Tourists screamed as the earth shuddered beneath their feet. Cracks spiderwebbed across the ground. Souvenir stands toppled. Binocular scopes tilted and crashed. Hot wind rose from below the monument like the breath of the Earth revolting.
And from the heart of the tremors, amidst the chaos and falling debris, stood a wild-eyed figure in a cracked red-and-white coat.
Doc Seismic.
His gauntlets hissed with molten pressure, thick metal bracers wrapped around his wrists and glowing with unstable energy. Red cuffs. Big black boots. Bald head glistening with sweat. His eyebrows looked like they had declared war on his forehead, and his wiry mustache twitched as he laughed.
"Oh, what a beautiful day for liberation!" he declared, spreading his arms theatrically. "You've all come to worship your stone-faced demigods, haven't you? Symbols of conquest! Of subjugation! Of geological tyranny!"
With a deafening roar, he slammed his fists into the rock.
A shockwave blasted outward. The cliff beneath George Washington's chin cracked. Tourists scattered as a section of the mountain gave way. Lava surged from the base like an open wound in the Earth's crust, melting rock and belching smoke into the air.
"YOU DARE TO CHAIN THE EARTH ITSELF?" Doc Seismic shrieked, eyes glowing with rage. "Four smug faces carved into sacred stone! I say no more! Let them all fall!"
Another blast. The nose of Abraham Lincoln cracked and tumbled.
"Someone stop him!" a ranger screamed.
And just on cue,
Maelstrom draped in yellow and black, blurred across the sky and caught the massive slab of Lincoln's face just inches before it crushed a family of five. His feet skidded along the cracked observation deck, kicking up sparks. He exhaled, muscles flexing as he slowly lowered the massive stone chunk to the ground, setting it down gently.
"Guess you're not a fan of history class, me either.." Naruto muttered.
Above him, a pink streak cut through the smoke. Atom Eve was descending fast, her body glowing like a comet.
Doc Seismic beamed as he spotted her.
"Ah, the radiant Miss Eve! Still wearing that… absurdly gendered costume, I see," he said, mockingly squinting at her. "Your handlers must be very proud."
Eve narrowed her eyes. "I designed it myself."
Doc clutched his chest and sighed. "Self-objectification? The system runs deeper than I feared."
Naruto flew beside her, cracking his knuckles. "Is he always like this?"
"It get's worse when he's trying to flirt," she muttered.
Doc Seismic raised both gauntlets high.
"You're here to stop me. But in time… you'll thank me."
He brought the gauntlets down.
The ground erupted. Lava geysers burst from fault lines. Monument stone cracked and crumbled. The whole face of the mountain shuddered as Doc Seismic took flight using his gauntlets' reverse force output, basically launching himself like a human mortar.
Naruto launched forward, meeting him in midair with a clash that shattered the air like a bomb. Fist to gauntlet. Seismic spun midair and backhanded Naruto toward a falling ledge.
Eve shot in, catching a collapsing platform with her energy constructs and shoving tourists to safety.
"Your devotion to preservation is touching!" Doc Seismic called down to her. "But you're preserving the rot of society!"
He soared again, punching the cliffside to create another tremor. Huge stone faces began crumbling as fire spilled over their eyes.
Eve darted through the smoke, bombarding him with glowing projectiles. They sparked across his coat and gauntlets, staggering him slightly.
"You traitor to progress!" he bellowed.
Naruto reappeared, slamming him from above. Doc Seismic reeled but twisted, delivering a seismic pulse at point-blank range that sent Naruto spiraling into a boulder.
Doc Seismic floated briefly over the wreckage, panting hard now. The lights on his gauntlets were flickering, clearly unstable.
"You're strong," Naruto muttered, emerging from the rubble. "But crazy's gonna get you killed."
"Enlightened!" Doc Seismic snapped. "I fight for the Earth! For tectonic truth! The Earth is alive, and you! You're blind to her pain!"
He smashed his fists together and triggered another eruption. The mountain roared as lava tore across the ground. More platforms collapsed. A stone eagle wing fell.
Naruto and Eve both split in opposite directions, racing to save civilians with Naruto grabbing two kids from a collapsing bridge, Eve constructing a levitating net to catch a bus full of panicking tourists.
As Naruto placed the kids behind a sturdy concrete barrier, he looked back to see Doc Seismic hovering above them all, screaming into the sky like a mad man.
"Let their icons crumble! Let the earth SPEAK!"
