I stepped into the cramped living room, where the smell of jollof rice mixed with mum sharp voice. Mummy's eyes fixed on the worn-out report card in her hands. Same report card I tried to forge changing it from furth to third position. I hope she would overlook the red mark of my constant failure in math. A failure I know the reason for but can't tell mum. In my moment of vulnerability I made a foolish mistake of changing my grade instead of telling her the truth and I know telling her now will make me look like a sore looser.
"Ella, how you want take get scholarship from Mr Okoro company if you always dey faith maths, Na like this you wan take go the university, Abi you wan end up like your sister ?" she snapped, while holding my nephew Desmond on her laps frustration cutting through the humid air.
Sis sighed, rubbing her forehead. "why you dey call my name out Na, and you mum has sacrificed a lot to send you to school unlike me. You must focus."
"Which one be unlike you shey you no finish secondary school eh this pikin"
My throat tightened. I wanted to explain the nights I stayed up studying, the anxiety that kept me awake, but the words stuck. Instead, I nodded silently, hiding the growing ache in her chest.
I'll do better mum before the waec I go do well
I said as I walked out of the makeshift living room. My hunger for the cooked food long forgotten.
Sometimes I wish I could just vanish you know just leave the surface of the earth because I hate it here, I hate to be the reason mum argues with sis, I hate that I'm not as strong as other kids or even my siblings at least sis is strong she has a life for herself bro is even stronger they're not called *ogbanje* like I am always called by the neighbours I thought leaving the compound with no destination in mind or should I go live with dad, but he has another wife, will she welcome me, will she treat me like her own child.
"You no go comot for road, if I jam you now dem go say I don kill person pikin"
Oh my God, oga no vex I no see you I said to the cyclist that almost ran me over.
"What are you thinking about abi your own ogbanje spirit na death him dey find"
I looked at Nkechi the street runs girl she's just eighteen but looks like twenty five because of her kind of lifestyle.
Abeg I no talk to you o, just leave me abeg I no get your strenght.
"Na why you wan kill my customer abi Ella nonsense girl"
I just shook my head and went back home. Home they say is where you feel at peace but it feels like that's a lie.
"Where you go your mama dey find you"
Mama Ejima good evening ma, I greeted and walked past her.
Maybe I should talk to sis she could have at least an advice or better a solution to my problem.