begin.
"Fascinating! So, it is not that it's eye can move around its head at will, but rather, it really only has one eye located in the center of its skull that's visible from any angle!" Baby-face proclaimed, using his alien qi to shine a light in my baby snake's sphere of vision.
"But how is that possible? The skin isn't translucent! So, how can we see it? Or how does it see us?"
"Good question! I don't see any pupils or eye color to indicate where it looks! Is it possible its perception is omnidirectional?"
"Do you mind not shining a light in his ball all day! Finding a shop that sells prescription glasses is hard enough but finding one that also sells them for all-seeing cyclops is even harder!" I said, a little concerned that my new alien snake boy might go blind.
Oh, right! After much discussion lasting many, many seconds, Bluey decided he identified as a boy, despite having no genitals. What a smart and brave young snake from another dimension he is. I feel like it was just yesterday that I squeezed him out of that giant anal probe, and now he has already chosen his own gender only one month later. They grow up so fast.
"Does its vision deteriorate in response to light?"
"Well, it does seem to squint when you bring your light qi too close! Though, I don't quite understand what it really does as it has no eyelid!"
"Maybe it just shuts of its vision by applying pressure to the internals of its eyeball? But why does its shape remain the same regardless of the angle?" Baby-face asked while moving his hand which was holding that floating light ball closer to Bluey's face
"It's because it's not operating in the same dimensions as you! Now quit shining that light in his face or I'm going to write another much steamier book about you nerds!" I said, threatening them with my fanfiction.
After Bluey blew down the alien civilization known as 'the tamer's guild headquarters'. I had first gotten pissed they still wanted me to take part in their inhumane experiments and spread my erotic fanfiction of two alien lovers from a galaxy far, far away, across the stars. It wasn't until I had become a famous writer, and they begged me for an autograph that I decided to hear them out.
After much groveling at my feet, I agreed to participate in an interplanetary animal fight on the second moon of this strange solar system named 'the 2nd martial continent'.
Apparently, the animal fight club on the moon holds a tournament during their version of Walpurgisnacht-festival known as the Kaguya-festivals.
The Kaguya-festivals is a periodic festival that happens multiple times every other year based on the 2nd moon's mood around the solar system of the 2nd martial continent. This is because the 2nd moon can't ever stay faithful to one planet or even a solar system as it keeps switching its orbit between the 2nd and 3rd continents. Whenever it decides to rebound back to this solar system, usually a year inside the 3rd, it decides to throw a bunch of parties where all the planets are invited. The theme for the next party is, you guessed it, animal cruelty.
Every Tom, Dick and hairy pet owner with a taste for bloodshed is going to bring their sweet little furballs to fight to the death while the rest of us watch. And the rumor has it that the owner of the last survivor gets a ton of cash while their planet gets a ton of street cred that could really help us with the revival of their alien civilization. With much hesitation that lasted almost a second, I begrudgingly agreed to throw my baby snake into that meatgrinder with a smile on my face, in hopes of rebuilding the planet he destroyed and definitely not because the prize money could fund the spaceship that could return me to my home planet. But if you really think about it, it was Bluey who destroyed the planet in the first place so it's only right he sacrifices himself for my money! I mean planet!
"So, when does the Kaguya cockfight begin?" I asked the two aliens hassling my sacrificial energy-snake.
"Festival! It's called the Kaguya-festival!" Fur-beard replied, refusing to accept my much more apt choice of words.
"You say potato! I say tomato! Now answer my party questions or else!" I said, as I lifted my bottle of ink over a blank page.
Seeing I was not joking about my sequel to the stars, the two alien lovers grew pale in the face as they finally decided to answer my questions.
"It starts tomorrow! So, put down the ink!" Baby-face blurted out in a panic.
"How you can convince your fairy to write this slanderous filth is beyond me!" Fur-beard muttered.
"Then could you get out of our room already? I need to prep my snake for tomorrows cockfight!" I said, feeling annoyed at the geezers who have been camping in my room for the last couple of days.
"But how are we supposed to entertain ourselves in the meantime?"
"I don't know! Go explore the festival or something! I don't really care!"
"We can't! How are we supposed to show our faces to the outside world when this is plastered all over the place!" Fur-beard said as he opened the blinds on the window, showing me the billboard for my latest fanfiction I had set up around the 2nd moon.
The cover shows the picture from when I almost got them to kiss in the hallway of their home planet of Shi, right before the collapse of the tamer society, only I had edited it so they were slightly closer while covering up their mouths with a heart-shaped censor bar so people wouldn't see the overlapping lips.
"How did you even set these up so fast! They were all over the country of Shi the day after we made you an elder of the guild!"
Apparently, something that I only caught wind of after the fact. The hierarchy of the tamer guild's officials are given the title of junior, senior, elder and finally guild master, which is really just the same thing as an elder only they have to deal with politics in addition to animal stuff. I had apparently been duped into taking the elder exam by fur-beard after he saw my perfect test score, which is why that whole imaginary thermometer thing happened.
Understandably kind of pissed to find that I had been tricked into a job that I wasn't allowed to quit even after I flushed the replacement id tag down the toilet, after I sold the first one on the black market. I decided to write my newest masterpiece. From the maker of '50 shades of Beards' I give you 'Star Lovers' complete with pictures.
No matter where I went or what I did, these assholes would find me the moment I used my new license and slapped me with another elder token before trying to kidnap me back to their civilization of professional pet owners. I already had a playboy doing that, so I decided to deal with them which is how I ended up on the fake second moon floating in the sky.
"I just wanted to sell some eggs! How did I end up on the moon?" I muttered to myself as I was feeling depressed over where my life was heading.
"At least the playboy doesn't seem to be here this time so that's something!" I muttered to myself as I watched Bluey get into shape for tomorrow's show.
The next day.
"Why did I jinx it?" I said as I saw a certain playboy sitting on a throne in the VIP section of the arena.