His right gauntlet sparked violently.
Eve spotted it immediately. "His gear's failing!"
She fired a concentrated energy blast, a direct hit.
The right gauntlet exploded in a spray of sparks and metal.
Doc Seismic screamed, clutching his arm as he fell backward toward a churning pool of lava below.
Eve didn't hesitate.
She dove and caught him by the sleeve just as he began to fall. "I've got you!"
But by the weight, and his own flailing panic, he ended up dragging her down with him too.
Naruto blinked in realization, then flew forward like a bullet, grabbing her waist with one arm, anchoring to the rock with the other.
The three of them hung there, just inches above molten death.
"I said I've got you!" Naruto shouted.
Seismic clung to Eve's leg, eyes wide with terror.
"I don't want to die, I haven't destroyed Mount Rushmore yet!"
Naruto grunted. "Then maybe stop trying to destroy the planet."
Suddenly, a massive tremor tore through the ridge. The rock under Naruto's hand cracked. Their anchor gave way.
The three of them fell.
Naruto jerked his body upward, flinging Eve to the side hard, just as the ledge beneath crumbled completely.
Seismic fell screaming into the lava below.
Boom.
His remaining gauntlet detonated on impact. A shockwave of flame and pressure burst skyward, forcing Naruto to shield his face mid-air. Chunks of molten rock rained down.
And just like that he was gone.
Smoke curled up from the pit. The lava hissed. There was no trace of him.
Eve lay on a nearby ledge, breathing hard, half-singed. Naruto landed beside her.
"You good?" he asked, offering a hand.
She nodded, taking it. "You?"
"I've had worse first dates."
She gave him a look. "That wasn't a date."
He shrugged. "Could've fooled me."
They turned to face the ruins of the mountain.
Lincoln's face was gone. Jefferson had lost an eye. Washington was cracked from forehead to collar.
Emergency sirens wailed in the distance.
Naruto exhaled. "So… you think we're getting a thank-you for this one?"
Eve scoffed. "From who? The government or the internet?"
Naruto sighed. "Ramen. I need ramen."
Eve smiled faintly. "Same."
Above them, the monument smoldered, half-destroyed.
But the people were safe.
And the mountain? Well, it had been through worse.
___
The little ramen shop was crammed into the edge of a strip mall just outside the Keystone. Its buzzing fluorescent sign cast a soft pink glow on the sidewalk, and the only people inside at this hour were the owner, a sleepy old man behind the counter, and two teenagers who looked like they'd just walked off a movie set.
Naruto slouched into the booth like he'd been thrown through it. His shirt read "SOUTH DAKOTA ROCKS" in obnoxious neon letters, and he wore a pair of oversized novelty sunglasses pushed up into his blond hair.
His shorts were tourist-trap Hawaiian, loud with pineapples and oddly aggressive toucans. Brown sandals completed the look.
Across from him, Eve slid into the booth.She'd traded her costume for a long pink hoodie and a pair of faded jeans, her red hair pulled into a loose ponytail that still had a little bit of smoke trapped in the strands.
She had a faint bruise on one shoulder and a scrape on her knuckle, but otherwise? Completely intact. She even smelled like cherry shampoo.
Naruto let out a long exhale as he slid lower in the booth, eyeing the menu without much enthusiasm.
"I don't care what it is," he muttered. "As long as it's hot, salty, and doesn't try to explode."
The tired waiter came by, barely glancing at them. Eve ordered for both, raising an eyebrow when Naruto waved the menu off entirely. "He'll have the tonkotsu with extra pork. No vegetables. No scallions. No green onions. No flavor if it's green."
The waiter blinked, jotted something down, and disappeared.
"Seriously," Eve said, resting her chin in her palm. "Are you allergic to anything that grows?"
"I'm allergic to flavorless suffering," Naruto replied, eyes still half-lidded. "Which is what spinach tastes like."
She rolled her eyes. "You eat like a teenage boy who just got his driver's license and cashes his paychecks at gas stations."
"I am a teenage boy," he said flatly.
"Right," Eve replied. "But somehow you also talk like a cranky grandpa who just wants to be left alone with his TV dinner."
Naruto grunted, tilting his head back against the wall and closing his eyes for a second.
The silence between them wasn't awkward. It was earned.
A few minutes later, two steaming bowls clattered onto the table.
Naruto's was absurdly overloaded with thick creamy broth and pork belly slices layered on like treasure, and fat glistening on the surface. No green in sight. Just noodles, meat and soul.
