I have a crush.
I, Qian Harriett, actually have a crush.
I ducked my head into my work laptop when I heard the wind chimes move, signaling someone entering the premises. It's 6:30 in the morning, I am an hour and half earlier just so I can see him enter the office first. I know, it's stupid.
"Good morning"
He nodded and greeted me before he went to the log book to write down his name. And like always my face would wear this mask of utter nonchalance and just nodding at him in the return. Then like always he heads up towards his department and I am left reeling the feeling in.
Why am I such an idiot? I ducked my head down on my desk and let out a sigh. I'm obviously in distress. Seven months in the corporate world as an HR and here I am swooning for a man that I had barely known and had a conversation with.
I stood up and walked towards the log book and stared at his name that is under mine.
Josiah Kane Tolentino
Well, definitely a first. I knew exactly where and why it started. This feeling of admiration. It was my first day at work, and his day of the interview. He was the depiction of handsome and that was a fact in itself. Tall, lanky, with the perfect nonchalant attitude you thought you would only find in books.
He wasn't my type, nope, not at all. But with that face? I doubt even a lesbian can say no to him.
And well. I am so fucked up.
"So, you like him?"
"Crush Pierce. It's. A. Damn. Crush."
I enunciated word by word towards Pierce who was now laughing at me. He had picked me up with his car from work since he was going back to our hometown too.
A week after my graduation I had started working and moved out of the house and rented an apartment in front of the office. It's a little far from hometown but in a way I get to be free so that's a win for me.
A few months after my graduation, Pierce had his. He's also staying at an apartment far from home as he started his job as a Marketing and Sales Assistant. Every weekend he goes to my apartment to pick me up as we both go back home.
That way we get to catch up on each other's lives. But I knew Pierce also wanted it so he'll be sure that I'm fine. Ever since Him, he had been this clingy type of friend. Always checking in on me and asking me things.
It's annoying sometimes but I do appreciate it. Pierce after all, is the only one who knows what exactly happened between Him and me.
He doesn't ask about him and our past which I appreciate but he does treat me like I'm fragile and sometimes that's what gets on my nerves.
"Hey, you know you don't need to always pick me up. You've been doing this for months now"
He took a glance at me before focusing his eyes on the road again.
"You pushing me away Harriett?"
He chuckingly asked but I just shook my head.
"I just thought you should date. After my graduation you broke up with your girlfriend and haven't had any since then. It's like you turned over a new leaf"
"And what if I did?"
I raised an eyebrow at him and stared at him dead-pan.
"You're Pierce Kael Alad, I think It'd be hard for me to believe that you'll do that"
"Now that's just plain mean Harriett"
I chuckled and fiddled with his phone to change the song on his stereo. I felt his stare when my finger hovered over the certain playlist that was on his phone.
"I like all of the songs in there"
He announced as if it didn't bring back painful memories and heartaches. And I wondered, after years and months, maybe Pierce didn't want me to be alone because of Him.
"You think you can finally move on? You're having a crush now, isn't that good news?"
I smiled sadly and picked another playlist, Arrows to Athens. I had been destructive.
After what had happened, I jumped from man to man, never committing myself. I was there only for the fun and when the fun's all faded and gone, I left. The maximum time was a month, after a month, it's either I ghost them or I just tell them that I don't like them anymore.
"Harriett"
Pierce called and for a moment I thought I spaced out again but saw that we were stuck on traffic and his gaze was on me.
"He's handsome Pierce. The kind that's a head-turner, that's all there is to it. It's just a stupid crush"
"That's not what I was gonna ask"
He cleared his throat as if what he was gonna ask was something uncomfortable and turns out that it indeed was.
"Timothy messaged me, said some bad stuff about you, then asked if I could talk you into getting back together with him…"
He stopped and somehow I immediately knew what he was gonna say.
"And when I said no, he said he was gonna tell everyone that he took your virginity"
I clenched my fists and closed my lips in a thin line before taking Pierce's phone again. He doesn't stop me when I opened Timothy's message to him. Immediately I saw red.
I dated Timothy after graduation, spent a whole month with him and called it quits. And yes, he was the first one that I had consented with 'that'.
"What's your standard about being a virgin?"
I asked Pierce but he just glanced at me as he quietly rubbed his fingers in his lips. A habit he does when he's thinking hard.
"Hymen I guess"
I snorted.
"Then he's not the one who took away my virginity"
I crossed my arms in front of my chest and muttered a curse.
"Care to elaborate?"
"It was that fucking giant spider net during our team building that took it"
Even without looking at me, I could feel Pierce's eyebrow raising. It didn't take him a while before he parked on the side road just so he could face me properly. His expression was the depiction of confusion and shock. I laughed before leaning back in my seat.
"I fell after climbing a giant spider net made by thick ropes. My private part caught in between those ropes and it hurt, like a lot."
I said which quickly changed Pierce's expression into a worried one.
"Then when I was taking a shower after that relay run and game, I saw blood dripping from that part. The next morning I had a fever and it was still painful in that part but no more blood"
Pierce stared at me for a minute before letting out a loud laugh. I smiled, I knew Pierce was stressed out by his life too but he still makes sure that he's always there for me. That's why I tell him everything, I owe it to him.
"So Timothy's a fucking kiss and tell"
I shrugged.
"I can't even call what happened between us a proper sex"
His laugh died down and settled for a chuckle when he asked.
"Why?"
"Because I fucking couldn't feel a thing"
I said almost too embarrassed and annoyed to remember exactly what had happened that day. I turned to see Pierce actually trying to hold his laughter.
"What did you do?"
"What else? I asked him if he had put it in already"
And that was the last straw. He had bursted into laughing, his eyes almost watering at how much he had laughed.
"Harriett you are mean"
He accused but all I could do is smile. Mean and Destructive, that's how low I had become. I sat properly again when Pierce took off, his face now painted with delight.
"Were you that happy to hear that story"
"Oh Harriett, I'm glad you told me because now I can both punch Timothy in the face and threaten to mock him if he ever says a word about you ever again"
I smiled and slapped Pierce by his arm lightly.
"You're becoming my knight now huh?"
"Knight my ass. I'm the clean up crew. You can make a mess and I'll be there to clean it up"
"Won't you get tired of it?"
Pierce chuckled as if saying what was already obvious.
"Harriett I've been cleaning up after your mess for 11 years now. I know everything about you. If I had gotten tired of it I wouldn't be here picking you up right now"
Right then and there my only wish right now is for this to not change. For Pierce to never change.