Eve's was much more refined. Clear shoyu broth, glistening noodles, some grilled mushrooms, bok choy, and a single soft-boiled egg cut clean down the middle.
Naruto leaned forward and immediately started slurping like a vacuum cleaner.
Eve didn't even touch her spoon. She just stared at him.
"You're gonna die doing that one day."
"Mmph," Naruto replied, mouth full. "Gloriously."
"You have no shame."
"Not about ramen," he said between gulps. "Ramen is sacred."
Eve picked up her chopsticks and began to eat slowly. They sat there like that, with him devouring, her savoring for several minutes, the low hum of fluorescent lights and clinking dishes filling the quiet air.
Eventually, Naruto leaned back with a sigh that could've knocked over small trees.
"Okay. I can die happy now."
"I bet you say that every time you eat."
"Doesn't make it less true."
She smiled behind her spoon.
The mood softened. The adrenaline of battle was gone, replaced by warmth in the belly and the sleepy heaviness that came after surviving something stupid. Naruto scratched at the ash on his temple, then glanced at her.
"You did good today."
Eve blinked, surprised by the tone, it was flat, calm, and unembellished.
"Thanks," she said quietly.
"You caught half a mountain and turned lava into a staircase. That was sick."
"You caught Abraham Lincoln's face before it crushed a family of tourists."
Naruto shrugged. "Me and Abe… we understand each other. He was a quiet guy too."
Eve huffed out a laugh.
They both leaned back into their seats, the table now cluttered with empty bowls, napkins, and chopsticks balanced over soup-stained plates.
After a beat, she spoke again.
"You think Cecil's gonna kill us?"
"Oh yeah," Naruto said. "Definitely. Politely. Through paperwork. Probably during a debrief where he says 'you kids did great' right before a fifteen-page disciplinary report lands on his desk."
"Guess I'll frame mine."
"I'm blaming Doc Seismic. And lava. And the Founding Fathers. In that order."
Eve grinned. "You think he was serious about all that stone liberation stuff?"
"He monologued harder than a Saturday cartoon villain."
"I kinda feel bad for him."
"Don't. Anyone who weaponizes geology has lost their right to moral high ground."
That got a full laugh from her.
Their eyes met for a second, unguarded. Nothing awkward. Just tired mutual respect.
Outside, the parking lot buzzed with the sound of insects and neon.
____
The house was quiet.
The only sound was the soft tapping of keys and the occasional faint clink of a spoon in a mug.
Debbie Grayson sat at the kitchen table in her robe, the overhead light casting a dim glow on her laptop. A small pile of paperwork was stacked beside her.
Some real estate docs, some tax returns, and an open email draft she'd been rewriting for twenty minutes.
A chill crept over her shoulders.
She paused. Rubbed her arms. The house's heating was fine. But the air had shifted. She blinked at her laptop screen.
Behind her just faint enough to catch in the glare of the monitor was a silhouette.
She gasped and spun around.
Damien Darkblood stood in the middle of her kitchen, trench coat damp from the rain, smoke curling off his shoulders like breath in winter air.
His voice was low, gravel-coated.
"My apologies," he said. "Didn't mean to scare."
Debbie stood slowly, her voice caught in her throat.
"Didn't mean to intrude," Damien continued, eyes locked on her. "Seeking information."
Her hands clenched. "You broke into my home."
"I teleport in," he said simply. "No locks were damaged."
"That's not the point."
"I'm investigating," he said. "Ongoing case. Something's wrong. I think you know that too."
She held his gaze for a long moment. "You think I'm just going to tell you something?"
"You already did," he said.
She narrowed her eyes.
Damien stepped closer, just slightly, enough for his breath to fog on the air between them.
"He's hiding something. Your husband."
Debbie's voice was tight. "You need to leave."
Before Damien could respond, footsteps echoed upstairs. Then the soft click of someone descending.
Nolan's voice came groggily through the dark.
"Debbie? You alright? I thought I heard something."
The hall light flicked on.
But Damien was gone.
No trace.
Just empty air and a faint smell of smoke.
Debbie stood still for a second, heart racing, eyes on the spot where the demon detective had just been.
Nolan stepped into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes.
"You okay?" he asked again.
She forced a small smile. "I'm fine. I was just… coming to bed."
He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded.
"Alright," he said, flipping the light off again. "Come on."
She followed him upstairs in silence.
The cursor on her laptop screen blinked alone in the dark.
____
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